New to the Bump - sadly not new to infertility

sm32

Hello - I am a 32 year old female who has been TTC for 14 cycles with my current husband.  Years ago I also was TTC for approximately 3 years with an ex-husband - we separated for other reasons.  My husband (38) and I have recently completed all of the infertility testing and bloodwork.  We're expecting results next week to create a 'game plan' for our next steps towards parenthood.  As others mention a lengthy TTC journey, especially during the pandemic, is an isolating and depressing time.  It's hard to find others who sadly 'understand' your feelings and desires.  It's hard to 'wait' until if/when testing, medicine, procedures, etc. finally work. It's hard to know if we should look into adoption instead or continue this part of the journey.  I love my husband with my whole heart and he will be such a great dad one day - I just feel like I'm letting him down each month when my period arrives.  He's sweet to me and tries to remind me that there's no timeline and that I've never let him down, but it's hard not to feel that way.  And to clarify - I love him with most of my heart. Not all of it because there's a black hole of depression/doubt/loneliness/sadness with love to give to a child - but no child to give it to.  I love to plan  and sadly this is something you can only do your best but then wait for God to provide the baby.  I hate waiting.  I want to give the greatest gift (a baby) to my husband and I want to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mother.  So waiting around has been difficult.  Wishing everyone here peace during the journey, strength for the journey, love for your partner and yourself, and someday the absolute joy of becoming parents.