PGAL Check-In 5/6

MrsJessS

Hey y’all. 

Figured I would kick this one off because I know I’ve definitely been struggling. 

How is everyone doing? 

General TW for this whole thread as it will be talking about loss 

MrsJessS

I don’t remember being this pessimistic and feeling so unsure when I got pregnant after my first loss. But this time around I am really struggling. I just want to be happy to be pregnant but I’m just terrified that it’ll just be over out of nowhere. 

I have an appointment on Monday for a referral to OB and I think I might see if they’ll do a quantitative blood test just for my piece of mind. 

Lisa3379

@MrsJessS I hear that. It's such a tug of war: "oh yeah, I'm pregnant! But it's early. I really want to start thinking about the future! But wait - it's too early for that." I hope you're able to get that blood test, I think it could go a long way to easing some anxiety, at least in the short term. 

Just to introduce what I've been through, I had a TFMR in April 2020 at 15 weeks, and MC at 8 weeks in November 2020. Because of that, we went straight to IVF because I'm also old, haha. But yeah, I really want to start making plans - looking at bunk beds for my boys that will have to shack up together if there's a new baby... I was shopping today and I really wanted to look at the baby girl clothes (the embryo we implanted is female) but I had to pull myself away. It's hard. I try to not think about it so much, and I don't think I'll be settled in this until week 20, honestly, which is sad. But I guess that's life. 

fifilala516

I am a nervous wreck. I was even nervous to post in the TTGP Grad thread and this board - I am a believer in superstitions and jinxes which sounds silly, and rationally I know you can't "jinx" a pregnancy. 

TMI - I am going to the bathroom constantly to make sure I am not bleeding.

I am also weary that I haven't had really bad symptoms yet - but it's still so early that it makes sense that I wouldn't!

I just need to calm down and realize that this is out of my control, and I can take care of my body the best that I can. 

MrsJessS

@Lisa3379 I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine. This early stage is so hard with just sitting and waiting and not knowing. I never feel truly settled until baby starts kicking regularly. 

@fifilala516 I’m in the bathroom constantly too. I know it won’t make a difference but I am still just terrified. 

AshleyGemini24

Checking for bleeding everytime I use the bathroom. Especially worried this time since this pregnancy is so close to the last one and my body is still recovering from the last pregnancy. Previous history of 2 MC and 1 SB. 

Lisa3379

@AshleyGemini24 I'm so sorry for your losses. 

fifilala516

@AshleyGemini24 So sorry for your losses. 

marijke1987

@MrsJessS I completely understand how you’re feeling. We’re in the same boat and quite honestly it sucks. Excuse my French. Hope things will settle for you soon and that you actually get to enjoy this magical time. Thanks for setting up this thread.. i’ll check in every so often.

MrsJessS

@AshleyGemini24 so sorry for your losses

@marijke1987 sorry your in the boat too. It’s rough but worth it hopefully!

mfd19

As hard as this thread is to read, I take comfort in knowing fellow moms and moms to be know what I am going through. It is such a different feeling after three miscarriages (6.5 weeks, 6 weeks, 8.5 weeks). I don't consider myself 'pregnant' yet and I really relate to going to the bathroom constantly and checking for blood. I am right there with you guys. @AshleyGemini24 @fifilala516 @MrsJessS  

AshleyGemini24

For anyone interested here is a miscarriage probability chart from What To Expect. It sometimes makes me feel better. 

https://community.whattoexpect.com/forums/july-2019-babies/topic/miscarriage-probability-chart-peace-of-mind-72396754.html?page=2