We’re having another girl…

bmendenh91020

Hi! I’m new here! 

But not new to motherhood. I have a 16 months old girl, whom I love dearly. 

For our second child we were really hoping for a boy. I wanted a husband for my boy for all the traditional reasons - carrying on his family name, couching would-be-boy in sports, etc. 
While I feel like a female can still do all of those things, he is a bit more traditional and I respect that. 

Well, when we found out today that we are expecting another girl, my husband’s reaction was mediocre and unenthusiastic. I wanted a boy more than I realized also, but I’m happy to have a healthy baby either way, so my reaction to seeing the gender (we did a private reveal, just the two of us) was happy still. 

His lack of excitement really hurt my feelings and I’m trying to let him process in his own way, but I’m still disappointed. 

I know him well enough to know that his reaction is a bit fueled by fear of raising girls, that will be less that 2 years apart by the way. 

What can I say to him? I don’t want to give him the cold shoulder. But I can’t find the words to explain how his reaction made me feel. Should I just leave it alone? 

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is an AMAZING father to our daughter and he will be to our next daughter. I’m just looking for some advice, no judgement. Thanks! 

stardustskies

This post could have gone in the "Team Pink, Blue, or Green- Announce Here!" thread. Had you read the **Read This Before Posting** thread, you would know not to start an entire thread for just one question.

bmendenh91020

Thought that I had posted there.. I’ll try again. 

stardustskies

@bmendenh91020 Nope, just started another thread. You have to actually click on the link of the thread in which you want to reply, type in the comment box at the bottom, and click the "hit reply" button. However, since we're already here, I'll say just give it time and he will come around. Gender disappointment is a real thing and you (and your husband) are both allowed to have feelings about it. My last pregnancy 4 years ago, I got pregnant on purpose, without my husband's consent, because I was tired of his excuses. He was pissed at me basically my entire pregnancy. He loves our child now and wouldn't have it any other way. Now that we're pregnant again, he is much more emotionally involved. But yeah. Just give him time to process. I'm sorry his reaction hurt your feelings, but he will come around eventually. Just try talking to him about it.

sunshineandlemons

@bmendenh91020 agree with @stardustskies, he’ll come around. With our first, I was convinced she was a boy based on old wives tales and my “gut feelings”. My husband was definitely disappointed when we saw she was a girl at the anatomy scan. He had a day and was fine after that. Our second was a girl too and with this baby, he’d obviously like a boy but is just happy to have another baby. I’d just let him feel his feelings and he’ll be fine. He sounds like he’s a great dad. 

inthewoods23

@stardustskies damn that's a spicy move lol. Glad it worked out!

@bmendenh91020 so... I'm going to be slightly judge-y here, but hear me out.

@stardustskies is right. Gender/sex disappointment is very real and not a wrong thing to feel. But keep in mind that natural conception is essentially a 50/50 shot of what you're going to get. You knew that going into this. Plus there are thousands of women and couples that would kill to be in your position of being able to maintain a pregnancy or even just getting to the point of getting pregnant who would take whatever they end up with and are happy about it because it didn't come easy for them. Not necessarily a point to make with YH, but you are in a much more desirable position than a lot of people.

What matters most is that the baby is healthy. That should be your top priority.

skilouise

@bmendenh91020

I'll agree with the others that say gender disappointment is real and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I think that's especially true if it's your last. I think I would have had the same mix of excitement/ wistfulness regardless of the gender this time around, just because either outcome would have foreclosed the alternative path from ever happening. 

It isn't the feelings, but the actions in response to those feelings that can be a problem.  I don't think there's anything you really need to say or do at this point regarding your DH's feelings.  However, if he were to, say, pout about it for weeks, I would personally probably have some strong words about that sort of behavior. 

bmendenh91020

Thank you all! Husband came around today, we talked about why he was feeling the way he was and he (we) are both so excited and grateful for a healthy baby girl! 

(I’ll now learn where to post properly! Thanks for your patience and advice!)