Pregnant after IF

PAIF New Mommies, Spring 2021

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Re: PAIF New Mommies, Spring 2021

  • Hi Everyone! So sorry I have been MIA since posting about my induction -- thank you for all the warm thoughts and wishes!!!

    I gave birth to Millie June on February 25th - 5 pounds, 15 ounces! We had a complicated delivery and following several days -- baby girl was ready to go after several hours on pitocin, but then was positioned oddly. After pushing for several hours, my OB could tell baby was stressed so we went in for the c-section, which was terrifying. I was so nervous that something would happen to her, I was just sobbing when we went in. My OB, whom I love, just squeezed me, told me she knew what I'd been through, and promised me everything would be okay. I could tell when they had taken baby girl out and I was a wreck up until I heard that first cry from Millie and then I just sobbed in total relief <3

    After moving to the postpartum floor, my blood pressure started to fluctuate wildly and was difficult to control. Millie was jaundiced and was moved under special lights to help control it. The c-section was definitely a hard recovery for me (harder than I expected). After 5 days we were released with BP meds for me. Unfortunately, after a lot of pumping, my milk never came in either - something I really needed to mourn for awhile before starting to get past it. Especially in the hospital it was quite hard - between feeding baby girl every three hours, pumping every three hours, and nurses coming in at all hours to give me medication and take my blood pressure, I was feeling exhausted and super loony tunes. 

    After we arrived home, I started dealing with some horrific anxiety. I've started some medication for it, which has helped, but that was one of the reasons I hadn't posted -- I was just trying to get by every day, and it was pretty difficult. Things are improving although I still have some episodes daily especially because little Millie is not gaining weight like she should. She's basically not even on the growth charts yet, which is terrifying to me. Not that they have mentioned this, but I would hate for her to have to be admitted to the hospital or anything. She's had a rough time with gas and acid reflux and I suspect that there is some condition that is making these things worse and because of that, she doesn't want to eat as much (she's eating about an ounce every 2-3 hours). 

    We have a follow up with the pediatrician on Wednesday, so hopefully we will develop a good plan then. 

    That is my EPIC story! Congratulations to new mommies @laurelew and @Kimbrlyg814!
  • @lucyb1954 Thanks for starting this thread and for sharing your story.

    Robert Michael was born on February 24 at 9:06pm.  He weighed 8lb 5oz at birth.  I woke up at 5:45am that morning to prepare for a house cleaner who was coming to our house at 6:30am (the first time ever we were using a cleaner!).  Went to use the bathroom and my water broke!  Cancelled the cleaner and headed to the hospital.  They induced me.  Contractions were not fun, got an epidural as soon as humanly possible.  Came down with a fever/chills during labor so they said I needed to push.  The entire time I had been rooting for a c-section (ideally a scheduled c-section but like if it needed to happen, let's start this thing as soon as possible).  They said they give first time moms 3 hours to push.  Of course it too me exactly 3 hours to get him out, with me begging for a c-section the entire time.  I was not looking forward to labor and while the epidural was magical, the contractors and pushing were a nightmare.  I was also left in a lot of paid following labor thanks to some nasty enlarged hemorrhoids on account of the pushing (the doctor said to push like I was going to the bathroom, wtf, I knew that would end poorly).  I was in the hospital 2 nights; Robbie had to stay in 3 nights because of my fever they needed to wait to confirm he didn't have sepsis.  Therefore my DH and I spent one night in the NICU visitor suite getting up every 3 hours to feed Robbie before we got to go home.

    Life at home with a newborn has been less horrible in many ways than I feared.  There are challenges, but the challenges have been way different from the ones I imagined before Robbie was born.

