TTCAL w/o 12/21

bumblebee0210

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage, selective termination due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Questions?

GTKY: Any goals/resolutions for the new year?

bumblebee0210

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. . 2 mmcs, most recently twins in Sep 2020

Status:  TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? OK-- I think I was very impatient after my mc to get pregnant again *right away*, and that didn't happen so I am trying to get myself off of the roller coaster and into more "long-term" thinking (ie not planning everything with like "If I am KU then X, if not then Y")

Any testing coming up/any recent results?  Nope

Questions?  Do we still want a weekly thread? It is a ghost town around here this morning, which I hope means you are all doing fun holiday things!

GTKY: Any goals/resolutions for the new year? I've started running a little (in December, in New England, because I am a sadist?), and I would like to keep that up without putting too much pressure on it. I have a good strength training habit but cardio/endurance often falls off the wagon. 

emeraldcity1214

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es). second trimester loss Dec 2018 and CP Nov 2020. 

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well?  Right now everything is going good. It looks like ovulation isn’t going to be delayed which is nice. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nothing right now. 

Questions? None

GTKY: Any goals/resolutions for the new year? I plan to get more organized. Get a good rotating cleaning schedule going and just a daily schedule in general. 

@bumblebee0210 I do like the weekly thread. I feel like if we dropped it to a monthly it would get lost. 

sienna221

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC - October 2020...and then whatever last week was. Still TBD.

Status: Hormones resetting are no joke right now  I feel extreme anger and sadness. At least, I’m blaming it on my hormones readjusting for now. Could just be how I’m feeling after everything.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Just the normal fine until I’m not. Another good friend told me she was pregnant. I’m trying to work through all that internally because I hate that I just feel jealousy and resentment, when I know I should be happy for them. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Should be getting the lab results back this week from my D&C last week and find out if it was a new pregnancy or retained matter.

Questions? I know this was a discussion I had with some of you a month or so ago, but, being the control freak I am and having the memory of a goldfish, I’m trying to have some sort of idea of  how long it will take my Hcg to fall to 0. I was around 1060 at the time of the D&C Thursday. Any thoughts or what was your past experience? Hard for me because I didn’t have my Hcg tracked up or down after October’s MMC so don’t know what I topped out at. 

GTKY: Any goals/resolutions for the new year? I want to start cooking more. Also got out of a rhythm of working out the last couple months and want to get back in the 4x a week habit. 

@bumblebee0210 you are a sadist running in the NE winters! I’m there with you with the mind set of getting pregnant right away. It’s hard to not feel that way but I also want to get out of that thinking. I’m also 34 so I have extreme feelings about this ticking clock

@emeraldcity1214 so happy you have O day coming up! And I agree on a weekly thread still being nice. 

bumblebee0210

@sienna221  There is a big range of "normal" in terms of hcg dropping. For most people (let's call it "good normal"), it falls very quickly (exponentially). I think typical, based on my own experience and others here, is that it will be low enough to ovulate (<30 or so) in two weeks or so. You will probably ovulate with some hcg still in your system (like maybe enough for a faint line on a sensitive test), and then it will fall to actual zero closer to AF. Most people who return to fertility quickly don't have their hcg tested regularly, so it's hard to know specifics. Different doctors seem to also have different thresholds for when it's "close enough".  My hcg was at 18 on my day 3 testing, so CD3 after my first post-mc period. It was low enough to have a normal cycle, but not actually zero. 

There are some people (I was one of them on my first mc) for whom it falls very slowly. I think it's rare for it to stop falling all together if there is no retained product, but it can take up to a few months. This is what happened to me the first time (it took around 3 months to get a period). I mention this not to freak you out, but just to say that I was totally fine, there was nothing wrong with me and I didn't need any interventions, it just took a while. It was very frustrating at the time, but in the scheme of things was not that consequential. But the people I have seen move through this board typically ovulate within 3-4 weeks post-MC, and get a period 2 weeks later. That's also what happened with me this time around.  

emeraldcity1214

@sienna221 For me, with my second tri loss I delivered her and then ended up with a D&E because the placenta was hanging on and wouldn’t budge. I bled for roughly 2 weeks and ovulated 3 days or so after the bleeding stopped. I’m pretty sure it was CD18. With my CP (not the same as what you’re going through) my HCG was still present after the first day of bleeding and then I tested negative. So it was quick but that is expected with a CP. 

