TTGP Check-in 2/18

_orchid_

This check in is for the ladies who actively participated in the Trying to Get Pregnant Board for any length of time.

How far along are you?

Upcoming Appointments?

Cravings/Symptoms?

How are you doing? Rants/Raves/Randoms?

Questions?

akoros

How far along are you? 21+2

Upcoming Appointments? March 9th for growth scan and GD test

Cravings/Symptoms? Mostly just pain. Back pain started coming back (still my right lat, plus I'm started to feel sciatica twinges in the morning), and earlier this week I had a lot of pain way down under my belly. I'm guessing it's mostly growing pains, as there was definitely a spurt over the weekend and it's starting to feel more like sore "pulled muscle" pain than sharp jabs. 

How are you doing? Rants/Raves/Randoms? Mostly fine. Starting to get excited and plan (I'm a planner), but that also triggers anxiety so trying to move slow. I think the aforementioned pelvic pain is the biggest reason I hated the jeans I ordered. I just don't want pressure in that area right now. Happy that it's my "Friday", even though I don't have much going on this weekend

Questions? Not right now

mindyb2019

How far along are you? 23+3 

Upcoming Appointments? March 1st i have an OB appt and another ultrasound to check my cervix length. 

Cravings/Symptoms? Alot of back pain on and off. Still having pain in my right leg cause of my varicose veins but I wear my compression stockings which help. Skin has still been really itchy which is really annoying. 

How are you doing? Rants/Raves/Randoms? Not doing very well to be honest. Physically im doing good but mentally and emotionally not well at all. Im struggling and not happy and am feeling very depressed. Last night was really bad. I cried to the point of having an anxiety attack and can't breathe and make myself sick and hyperventilate. Im also having suicidal thoughts of harming myself and the baby and that isn't good and that  isn't like me normally. I literally am to the point where I feel I no longer want this baby anymore and is not a good idea to have a child. I've detached myself completely from it and not excited about anything baby related anymore whatsoever. I hate this guys 😭 I dont want to feel this way and im scared. Last night it took all my will power NOT to drink booze from my fridge just cause I didnt care and I was stressed out and really needed one badly. I didnt do it but I was this close 🤏 

Questions? NATM 

ramzlau

@akoros Hope you enjoy your weekend! 

@mindyb2019 I am so sorry you are going through that. Please get professional help. It sounds so much like the PPD I had after DD and reaching out to my therapist helped so much to make lifestyle changes needed and medication options. You can PM me any time. My therapist reminds me all the time that having a baby is one of the most stressful times in a persons life. You have a lot going on. You are not alone. 

How far along are you? 24 tomorrow! 

Upcoming Appointments? First week of March

Cravings/Symptoms? Still on a citrusy kick. Ate all the lemon Girl Scout cookies we had 

How are you doing? Rants/Raves/Randoms? Yesterday/last night/today was rough. The legal stuff with my job loss took an expected but not pleasant turn and completely stressed me to the max. Trying to find ways to “spoil” myself so I don’t stress more and take a deep breath. I hate that this is taking away from what will be my last pregnancy. I just want to be able to enjoy the experience. 

Questions? NATM 

akoros

@mindyb2019 I'm so sorry you're struggling. I agree, please look into professional help. Pregnancy does a number on our bodies, including brain chemistry, plus there's post-loss trauma on top of it. While I don't have experience with PPD, I have had depression in the past and am so glad I sought help. It's not something to just sit tight and suffer through. 

@ramzlau Ugh, that sounds awful about the legal/job stuff. I hope things turn around, or at least you find some good ways to spoil yourself that help with all the stress

mindyb2019

@akoros @ramzlau Thank you. I will definitely talk to my therapist about it and get help. I hate all these feelings and emotions. 😢 Thank you for not judging me on the thoughts im having. Its hard for me to open up and say these things.
@ramzlau it's crazy cause you would think that having a baby is one of the most magical and beautiful happy moments of someone's life not the most stressful  so weird. Sorry things are rough for you with the job loss. I hope you can find ways to spoil yourself and de-stress. I need to de stress myself. sending you lots of hugs. I know that feeling. This is my first and last baby and I feel soo sad that how im feeling is taking away from that experience of me enjoying it 

wanderlustsoul

@mindyb2019, prenatal depression is very, very real so I also agree on getting professional help. People don’t talk about this side of stuff but having a baby is not only incredibly stressful but all these hormones are an added consequence that throws everything out of whack. Sending you loads of hugs. I had some prenatal depression and really bad PPA/PPD and talking to someone really helped. I’m also here to ever chat, if you need it. Especially since I’m 6 hours ahead, I’m available at weird times. 

akoros

@mindyb2019 I think that's part of the cruelty of prenatal and post-partum depression and also why it's important to talk to a professional. Most people won't understand at all and can have (unintentionally) damaging responses. That said it's very real, and not your fault. 

DoubleUp8

How far along are you? 25+3

Upcoming Appointments? March 8 - 28 weeks appointment - GD test (Orange drink is waiting in the fridge), ultrasound to see if babies choroid plexus cyst has resolved itself (fingers crossed)

Cravings/Symptoms? Still loving everything bagels and all things buffalo. Experiencing lower back/upper butt pain, guessing it's sciatic nerve pain. I was up for 2 hours last night, which was annoying because I thought the sleeplessness had passed. 

How are you doing? Rants/Raves/Randoms?  I'm hanging in there. DS is needs some extra mommy time as he continues to realize what a baby will mean for his life. It was vacation from school, but I still sent him to daycare because I needed to get work done and save vacation for my maternity leave. 