    I've also been having feeding issues @lucyb1954.  My supply of milk is good and Robbie does have a good latch, however he goes through phases where he will fall asleep at the boob or not show interest in eating.  We've been to the pediatrician every week since he was born (although thankfully after last week, we don't have to go back until his two month check up).  First appt everything looked good, second appt he wasn't gaining enough weight/taking enough food in, third appt he looked good, fourth appt he looked good.  But in between the third and fourth appt we went to a lactation consultant and during that meeting it looked like he wasn't gaining weight again.  We've also struggled with gas and reflux a lot, which makes it so much more confusing.  Is he spitting up because he's consuming too much?  His doctor suggested that some of the gas could be from not eating enough and based on what I can tell, that may be true.  Something to consider with Millie @lucyb1954!  Not that his gas and reflux has disappeared, far from it, but he seems to be in less discomfort when he eats enough than when he doesn't.  The challenge with breastfeeding is how to guarantee that he eats enough.  Since my supply is healthy, today I am trying to pump exclusively and bottle feed during the day to see how that goes.  We have tried pumping and breastfeeding in combination in the past with some success.  I feel like I am constantly Googling and trying new combinations of things to try to alleviate some of my little boy's distress. :(  Best of luck at your pediatrician's appt on Wednesday @lucyb1954 !
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  • @lucyb1954 Congrats on your sweet girl. You did awesome, I know all too well the effects of a traumatic birth on the psyche, I've had 3. In regards to your baby girl, I've given birth to 3 preemies, none of whom were on the growth chart until they were close to 6mo old. All of them were reflux babies, my second was declared failure to thrive because his reflux was so bad. What bottles are you using? I will say that for us, when we used bottled as I exclusively BF, we use dr. Brown's. Those seem to the be the only ones that never caused much in the way of distress. Does that make sense? My current baby is 9 mo now 🤯 and he is doing wonderfully on his reflux meds. When baby girl gets a bit older, push your dr to consider reflux. Get meds if needed. Most of all remember,  none of this is your fault. One of the hardest lessons I've learned as a mom is that nothing is in my control.  Nothing.  No matter how much I wished it,  prayed it, begged, whatever,  my babies never did anything until they were good and ready.  That included growing.  We put so much stock in growth charts,  etc, that we forget they are just a tool,  a guide. They are not the end all be all and they don't define our kids. Hugs, mama, I promise, one day, you will be on the other side of all of this.  
  • @laurelew congrats on your boy! He shares a birthday with my first miracle,  my 5yo, who almost never was.  I'm sorry you have been having issues with feeding as well.  I had major issues with my 5yo. He wasn't an efficient eater to begin with either.  I will say when was around 5 weeks old,  it all clicked and we nursed for 2yrs. He had gas and reflux, and he ended up on meds,  which helped tremendously! We also did warm baths, just let him soak, I got in with him and we just spent time skin to skin and nursing. As far as the sleepiness, do you undress him when it's time to feed? It may help and sometimes a wet wash cloth will help to wake him up. I had to do that with my 5yo. Also, if he's not actively sucking, wake him up, unlatch him, burp him, bounce him a little, etc. I know all to well the hell of feeding issues, I've triple fed all my babies. Remember that your pump is not a great indicator of how much he's consuming, because it's not as efficient as baby at emptying the breast. I'm sure the LC you saw mentioned it, but make sure you are doing paced bottle feeding so he can work for it and build up his suck. Otherwise, getting him to re-latch and BF will be harder because he doesn't want to work for it. You may want to just let him be at your breast and practice sucking, or put him on at his first indication of hunger, before he's even really awake, you can even hand express some before he latches so he is more prone to suck. We know that BF is natural and what babies want, but, we always assume babies come out knowing how to do it, and that isn't the case, sometimes there is a huge learning curve, but I can say, in my experience as a mom and someone who's working towards their IBCLC, the babies that take a little longer to learn are the ones that BF the longest, and most efficiently. Hugs, I know it's hard now, but I can promise it will get easier, you just need time and patience, the 2 hardest things we as parents have to wait on. 

  • @wildrainbow Thanks for your insight and response.  "Remember that your pump is not a great indicator of how much he's consuming, because it's not as efficient as baby at emptying the breast."  I've heard this said before but the concept still blows my mind.  When I pump I can get approx 3oz out of each breast in approx 5 min.  I'm worried about creating an oversupply so I generally only pump 5-7 min tops.  

    For anyone who is struggling with breastfeeding, I wanted to share the following post I saw on the blog Cup of Jo today: 
    https://cupofjo.com/2021/03/why-formula-feeding-was-best-for-us/  At the end of the day, fed truly is best.
  • @laurelew That article is so helpful, I love it. It's often hard as a new mom to find a community, especially one in which women didn't breastfeed. I wish I felt more confident about it -- it's hard because I was basically denied a choice in the matter. Part of it is that I've been denied so much in my quest to have children with IF/genetic disorder/not able to use OE that it feels so unfair to have one more thing denied to me. And it's kind of silly, but it seems like a badge of honor to BF...to be exhausted, getting up at all hours, pumping, etc. But my cousin is an OB and when I was talking to her about natural childbirth, she told me "You can do what you want but just remember you have nothing to prove to anyone so if that's the reason you want to do natural, don't do it." I try and remember that, but for sure it's hard. 

    @wildrainbow thanks for your comments <3 Honestly, feeding was becoming so traumatic for everyone involved that we called the doctor and went in a few days early (we were supposed to go in Wednesday, we went yesterday). My doctor wants to start the reflux meds immediately because my LO is not gaining enough weight and it could be that feeding is so painful she doesn't want to do it for too long. She's two ounces above her birth weight at 5 weeks. I do think she will just end up being a small kiddo, but we're also getting a scan of her heart to ensure that there are no heart issues. My doctor doesn't think there are, but she said she just wants to be thorough. I appreciate that although I am just trying not to think about the heart stuff or else I will go nuts with worry. We have pretty much all the anti colic bottles on the market - Avent, Dr. Brown's, Tommee Tippee. The Tommy Tippee ones seem to flow too slowly for her and she gets frustrated so I ordered some bigger nipples. The Dr. Brown's seem to flow too fast (caused coughing and lots of dribbling out her mouth) -- I think maybe the nipples stretched out so I ordered some new ones and will see if that helps. The Avent ones are kind of in the middle on that but she seems to get the best latch on the Tommee Tippee ones. 

