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April 2022 Moms
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TW: Possible Loss

the_quiet_thingsthe_quiet_things member
edited August 2021 in April 2022 Moms
Last week on 8/11, I went to urgent care thinking I had a UTI, was told I had a kidney infection and I was pregnant. I was shocked, I utterly did not think I could get pregnant. 10 years have gone by… 2 different partners, never used birth control in either long term relationship… and never got pregnant. I also have PCOS, and was always told I most likely would not conceive on my own.

Back track to last month, I got my period July 10th, it was very heavy, which happens to me often, in fact 3 years ago yesterday, I had a transfusion after my hemoglobin dropped to 7 from blood loss. This particular period was so heavy I was concerned this was happening again so I went to the ER on July 17, and the ended up putting me on provera, and bleeding stopped around 21/22nd, so I stopped the provera. I think the provera helped me ovulate…. I would have ovulated on July 24.

Fast forward back to 8/11, at urgent care, they said I needed to go to the hospital for the infection, I went, I was given IV antibiotics and a beta hcg which confirmed pregnancy and the level was 330, which seemed about right for the time but they said come back in 2 days for a repeat. That fiesta I made sure to book my first prenatal for 9/9 with a new obgyn who’s affiliated with the hospital id prefer to give birth at.

Mind you through all of this my partner, is not exactly happy, he’s pushing for termination saying we’re not ready, our apartment is too small, and covid is surging etc etc, I told him absolutely not, I’ll do this with or without you because this may be my only chance (I honestly don’t think he would leave, I just think he has guilt that he’s fighting for custody of his first child and doesn’t feel right having another until he gets her back, so I get it, but my feelings are valid too).

I go back 2 days later, and it’s only risen to 404, of course I start to panic, but the nurse said it may just be slow to get started, and it’s early yet, I told my mom because I felt like I needed SOME kind of emotional support, she’s over the moon and being a grandma but thinks everything is going to be fine. They want me to return to the ER two more times for HCG tests, but I have a $300 copay so I call the new obgyn and beg them to do the test in office, they agree and brought me in and it only rose to 423 in 48 hours.

Of course the these results showed in my patient portal as of waking up this morning, and it felt like the worst thing to wake up to, and now I’m waiting for the OBGYN to call and talk to me about what’s next and it’s agonizing.

Did this happen to anyone and did they have a successful pregnancy? Or is my dream come true lost? I feel so alone because my partner doesn’t understand because he obviously doesn’t want this and is now saying he doesn’t even know if he wants anymore and I feel like I’m destined to be childless, and it’s always been my dream to be a mom. My mom swears she already knows what it is, and I had a name rolling around in my head.

I’m just feeling so lost and struggling to get through my day. I just started a new job, and don’t really have any pto yet, and what I did have had to be used last week.

What’s next? I have no miscarriage symptoms, still nauseated as hell. Was up from 2 am til 4:30 am so nauseated so it’s sending me mixed signals. I’m apparently 5 weeks 3 days.

Signed,
Ready to give up
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