Hello all! (BFP, Loss mentioned)

knottie0b1fe0060d7963c6

Hi everyone, just wanted to introduce myself I guess. I'm a 28yo with no glaring fertility issues... Except that my husband and I had been TTC for over a year without a single pregnancy (and a few months of NTNP ahead of that even).

I installed the bump app in October when we got our first BFP after over a year of trying... And then experienced an early MC exactly 5 days later (the day I was scheduled to go get bloodwork done). I've never experienced heartbreak like that. I passively read a few message boards, and allowed myself to really feel it for a few days... Working from home has been a blessing in that sense, if I needed to I could block off a bit of time in my calendar to go have a good cry. My hubby was very sad as well, but so supportive and lovely. 

We have taken the break our doctor recommended - just until after I got my first "real" AF, since it was such an early miscarriage, and this is our first month of TTC again. All of the emotion, the anticipation, and the sadness and anxiety is coming flooding back as my expected period is looming over me, due to arrive in 3 days. We had our first fertility specialist consultation last week... And I received the news that I have slightly DOR. The doctor didn't seemed overly concerned, and emphasized the slightly in the diagnosis, but it is EATING away at me. We've been married for 5.5 years, and waited to start TTC until we had our careers more established, and had purchased a house. And the "what ifs" are coming in strong.

Anyways. This is super rambly but I just wanted to say hi, and that I'm planning to actively participate in this area of the forum going forward - it seems like it might be the right place. These kind of things are so hard to talk about with friends and family (we haven't), so I think it will be good to be able to communicate with others going through similar things. 

hithertorue

Hello. Welcome to the community. I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. It is so hard. I hope speaking about it here helps to lift some of the weight and burden of it. I know that this board has been my place to let it all out and I have found that to be a big help. Also, as you start with your fertility clinic, many of us here have gone through many of the tests and procedures that you might be headed towards, so always open to answering any questions or providing guidance on things to ask. I hope the what if's of it all start to fade, and hopefully you will have a BFP to put it out of your mind totally in the future.

 Welcome and looking forward to getting to know you.

dutchessmom

Hello! I'm sorry for all your struggles.
Take it from someone a lot older than you, "what ifs" can be applied to everything and help to nothing.
-ex: what if I was a better student in school, I'd get a better job sooner, start ttc sooner etc. 
It is a mentality that trying to go in the past to fix problems you have in the present, and of course I know you realise that this can't happen, what happens is you spend time, energy and mental capacity on thinking those things. I'm not saying is easy to get rid of them, I am saying you need to find a tool to deal with them when they arise. Some mechanisms can be to ignore the feeling and try to do something unrelated (not really the best option but whatever works for you), acceptance meditation is a good idea, yoga etc. 

Good luck with everything!

isabelherna

Welcome OP and I truly hope you graduate quickly from this part of the forum.