    That's cool that you are becoming an IBCLC. The lactation consultant on the postpartum floor I was one was super old school - eg. there is only way to breastfeed and if you don't do it that way all your milk will dry up and you will be screwed. We did see the lactation consultant at our pediatrician's office and she was really helpful and a lot more flexible. She encouraged a balance of BF and mental health, knew about combo feeding and traumatic births, etc. I think the hospital is just crazy invested in BF -- we took a birthing class through them and they spent a ton of time on BF. I found it frustrating because they spent so little on other important topics like PPA and PPD. As well they have a separate BF class so I felt like it was some time wasted. That session also focused on how important BF was and the only reason to use bottle feeding was if for some reason you are physically incapable of BF, which basically shames women who choose bottle feeding for some reason other than not producing milk or something like that. Anyway *end of soapbox* :) 
  • @lucyb1954
     I'm so glad you went in early to see the pediatrician!

    Ruling out cardiac issues is pretty standard with babies who are smaller and very slow to gain weight since heart problems can cause poor weight gain. I wouldn't be too concerned about it since it seems her slow weight gain is  directly correlated to feeding issues rather than malabsorption which often occurs in conjunction with heart issues. But I know it's impossible to be calm when it's your baby -- I pretty much convinced myself my newborn daughter had a rare immune deficiency because I felt her umbilical cord area wasn't healing fast enough.

    I stand by you on bottle-feeding! You have to make the choice that's best for your family and I was often frustrated by having to explain myself every time I talked about bottle-feeding. I thought it was funny that my daughter's pediatrician seemed to care very little about our decision while everyone in the hospital was up in arms and calling me the mom who "refuses to breastfeed".  
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @mbradfo2 our pediatrician is the same way! She knows I have some PPA and I asked her if I should keep pumping until I’m fully vaccinated (my first shot is Saturday) because I get 1-2 ounces a day and she was just like, do what makes sense for you. If it’s stressing you out, don’t do it. Even my OB warned me that the hospital is a little insane at pushing BF but I didn’t know how crazy it would be. She told me she lasted 4 weeks with BF and couldn’t do it anymore which I found very reassuring. 
  • @lucyb1954 I am so glad you went to the ped early! I am happy that your dr is giving y'all reflux meds. It usually takes about 2ish weeks for them to kick in, just fyi. I hope they work out well for you, and that there are no heart issues. We had to the whole heart thing with ds2, I understand how scary it is. As far as BF, no judgment here on how you feed. I understand all too well that it doesn't work for everyone. My sister can get pregnant at the drop of hat, but can't BF and I can't get pregnant, but can BF no problem, it's crazy. I don't like to be the crazy BF lady, I understand that it's hard, and can degrade an already taxed mental state after a trauma. I'm glad you found what worked for you. I had PPD after my second, and BF was really hard for me. Just out of curiosity, did you give birth in a baby friendly hospital?
  • @lucyb1954 I hear you so much!  The hospitals really must have a lot invested in BF, for starters; by comparison I can not remember PPD / PPA being mentioned like, at all.  Maybe they did, but the fact that I don't remember for certain says it all, I think.

    Or like, for sure bottle feeding was not addressed anywhere near to the level BF was.  And I'm sure parents might have a lot of questions!  To boil / not to boil, what to do with partial bottles, premixing, finding the right formula, feeding positions, nipple acceptance, what a good bottle latch looks like, paced bottle feeding, nipple flow & bottle sizing... I feel like I could go on.  Point being they make it out like BF is the only kind of feeding with a learning curve, or that a bottle feeding mom is not also going to be stressed AF about, "doing it right." I am totally one of those mom's fighting feelings of inadequacy because our BF journey didn't go as magically as I might have hoped. 🤷 So I'm trying to work on letting that go too, because looking back in a few short years, I think we are going to remember how we felt about these days, about a million times more than exactly how many weeks we pumped or BF or whatever.

    In some ways I think I'm actually grateful that this FET prep has pushed me to stop a little sooner, just because pumping was such a chore, and she was hardly getting anything for my troubles anyway.  Why carry on out of some sense of duty or something, when we may be a whole lot happier overall just knowing when it's time?  Seriously, why is PP emotional health all but ignored in the birth / baby classes!??  I want to know.
  • @lucyb1954 This was my favorite quote from that article:

    One worry parents can have about formula feeding is: What if we don’t establish that bond? “Sometimes I’ll think, ‘I wish I could pop him on my nipple and have that immediate connection,'” says Hannah. “But that comes from an idealized, mother Mary vision of nursing.” YOUR BABY WILL ADORE YOU, NEED YOU, GAZE AT YOU, IDOLIZE YOU no matter how you feed him or her.