Questions? NATM

DoubleUp8

@mindyb2019 I'm so sorry you are going through that. Echoing everyone else to say please talk to a professional about what you are feeling. Thinking of you.

akoros

@DoubleUp8 not sure how easy it is to do this yourself, but my mom did some sort of trigger/pressure point thing on me when I had sciatica pain over Thanksgiving. She pushed on the point where the pain started, as hard as I could handle. As the pain reduced she'd push harder, sometimes moving if the pain moved, until it went away. I was skeptical, but it really worked (this is after days of nothing helping, including Tylenol) 

DoubleUp8

@akoros I have had DH pushing in it, and it helped. I also found that doing lots of the yoga pose cat and cow helps to work it out for a while too. Trying to focus on the 15 weeks-ish to go! 

mindyb2019

I called my therapist today and she's away all next week so the earliest I can talk to her would be March 1st so I guess I wait till then for some help. I wish it was sooner. 

akoros

@mindyb2019 You could try calling your doctor, they might be able to help with recommendations or know of a hotline (I found one, but it's for the US). I don't know if it would be better to see a therapist/counselor who specializes in this particular area rather than a more general one anyway. 

Or maybe one of the contacts here could help (I saw at least one in BC): https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/international/resource/?dosrch=1&q=&wpbdp_view=search&listingfields[18]=486

ashaislurking

@akoros I definitely understand the planning but needing to move slow with it. I usually try to do as much prep/planning as I can on my good days so I can truly take a break on the triggery ones. I hope you have a great weekend!
@mindyb2019 I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. I highly recommend talking about it with your ObGyn ASAP and I'm glad you're planning to reach out to your therapist once they're back in. Peripartum depression is a VERY real thing and you're not alone. Sending you so much love!
@ramzlau Ugh I'm sorry the legal stuff with your job is still ongoing. I hope it gets resolved soon.
@DoubleUp8 I'm glad you're hanging in there and taking care of yourself where you can. My kiddos are extra clingy/snuggly too. Make sure you're taking you time!

How far along are you? 21+6

Upcoming Appointments? I see my ObGyn Monday and go back to the MFM March 15th for another anatomy scan

Cravings/Symptoms? Now that I've been on the progesterone a few weeks I've pretty much gone back to having no cravings and near constant nausea. I'm also super fatigued again. I've been really on edge (irritable, lots of mood swings, lots of crying at seemingly nothing) but I don't know how much of that is being pregnant and how much of that is stress/trauma.

How are you doing? Rants/Raves/Randoms? I'm... okay? Working with my therapist. Getting better. Making sure I set aside self-care time. I made a slightly longer post about what's been going on over in randoms so I'll c&p that into a spoiler for those who missed it. I'm just DRAINED. I'm taking a vacation next weekend to visit my Wisconsin quarantine bubble before finals week hits. Hoping that trip will help with my mental health.

I've been COMPLETELY MIA and feel so bad that I haven't been spending as much time on this board with y'all as I'd have liked. Practicum hours are starting to wrap up and we're in the last stretch of the semester (term papers, course evaluations, wrapping up with my clients, it's been insane). On top of my school stuff I've still been trauma processing with my therapist and that's been heavy. I also crashed my car into a curb on Thursday due to bad weather. Everyone who was in the vehicle (including baby) is fine, but my poor car needs some work. That also lead to a completely different trauma process because I do NOT do well with car accidents (there's a whole PTSD history related to that) so I completely shut down. It's been... a lot. I'm drained. Just talked to my therapist again this afternoon and I'm -completely- overwhelmed with the stuff I need to get figured out.

Questions? NATM

_orchid_

@mindyb2019 sending you SO much love! I hope you are feeling a bit better today and were able to contact your OB or therapist. There is absolutely no shame or judgement. Just starting the conversation and talking about how you're feeling shows that you are a strong person. Prenatal/post natal depression is REAL and on top of that you've had a lot of pregnancy-related trauma. This is an incredibly stressful time, your life is changing and it's not always going to be roses- but you ARE going to get through it and from what I know of you, you'll be an incredibly caring mother. I get so annoyed with tv shows/movies where a character gets pregnant and then it's "happy ever after"- that is not realistic. Thinking of you tonight and always here for you ♥️

ramzlau

@ashaislurking I hope the vacation is a reset time and some good R&R! My nausea seemed to be doing better, but after a stressful few days, I was puking again this morning. I wonder if the stress messes with it all. All that to say I hope your nausea calms down on vacation too! 

@mindyb2019 Considering the suicidal thoughts, I would reach out to a doctor you trust. I know it is hard to reach out once to your therapist and not find them available, but it is important enough to seek out immediate help. Much love girl! Please don’t hesitate to say something if you need anything this weekend! 

mindyb2019

Awww thank you ladies. I really appreciate you guys and all the love and care you show me (even if its only online) it means more to me then you know 💕😘 I'm having a better day today which is good and feeling a bit better. I have 2 therapists and am able to talk with the other one coming up in 3 days on Monday which is good so im hoping that will help.

@akoros thanks for that link you sent with the contacts on it. I appreciate it. 

@_orchid_ aww thanks friend. Your so sweet. I hope to be an amazing caring mother. 💕 I do love this baby so much im just having ups and downs with my emotions and feelings but I know I will get through it. I hate that too when movies or TV shows portay this happy ever after with babies and pregnancy etc. Sooo not really like that. 

akoros

@mindyb2019 So glad you're able to see someone soon, and having a better day! Hang in there, and remember that (if nothing else) we're here for you.