PGAL Check-in 1/12

marebear15

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es).

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 

Previous loss(es)? 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? 

Any appointment updates? 

Rants/Raves/Questions? 

Any milestones coming up? 

GTKY: What's your dream job?

marebear15

I hope it's okay that I started this thread early this week. I saw it's been a few weeks since we had one, and I really need it right now.

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 16 weeks/ June 23rd / 4th pregnancy

Previous loss(es)? one previous loss at 5 weeks

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I haven't posted on this thread before because I felt like my loss was so early compared to a lot of you. However, the past week I've gotten it into my head that I've already lost this baby. I've even Googled 2nd trimester miscarriages and delivery options. I think a lot of of the worry is coming from the fact that I started to feel the baby around 12 weeks, and it increased around 14 weeks, but now I haven't felt anything in 2.5 weeks. With my other two babies (even one with an anterior placenta), I felt them a lot at 16 weeks, and then with my hand around 18 weeks. I also haven't gained any weight in weeks, and usually I start gaining a lot at the beginning of 2nd tri. I just cannot shake this feeling that the baby is already gone.

Any appointment updates? I have an appointment on Thursday, but it's been 5 weeks since my last appointment.

Rants/Raves/Questions? 

Any milestones coming up? No

GTKY: What's your dream job? I love my job right now (proofreader), but I would like to get back into writing when I'm older.

akoros

@marebear15 Thank you for starting! First off, a loss is a loss, yours is no less painful or valid just because it was earlier. I'm sorry you're having anxiety (unsure if that's really the right term). I don't really have much advice as I'm going through similar thoughts right now, so if it helps at all you're not alone. The mantra I've heard before, and trying to use myself, is "today I am pregnant" and leaving it at that. There are so many things you can nitpick to drive yourself crazy, but every pregnancy is different. My mom said that I barely moved, so maybe you've got another lazy one? I'm glad you have an appointment this week, hopefully they'll be able to give you some reassurance. 

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 16 weeks/June 29th/3rd pregnancy, but hopefully first time mom

Previous loss(es)? TFMR Dec 2019, MMC at 15 weeks July 2020

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Physically fine, a bit constipated but that's because of the calcium supplement I started (stopped taking it a few days ago to test the theory and I'm back to normal). Emotionally I guess I'm doing ok, really trying to avoid thinking too much about my appointment tomorrow. I *think* I felt the baby on Saturday night, which made me hopeful and then instantly scared for being "too" excited/hopeful.  Haven't felt anything since, which doesn't really help. I know there's nothing I can do one way or the other: either the baby is there and doing fine, or she's not. We're inching closer to a day when I'll feel comfortable sharing more widely, but I'm still way too scared to feel comfortable enough to really start any planning beyond my next appointment or share the news (even with my boss or close friends, who should know). I feel like if I start to believe this will actually happen it'll just jinx it somehow. 

Any appointment updates? early anatomy scan tomorrow (1/13)

Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave -- cat is eating her Rx food! Ate almost all of what I left her overnight, and went to town on the tuna variety just now. Rant -- work is slow, basically feel like we're in a holding pattern until the inauguration, plus I'm still distracted from last week (appointment tomorrow probably isn't helping) and anxious about this weekend/next week. I need to think up some "busy work" projects to do in the meantime, but have a hard time motivating myself without a set deadline or firm project idea. I already burned through my backburner work and am waiting on comments for that

Any milestones coming up? 16-week appointment. In my last pregnancy that's when we discovered that I'd miscarried

GTKY: What's your dream job? I'm really happy with my job right now (economist/advisor). While I had a few other "dream jobs" as a kid I'm not sure if I'd really be that much happier, but I'd guess something more "science-y". I'd wanted to be a marine biologist, meteorologist, or a microbiologist/epidemiologist (I found viruses/diseases to be fascinating...how timely...but unsure which angle I'd really prefer). For a bit I also wanted to be a travel journalist so I could be paid to travel and write about it, but in retrospect I think I prefer to mostly travel where I want, when I want