    Being a new mom is sooo stressful.  My DH was definitely worried about me for the first few weeks because I was literally driving myself crazy by Googling every little thing, especially trying to figure out why my LO had gas pains and information on BF.  Robbie has been doing so much better the last two days with me pumping and feeding him via bottle.  Which in turn has made me happier to feel like I don't have to worry about him anymore.  I gladly would have switched to formula if I knew it would have helped him, too.  My mom struggled to BF me as a baby and had to switch to formula feeding.  She is no longer with us for me to ask more questions but from what I understand, I had a cows milk allergy, I would spit up after every feeding, and also her milk dried up.  Now that I'm going through it myself I can't imagine how stressful that must have been for her as a new mom.

    I'm confident that you and Millie will find your groove soon.  I'm sure that the lingering stress and worry over her not gaining enough weight is not helping you to feel at peace with formula feeding.  I also know that it feels unfair that you have been robbed of this experience as well but whenever that little voice of self doubt or frustration starts to creep in, just remind yourself of the words from that quote: Millie will adore you, need you, gaze at you, idolize you no matter how you feed her.
  • Thank you, friends <3 So nice to have you.

    @laurelew the bond was really what I wanted to share with her during BF. It did take me awhile in general to establish that bond because of PPA but I honestly don't know if BF would have magically solved that. And given the PPA, I kind of wonder how long I would have lasted with BF. Having someone else be able to help with the night feedings is really helpful to getting a few more hours of sleep - not sure getting up every 1.5 to 2 hours would have been good for the anxiety and I might have either slowed way down with it or quit altogether. Hard to know though, given that my milk never really came in. 

    @BusinessWife omg I wish so much I had known more about bottle feeding! I thought for sure it would be easier than BF but it's not that simple. I have zero idea what a good latch is, what different issues mean (dribbling, coughing, etc) and when an issue could mean a medical problem rather than a bottle issue. I'm relying on Dr. Google and hopefully some common sense but I would be better off if I had more reliable information. Given that so many women pump and bottle feed too, you'd think they'd have included some info in the class session on BF. Totally feel you on the feelings of inadequacy because all my friends BF...working on letting it go because I think you're right - after some amount of time we're not going to give a crap about BF vs. bottle feeding, and pumping is boring AF!

    @wildrainbow Yes, it's a baby friendly hospital but all I knew about that was that it meant the baby slept in your room with you. And that didn't always happen for us because she was jaundiced and needed to be under the lights a lot. Also the few days after my c section were such a haze, I didn't really know what was going on, I was in pain, swollen and they were so fixated on getting me to walk it was like nothing else existed! It's interesting, apparently milk not coming in is relatively rare but I have talked to soooo many women, esp those with c sections whose milk just didn't come in or they had something like me - they can pump and get a few ounces a day, but not enough to sustain their babies. 
  • I can guarantee that no one cares if DD was bottle fed or breast fed now that she's 3!! 

    I used to feel awkward about not BF-ing since it seems like most people I know do BF -- I think it's that natural human instinct to want to fit in or belong. 

    I had a small advantage with bottle-feeding in that my parents bottle-fed my sister and me -  and were able to give advice. My husband was also bottle-fed and his parents would give tips on what worked for them. That was how we ended up trying the playtex bottles with inserts for a bit, but ultimately they weren't any better than standard bottles except you didn't have to constantly clean them. 

    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @mbradfo2 I've been using the Playtex Ventaire bottles.  My DS seems to be doing better with them, although it's hard to say if it is the bottles, being bottle fed, or just getting more to eat.  Sadly, as many have commented in the reviews of the bottles, some of the bottle have begun to leak, nothing completely egregious but still not ideal.  I doing research earlier today and I saw the Playtex bottle with the inserts.  The Ventaire bottles have so many parts to clean, I was debating if I should give the ones with the liners a try.  Of course they seemed to get very mixed reviews as well.  Because DS is doing so much better, I'm nervous to try doing anything different at the risk of throwing off the fine balance we have established.
  • @lauralew
    The major reason we ended up not using the playtex ones with liners was that it was harder to figure out how much she had eaten. The liners we had were basically just like plastic baggies and deformed with the milk so it was hard to figure out volume from reading the side of the bottle. If she ate the full bottle every time, we might have stuck with them longer. They weren't much different for us than the Avent ones but you didn't have to clean them. In the end, we just had 8 Avent bottles and DH washed them every night between feeds. We did -not- sterilize the bottles each time we washed them which might have made it more difficult. 

    I think if you have a good thing going, it's probably not worth it to jeopardize it -- but obviously if the bottles are really burdensome to clean, that's annoying. Maybe get a bottle steam cleaner?? Do those exist? It's too bad you can't run bottles through the dishwasher on hot....I mean, maybe you can, I just wouldn't risk it!

    I hope everyone who celebrates has a nice Easter holiday! 

