October 2021 Moms
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Re: Weekly Randoms 7.12

  • We're set to have rain ALL week. Which I am ok with because the exhaustion has hit so hard lately that I'm here for the rainy evening couch cuddles.
  • k_rn21k_rn21 member
    I wasn’t sure where to put this so the “random” post felt appropriate. So did anyone else have a traumatic first birth? My DD was born a few weeks early at 36 weeks and needless to say, she actually came very quick but because nurse ratchet wasn’t convinced I was in true labor, by the time I was dilating it was too late for an epidural and they had to use forceps to get her out. Then immediately after birth I had to pee so I made them get me up and I ended up passing out on the toilet. It was glorious. And now that it’s getting closer to October I am having so much anxiety about this birth and no idea what to do. Helppp. 
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  • @k_rn21 I thought my first birth was very traumatic and I was exceptionally terrified going into my second birth. Thankfully,  it was a very different experience and felt so redeeming and even healing. 
  • k_rn21k_rn21 member
    @vampirina ugh thank you for that! I hope I have a similar experience because I just keep feeling like this one will be the same or worse. Not a fun feeling. 
  • @k_rn21, I'm sorry you are starting to feel anxious about birth. I don't know if it's fair for me to say DD's birth was traumatic or not. But parts of it seemed traumatic to me. DD was in pretty serious distress and I had an urgent csection (thankfully not so emergent that I had to be put under). Part of the reason I'm leaning toward a RCS is I think it could feel redeeming to advocate for some of the things we missed out on the first time around, and go feel like we have more control over the situation. 
  • galentinegalentine member
    edited July 2021
    @bcliffee1, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending huge hugs your way. ❤❤❤
  • @bcliffee1 so so sorry to hear this and hear that you are going through this. Sending love and hugs your way. This is what we're here for, for you to lean on.
  • @bcliffee1 Ugh, I am so so sorry. You don’t deserve that. Especially right now. That’s so much mentally. 
  • @bcliffee1 that is sooo much to handle on top of everything else going on. Sending you love. I hope you find therapy helpful and you can make any decision that you find best for your and your family. ❤️
    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 27

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • @bcliffee1 I cant imagine going though something like this while being pregnant. I just wanted to cry for you as I was reading your post. The healing process will take sometime but you will come out of this stronger. I will pray for you and your family. ❤
  • @bcliffee1 Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. 😥 I just can't understand why people make the decision to blow up their families like that. I'm glad your SO is doing the work. I have no idea how I'd feel in your situation, but I hope you can work toward a sense of peace.
  • We’ve been together almost 6yrs and if this wasn’t so extremely out of character I would probably not have stayed to be honest. It’s been an extremely traumatic couple of years with his family to the point where we no longer have a relationship with them and his mom passed pretty awfully earlier in the year and his dad passed unexpectedly a few years back.  There is absolutely no excuse for this behavior but I can maybe understand the need to “escape reality”.. it was mostly a friendship at first, shooting the shit. Eventually she asked to get coffee and they did and he said they couldn’t talk anymore and they didn’t for a few months (I checked all of our phone records) and at some point she contacted him saying she was upset they had to end their friendship and so it began again and accelerated but he claims for him he never loved her or had feelings of being with her. I saw the messages so I know he was telling her he loved me and our family and was excited about having another baby.. he even went as far to tell her he was proposing to me on our beach vacation. So why the fuck did it continue? I just don’t understand, and I don’t understand what she was expecting? Him to leave his family for her, she told him everything she thought he needed to hear to leave me but from what I saw that was never in the cards. I get being parents and working FT you can go into autopilot mode sometimes I just don’t understand how we had such an amazing life and how this went on unbeknownst to me for so long and with literally no red flags and how could he risk losing our family for someone he had no intentions with? 

    I am not a revengeful person but you bet I FBI’d the heck out of this other woman and found her husbands cell phone number and told him everything. He was just as shocked and was extremely sympathetic to me. So if my life was going to explode hers was too and her husband deserves to know the truth as well.. 



