Abort or Keep? ***Controversial Topic***

lovesweetlove07

haha...sorry, I thought it didn't post the 1st time! I'm dumb.

robbie3982

Just wanted to add, that while I would 100% keep the baby, I would never fault anyone else for deciding the opposite.  I've seen firsthand what having a child with moderate disabilities can do to a family and I would never judge someone who felt that they couldn't handle that.

erino&chrish

Keep.  Which is why we've opted out of some of the screening.

YummyMummy13

Keep. We just found out that my AFP test came back abnormal and I'm getting further testing b/c we want to be prepared. DS has hearing loss and knowing before he was born would have helped us so much (however they can't prenatally test for that).

However if it was something horrible like PPs mentioned where the baby wouldn't be able to live for more than a few days and be in pain then I would have to consider aborting.

DSteed-to-be

I personally would keep the baby if it is going to survive pregnancy and delivery, but knowing answers beforehand can help you mentally and physically prepare for any challenges you need to help your child with when it is born and home.

freemand_23

Personally I think every situation is different! I won't judge a person if their opinions differ from mine! Trust me! I know first hand how it feels to be put in a situation where the doctors tell you that your baby has brain damage, and it's a great possiblity that he may have cerebal palsy! I had to deal with that at the age of 18yrs. old. At that time I really wasn't concerned about the medical expenses, or how my life would change is he were ever able to leave the hospital! All I wanted was for him to live! However, he didn't! He passed away a month after he was born due to complications. The first time that I held him in my arms was when he passed! I was all alone when I got the news from the doctor that he didn't survive! I had my own personal room at the hospital so that I could be with him every day and night! I was devestated and heartbroken! But now that I look back on the situation, I must say that everything happens for a reason! I really don't think that I would have been mentally nor mature enough to care for a baby with that type of illness! I think he was taken away from me for just that reason! I didn't want to understand at the time why it had to happen to me, well I just wasn't ready and God knew that! So, I wouldn't judge a person based on their decision, because every person knows what they can or can not handle! Because it can either Make you or Break you! Are you strong enough? think about it!

MidwestTexan

I would keep it without question.

hula_lula

keep. without question.

JoLiz

SoTouchy:

in 95% of cases, I would keep it.  However, I've heard horrible, horrible stories of people finding out at the big u/s that the brain had never developed so there was NO hope for the baby to survive.  That is the kind of thing I would abort for. 

this statement I have to agree with- If there is no chane of baby "living" - I don't thinkit is call an abortion when it is considered medically necessary-

dmsmth

I say I would keep, but I guess it would depend on the severity of the disease/abnormality and the chance the baby will survive and lead a fairly normal life.

Like most trisomy 18 baby's die with in the first year of life assuming they even make it to term.  In that case I probably would think about it just because in the child short life he/she will spend most of their time w/ a dr or the hospital (i'm assuming) and I don't know if I want that kind of life for my child.

As for downs or SB it would depend on the severity the Dr thinks it is.  If it is horribly severe I think I would consider it, but if it is moderate or mild, I really don't think I would terminate.  I used to volunteer for a Thereputic Horsemanship place who offered riding lesson to handicapped children and adults and alot of those children really did pretty well considering the obsticals in their lives.

schmoodle

I agree with Chrys - of course no one is going to come on here and say they'd abort it, but the fact of the matter is, statistically, MOST people who discover birth defects do abort. I don't remember the exact statistic, but I'm almost certain it is greater than 50%. This is not to say I personally would, just that I don't think any sort of poll here is going to be even remotely accurate, particularly because unless you are actually facing this decision I don't think anyone (or very few people at least) could say with 100% certainty what they would do.

Our babies were born at 23 weeks, and we chose not to intervene to try to save them based on their gestational age/size, the fact they were twins and other statistics (far less than 50% chance of survival, and if they survived there is about a 1% chance they would have been healthy or without SEVERE impairments. I didn't want to put them through that. A lot of families faced with the same decision did the same thing. However, I doubt many would have answered a survey a month earlier saying if their baby was born 4 months early they wouldn't try to save it. I'm sure I'll be flamed for this, but I've talked to doctors before and since and read studies and that wasn't any life I wanted for my children.

Covergirl137

I would like to say we would keep, but since I've never been in that position, I can't.

Which is why we didn't have any testing done. Having to make that decision would be so hard, and this way, we are not forced to chose.

