Pregnancy loss

adribobadilla

Hi every one I write this shortly after my loss with hopes of trying to get things off my chest. I found out I was pregnant in October and had my 8 week ultrasound on November 6. They said baby was good and healthy. I kept going to my routine prenatal visits. This Tuesday I went in with my fiancé for the first time (Because COVID restrictions) for my 20 week appointment and the ultrasound tech couldn’t find any fetal movement or heart beat. I was told by my doctor that our baby girl had passed away weeks prior at around 16wks 5days. I was hospitalized for induction and delivered my baby January 27. This the hardest thing I’ve had to do at such a young age. I hate that this even happens but I appreciate the community support. I know everyone heals differently. Is there anything that any of you had done to help cope with your loss? 

stormageddon-darklordofall

@adribobadilla  I'm sorry for your loss. I've had 5 MC, and no living children, and I've found myriad ways to cope.  I planted a memorial garden to remember my babies.  I'm an outspoken advocate (esp on social media) about MC/loss, IF, and other PG sensitivities.  I found that talking about it, helps me a lot.  I refuse to be left in the dark.  If people are having a lunchtime conversation, and they're discussing PG symptoms, then I bring up my experiences.  If they seem confused because they were 'unaware' I had kids, I just explain flat out that I've had 5 MCs.  Just talking and normalizing MC is immensely helpful to me.  However, other people keep everything private and go about life without focusing on their MC.  They find that to be helpful.  Each person is different, so you have to find what works for you.

In the immediate days/weeks/even months after your loss, we always recommend a ton of self-care.  Take that bath that you want to feel better. Call off of work if you're able to on that day you just want to cry.  OR throw yourself into work and take on a few extra hours if available to distract yourself.  Feel free to cancel that lunch get-together with friends if you don't feel up to it.  Definitely cancel that baby shower that someone invited you to and you can't fathom showing up at. Forget vaccuming the floor today if you don't feel up to it... no one's going to see it anyway, and anyone that would be coming to your house and would bitch about it, should understand your situation and volunteer to do it for you (or if they don't, and they mention it, then you volunteer them to do it).  F it. Take care of YOURSELF first. Above all else. 

Also, consider some therapy if you want someone to talk to, and/or to help you navigate your future TTCAL. It's a biotch of a road...