Single, 30 and pregnant for the third time.

sarahj0914

Hi, I’m Sarah and I’m about 9 weeks pregnant. I am seriously so lost about what to do and how to handle my current situation. I have 2 daughters that are 6 and 7, and have an ok relationship with their father, however it’s complicated because of an entire child services situation that lasted about a year, and then a bad breakup, I needed help from their dad who lives about 7 hours from me.. and he won’t let me have my girls back. I have a stable job, I’ve lived alone now for the last 4/5 months. After my breakup with my fiancé who I had been with for 3.5 years, I was severely depressed and didn’t really want to date. When I was finally feeling ready to date again, I met a few people within a month or so, and didn’t use protection with one of them. I had gone on a date and really hit it off with someone, he was all about me and calling me his girl and all that kind of stuff for about a week and then slowly started to disengage from me. I ended things, but I really liked him and felt awful about it, tried to reconcile with him and he kept ignoring me. I found out I am pregnant probably a couple weeks after we stopped talking, and when I told him, he asked me how much I needed to get rid of it. Obviously that devastated me, and he tried to say he’s not trying to be an a-hole and then said he’d support whatever decision I made, but continued to say I should just get rid of it to make it easier on both of us. I went back and forth about it for a few more weeks and finally made an appointment for an abortion, but I kept having huge panic attacks when I would talk about it and even told him I wasn’t sure I could do it, and deal with the emotional pain afterwards. He said he was sorry this happened, and that he can’t have another kid, since the one he has he doesn’t have a relationship with by choice, and doesn’t see him. He also said he can’t handle anything else, he’s going through a lot and just needs to be single, and he’s sorry that he had to figure that out with me and he really liked me. He was going to bring me to the appointment but I told him I didn’t want him to if he couldn’t be there for me when I needed it. I didn’t go to the appointment, and I texted him a few days after that it doesn’t have to be this way, zero response. I also found out he still has an active dating profile, and is more than likely entertaining other women, while I’m alone pregnant with his child. I want this baby, especially since I was pretty sure I couldn’t have any more, obviously that is not the case. But I’m so torn about wanting him around even though I know it’s not very likely, and not caring about what he does at all. I’m very family oriented, and have always just wanted one for my kids and myself. I don’t have a relationship with my mom anymore, by choice, so I really only have friend support. I know this is long but if anyone has any advice, I mean I’ve read a million posts about people being abandoned by their baby daddies, and they do just fine, and I’m not worried about that, I know I can do it by myself, I just hate that im so conflicted.