When to Announce?

picklebee

Just wondering when you will announce your pregnancy and the reasoning behind your timing. If this is covered in another thread, please let me know. I'm FTM and have been trying for years. Older, 39. I want to wait until week 12 but it's getting hard. We're selling our house so there's lots of work to do and there's lots of other little events here and there that I don't have the energy for. I don't want to tell folks I'm sick cause then everyone assumes it's  covid. Just wondering how others have thought about their announcement and how do you hide your symptoms when know one else knows. Thanks!

doxiemoxie212

Told everyone at 8 weeks. If I miscarry I'll want to talk about that, and I don't believe celebrating good news jinxes anything. And it's a misery to hide your first trimester symptoms. We don't, like, post an announcement on social media, but I'm not sure we'll do that anyway. 

But seriously - normalize miscarriage. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence. 

Blondesweety444

We told the family and friends closest to us once we had a good ultrasound confirming that everything was on track as expected. Not sure if I’ll announce on social media or not. I’ll tell the rest of my extended family after my next appt (11 weeks)

loveanddatadriven

In our case, I agree with @doxiemoxie212. We told most people close to us around 5 weeks. I have borderline HG, and it wasn’t feasible at all to hide round the clock nausea. You’re right that Covid fears make it even worse. I can no longer casually have a stomach bug in 2021, and it’s been a relief to tell people it’s due to pregnancy. It helped me get the support I need both at work and with family.

Even then there were people at work I didn’t want to tell outright. I told them I was dealing with a non-dangerous, but chronic health condition that needed my attention over the next few months, and I would be taking a step back.

I’ve seen other women on the Bump boards who have done a really good job of expressing their complicated emotions in early pregnancy with their loved ones. Some have suggested saying things like, “I’m happy to be pregnant, but not ready to be excited yet. Let’s plan to celebrate and share more broadly after [some meaningful milestone to you].” Pregnancy announcements don’t have to be pink and blue balloons with excessive exclamation points.

I’m hoping you can get the support you need through first tri during your big life changes, whether it’s through a formal announcement, quiet disclosures with the people you need help from, or any other way that feels right to you.

minnie_yoga_mama

We were originally planning to wait longer, but decided just recently to announce at 12 weeks. This is just purely due to having all of our parents together so we can tell them all in person at the same time. Both my dad and father-in-law live all the way in Buffalo. We just found out the weekend my FIL will be staying with us here (his first trip here in almost 2 years) is actually the same weekend my dad will be down here too visiting! So I already planned a dinner for us with all of our parents and my brother and SIL: the plan is to pose for a family photo, but actually be secretly recording a video instead of pulling up the camera! Then right before the “photo” I’ll take off my sweater to reveal a “Mama in the Making” t-shirt to hopefully capture everyone’s reactions on video! Fingers crossed it goes as planned! 😊 I think they’ll all be pretty excited because all 4 of them will be grandparents for the first time! There are so many times I’ve wished I could tell my mom but thinking about how much more special it will be to share that moment in person together is what has motivated me to get this far!

doula-mama

We’ve told some key people, but decided to wait until our NIPT results before we open it up and tell extended family and friends. We went with the guidelines of telling people who we would want to support us in case of a loss

rachelredhead

@picklebee *lurking from March BMB*

TW Prior loss

I’m 40, had my first at 39, and we had two losses prior to our son. I didn’t tell many people about our first pregnancy because I was worried about having to tell folks bad news later. I really regretted that when we went through that loss, it felt very isolating. For our other pregnancies (including this one) we told important family/friends immediately because we genuinely wanted their support regardless of outcome. And I appreciated being able to use Covid as a bit if an excuse to unabashedly ask folks about vaccination status before we would hang out. It’s totally a personal call but for the folks in your life that you feel, “I wish they knew I was pregnant,” I’d encourage you to share. Best of luck to you for a happy, healthy pregnancy! 

monstera13

I agree with others who have told close friends/family early because those are the same people who would provide support in case of miscarriage. This time around, I told my BMB from my first kid as soon as I found out, told our families at almost 8 weeks after our first ultrasound, and have told various friends and coworkers as it came up in social situations. I’ll probably do a social media post in another week or two, around the end of the first trimester. 

rbflei

I live in Texas. I will tell no one till I have a normal NIPT and past 12 weeks because of the new law. Anyone can turn you in for a $10,000 bounty even if you don't have an abortion but they suspect you did and you will have to fight that legal battle however much it costs.