_orchid_

@marebear15 thanks for starting this thread! Sending good vibes and hugs to you. I had a 5 weeks loss as well and sometimes feel the same way you do- but a loss is a loss. Once you've had that experience it's hard to not think about it happening again. I try to remind myself about the statistics- odds are everything is ok. Fwiw I am 16 weeks and not feeling movement- I've had a few times when I lay on my right side that I think I feel something, but idk. Ds2's movements were vastly different from DS1's. I first felt ds2 ping at 14 weeks, and felt him maybe 10 times between 14 and 21 weeks, when I started feeling him consistently. He is a much more chill kid than ds1 on the outside too lol. My weight gain has been different this time too- I'm starting heavier but also spending a lot less time sitting/eating bc with 2 kids there always something to do. FX everything is great at your appt tomorrow! 

@akoros yay for kitty! Glad she's eating!! I also am feeling like I should tell my bosses soon too but am feeling anxious about it. I have only told a handful of friends, and not even all my family yet (we're not close). I hope your appointment today is great! It will be so nice to be past that final milestone. I also feel the push/pull of excitement/anxious- it is such a roller coaster. 

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 16+1/ June 29 / 2 living kiddos

Previous loss(es)? 2 at 7 weeks (July 2012, July 2019), 5 weeks March 2020

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?  I'm ok. Feeling anxious about telling people- so far my kids don't know but at some point the 7 y.o. is going to figure it out. I think I'm feeling some gender disappointment too?! It's surprising- I ADORE my boys and have always wanted only boys (my mom was abusive to me growing up and we have no relationship now, so I've never wanted to be a part of another mother/daughter relationship) but now that this is our last I feel a bit sad that I'll never be able to experience a good m/d relationship. My rheumatologist mentioned my losses might be sex determined - maybe my body shuts down female embryos- and that makes me feel sad. Physically feeling ok though, much better than I did during my pregnancy with ds2 so that's a win. 

Any appointment updates? MFM next week for my first fetal echo. 

Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm supposed to go back to work in person next week so I'm spending this week trying to figure out what my schedule will be! I'll be waking up much earlier in the morning which makes me grumpy already LOL. 

Any milestones coming up? Nope! Although a lot of uncharted territory since this will be the first round going through it with my high risk stuff.

GTKY: What's your dream job? I live it! Children's librarian. Books saved my life as a kid (see abusive/neglectful parent above) and I really don't know where I'd be if I didn't have that escape and hope growing up. I love that I can connect kids to stories, and that I can get even reluctant readers interested in a person or real event or story. 

laurad75

@marebear15 I'm glad you started the thread and I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now.  Hoping you have a good appt on Thursday to calm your nerves.  

@_orchid_ I can imagine your toxic relationship with your mother has done a number on you emotionally.  I hope you don't take your rheumatologists comment to suggest you may have somehow sabotaged those pregnancies.  

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?  16+4 today/ June 23/ DS is 2

Previous loss(es)? 3 previous losses 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I had a good OB appt yesterday and heard a strong heartbeat so I'm doing well today.

Any appointment updates?  It will be another 4 weeks until my next appt which is also the AS.  I have a whole new set of anxiety leading up to that.  At our AS with DS we discovered that his left kidney did not develop and was just a mass of cysts.  It was very scary and while everything turned out to be fine they had to prepare me that this could be problematic.  I ended up having an amnio that day and the next several weeks were terrifying.  Knowing that H won't be able to come to the scan next month I really need it to be totally boring and normal.  

Rants/Raves/Questions?  I'm getting my haircut today and then going bra shopping!  Wheeee!

Any milestones coming up?  Anatomy Scan on Feb 9

GTKY: What's your dream job?  A publishing editor.  I wish it was my job to read and market books.  I suppose it still can be...

marebear15

Thank you ladies for your kind words! By yesterday, I was feeling rather calm about my appointment, and even a little excited. Baby was moving around tons on the ultrasound, and we even found out the sex! Team blue this time! Just wanted to thank everyone for not dismissing my concerns and for encouraging me.