As pp's have said, while the tests may show something, you never know how things will turn out.

penguingrrl

I can't say for sure, not having ever been in that situation.  However, depending on the severity of the situation, I would consider termination for serious complications.  I wouldn't consider it for downs syndrome, but I would consider it for trisomy 18, or an unformed brain, conditions in which the chance of survival and quality of life are slim to none.  I wouldn't want to go through the entire pregnancy, having to explain to people who were congratulating me, and having to go through serious risks (I have a history of pre-eclampsia so any pregnancy I have is high risk) knowing that if the baby survived at all, he/she would be in serious pain the entire time they were alive.  I respect and admire people who choose to continue a pregnancy despite knowing these things, I just don't think I could. 

Covergirl137

schmoodle:

I'm sure I'll be flamed for this, but I've talked to doctors before and since and read studies and that wasn't any life I wanted for my children.

I don't think anybody will flame anyone for making that sort of decision. I would imagine everyone realizes what an extremely hard decision that would have to be.

I also doubt anyone is going to come in here and flame someone for their honest answer, regardless of whether it would be to abort or not.

Abbysmommy0518

My mom and my cousin and a close friend were all told that one of their children were going to be born with Downs Syndrome, and that the best thing for them would be to abort them.  All three children were born perfectly healthy and are still fine to this day.  Good thing they didn't make their decision based on something that wasn't 100%! 

HisLobster

I just want to say that for those of you who would consider termination because the baby would only live minutes---If, God forbid, you ever had to make the decision, please consider my thoughts after my experience: those minutes are precious for you and for baby.

That being said, I've talked to many moms who have had children with Anakin's disorder. Some decided to keep the baby and some terminated. I don't begrudge them their choice. They had to do what was right for them. But, several who terminated have said to me that after seeing Anakin, they wish they wouldn't have so they could have held their child and made sure it knew how much it was loved.

I don't want to sound preachy, but since many of you are coming from a hypothetical perspective, I thought I'd offer my real perspective. I see both sides of it. Anakin made me even more pro-choice and made DH even more pro-life.

RichInLove

I agree that this post really is in a vacuum, how do you know for certain? And isn't every disorder/disability more of a case-by-case?

I think it was CoolTeacher79's experience that opened my eyes on this topic. Her child only lived 16 minutes, and she knew that that was likely and carried him to full term. That was her decision, but I just don't know if I could do the same thing. I respect people who have to make such tough decisions, but unless I actually have to make that decision I wouldn't be so bold as to make a matter of fact statement of keeping or aborting. 

hula_lula

I have to amend. While I said no question, I would keep, I have never- Thank God in heaven- been in the position to have to make that choice one way or another. I don't know what kind of circumstances could come up to make you have to face that decision and I hope and pray I never have to find out.

I would sincerely hope that no one on here would be stupid and judgemental enough to actually flame someone for having to make the most difficult decicion of their lives.

cnchavez69

I'd never abort my pregnancy due to something like down's.  I have a happy cousin with downs and he is fun to be around.  So full of life.  However like pp's on here if there was something that was horrifically wrong and my child would not make it outside the womb and be in a lot of pain i would terminate.  I wouldn't want my little baby to suffer needlessly.  But that would be the only way. 

HisLobster

dmsmth:

Like most trisomy 18 baby's die with in the first year of life assuming they even make it to term.  In that case I probably would think about it just because in the child short life he/she will spend most of their time w/ a dr or the hospital (i'm assuming) and I don't know if I want that kind of life for my child.

I just wanted to say that they aren't always hospital bound. We met a family while Anakin was in the NICU who took their daughter with Trisomy 18 home (nasal canulas and feeding tubes, but now she takes a bottle). She's 8 or 9 months old now. Hospice checks on them a few times a week. She's not expected to make it to a year and they know that but she's with them right now. And, their's is just one case but I thought I'd share.

tadasa74

Honestly, I don't know what I'd do if we would a defect that was incompatible with life outside the womb, which is the only thing that I would consider terminating for. With twins there are so many more questions. Could what is wrong with one hurt the other? Would it benifit one to terminate the other (if one twins dies after the 1stT the second one is generally at risk).

I really respect the people who carry T13 and T18 babies to term, or as long as possible, but I just don't know.

Sweetgurl6630@yahoo.com

I would also keep.

dmsmth

HisLobster:

dmsmth:

Like most trisomy 18 baby's die with in the first year of life assuming they even make it to term.  In that case I probably would think about it just because in the child short life he/she will spend most of their time w/ a dr or the hospital (i'm assuming) and I don't know if I want that kind of life for my child.

