UO Thursday 5/6 — The Bump
August 2021 Moms

UO Thursday 5/6

What unpopular or strong opinion have you got for us today?

Re: UO Thursday 5/6

  • As I was laying in bed last night, trying to sleep, I realized that I don't actually really like feeling baby kicks. I love the early flutters and I do appreciate the reassurance. That being said, when they get bigger and stronger and are kicking my bladder, cervix and ribs when I am trying to sleep or when they get the hiccups and I have no control over making them stop, I find the movement to be slightly irritating and uncomfortable. :# I am clearly a monster.
  • @pickle-chips not a monster at all. I like the first couple in the morning and when I get home but beyond that leave me tf alone. I often find that when I lift my shirt for MH to feel it they stop, so he has the magic touch.
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  • @pickle-chips I'm loving them so far just because it's so novel, but I'm somewhat concerned about how quickly they may get old as I feel like they started pretty early and are pretty strong relative to other FTM's experiences I've heard (I'm 23 weeks now and they've been visible from the outside and very frequent for at least two weeks). This could definitely get annoying over the course of the next 17 weeks! 
  • @doodlemom131 - My MIL started bugging me about making a registry almost immediately after we announced the pregnancy. So fine, I made the registry and I spent forever doing it because I felt like I needed to research every item I put on it to make sure it was the best/safest (I’ve mellowed out since then lol). But since then she hasn’t bought anything off it - that’s fine we can totally buy everything for the baby ourselves but like why bug the crap out of me to make it right away then? And then last week she mentions that I added some new items/swapped some things out on the registry. And I just said, yeah some stuff just went out of stock on Amazon so I replaced it. And she said well why don’t you just write down a list of everything you actually want and send it to me?!! Lady I’m not making you another damn list! I made the registry! That’s the list, I don’t have a secret list of things I actually want. Ugh...my mom just picks out whatever she wants for the baby and doesn’t ask me at all lol and while sometimes it’s a bit much it’s at least a whole lot easier on me!

    So that’s my long rant about why I agree with your UO lol 
  • cyanopecyanope member
    @pickle-chips, I have always loved baby kicks. But, this baby is seriously SO MUCH more intense than my first two. Like, the kicks hurt sometimes. And it NEVER stops. I'm looking forward to the time when baby gets too big to kick hard and it just becomes wiggling and rolling around. 

    My UO...have I shared this one before? Because it's a big one. With all of the Hamilton talk on the other thread, I have to share this one. I don't like Lin Manuel Miranda's voice. It's like nails on a chalkboard for me when he tries to sing. I have to skip "Hurricane" every time. I'm like, "STOP trying to sing! You suck at it!" I don't mind it when he raps, but the singing...
  • @cyanope - I think Lin Manuel Miranda is extremely talented but singing? Not one of those talents! But hey I guess when you write award winning musicals, you get to cast yourself in whatever role you want lol 
  • Oooooh here's a flame-worthy one. I don't really enjoy maternity leave. I love the newborn stage and the snuggles, but I am *always* itching to get back to work by 7 or 8 weeks. I'm not even someone who has a super high-powered career that's a part of their identity, but I do not do well being at home.
  • grogugrogu member
    @BourbonBiscuits I get that. With my first I was off for a year but we were always out of the house doing something. I think this time may drive me bonkers with covid if there are still restrictions come fall. 
  • @BourbonBiscuits I get that. I enjoyed my maternity leave and knew it was very precious time, but I'm not built for staying home. I was excited to go back to work. Also, the pandemic made me realize how much I hate WFH as well, which surprised me. I really like getting dressed and going into the office and having that anchor my weekday.

