PGAL *TW — The Bump
December 2021 Moms


Hey everyone! I just wanted to start this discussion topic because I have been having a hard time with worrying about little babe. 

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and it took me a long time to feel happy again afterwards. When I was pregnant the second time with my son, I was pretty much in denial and didn't announce until after 20 weeks. I feel like I blocked out my first trimester with him because I don't remember being this anxious but DH says I was. 

My sister had a missed miscarriage last year at 8 weeks and I feel like I'm bring triggered by that trauma for this pregnancy. 

I journal and say positive pregnancy affirmations but those negative thoughts creep back in. Anyone have any other suggestions for taking things day by day? How is everyone else doing emotionally? 


  • I think it is totally normal to worry. We are moms all we do it worry!!! I had two successful pregnancies with my children and then while I had my IUD and trying wasn’t on our radar I got pregnant but didn’t realize it until I miscarried. Apparently I would have been about 7 weeks. It was such a surreal experience because I was sad but also in shock because I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I didn’t think that would affect me much since I didn’t know but now that I am pregnant again all I can do is worry that this baby that I planned for won’t stick. I think you are doing great with the journaling and positive affirmations and just keep confiding in your DH so you have that support system. All of our hopes are so high right now it is difficult not to worry!!! This online community is a great support system too in case you are not ready to tell the rest of your family yet! 
    <a href="" title="Pregnancy"><img src="" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • rgn12rgn12 member
    edited April 2021
    @kaitcrystalline you’re definitely not alone! I recently had a loss in December at five weeks. I only knew I was pregnant for ten days, but it was still super difficult. We had told close family. I’m 5w5d today, and we still haven’t told anyone. We’re planning to wait until after our first appt/ultrasound after 8 weeks to tell close family, and definitely second trimester (or later) to publicly share. I just can’t go through that again right now, and want to have the option to give myself some time and space if it does happen again. I’ve been pretty anxious myself, and find it hard to get excited until I know that things are okay. I saw someone else post that they keep reminding themselves “I am pregnant today,” and just taking things day by day. That’s been helping me. 

    PGAL definitely messes with you though... I had my DD July 2019 and I was so carefree during that time. We actually publicly announced on social media at 12 weeks, and I just can’t even fathom that right now. It’s crazy how a loss changes your perspective on things. I hope we all have healthy and UNEVENTFUL pregnancies this time around. ❤️
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  • @rgn12 @srprins1987 Thanks ladies. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one with those worries. Like you said its perfectly normal considering what we have been through. Until I have my baby in my arms I don't think I'll be 100% calm but I'm working on it and trying to enjoy this pregnancy more.
  • I’m sad to see there are so many of us on here already, but hopefully can help each other get through these nerve racking first weeks!!

    trigger warning-
    i had a chemical last summer with my first FET trying for baby 2. And I always had a twin that stopped growing at 7 weeks during my last pregnancy. I feel like I won’t stop be terrified until baby is here either. But this is likely my last pregnancy so also trying to not focus all on the anxiety and enjoy little bits here ans there 
    History in Spoiler

    Age: 32 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015
    Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.5), Poor Quality Eggs/embryos, Displaced Window of Implantation (ERA Post Receptive)
    March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN 
    June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
    August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
    Oct-Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1- BFN
    January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze :(), BFN
    May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline :(
    Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid :(
    Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
    Dec 2017- DE FET #1 on 12/8 on 2 perfect blasts- BFN and devastated
    Jan-Mar 2018- ERA #1- Post receptive by 24 hours, ERA #2 RECEPTIVE with 4 days of Progesterone
    Apr 2018- DE FET cancelled for lining issues :(
    Jun 2018- DE FET #2 of two 1AA blasts- first BFP ever! Beta 10dp5dt- 378, Beta 14dp5dt- 2840, Beta 16dp5dt- 4035, beta 18dp5dt- 10916. Due on 2/20 with one baby after a vanishing twin
    Baby Born born early @ 33.5 weeks due to Pre-e
    Back for # 2!
  • rgn12rgn12 member
    @JamieH2000 yes, at least we can support each other during this anxious time! ❤️
  • @mbradfo2 I totally can relate to being reassured for a couple of hours and then back to anxiety. Was having the doppler more helpful then you thought?
  • @sparebitofparchment
    I am sorry you have to be in this thread but happy that you are expecting again! I lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks and my next with my daughter was so incredibly difficult because I kept waiting for that shoe to drop, that appointment where they would tell me 'no more heartbeat'. I also lost her twin at 8 weeks along so alot of complicated feelings (being happy that one baby was fine; feeling guilty for being happy, etc). I didn't feel safe until I had my daughter in my arms either. The relief I felt when I held her for the first time was so amazing. I hadn't felt that good in years since we started TTC. So I am hopeful you will have the same experience :smile:

    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!

    "When all is lost then all is found."

  • @mbradfo2 I am so sorry for your losses, but thank you for the encouragement!! 
  • ottergirl81ottergirl81 member
    edited April 2021
    I feel the same as everyone here. My mind may be a bit more at ease after my first scan, but until my baby is safely born and at home in my arms, I will still be a nervous wreck. Last year ***TW**** at my 12 week scan I was told baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks and had died. I didn't know how to feel at that moment except be in complete disbelief. 
    Theres way more to the story I won't get into. Very traumatic. 

    All I hope for everyone is sticky healthy babies! 

    ***edited because I forgot to add something****
  • @ottergirl81 Im so sorry you had to go through that. It's totally normal to feel nervous. I hope your next scan puts your mind at ease a bit. I just had my dating scan and it helped a lot. 
  • Sending  <3 to all of my other PGAL mamas here. I've been lurking for awhile since my last two pregnancies were an MC and a MMC. Feeling a lot of that anxiety and trying to remain hopeful and find some excitement but it is so difficult to find joy with the fear of having to go through all of the sh*t again. Emotionally, physically, mentally. . .  I was really shocked at how physically traumatic going through losses were for me and I think honestly most of my fears are related to that. Anyhow, I'm glad we can be here together and I'm sending sticky vibes out into the world for all of us.   <3
  • @mockingjay1 Just aweful what you have been through. Hurt my heart reading your story. I wish I was part of the naive to loss group too. I was part of that group with my first thinking nothing could go wrong. Lots went wrong. Lots can go wrong. PGAL brain is so real and it really sucks! I could rant about it all day. My DH could too. I do hope and pray you will get your rainbow baby this December. I hope and pray for everyone here to have rainbow babies! Rainbow babies for xmas and/or the New Year🌈
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