    My third beta came back excellent @ 1241 -- I'll probably do just one more before scheduling my first u/s. I looked up the EDD and it's 12/5/21 -- so likely baby girl will arrive in November haha. Unless I somehow end up going full term, but with my history of pre-E and now I'm "advanced maternal age" (38), I'm likely to deliver earlier. Still doesn't really feel like it's actually happening, but just one day at a time.


    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @mbradfo2 Congrats!! I had no idea!! I'm hoping all goes smoothly. Keep us updated!!
  • @wildrainbow
    So far so good - go in for my next beta on Monday and hopefully it will be over 5000 so we can schedule the first u/s (my clinic does beta's until 5000 and then schedules u/s).  Just been super tired all week but then I had horrible insomnia last which doesn't help!
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @mbradfo2 I had terrible first tri insomnia with ds3, it was the worst.  Hopefully you're over 5k, and you get to see your Lil babe soon!! Being pregnant with a toddler is next level tho, right?
  • @wildrainbow
    OMG yes. I get hot flashes from the high progesterone levels (mine were 45 or 54 or something like that when they checked) and I had one during the day last week so I felt like I was melting...and then DD decided she MUST have me play outside with her with the bubble machine. When I insisted that I would just sit on the patio in the shade, she was two hairs away from throwing a tantrum... /sigh
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @mbradfo2 I feel that. I had high progesterone levels from being on it, and the hot flashes, holy crap. Ds2 always insisted on sitting on my lap too, I swear I spent most of my first tri, which was in winter, topless, lol. 
  • @mbradfo2 Congrats on the amazing beta numbers!!  Best of luck with your u/s tomorrow. :smile:
  • @lauralew
    Thanks!! Actually a 4th beta tomorrow and FX it's over 5000 and then we can schedule the u/s!

    DH actually let me sleep in today (I was up from 4 am to 6 am with DD, but then went back to bed after she fell asleep again). I woke up and it was almost noon! I actually had no idea what time it was and started talking to my husband as if he was still sleeping next to me (I always get up before him -- I'm usually an early bird). And then I looked over and no one was there! Hahaha. 

    We did an egg hunt and then sprinkler funtimes this afternoon after we had a late brunch. DD's already fast asleep; I think we wore her out! Really exhausted now so I guess I wore myself out too.
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • Hi friends!
    @mbradfo2 Congratulations!!! Really exciting for you and sending you the absolute best <3
    @laurelew we ended up going to the Dr. Brown's bottles. We tried a lot of bottles - Tommee Tippee, Avent Natural - but it seems the Dr. Brown's are best. We do have a separate bottle steam sterilizer and dryer that you can also plop pumping equipment into that I love. If I had to boil for sterilizing I would go bonkers! There are a lot of little parts to the Dr. Brown's but we just do a basic clean with a baby friendly dish soap (I usually put them in a bowl of hotwater + dish soap and rinse off) and put them in the sterilizer. 

    AFM, Millie was diagnosed with acid reflux, which explains our whole feeding process of sip sip SCREAM sip sip SCREAM. She's on Pepcid because she was not gaining enough weight, although at the moment it's causing her terrible gas which interrupts her sleep and at least at one point every day causes an episode of painful gas in which she is inconsolable. Doctor wants to keep her on this med for a couple days more to see if the gas resolves. However the acid reflux is gone which is awesome...but we traded issues, which kind of sucks. She also has a lip tie, which I suspect is interfering with her latch and causing her to inhale more air while she feeds and therefore results in more gas. And the gas drops do nothing for her. We also moved her down to preemie nipples -- feeding takes more time this way, however we have less coughing during feeding, less gulping, and less formula dripping everywhere out of her mouth. It makes me anxious though because I am so anxious to see her eat more and gain weight and the size 1 nipples get more formula down her throat faster. 
  • @lucyb1954
    See, now I feel bad for never sterilizing anything! haha 
    Are they sending you to get the lip tie clipped?

    4th beta was good and over 5000 so first u/s is scheduled in two weeks. I'm going to be a total ball of nerves until then!
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @lucyb1954 Ds1 had terrible gas while on reflux meds until his digestive tract got a little more mature, we did warm baths and let him soak. They helped with his gas pains, you can also put a blanket in the dryer and wrap her in it, or even just spend some time skin to skin to help relieve the tightness. Those are all things that helped us. I hope they get her sorted out, I know it's hard. 
  • @mbradfo2 I am not a hundred percent convinced everything needs to be sterilized - I generally adhere to the "a little bit of dirt never hurt anyone" philosophy which I feel you have to adhere to if you ever live in NYC and take the subway (did that for 5 years)! However my sister's first kid got thrush and that made me get a sterilizer. I will say though that my sister is FAR from the cleanest person you ever met and I'm sure her kids omnipresent binky was dropped in some gnarly places and then plopped in her kids mouth many times over. My LO probably never would have gotten thrush anyway because we're a far cry cleaner than that but it did scare me enough to go the sterilizer route, which is pretty easy anyway. Congrats on your beta!!! Honestly I was pretty much a nervous wreck with this one until about 32 weeks when I felt like okay, she could probably survive outside the womb at this point. It wouldn't be fun but she could survive. I think IF does that to you. 