    This time around it will be a little different because I won't be able to take a true maternity leave. I'll have less responsibilities but as a business owner I can't just disconnect. I'm already anxious about  it, but it is what it is. I'm lucky my business is doing well and my partners are supportive and can handle the lion share of the work while I am out.
  • @BourbonBiscuits I'm so nervous for mat leave. Even when I've been off work for a week I get bored and can't stand it. I'm super grateful that I'm able to take a year, but I don't think I'll be able to manage it. I know I'll be busier with the baby around but I feel like that might make it worse, so isolated.
  • I have a Hamilton related UO.  I haven’t seen Hamilton.  I don’t know that I understand what all the fuss is about and have no pressing plans to watch it.
    I will most likely eventually watch it, which is what happened with Black Panther.  (I liked it but again don’t necessarily understand all the hype.)  
    Pregnancy Ticker

  • kam174kam174 member
    I’ve only felt flutters so far (23 weeks) but also was told I have an anterior placenta so I think the movements are being cushioned 😬 nervous/excited for the real kicks tho lol

    Ok here’s my UO ... I have no desire to breast feed. Most of my friends had such a difficult time with it, including one who said she paid $400 for a lactation consultant and it still didn’t work! It just seems like an added, unnecessary stress during an already stressful time. Plus I only have 3 months maternity leave and again - zero desire to be sitting in my office pumping and worrying about milk storage at the 4 month mark 😑 I don’t want the responsibility of being the only source of food; I like the idea that my husband (or anyone really) can help bottle feed baby. My mother of course is like 😱 “you’re not even going to try!?” 😖
  • @BourbonBiscuits, I get that.  I had 3 months with DD just because her birth landed during the summer months when I didn't have classes to teach anyway and I think I would have preferred to go back earlier.  (Let me also be honest- I am still going to campus now during what is my summer break while DD is still in school just because I get much more work done here than at home.)

    Pregnancy Ticker

  • @cyanope 100% with you on LMM, he is definitely the weak point of the show vocally! I saw Hamilton at the Kennedy Center a few years back and it was nice to experience it with a Hamilton who was on the same level as the other singers... I guess when you write the show you get to cast yourself in the lead though! Haha.

    My Hamilton-related UO is I'm kind of over it. I loved it when it first came out/got big, went to see it in D.C. etc.... but I listened to it again for the first time in a long time last winter and was kind of like "eh." Haven't felt the urge to watch the Broadway recording or whatever came out over quarantine.
  • @loloyoyo26 - I will say Hamilton may be the only thing I've seen that was genuinely worth the hype for me. I don't watch it over and over again or anything but I really loved watching it the first time. And the soundtrack is perfect for running, I can tell which songs I was listening to based on how fast I was running during different parts of my run. I ran my last half-marathon listening to only the Hamilton soundtrack.

    @kam174 - I'm going to try breastfeeding but I refuse to put crazy amounts of pressure on myself to keep doing it if it's too hard/stressful. If it works out great, if not we'll switch to formula and I'm not gonna worry about it. Mostly, I want to try breastfeeding because formula is expensive. I totally get not even trying though, I think way too much pressure is put on women to breastfeed. You gotta do what works for you!

    @surrenderdorothy - 100% agree about white elephant exchanges. I don't want more crap! I don't even want half the crap we get as just regular gifts during the holidays. I genuinely would not care if people got me nothing.
  • litzi-2litzi-2 member
    @pickle-chips i had the same thoughts about kicks. I'm super happy to feel them, but at the same time its not super comfortable (already).
  • grogugrogu member
    @pickle-chips agreed. She has started stretching out and I am just waiting for the day when her feet are in my ribs. That's a pain I will never forget.
  • @cyanope how dare you say that about my boyfriend! Haha jk I skip hurricane too. Love Leslie Odom Jr and Chris Jackson's voice ❤ I saw the Chicago crew in person and Hamilton there (Miguel Cervantes) was excellent but the ladies didn't match up to the recording. 

    I've had anterior placenta both times so I dunno if I feel things differently. But when I feel the movement I get nauseated like I'm in a Rollercoaster. Weird. 

