Private group

wigglyicecream

As many of you know, the drive by posts seem to have had an uptick. I’m proposing a private group, that way everybody knows each other’s expectations and we can start to get to know each other on a deeper level. This is just to gauge interest in one. 😊

paytonpedro

Just to be clear here, private group means the creator IS the admin. TB does not moderate private groups. 

and_peggy

And just for the record, this is not a Facebook group, this would just be a private group on TB

anniemarie887

In my experience it’s kind of a shit show in the beginning and people will drop off as the weeks go on. 

cas060

Agree with Annemarie. If the move happens so early there's the potential for some great people to miss out

wigglyicecream

I think the expectation would be that people would participate in both groups to make sure those with later due dates can be included. 

wigglyicecream

And the purpose of this poll to to gauge interest to see if there is any, and if there is when people would like to start the move. All suggestions are invited and welcome. Just putting feelers out. 

cas060

My past experience is this public group will go quiet, quite quickly except for new people... but if people keep it going it could work.  I haven't participated a lot yet.. still early days for me though, it sounds like this is applicable to at least a few of us.

wigglyicecream

My intention is to start building a more in time circle to be apart of. I don’t feel comfortable sharing much on a public forum but would like to get to know whoever is interested better. I didn’t even intro until my dating scan and I know the bump is intimidating for new moms. 

geshem

I'm inclined to agree with @anniemarie887 and @cas060, it seems a bit early to shift to a private group. Maybe wait a while and see if the drive-bys calm down? 

I actually didn't know private TB groups were a thing, I would like that better than another FB or WhatsApp group, so I appreciate that clarification.

wigglyicecream

I’m glad that you all feel comfortable voicing how you feel. It might be my own impatience. Things were a lot less stressful and felt more like friendships once we moved to the PG on the bump in my old bmb. Guess I’m ready to get back to that, no harm in waiting a bit 

cas060

My first bmb went to a private TB group (awhile later than this tho) and even later we all switched to a different forum (ours went to facebook).. 4 years later there are still about 33 of going strong and connecting daily. They're a great group.

itsme215

@wigglyicecream I don’t feel comfortable sharing much on a public forum either, I haven’t even answered the “where are you from?” thread! I’m like the only person in the country with my name (first/last combo) so I’m pretty easy to find and it makes me a little nervous. 

wigglyicecream

@itsme215 I totally get it. 

@cas060 my last bmb did a PG on the bump
first then did the switch the FB. 

paytonpedro

@itsme215 I also have a unique name combination, I think I’m 1 of 2 (at least the last time I searched myself on fb) so I totally understand that! 

darkrose88

@itsme215 that was me with my maiden name. I was the only person in the country with that first name/last name combo. Now that honor belongs to the ladies who've married into my family. 

laddy12

My first BMB (Nov 15) ended up moving to FB after we all gave birth and it’s still an active group of 30-40 people. It’s been cool to see everyone’s kids grow up and have somewhere to ask age specific questions. 

lmaplejc

I agree with others that it is a bit early to move to a private group.  I especially want to make sure the first time moms get a chance to understand how this all works, and start to contribute.  My first group was and still is a lifeline all these years later.  It took me a while to warm up and post on my first group as a FTM since I didn’t know what I was doing (BMB-wise and mom-wise).  My first group eventually moved to a private FB group that is still going strong 3 years later ❤️ 

paytonpedro

I think the biggest question here, and this may be just me- it’s probably just me, is what do we want out of this board? Do we want a traditional bump board? Organized and very supportive? Or do we want baby center wild Wild West? Unorganized, post wherever whenever, don’t say thank you to the support that was offered? If we want something in the middle ANYONE can chime in. Give us something to work with and help! Anyone can make posts! Just make them relevant to everyone! If we want shorter durations so our original threads aren’t so daunting to new members, let’s do it. But I think no matter where we end up, we need a clear vision of the group majorities desires. If you don’t speak up on something like this and then encourage against what was decided, this board will just be chaos.

aukeev

I totally understand the frustration with the drive-by posters. It's incredibly annoying and then is fueled by comments spurring on the chaos and chanting, "these people aren't the boss of me!"

That said, it does seem too early to privatize the group. I also am not a fan of the way TB private groups function, especially if accessing them from TB app. What if we just followed suit in responding to one-off posts? Maybe if we all respond similarly, or don't respond all together, they'll stop? 

lmaplejc

@paytonpedro I’m sure we all want to end up with an organized group.  My reason for wanting to wait a bit to go private is to give FTMs a bit of a learning curve in these super early days.  Honestly, I don’t even check the mini drive by posts, and only look at the main threads.  My suggestion would be that we keep giving air to the posts in the right spot, and if the early chaos doesn’t clear up in a month or so, reevaluate.  Like @anniemarie887 mentioned, my first group was very much like this in beginning and then the serious people stayed and figured it out.

wigglyicecream

All valid points. Thank you for contributing to the conversation and giving your points of view. I think the collective is to wait a bit. Which I find fair 

geshem

I do like the idea of making some recurring threads like a weekly/monthly question thread or something because the huge threads can definitely be intimidating.