    Also -- they have not sent us to get the lip tie clipped. I suspect it may be an issue but I don't know - initially when our pediatrician mentioned it, she just said it wasn't a big deal. It was only after joining a FB group for babies with acid reflux that I noticed a ton of folks on there had babies with lip ties/tongue ties. Our dr said getting it clipped was pretty much optional so my SO and I just didn't do it thinking that  if it's not a big deal, why do it? I'm going to ask the pediatrician more about it at our next appointment on Monday. 

    @wildrainbow thanks for the advice! We are trying to stick it out to see if the gas gets better because the reflux has been helped so much by the medication. It's a rough go though -- I will try some of the stuff you suggested. So far she's not a huge fan of bathtime :( but I will definitely try throwing a blanket or towel in the dryer and wrapping her in it. Even though she was technically full term at 37 weeks, I'm sure a lot of this stuff is just exacerbated by being even that much early and plus having the poor weight gain on top of it does I think make it harder. I wish I could have gone until 39 but it just wasn't advised with AMA + IVF + gestational diabetes + rising blood pressure. Even at the end I was hoping to get to 38 but with my BP numbers going up, it just wasn't a good idea to risk stressing my LO out. 
  • @lucyb1954 Thinking of you and Millie.  I hope things have been going better since you last update.
  • cashewchickencashewchicken member
    edited April 2021
    Thanks for starting a PAIF mommies thread, @lucyb1954 and congrats on your new baby! Congrats to @lauralew and @mbradfo2! Nice to see you again @wildrainbow and @BusinessWife!

    My perfect pandemic baby is 8 months old already! Time flies! Hopefully we can celebrate her first birthday with our friends and family. I’m also looking forward to going on day trips this summer. Currently in the market for a minivan now that our cars are too small for our family!
    Me: 41  DH: 46
    Unexplained infertility/AMA, polycystic ovaries, insulin resistance
    FET#1(July 2017): eSET of first of 4 PGS-normal embryos, DS born 3/30/2018
    FET#2(Oct/Nov 2019): eSET  
  •  Hi @cashewchicken! How are you doing managing a newborn and a toddler? I'm a FTM and oh man, I can't imagine doing this whilst trying to wrangle a toddler! Kudos to you :)  We had a virtual baby shower for our pandemic baby and while it was lovely, it just wasn't the same and was a little disappointing given that I have waited so long for this LO and it's our first (not sure if there will be a second...we'll be revisiting that conversation after we get used to having one!). We're planning to do a BBQ/meet the baby thing for late summer (or at least I am planning and my SO is mostly in tow on this one) so that's going to kind of take the place of a shower but it's a little different...showers kinda celebrate the mama and this will focus on baby but I'm happy enough to be able to get together with people again! I get my second vaccination this Saturday and am pretty excited about it. We're also planning day trips as we're outdoorsy sorts of folks and we don't know how camping will go with a LO. Maybe in the fall we can do that? After we are used to how all of this works...we're just at 8 weeks and I feel like we're barely getting the hang of it. 

    @laurelew oh thank you, lady! Millie is doing okay, she started gaining weight, thank god! Cardiologist says there is nothing wrong with her heart that would be causing the lack of weight gain so it's really just the reflux. That seems to be mostly under control but she's still pretty gassy. Poor thing is so uncomfortable and then in the evening she does that purple crying thing...usually doesn't last longer than an hour but it's exhausting. Definitely hoping her digestive system starts getting more mature soon - pooping is the most traumatic thing for her! There's like an hour of gassiness/squirminess and then some crying and then finally she poops and she's exhausted by the whole ordeal. I don't know when that whole digestive system maturing thing happens @wildrainbow but I'm awaiting it with baited breath! How are you and your LO doing @laurelew???
  • @lucyb1954
    I remember 3-5 months being the point at which alot of the newborn issues with an immature GI system started to improve, so you're getting there! I suspect once you start introducing some solids as she gets older, the constipation and reflux will start to improve even more. 

    My parents and I got our vaccines early this year and we've been able to actually spend time together indoors!! It was so strange to be in such close proximity with someone else (other than my husband and daughter). 

    We got to see and hear the heartbeat last Friday so fingers crossed everything continues as it should! We've also realized we're going to need to move to a bigger house sooner rather than later -- since DH is working from home quite a bit now, he can't really give up his office/man-cave and DD is already taking up the other bedroom. 

    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @lucyb1954 It gets better around 6mo. 4mo is usually peak badness, as it were. 

