Am I being bitter? — The Bump
Single Parents

Am I being bitter?

Hi! Very new mom here.
My daughter was born on the 23rd. Her dad didn’t start coming around til a few weeks before my induction date. (I had preeclampsia) it was a super rough pregnancy.
Our history is that we were “together” for over a year and we broke up and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t reach out for a bit because of how we broke up, but felt he had a right to know. I still didn’t hear from him for another month or so.
Anyways. He hasn’t met her yet. He’s tried over and over and over. But I feel off about it. He hasn’t bought one thing, not even sentimental. He demands a patently test but asked for her to have his last name.
Am I wrong for keeping her from him for the time being?
I fear for inconsistency which he’s showed with his oldest. I’ve asked for him to purchase some things for her. I’ve even thought about asking him to take some anger management classes or even see a therapist.
I would love for them to have a relationship, but I also need to protect her.
Thoughts?

Re: Am I being bitter?

  • Not bitter at all. Your precious little girl comes first. Consistency is key. My "baby daddy" and I never dated. It was a one time thing that resulted in a pregnancy. He is older and claimed to have never wanted children and did not have the money to pay for child support. He kept insisting in getting an abortion. Last I spoke with him I was 8 weeks pregnant. I am not 35 weeks. He has no clue that he is having a girl. He has not contacted me regarding his child. Therefore, my daughter will have my last name and if he decides to start coming around he will do it through the courts. I do not trust him around my daughter; especially after what he said to me the last time we spoke. So, no, I do not think you are being bitter. Of course you want your daughter to have the opportunity for know her father. However, trust your gut first and foremost. He does not have the right to pick and choose when he wants to be a father or come and go as he pleases.
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