SmashJam

We told all close family at 6 weeks bc they kept inviting us over for drinks, lol! I told one coworker bc I was overwhelmed by all the pregnancy at work already announced and worried it would affect my leave, but am actively avoiding telling others, mostly bc I don't see them all the time or know them well so it's weird to just pop in and say it. At the next staff meeting I'll be 11 weeks and will have heard the heartbeat so I'll probably mention it then. 

@rbflei I hate so much that's a consideration you have.  Hugs for having to put up with that extra added stress.

aloha_mama

@rbflei That makes me sick that you have to think about something like that. I’m so sorry.

We waited with DD6 to tell family at 10 weeks but that was because I wanted it to be a Christmas reveal. It was really hard to wait that long! We’ll be telling family this week, at 7 weeks, after my first ultrasound, because there’s a paranoia lurking that it’s all in my head and I need that visual confirmation. I’m close with my mom and sisters so I want them involved as soon as possible, and if something were to happen they would already be there for me to hold space for me to grieve and heal rather than me having to first explain what was going on or try to hide the whole experience from them. I’ll tell some close friends this week, too, but we’re waiting a while to make a social media announcement because I honestly just hate social media in general lately and I don’t feel like it. 

It just comes down to what you are most comfortable with, in the end. With DD6 it was fun and exciting to have a little secret only DH and I knew about for a little while, but I feel more urgency this time to include family sooner. If you want to wait until second tri then that is fine. If you want to tell everyone the second you get a BFP, that’s fine, too. 

monstera13

@rbflei Ugh I hateeeee that law so much. I can’t believe the Supreme Court is just allowing this to happen 😩

shlecks

We told a few people - like those we saw daily - right away (around 4 weeks). Then right before our first appt we told our parents and siblings. I won’t go widespread with it until I’m in the 2nd tri probably. I think we’ll do the NIPT so we’ll wait until after that so we have gender etc

kiwi2628

I told everyone at work the day it turned pink. I take radiographs at work and do other bad things for babies so it was necessary. I told most other people at 6 eeeks because, similar to Doxie, if something happened I would be open about it. I was very open about our infertility journey so I know I would be open if things went wrong. Also I love to share joy and holding it back isn’t my style. 

Ivorytower2

@rbflei unbelievable that you have to deal with the stress of that insane law. Hugs. ❤️

constantinabee

We told our parents and siblings as soon as we knew because they were aware we were doing IVF. I think we are going to wait until around Week 13 to tell everyone else, but I'd like to be able to tell people in person and we are currently in lockdown so it's a bit up in the air at the moment.

inkdbug

With first 3 kids, we told just our parents at first and a few close friends then announced later at various stages with each kid, earliest at week 8 with first then a little later with subsequent kids. This time I'm not sure how we want to announce yet, our parents already know at week 5, we wanted them to know and share the joy. My sisters and BIL&SIL all know too. A few friends. But a general announcement will come much later this time maybe.

You just do you. There's no wrong time to announce. A friend of mine posts on social media WAY later, when she has a huge bump, between 5 to 8 months. It doesn't matter, and if you don't want to, you don't have to.

Avrilmai

We haven’t told anyone in our families yet. With our first so many ppl knew bc we shared our infertility journey and everyone knew about our transfer. This time we decided to keep our transfer to ourselves. We don’t really have a specific reason, but it was kind of like we wanted to have this one for ourselves for a little while. We don’t have plans for any social media/formal announcements. My first BMB knows and one of my coworkers bc she flat out asked me about the transfer and I wasn’t going to lie. 

@rbflei I’m sorry you have to deal with that and even have to think about that. That is horrible. 

queenklau

I never do social media announcement. Usually towards the end of my pregnancy (last 2) someone will post a picture of me with a third trimester bump and that’s how the extended people in my life find out.