    As crazy and intense as breastfeeding was I loved the experience ultimately. But you shouldn't if you don't want to! Thankfully we have so many different ways to feed the baby these days.
  • @the_most_happy are you from the D.C. area?? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to lol I know that’s personal. But I was just wondering because I am about an hour outside of D.C. I’ve been to the Kennedy center a few times but haven’t seen Hamilton.
  • moeraemoerae member
    @kam174 totally get the bf thing and sharing responsibilities; I really stressed myself out about it with my DS. But it was also convenient in some ways, especially at the beginning when they feed so much at night; could just attach the babe to the boob and not worry about mixing the formula at the right temp etc. After my c-section I had a tough time getting out of bed, and so my husband would fetch the baby, put him next to me, so I could just lie there half-dozing and feed DS on my side, and then once done, MH would burp the baby, change the diaper etc. and settle him back. Just something to think about while you make your decision! 
  • @ashsowers2020 I live in Virginia! Not NoVa but close enough for a D.C. day trip, I’m dying to get up there again now that I’m vaccinated. I miss museums and shows and interesting restaurants so much!
  • edited May 2021
    @cynaope - Yay for Hamilton workouts! Also I worry about being a mom that doesn't enjoy the newborn stage. I've worked with kids a lot over the years - babysitting, being a nanny, day cares. And I've just never really connected with babies. I love toddlers, they are SO much fun. But I've just never been one to ooh and aww over babies. Everyone in my family is obsessed with my nieces and nephews (all under three) and I'm just over here like let me know when they get to the fun age. A friend of mine in grad school was the same way with her kids. She told me she wished she could just give birth to a three year old and skip the baby stage entirely and I have a feeling I'm going to feel the same!
  • @kam174, you really do have to choose what works best for you.  

    NB phase as I remember it is so hard- I just remember being out of it and I was hoping it’ll be different this time around with a partner who is there, helping to support me and getting back to work sooner rather than last time.  That’s interesting, @cyanope and @dancingnarwhal, but also makes sense. 🤯  I had a lot going on and was transitioning relationship-wise, career-wise, etc but I didn’t think that maybe it was the baby age contributing to that also.  I felt like times were darker and didn’t start really getting better until DD was old enough for me to get her out in the jogging stroller and beyond. So pretty much once she started getting sturdier. 

    @doodlemom131, I’m so there with you.  I just thought about it after responding to something in a different thread, though. Would it be possible to request meals for post baby? I had a couple friends who prepared things I just had to pop in the oven and pair with other things that made life easy for a week.  I’ve also seen other places with giving gift cards for favorite takeout places, etc.  I made a wedding registry for a specific relative who then didn’t even buy anything off of it- I even shared the link with them before everyone else since there wasn’t a lot on there.  This time around it was nice to create a private baby registry just to keep myself organized vs. making it available to others. 
    Pregnancy Ticker

  • I’m the outlier here. I love the cuddly newborn baby phase. I do not love the newly mobile toddler phase. Yes it is so fun to see their personality bloom but managing a mobile kid you can’t reason with is… challenging. 😂🙃
  • I'm with @surrenderdorothy. I prefer newborn/baby stage. They get to toddlers, and it's fun yet exhausting.
    I also haven't seen Hamilton, and don't plan to. 

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  • I haven't seen Hamilton either, but I will probably watch it on Disney, eventually. I agree LMM has a TERRIBLE voice as evidenced by his shitty British accent in Mary Poppins Returns. Nope. No one should let him sing.
    My UO is I've been using a landline for work and it's awesome? Yes I know I'm a grandma and I just don't care. Obviously I have a cell as well, but the ll is awesome to have in the event power/wifi etc goes down and there is an emergency. Just nice peace of mind for me.
    Also hate the newborn phase over here, at least with DD1, I think because birth was so traumatic and I needed a lot of time to recover. If I'm feeling better this time I might enjoy it more, but last time was rough. I pretty much like each successive age/stage better and better so far. Having a 5 y/o is pretty great, she understands everything, is super fun, and can be actually helpful. Nervous to start over, actually!
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  • ashsowers2020ashsowers2020 member
    edited May 2021
    @ashsowers2020 I live in Virginia! Not NoVa but close enough for a D.C. day trip, I’m dying to get up there again now that I’m vaccinated. I miss museums and shows and interesting restaurants so much!
    I also live in Virginia. I moved away from the NoVa area after my daughter was born, way too congested and expensive. I live closer to the WV/VA State line but same here, close enough to go to dc for a day trip. So cool to see another aug 21 bumpie lives close by! 