    Y'all I can't believe I'm gonna have a 10mo next week!  How has it flown by so fast? I swear we were just getting out of the NICU! Also, training and starting a whole new career with 3 kids who are all high needs is exhausting. I can't believe I'm doing this! 
  • @lucyb1954 Robbie turns 2 months tomorrow (on the 24th).  I think Millie is only one day behind him, correct?  We've been doing well.  I am now exclusively pumping and bottle feeding, which has been working great for us.  I was still trying to nurse overnight but it wasn't going as smoothly as I would have liked so I think I'm switching to the bottle exclusively now.  We have our two month pediatrician appointment on Tuesday afternoon.  I'm curious to find out how much he weighs now.  I think we'll be moving up to the 6 month footie pajamas within the next week or so.  Right now I feel like his head has grown and the rest of his body needs to catch up, lol.  But he is just fitting into his 3 month pajamas now.

    I feel like we started to hit our groove with feeding and gas once he turned 6 weeks or so.  Before that he would also struggle with the poops/farts and would be in a lot of discomfort leading up to a poop.  As soon as he pooped he would be perfectly fine though.

    Have you heard about the idea behind the Wonder Weeks?  My brother-in-law recommended the app to me so I can keep track of when Robbie might be coming up to his next developmental "leap."  I don't yet know how accurate it is predicting all of these leaps but one of the things I found fascinating about the concept of measuring these leaps is that they are based on your due date as opposed to the child's birth date.  If I recall, I think our due dates were about two weeks apart (my due date was March 4).  Therefore even though Robbie and Millie are one day apart in age, it may take Millie some additional time to hit the same milestones that we are experiencing.
  • @lucyb1954 I’m barely managing. LOL I feel like we are always operating in a crisis mode. If I were a decade younger (I’m 42) I probably would have waited a little longer to have the second one, since DS is handful! I don’t know how we survived 4 months under SAH order juggling work and full-time child care without any help. I have to say though, parenting does get easier in some way. The first 4 months is hard, like all the ladies said. I remember the very first night we brought our son back from the hospital, I went into a full panic mode and wondered, what have I gotten myself into?! I was so disappointed with myself since it took 3 years to finally bring a baby home and the very first night home I couldn’t handle it. But eventually I figured out how to keep the baby alive and happy and now I have two! BBQ/meet the baby sounds great! Though it may be more baby-focused, I’m sure it’ll be fun to meet everyone, as you said. 

    @wildrainbow 3 kids and a new career! You’re a super mom! I started a new career back in January and it’s been challenging but rewarding at the same time. You’ll do great!
    Me: 41  DH: 46
    Unexplained infertility/AMA, polycystic ovaries, insulin resistance
    FET#1(July 2017): eSET of first of 4 PGS-normal embryos, DS born 3/30/2018
    FET#2(Oct/Nov 2019): eSET  
  • @laurelew omg your little Robbie is moving up to 6 month footies?!?? Haha, little Millie just outgrew her preemie clothes this past week and is now solidly into newborn clothes!!! She turned two months on April 22 -- she has her two month appointment on Monday and we're hoping she clears 8 pounds :) Yes, I actually have that app! Typically if you deliver at 37 weeks or later, doctors, nurses, etc won't age adjust. However I thoroughly disagree with that. You can't tell me nothing happens in the womb in those three weeks! So I'm glad that app does age adjust because I do think Millie is essentially a younger baby, more like 5 weeks, plus she's so small for her age that I think things have been slow to develop.

    @mbradfo2 I am super hoping that by the 3 month mark (or before, like you @laurelew, if she turned a corner at age adjusted 6 weeks, that would be awesome!)  she will turn a corner with some of this stuff. I am emotionally sensitive right now but even if I weren't I think it still would be as hard for me to see her in pain. I know she won't remember it but dang! The pain face is definitely different than the wet diaper face and she's started making tears so it's extra sad to see her so gassy and not be able to help. How are you feeling so far?

    @cashewchicken I felt exactly the same as you for at least the first few weeks! Like omg what did I do??? I had expected to be over the moon since it took us so long to bring this little girl into the world and I was shocked when the PPA/PPD/and the panic set in. I set pretty high expectations for myself - it's been a struggle to let myself off the hook. My partner helps substantially but even with that help having a second seems crazy! I am 39 and my SO is older (53, but definitely seems and looks young, no one believes me when I tell them his age!) so I would love for my kiddo to have a sibling but...happy mom = happy kiddo, so I gotta keep that in mind. 

    What's everyone doing for Mother's Day? This is my first as an actual mother and don't know what we're doing yet!


