March 2021 Moms

Hubs and I not on same page about visitors (family)

Hey guys need some advise here...
My FIL and husband have made plans that as soon as our daughter is born, hubs is gonna call him and he's going to come down as soon as he gets the call (he lives 6 hrs away) meaning he will be at our house and staying with us when we come back from the hospital. I already know I want NO visitors for at least a week (not even my family and they completely understand this and know that if someone stays at the house it's to watch our dog and then leave). I was never asked about this plan and was just told that that WAS the plan as he would watch our dog. I am completely uncomfortable with this and have told hubs about it. I feel like I offended him by saying I didn't want his dad at our house after our daughter was born (I didn't say those words exactly but did say I am not going to be myself for at least that first week and not going to want to see people, not even my family). The conversation ended there as it wasn't well received... How did y'all handle this discussion with your SO? How did you stand your ground but had them understand why you're asking for this time to just be the three of you for a week? I need to add, our baby is the first grandchild on both sides of the family so I understand that everyone is excited for her arrival. 

Re: Hubs and I not on same page about visitors (family)

  • Tell them there’s a pandemic and you are laying off all visitors for a (long) while. Arrange a Zoom for those who want to see the baby. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I never really thought about it because my mom is coming down to help the first 2 weeks and I know his mom will stop by every day. Otherwise, we agree we don't really want a bunch of people here due to the pandemic. We are having the last baby on either side. We've agreed to do a baby intro drive-by when the weather is warmer. 
    In your case, hubby needs to listen to you. You're going to be the one recovering and he's soon going to realize that it's going to be a hard adjustment on both of you. 
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  • As a woman who will have just given birth, your opinion/consent/validation is not a nice to have, it's paramount.  He should've consulted you first.  Now that the damage has already been done, I'd ask him to look at it from your perspective.  You'll just be figuring out nursing and will likely have your boobs out all the time, you're not going to want anyone there, this is not personal towards his father.  You'll be hormonal and emotional, again not the optimal time to have house guests.  You won't have the energy to cater to a guest in your home, unless your father in law plans on cooking and cleaning for you guys.'s a pandemic right now.  
    Together 2007 | Married 2011 | Me: 36 | DH: 38
    Adopted Furbaby: 2014
    TTC#1 : 1/2016 | IUI #2 - BFP 12/24/16 -- born 9/8/17
    TTC#2: 11/2019 | Dx DOR (AMH 0.3), AMA
    IUI #2 - BFP 7/1/20 -- EDD 3/14/21
  • My mom is staying here to watch our DD (10yo) and our dog, therefore she will be here when we get home with Teddy. The only reason I'm ok with this is she had already been vaccinated against covid. She may stay that 1st day back to help us settle in (she's a nurse and I'm having a c-section) but after that I fully expect she'll go. We haven't discussed any other visitors as nobody else that we know of have been vaccinated. 🤷‍♀️ DH has been very understanding and we've had a few nephews/nieces born during this pandemic already..  we understand the drill, didn't see those babies until they were 6mos or older.
    DD1 - 2010 TTC v2.0
  • My mom will be here to help me watch my son while i heal from the surgery.  We will be allowing visitors because of family politics, but we have told our family to quarantine for 2 weeks and only immediate family ( my stepkids, in laws, dad,  and the babys godparents) will be allowed inside the house.  They will be wearing masks to see baby and gloves plus gowns if they want  tonhold baby. All ofnthese things are non-negotiable. Other people who would like to see him sre more than welcome to drop  food onnour back porch  and see him through the window.
     The first week younwill likely be wanting tondo a lot of skin to skin time  and may not be clothed often. I urge your husband to reconsider this arrangement he has made. 
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