    ETA: I actually love all of the food in DC and get so excited to try a new place out each time I go. Even the food trucks lol and I miss the museums as well. We had planned on taking DD to some museums and the zoo this summer if things all opened up again but at this point I don’t know if I can do that much walking around lol 
  • @surrenderdorothy I love the cuddly newborn stage so much but it is not nearly long enough. With my daughter I wasn’t looking forward to the toddler stage as much and actually dreaded the older child/preteen age (I know that sounds awful!) but my daughter is 11 now and each stage as she has grown has been my favorite. Aside from her occasional attitude where she acts like she is much older than she is, she is my best friend and the older child stages so far haven’t been too bad. I am super excited for the cuddly newborn stage with Benjamin though 🥰
  • @doodlemom131 I hate making registries. I haven’t made one with this babe but I’m sure I will bc MIL wants to do a baby shower. DH helped NONE with the wedding registry because “we didn’t need anything.” I told DH that I don’t mind a shower for a second baby but I don’t want it to get dumped on me to plan. Whoops. I was a bit grumpy this weekend. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • litzi-2litzi-2 member
    add me to the dislike newborn stage group. 2 of 2 have been colicky (first was worse, probably cuz we built skills by number 2), poor sleepers. BF problems with the first, the second refused a bottle (essentially forever, he would cluster feed after I got home from work). Baby colds suck. Everything is so stressful. But each baby is different so fingers crossed for this one!
  • For me,my enjoyment of each stage has really depended on the kid. I had a tough time when my son was born and I became a mom. We had just moved 6 hours away from friends and family, and I had no support other than my husband. The identity shift of full time teacher to mom was also extremely challenging to me. Add to that a baby who was colicky and struggled to nurse for the first eight weeks, and I was pretty unhappy. But, when my son started talking, we finally connected and I enjoyed him so much more. Now at 6.5, he's so interesting and fun. I'm loving this stage where he's at now. 

    As for my daughter, she was a much easier baby and because I was fully employed again when she was born, I appreciated the bonding time that maternity leave gave me much more. I also had created a great support network by the time she was born. Then, she turned into a demon toddler, and we are only now at 3.5 coming out of 2+ years if epic tantrums. 

    We'll see what happens with baby #3. 
  • I looooove the newborn phase. So squishy and immobile. 2-4 has been TOUGH in my experience for both kids. Just lots of big feelings and massive tantrums. Ugh.
  • As I was laying in bed last night, trying to sleep, I realized that I don't actually really like feeling baby kicks. I love the early flutters and I do appreciate the reassurance. That being said, when they get bigger and stronger and are kicking my bladder, cervix and ribs when I am trying to sleep or when they get the hiccups and I have no control over making them stop, I find the movement to be slightly irritating and uncomfortable. :# I am clearly a monster.
    I'm also a monster, I guess. I've always felt this way. I do love the reassurance so I like them when I want them to happen ;) 


  • @the_most_happy remembering that it is all temporary is what got me through labor, the newborn phase, and the ongoing tantrums. 
  • Just wanted to say reading this has been really helpful for putting in perspective how much things change as your kid goes through different ages, and it's comforting to know that even if it starts out rough I'll probably like the next phase better! Just good to keep in mind that everything is temporary, you know?
    This is the best advice I got as a new mom - it's ALL temporary. The good stuff, the bad stuff, the hard parts, the easy parts - it's all a phase.
  • cyanopecyanope member
    Yes, @the_most_happy! Such a good perspective. It is all temporary, and every stage has its benefits/challenges. 
    My kids were tough babies, mainly because they sucked at sleeping. Especially baby #2. He didn't STTN until 14 months old (and still wakes up a lot at 3.5). BUT, they were both awesome toddlers. Which is probably why I loved that stage so much. DD (5) is officially into the sassy/challenge everything I say stage, and that has its challenges, but she is still a really pleasant kid for the most part. And DS is a literal angel on earth. I would freeze him at this age if I could. 
    Anyways, this thread would have been SO helpful for me as a FTM. It's so reassuring to know that there is a whole gamut of emotions/reactions/experiences to becoming a mom. And it's all okay!
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