  • @lucyb1954 It's funny because I actually expected to be a mess during the newborn stage and have been surprised to find I'm enjoying it much more than I thought.  Granted I have been extremely blessed to have a baby who generally lets up sleep and who is very easy going for the most part.  So I give all of the credit to him not to myself.  Of course every day brings some new challenge -- because why not.  Robbie has started pre-teething.  It seemed way too early to me but he has been trying to suck on his entire first and fingers recently and has been drooling more and has been extra cranky when awake and literally just looks like a baby who is teething.  My sister told me this is normal, even if he likely won't get his first tooth until 6 months.  I am so not ready for 4 months of this crankiness.  Also since Saturday my milk output has dropping each day.  I missed one pumping session on Saturday but I wouldn't have thought that would have impacted everything this much.  Today is the second day in a row I may not pump as much as he is eating.  Not a problem yet since I had so saved up from before but if this continues we may have to switch to formula.  Nothing wrong with that, just strange to go from having an abundant supply to... not.  :/

  • I think my reaction when we first came home was initial disbelief that the hospital was actually letting us take a real baby home with us haha so far she's survived though! My husband and I actually had zero real experience with babies (I mean, I work with babies and I understand everything intellectually, but I had never cared for a baby on my own before). My husband has always been a huge help and we tend to divide and conquer. I think we've lucked out with DD -- she has her drama moments (like her mommy, heh) but in general, she's a very happy and easy-going kid, so like @laurelew I think we lucked out a bit.

    @laurelew
    I think there are some teas/supplements people say increases supply? I didn't BF so my knowledge is fairly limited! There were a couple of things that helped us with Anne's teething (well, helped her) -- one of those little plastic carrots that have textured areas that are soothing, teething mitten, and ye ol' fashioned plastic keys. Also - store them in the freezer so they get nice and cold! If she ever seemed super uncomfortable, I would get out some tylenol. I think every baby's a little different as far as teething goes -- Anne was never really super bothered by it and didn't even bat an eye when her first molars came in. You might also be hitting the witching hour, but that's usually around 5-6 pm. 

    Some people swear by amber bead necklaces for teething or those rubber necklaces...not really safe so we didn't use them. Too easy for a bead to pop off and go into the mouth. 

    @lucyb1954
    We haven't ever done anything super special on mother's day -- the main thing I like is that my husband takes over all kid duties for the day and I get to goof off for once! Mother's Day was always hard for me for the longest time so we were never in the habit of doing anything pre-baby anyway. As for second kids, I had the same feeling for the longest time but as Anne got older, it got easier to imagine adding another kiddo. I know she's going to be a fabulous big sister!




    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • @laurelew The biggest thing I've seen (both in my own experience and working with other moms) is that they aren't staying hydrated enough. It's amazing how something simple as not drinking enough one day can impact supply, but it's super important. The thing I always tell my moms is drink til you feel like it's too much then drink some more, lol. We never drink as much as we should. You can try some lactation cookies, etc. But honestly picking up your hydration is going to be better than anything. Body Armor or Gatorade is good too to help replenish some electrolytes. As far as the teething stuff goes, all my kids started it all early too. It's not super bad, you can put some teething toys in the freezer or if you use a paci, put that in there and let him chew on it. Those helped my kiddos, as well as just a damp washcloth in the freezer for a few to get it super cold. My boys loved that the best. 

    In other news, I am about halfway through my lactation classes, and I already have everything lined up with the IBLCs at the hospital to mentor me in my clinicals. I just have to email the director of women services and convince her I am amazing and she needs to hire me since I will walk out of classes with a certification. So. Wish me luck on that, it would be a HUGE help if I could get paid for my clinicals, 500 hrs is a lot. I will definitely get time in the NICU and I cannot wait to start working with preemie moms again. Our hospital does about 5,000birth a year, so I will get a lot of experience!
  • @wildrainbow Congrats on being halfway through your lactation classes.  I appreciate the advice from you and @mbradfo2 .  At our two month pediatrician appointment the doctor also recommended drinking a non-alcoholic beer for the brewer's yeast.  There are several non-alcoholic beers on the market now that aren't bad.  I've been drinking one a day.  I'm not sure what did the trick, but I have been doing much better with my pumping again the past few days.  I'm happy to have one less thing to worry about.

    @lucyb1954 How did your two month appointment go?
  • @laurelew I'm glad your supply is back up! It's always easier when you don't have to worry about that.  
  • @wildrainbow Wow, it’s awesome that you are getting trained to become a lactation consultant! I really enjoyed interacting with lactation consultants and appreciated how patient they were with me. Breastfeeding is not easy! I thought I was a bit of an expert after I breastfed DS for 15 months but when DD came, I didn’t remember how to bf a newborn! It was a bit embarrassing to tell them that it’s not my first time bf when it was clear I had no idea what I was doing lol. 
    So true about staying hydrated to keep the supply up. And also pumping frequently. I had ample supply with DS but with my DD, I became lazy about pumping and making sure to stay hydrated. Now I produce barely enough for her  :(

    Mother’s Day is this Sunday! Is it bad that all I want to do is stay in bed until 10am without my kids waking me up at 6am?   :D

    Me: 41  DH: 46
    Unexplained infertility/AMA, polycystic ovaries, insulin resistance
    FET#1(July 2017): eSET of first of 4 PGS-normal embryos, DS born 3/30/2018
    FET#2(Oct/Nov 2019): eSET  
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