  • @madiirosee oh absolutely and he’s 100% to blame and I honestly have no interest in being aggressive towards her because she has no loyalties or commitments to me but also she messed with the wrong person because I made sure her husband had all the proof as well and could see what she was doing and saying on her end. 
  • k_rn21k_rn21 member
    @bcliffee1 props to you for that girl because I would have done the saaaame damn thing. She deserves to get thrown under the bus and her husband had the right to know. However it’s one of those situations where it takes two to tango. So she and your SO are equally in the wrong. I am so sorry you’re experiencing this especially while pregnant. I felt I had to respond because my DD was born to a man who put me in the same situation only many many times and I didn’t find out for certain until she was about 3 months old. Needless to say after too much time I did finally leave him and my now husband has been such a blessing to me and my DD. With that being said my now husband is someone I would also never expect to cheat so I can only imagine the shock I would be in if in your shoes. Did he come clean or was this discovered on accident? No matter what, you definitely did not deserve this. I can see why you would want to stay at work it out and I’m not saying it’s impossible but that’s a lot of healing to take place and a lot of trust broken. Again, I know what you’re going through and I am so so sorry. ❤️
  • @k_rn21 oh I agree and he isn’t out of the weeds, whether his original intent wasn’t meant for this he made conscious decisions to step outside of our relationship. Whether he wanted to stop at one point or not ultimately he didn’t and he let it progress. I am sorry to hear this is a pain you have been through as well. I can work towards healing with someone that made a mistake but if this was or becomes a habit that’s something I cannot continue to be a part of and that’s been made very clear on my end. This was discovered on my end but not necessarily fully what was going on, I came across recent contacts while taking a photo with his phone, I went to send the photo to myself and saw this woman’s name come up and I’ve seen her pop up on Facebook a decent amount of times liking posts and what not but I never thought anything of it because I’m just not naturally a jealous or suspicious person. When I asked about who she was and why they were snap chatting it all came out and he told me everything at that point. I did kick him out of the house for a while so I could think about things more and process the information thrown at me. He is not an overly emotional guy but unfortunately it took this maybe for him to realIze what he has and what he wants and doesn’t want to lose. Ultimately I decided it was worth trying to save and work with him on healing from. Therapy has been going well and he has done everything I’ve asked as far as what I need from him. It’s going to be a long road and I am worried about what is going to be like for me when the baby is here and PPD. We are moving our family to another state before the baby comes and have this whole situation to manage and I am just trying to trust my gut instincts and hope I am doing the right thing 
  • k_rn21k_rn21 member
    @bcliffee1 well it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and are making the best decisions for you and your family. I fully believe if two people want to overcome an obstacle and make a relationship work and both are willing to do the work then it’s absolutely possible. But at this point he should literally move mountains for you and do whatever it takes to fix this and earn your trust. Any pushback and I’d be throwing up the ✌🏼But obviously I know that’s easier said than done. Just know that no one deserves to be cheated on or lied to and it’s so painful so you will be in my thoughts for fast healing. I’m glad therapy is helping. Take it one day at a time. Here if you need to talk! 
  • Thank you @k_rn21 I appreciate you sharing your vulnerabilities with me and offering support. Means a lot ❤️❤️❤️
  • FTM here. Can I use a pack n play with a bassinet insert for baby to sleep in next to our bed until she moves to her crib in her room? 
  • @madiirosee not sure if the bassinets are considered safe sleep or not but ours came with an infant sling insert that was safe for sleep and we used that because she hated her bassinet. 
    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 27