I just wanted to say that they aren't always hospital bound. We met a family while Anakin was in the NICU who took their daughter with Trisomy 18 home (nasal canulas and feeding tubes, but now she takes a bottle). She's 8 or 9 months old now. Hospice checks on them a few times a week. She's not expected to make it to a year and they know that but she's with them right now. And, their's is just one case but I thought I'd share.

Thanks!  I was just kind of assuming that would be what would happen, but I guess I'm wrong.  That's good to know though.

beth thacker

I'd keep it. Either way it would still be my baby and a part of me and something that me and my FI created. I could never abort my baby or pretty much "get rid of my child" because it could possibly/does have problems.

beth thacker

Chrysallys:

BearkatLou:

Chrysallys:

I think this is a very personal question, one that really isn't anyone else's business.

Then don't answer it if you don't want to. Ppl answering are doing so because they are ok with it.

Which is why I'm not. However, this post is going to be very one sided due to people not being honest due to folks being highly judgmental.

Actually a lot of people are being honest and giving situations where they would possibly abort. I don't personally think this post needs people arguing on it and even though aborting would not be my decision I have respect for those girls who are honest enough to say that they would in certain circumstances and don't judge them for that.

MissTGH

For me it depends on how severe the defect is. I actually have been thinking alot about that latey. Everyone has to do what best for themselves nobody really shouldn't be judging anyone.

 

Have a good one ladies.

JasonsLyric

I'd keep him. Who knows what kind of mother you have the potential to be if given the chance.

Brittanie_1987

Def. keep.  I'm in school to be a special education teacher and children with down syndrome, or even mental retardation (among many other defects) can have a life.  They may not ever be up to the "normal" standards, but are able to laugh, love, cry...bottom line; they are still people and still our babies!

However,

Brittanie_1987

Def. keep.  I'm in school to be a special education teacher and children with down syndrome, or even mental retardation (among many other defects) can have a life.  They may not ever be up to the "normal" standards, but are able to laugh, love, cry...bottom line; they are still people and still our babies!

However,

I

Brittanie_1987

Def. keep.  I'm in school to be a special education teacher and children with down syndrome, or even mental retardation (among many other defects) can have a life.  They may not ever be up to the "normal" standards, but are able to laugh, love, cry...bottom line; they are still people and still our babies!

However,

I do

Brittanie_1987

Def. keep.  I'm in school to be a special education teacher and children with down syndrome, or even mental retardation (among many other defects) can have a life.  They may not ever be up to the "normal" standards, but are able to laugh, love, cry...bottom line; they are still people and still our babies!

However,

I do feel

Brittanie_1987

Def. keep.  I'm in school to be a special education teacher and children with down syndrome, or even mental retardation (among many other defects) can have a life.  They may not ever be up to the "normal" standards, but are able to laugh, love, cry...bottom line; they are still people and still our babies!

However,

I do feel this

jenniesue

definitely keep it. There is a reason that baby was conceived.

smismar

I don't think I could live with myself if I aborted.

3PupsAndABaby

I guess I'll be the first one and say I would abort. and that weighs in my heart very heavy to even admit it. DH and I discussed it and we both know that we wouldn't be able to handle a child with D.S. we have neighbors with a child with it and the stories are unbelievable. we have alot on our plates being a family without a child, add d.s. to it, i just couldn't handle it. I guess flame away, but I wanted to be honest. I would probably hate myself every day for aborting the baby, since I do love this baby so much, but I just couldn't. and giving it up for adoption wouldn't even be an option. Most people out there wouldn't adopt a child with a condition like this. I hope you all don't think differently of me. there are many other reasons why I couldn't keep a baby with d.s. but I'm just not going to get into it. It's bad enough I put myself out there to get flamed :-)

MissLMS

Hi725:

It depends on how serious the condition was. You have to take into consideration quality of life and pain factors. I would not want my child to live a life of excruciating pain. If the outlook was that grim, I would abort.

 

I absolutely agree.

MrsG.060708

Annie_1208:

I would not terminate my pregnancy.  We did not have the tests done because it didn't matter to us.

 

Same here.

Rhapsody527

Definitely keep. I used to work with people who have Down's, one of whom was the most amazing individual I have ever met, who passed away last year. I could never abort if the baby had Down's or another defect.