And maybe as long as they're posted in the right place, not giving too much flak for posting a question that's already been asked, since it's been mentioned that it's hard to search threads on your phone.

leahrnmom

I personally feel like it's too soon for private group. Just today we had some intro that were waiting for their first scan
 

As far as organization...I think there have been a few posts that have been well meaning, the example that comes to mind is the prenatals. I could very clearly tell the poster was trying to make it a discussion rather than just a "hey let me get my question answered and ditch". I think seeing the responses about posting in the question thread made me feel a little bit of a "you can't sit with us" vibe. I find myself worrying about if I'm going to post the wrong thing in the wrong place and someone is going to call me out and I'm going to not want to participate anymore. I totally get wanting organization, however I also get that questions in the question thread get maybe one or two responses and don't always result in a discussion the way a separate post can. Do I want it to be the wild wild west and everyone who is anyone come and ask if we see a penis on a ultrasound, or if we are also having sore breasts, no. maybe somewhere in the middle where we can have smaller threads that might result in more back and forth interactions. 

I'm not trying to offend anyone. One of my downfalls is I'm very much a people pleaser and don't want to hurt anyone feelings. 

wigglyicecream

@leahrnmom I don’t think you said anything wrong and I understand how given your personality it might come off as harsh. A few others have suggested doing sub threads so they are smaller and people can engage better. I think the problem lies with once one person starts to one off post, then others do, then it becomes a big mess. I could be wrong and that’s just my perception. I don’t thrive when things feel out of order and I don’t know what to expect. I know others feel differently. Somewhere in the middle sounds like a great compromise. Also as we all know tone gets lost in text so something that might sound fine if said could in theory come off harsher in text. 

leahrnmom

@wigglyicecream thank you for your response I do think the separate posts should start with like discussion triggers and then the op posts their opinions or questions on the triggers as part of the thread rather than part of the title. When it's all one it feels less like someone wants others to participate in the discussion and more "answer this for me".

dimeadozen

So, with the holidays I haven’t been participating so I feel like a “drive by” mom already, but I thought I’d put my two cents in. 

I lurk, a lot! I love reading and seeing what moms have to say but the bump is overwhelming. 

I like on facebook (I’m not suggesting moving there) that you can reply to every individual comment and it’s not messy. 

Usually, I read at the end of the day, after the kids go to sleep so I’m ready 20+ comments from the day and it gets hard to sift through, make a big post tagging a whole bunch of ladies in response to what they said. It’d be really lovely if I could just hit reply to someone and it be tucked like it is in FB… if that makes any sense at all. I want to respond to everyone, just get overwhelmed catching up. 

So - I don’t think that answers the question at all, but that’s what keeps me at bay sometimes. 

paytonpedro

@dimeadozen I respectfully disagree. I totally understand how if you jump on at night, that it could be overwhelming to go through a whole day of comments. But, I was in a Facebook group last pregnancy and it was terrible. It was only one offs and 100’s of “what gender do you think from my 12 week scan?” And “omg I’m so nauseous, what is everyone eating!?”. It was a large group with almost 10,000 ladies and no organization. There is no way you could see every post from the day, and a lot of very important ones, like losses or medical questions after anatomy scans, were totally lost. Like 50 of us actually ended up splitting off and having our own group where we could better get to know each other. I think the bump has something very special with its organization but I also recognize it might not be for everyone! 

Also you’re totally not a drive by. Lol. You’re not making your own thread to tell us your opinion on this lol. You’re totally good!! I also hope this all didn’t come off rude at all. I absolutely value your opinion. If you have any suggestions on other topics that can break down bigger threads, please share them!! 😁

dimeadozen

@paytonpedro not offended at all, people can disagree and everything be ok! I hate that so many forget that these days. 

I could see the disorganization of facebook, especially with that many people - it’d be chaotic, and I do love the structure of the bump. I guess all in all I was just saying I wish the replies were set up in an easier way on here, while still in their own organized threads. 

bridgiebee82

Is this private group thing happening still? I see there are already 2 private August 22 groups, 1 of which I definitely do not want to be a part of...

wigglyicecream

It is happening, just not yet to my knowledge. It got started for whenever we are ready to migrate over. Honestly once we all start hitting 2nd tri I would be fine with moving to Private group, but obviously want to do what’s best for the whole group. 

and_peggy

@bridgiebee82 that other group I created like a month ago when all the drive bys were happening. But it’s not currently even used. It’s available if we ever decide to move there but I would suspect a fb move around 3rd tri. 

bridgiebee82

@and_peggy and @wigglyicecream
Ah thank you for the clarification. 💗💗

kbtt2022

@and_peggy these groups typically move to Facebook?

zzz2022

I think I'd be down with another group in the second tri. But I don't have a Facebook so I wouldn't be able to join you all there. 

and_peggy

@kbtt2022 I’d say for the most part, active groups move to Facebook around the 6th/7th month. I’m personally in three bump groups that transition to Facebook. Offers a lot more privacy and connection. Facebook groups are easier to navigate

and_peggy

@zzz2022 I think some ladies here have mentioned they only have a Facebook so they can participate in a group. I rarely post on my personal account but I could never delete just because I use it daily to communicate in groups. Would that be a consideration?

zzz2022

@and_peggy, I'm really not into facebook or IG, just a personal thing. But no worries and I totally understand if the group wants to switch over. 

kbtt2022

@zzz2022 and @and_peggy I don't have FB either 

maggiemadeit

I also don’t Facebook. I'd be sad to miss out on this group, but if it goes that way maybe non-FB folks can start a private group here? Just a thought. 

wisewitch222

I would prefer a private group here to Facebook, which I only use to connect with people I know in person.