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • @chindimples04 we’re looking at the 4moms breeze plus. It says baby can sleep in the bassinet  from birth-18lbs. 
    Just thinking is it smarter to do that, then end up with a play yard also instead of paying only for the bassinet. Until she transitions to crib 
  • @madiirosee I put both the side sleeper bassinet and the pack n play with the bassinet on my registry. I know someone already got me the pack n play. If I dont get the side sleeper I was just going to use the pack n play with the bassinet next to my bed.
  • FTM here. Can I use a pack n play with a bassinet insert for baby to sleep in next to our bed until she moves to her crib in her room? 
    @madiirosee, yes, assuming the bassinet insert is safe for sleep. (I don't remember if it is or not.) We kept DD in a pack and play in our room until we moved her to the crib. Ours had the bassinet topper, but I just didn't feel comfortable using it. So we used the regular pack and play mattress at the upper level so we didn't have to reach as far down to pick her up. That worked great for us!
  • @madiirosee unless it has changed the bassinet insert (I'm assuming that is the same as the topper) is safe for sleep. The napper attachment that some have is not since it is at an incline. We did for the first 2-3 months then he was in the PnP until we moved out of our temporary housing and back into our house.
  • Here’s the one we were wanting. I’m just so confused. While she’s in our room do we just do this, or get an individual bassinet and then play yard later when she’s crawling? The site does say the bassinet shown is safe for sleep. 
  • @madiirosee What the heck does it do that makes it almost $300?? A normal pack n play is like $100 or less!
  • @demimondaine I think it’s the super easy assembly that makes the price higher. And the add ons I guess 
  • @madiirosee LOL I guess that's why I just make my husband do it! I just bought a new Arms Reach CoSleeper at a consignment sale and it took 3 of us to try to figure out how to get it broken down and back in the bag  :D
  • @madiirosee yes, that bassinet would be sleep safe! That little thing on the top left is not sleeping safe. That bassinet is basically like an infant sling in other pack n plays. 
    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 27

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

  • Sigh. Baby brain here. Just realized our uppababy vista stroller comes WITH the bassinet that is overnight sleep approved. We’d just have to get the stand for it. Lol guess I’ll have both anyway! 
  • @madiirosee I have been trying to play the same game -- What combination of products can I buy that results in buying the fewest total things over the first two years of kiddo's life? Whether through convertibility, cross-compatibility, etc. It's been a serious mental workout.

    My current dilemma -- should I buy a heavier pack n play with a bassinet attachment, just in case I need a C-section? Or get one that's half the weight that will be much better for traveling, and get a separate bassinet if that scenario plays out?
  • @noprobalo SO! My opinion on that is how much are you traveling? Hubby and I hardly do. Moving it around the house though? Yes I will probably do that. So it’s ok for me if it’s a bit heavier. The thing for me about this 4moms one is how easy it is to collapse and put together. 
  • @noprobalo my $0.02 as both a c-section mama and a traveling mama - get the light weight pack n play. You'll be sore from a c-section for like 6 weeks (likely less!) BUT you'll be using that sucker FOR YEARS while traveling (if not more if you have multiple kids!) And you probably won't be spending that much time in your bed anyway (sorry). 

    I'm on #3 and last and will probably shell out the $ for a light weight one bc I'm so sick of the bulky one. 

    And I never used the bassinet anyway.
  • @vampirina which ones are you considering? 
  • @madiirosee The Guava Family Lotus is my current front runner. 
  • @vampirina That was kind of my thought. That I would try to find a super cheap bassinet on consignment if I knew in advance I was having a C-section. Or if it was unplanned, order one two-day on Amazon prime and have my mom and dad go over and put it together before we came home. I hate heavy, annoying travel gear.
  • galentinegalentine member
    edited July 2021
    For those still trying to figure out what baby will sleep in (if you are planning to have baby sleep in your bedroom for any length of time): my recommendation is some kind of playyard with a changing pad attachment. The play yards are multifunctional (overnight sleep, naps, safe play space, outdoor use, travel use, etc) where as a bassinet really only has one use. Most playyards have a raised level that's safe for infant sleep, so not a concern if you have a csection. And get one with a changing pad attachment, because you'll want a place to change baby's diaper during MOTN feedings!
  • Please feel free to ignore this parenting rant:
    Today has been a toddler day from hell. DD slept 12.5 hours last night. Fabulous. She woke up super happy. Not 20 minutes later, we had a two hour meltdown. DH is at the end of his work week so he was sleeping, meaning I’m dealing with a melting down toddler solo. Tried 4 different breakfasts, all were not good enough. Took me an hour to get her ready, it normally takes 15 minutes tops. We went to the fair, just so we could get out of the house so DH could sleep in peace. Cue the dogs have a meltdown because some yard work company is outside cutting down branches with their two dogs running loose. Finally get to the fair where we get an hour of peace. Come home for her to take an hour nap, instead of her normal 1.5-2 hour nap. Woke up having a meltdown. I have had three mental breakdowns and finally got some Motrin into the teething 2 year old via popsicle. Toddler for rent, if anyone wants her. I’ll take her back when she’s done teething. *end mommy meltdown* 😭
    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 27

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

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