I have usually done 9-10 weeks with our parents and siblings. My BFFs usually find out first around 7-9. Other friends and acquaintances that we talk to or see often around 12+ weeks. Everyone else, when they see me….

I don’t really want to have unsolicited advice or comments on pregnancy from people that I rarely talk to. 

legallullabies

We're telling my family this coming weekend, I'm at 10 weeks, and telling my hubby's family next weekend. We will all just happen to be together and plus I wanted to tell them after the ultrasound confirmed a heartbeat. 

I'm hoping to tell close friends and great-grandparents shortly thereafter. I expect we might announce to social media around our one year wedding anniversary in October, if everyone important to us knows by then. I expect others will start to figure it out with the baby bloat I have going on and lack of drinking.  

I think it's a personal decision, and I would have shared earlier to have the support had my appointment been a little earlier.

miss_lynn9

My last pregnancy, I told my closest friends and family as soon as I found out. I told my boss at 12 weeks because we had some traveling and I wasn't able to do some of my job at work. Then told the rest of work at 14 weeks because said trip to another location was happening and I wanted to tell them but thought I should tell my closer co-workers first. I didn't do a SM announcement I was planning on but just never did. My announcement was posting a picture of my maternity photos. 

I told close friends and family this time again once we found out and I will probably tell my boss at 12 weeks again. My best friend since kindergarten told me she was pregnant before I confirmed my pregnancy. Last time I just told her over the phone, now that we're pregnant together, I want to do it in person. I'm impatient though and want to tell her lol. 

zamoraspin

When we found out it is twins (and thy things are dicey) we told my mom, sister and BIL. Also I told my internet friends. Idk when we will tell more people. With me not working right now and have not seeing people all the time it’s not really an issue. I also think I still look like 15 weeks pregnant from DS. 

With DS we never did a social media announcement but DH did post some pics of me at 25 or so weeks looking extremely pregnant on a trip and then when he was born we shared.

hoosiermamajayden

I told my closest friends as soon as I test because I was freaking out and assumed it would be another miscarriage. So four of them knew before my husband lol, and I tested positive at like 3+4, so really early.

A couple of cousins found out at a cookout around week 5 because I wasn’t drinking and they asked. I couldn’t lie.

My boss found out around 7 weeks because I “looked worried about something” and she kept pressing me on it until I gave it up. So everyone at work knew from there.

I told my mom/grandpa the day after our ultrasound showed two heartbeats. It was really hard to keep from them but I knew my mom would panic worry if I told her and she stresses me out lol. 

My husband announced to his family the following week (10 weeks) but he’d already slipped to one brother and I’d already slipped to one SIL, haha, so half of them knew. But it was still a surprise to send them the pic of twins!

aukeev

With DS2 we kept the news to ourselves and immediate family until the end of the first trimester. With our pregnancy this spring, we told close friends (and my previous BMB) very early. With that loss, I can't imagine not having anyone to talk to about it or having to go about things acting like nothing was wrong. With this pregnancy we told the same friends family, my previous BMB and I just told my trainer at the gym last week, since my doctor asked me to make sure my HR stays below 180. 

knitkiwi

We were going to wait until after the first trimester but we had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and it went very well so we told my closest family that weekend while we were up north and all together.

I have another ultrasound at 12 weeks and if it goes well, we'll tell work and friends. I'm very close with my boss so I can't wait to tell her! 

Kinda funny but we told my family by bringing a box of donuts with an announcement (baby coming April 2022) and the sonogram taped to the lid. My mom and grandma, the main people I wanted to tell, REFUSED to even look at the donuts despite everyone's insistence. It took 2 hours and us putting the box in front of my mom's face and she STILL didn't see it and only looked at the donuts confused. It was hilarious. 

covegirl100

We told a couple people close to us right away as they knew we were going through IVF. I am 12 weeks tomorrow and we just got back our NIPT results (good news) so we are going to tell people this weekend. I also heard the heartbeat at 11 weeks and it was strong, which is giving me confidence to tell people.

