Blended Families
awesomenus1341
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awesomenus1341
member
It's been awhile since I've been around but I'm back for some advice. Situation- ss lives with us and has since he was 7 (now almost 13), after a not very pretty court battle which occurred due to our perfectly happy 7yo and blended situation taking a turn when bm met her then bf, now husband and ss started making suicidal threats. At the end of the case, bm signed primary possession over to us and a no contact order placed by the judge remains in place against her husband. During all of this, bm got ss a cellphone and refused to give us the number, was not allowed at our house, and then he was suddenly never available when we tried to call her phone to talk with him.
Fast forward, ss is now 12, has had multiple phone upgrades from bm/mgm and the phone has been at our house where he lives primarily. We had, previous to court, when we all got along, agreed that ss could carry a phone at age 12. So, when his phone was at our house, it stayed on a charger on the counter. He had full access to call/ text bm/mgm any time day or night, but the phone was not carried around/ no games, etc. . When he turned 12, we told him he could carry the phone, but we would be connecting with family link to monitor his activities (also on his tablet, and as we do with all electronics in our house). Ss was furious, did not want phone monitored in any way, and told his grandmother this. She immediately took the phone back and had kept it at her house for him to use there only as she "will not allow any monitoring on any of [her] devices." They also do not monitor him, set up his account with a fake birth date and he has free reign at grandma's house. Ok, fair, her phone, so be it if she wants to pay for him to use it 2-3x a month.
However, due to our jobs changing, him having a phone at our house has become more necessary. So, for Christmas, we gifted him a phone to be used as his primary contact. He was excited, has used it the last two days. Well, today he left for grandma's house, and turned the phone off and tried to leave it home. I gave him his phone and he stated, "I don't need it, I have a phone there." He took it, but has not turned it back on.
Not sure how to handle this. We got the phone to be used for all the things. If grandma wants to continue with her phone at her house, that is fine , but we expect that we are able to contact him on his device, and do not agree with using dad's house/ grandma's house phone numbers based on his location. We were fine with his device being that from grandma's, we were not getting this to replace hers, but as it is no longer allowed in our home, we do expect that this new phone become his primary contact with us regardless of which home he is in. Not sure if we are being unreasonable or just need to discuss with him when he gets home. But as it stands now until January 4th, our contact is back through the phone grandma got him unless he turns the one we purchased back on.
Fast forward, ss is now 12, has had multiple phone upgrades from bm/mgm and the phone has been at our house where he lives primarily. We had, previous to court, when we all got along, agreed that ss could carry a phone at age 12. So, when his phone was at our house, it stayed on a charger on the counter. He had full access to call/ text bm/mgm any time day or night, but the phone was not carried around/ no games, etc. . When he turned 12, we told him he could carry the phone, but we would be connecting with family link to monitor his activities (also on his tablet, and as we do with all electronics in our house). Ss was furious, did not want phone monitored in any way, and told his grandmother this. She immediately took the phone back and had kept it at her house for him to use there only as she "will not allow any monitoring on any of [her] devices." They also do not monitor him, set up his account with a fake birth date and he has free reign at grandma's house. Ok, fair, her phone, so be it if she wants to pay for him to use it 2-3x a month.
However, due to our jobs changing, him having a phone at our house has become more necessary. So, for Christmas, we gifted him a phone to be used as his primary contact. He was excited, has used it the last two days. Well, today he left for grandma's house, and turned the phone off and tried to leave it home. I gave him his phone and he stated, "I don't need it, I have a phone there." He took it, but has not turned it back on.
Not sure how to handle this. We got the phone to be used for all the things. If grandma wants to continue with her phone at her house, that is fine , but we expect that we are able to contact him on his device, and do not agree with using dad's house/ grandma's house phone numbers based on his location. We were fine with his device being that from grandma's, we were not getting this to replace hers, but as it is no longer allowed in our home, we do expect that this new phone become his primary contact with us regardless of which home he is in. Not sure if we are being unreasonable or just need to discuss with him when he gets home. But as it stands now until January 4th, our contact is back through the phone grandma got him unless he turns the one we purchased back on.