Ivorytower2

Would love your advice. I should get NIPT results back early next week. I will be 11 weeks plus a few days. I had an ultrasound at about 9 weeks that was all good but my next appt isn’t until 13 weeks. I want to tell my kids if NIPT is all good but then I’m paranoid that it will have been 2.5 weeks since last ultrasound. Im debating getting a home Doppler just for one final confirm before I tell them but I’m also worried that I might drive myself nuts! 

doxiemoxie212

@Ivorytower2 home dopplers are not advised. For one thing, they're not well regulated, and they may not be safe for the fetus. For another, they can provide a false sense of security since not every heart beat means baby is actually healthy - just that baby has a heart that is beating.

My two cents are that if something bad does happen to this baby you probably will be pretty upset, and your children will be pretty confused by it if they don't know what's going on. One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, so it's pretty likely they'll experience miscarriage themselves at some point in their lives. This could be an opportunity to reduce the sense of aloneness that often comes with miscarriage - for them in the future and you now. And statistically at this point the odds are low that something bad will happen in which case you get to celebrate something with them! Personally, I don't think celebrating good news jinxes it, and I don't think bracing for bad news makes it any easier to handle; I think not celebrating good news robs us of opportunities to experience joy, and we need all the opportunities we can get.  

Ivorytower2

@doxiemoxie212 thanks for the feedback on home dopplers.
I was kind of leaning against and couldn’t remember all the reasons why!  Maybe I’ll pay for a private scan instead for extra reassurance. 

Of course I realize miscarriages happen even in second and third tri but our family plan is to wait until we are in as statistically a safe as possible place before sharing the news with our kids.

I realize everyone has a different opinion on the topic, and I completely respect that, but it’s obviously a very personal decision for each family and a lot of factors go into making that decision!

zamoraspin

@Ivorytower2 I used a home Doppler (Sonoline when I was pregnant with DS2. I had a difficult loss history prior to that pregnancy. I didn’t start using it until 11w. I always found his HB within about a minute and used it sparingly (twice a week for a few minutes). Despite my general success with it previously I have one now and I think I have to hide it from myself. So far I haven’t had success finding the twins with it (I am more fluffy around the middle than I used to be and they’re still so small) and when you can’t find the HB you tend to use it longer. The home dopplers basically haven’t been studied and the main safety concern is that in the hands of lay people the doppler may be overused which can cause heating of tissue. It’s also really only useful for that period when it’s easy to find a HB (which may be later than 12w for some) until when you start to feel the baby move, at which point movement is a better metric (there’s also concern about women using it later in pregnancy and being reassured by it when they shouldn’t be). It also takes some practice to hear the difference between your body’s noises and the baby’s HB. For these reasons, and despite having used one myself, I probably wouldn’t recommend using a doppler as you describe. 

Ivorytower2

@zamoraspin2 helpful, thank you! 

miss_lynn9

Well, I accidentally told my boss I'm pregnant over text 🤦‍♀️. My boss is amazing and I was planning on telling him after my first US next week anyway. But I really wanted to tell him in person and not over a text.

I had my first MW appointment yesterday, which I had booked time off for a "doctor appointment". Tuesday morning, I had to take DD1 to the hospital and at the end of the appointment, they suggested a Covid test because she has a runny nose (we were there for non Covid reasons). I decided to do it just to be safe although I was 99.9% sure she didn't have it. Well that meant isolating unt we got the results. So I texted my boss and said that I could WFH the next and and I would be rescheduling my MW appointment. So now he knows. I feel so much better now. I was feeling so guilty that he didn't know and I am pregnant returning to work. He was happy for us though and very supportive. 

minnie_yoga_mama

We’re telling our immediate family tomorrow at exactly 12 weeks! 😬 I’m bursting with excitement!!! I know it’s all going to feel so much more real once we tell everyone!

knitkiwi

@minnie_yoga_mama so excited for you! Let us know how it goes!

winterviolethope

We did our announcement via social media yesterday - all the close people in my life already knew. I figured now that I have the NT and NIPT back and am 13 weeks it was safe. 

I just announced my due date as March though because I’ll be having a planned c the last week of March — figured I didn’t need to explain that to everyone haha 

minnie_yoga_mama

We announced to our immediate family yesterday! So many squeals/tears and so much excitement for the first baby on both sides! My mom gave me a giant stack of books she had on hand ready to go from the 90s that she read when she was pregnant! 😂