It also depends on the individual. I know some women have waited a much longer time for their HCG to drop. @bumblebee0210 did a great job of explaining it. 

fitzfizz

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. TFMR at 22 weeks June 2020, CP Nov 2020

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with and/or what is going well? Taking a month off was very much needed for my sanity. I had been doing great about not worrying about this cycle and just enjoying Christmas until an out of the blue announcement yesterday and now I am feeling very antsy again. I realize it is completely illogical, but we are now the only couple in either family (not counting my 23 year old single brother) not currently pregnant and with no kids. I am having serious FOMO and just feeling generally left behind. The comment from my brother in law yesterday about “I know mom and dad had been really wanting a grandchild” gutted me. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No testing or results, but with my second COVID vaccine being almost a week before ovulation and the current guidelines saying it should be fine while pregnant, I am confidently unbenching us for next cycle. 

Questions? Nope, but to answer above, I like the weekly idea, I think it was just slower currently with the holidays. 

GTKY: Any goals/resolutions for the new year? Just the standard recover from the holidays eating better etc haha

@bumblebee0210 Running in New England in December sounds awful! I am very much a fair weather runner. I run on the treadmill unless it is between 55-75 degrees outside. Today it is 43 degrees and I’m way to lazy for that. And I definitely get feeling impatient. I’m feeling the same way now so I can be no help. 

@emeraldcity1214 I’m glad it looks like everything is on schedule for you this month. One less thing to kick you when you are down after a loss. I have tried a cleaning schedule before and never even listed a full week. I wish you the best! 

@sienna221 Given what happened (and sorry if I missed it, I had been avoiding the bump while trying to keep my mind off TTC the last week) are they planning to track your HCG to zero this time? And I definitely can sympathize with jealousy and resentment! I know I should be happy for my brother and sister in law since it took them 2 years and multiple rounds of IVF, but somehow I just am not happy for them, only jealous. I have definitely become bitter, and I don’t like that about myself. But yeah, you are not alone in not being able to be easily happy for people. 

emeraldcity1214

@fitzfizz I was just thinking about you. I’m glad the time off has been good. I’m sorry you had an emotional time around family with all the comments and reminders. Does your parents know y’all are TTC? Have you shared about your loss? I don’t share things like that with my mom (although we haven’t spoken in 2 years) because she makes inappropriate comments and I have to defend myself and my choices. I do share with my MIL who is much more supportive than my real mom. I called her a few days after I realized I lost this last pregnancy and she had all the right things to say and just listened to me cry. She also called every day for a few days just to check on me. Having that kind of support outside of your husband is a good thing. I’m not sure if your mom would be one to give that. Maybe a close friend? 

bumblebee0210

@fitzfizz Don't feel like you have to apologize for stepping away for a bit. It's often really helpful for mental health to step off the roller coaster for a bit. 

thoughts on jealousy, etc in spoiler, because it mentions living children

I'm sorry you're feeling left behind. It's totally reasonable given what you've gone through this year. I felt this way a lot as I creeped up on a year of trying for my first, and pregnancies abounded around me. My sister-in-law also got pregnant after 2 years of trying, IVF, etc and I had complicated feelings about it. She lost that pregnancy, and I was devastated for her, and for myself. Two months later, we were both pregnant, and expecting at the same time. Both babies were carried to term, and the cousins are now 18 months old. 

I definitely *don't* mean this is as a "don't worry! your bfp is right around the corner!" or a "you're healthy you conceived before and you will conceive again!"  I am not a fortune teller and I don't know what is in store for you or your body. It is very likely you will conceive again soon, but once you've been the exception to statistics it is hard to take much comfort in "very likely".

Here is what I do know: it won't always be like this. Right now, she is pregnant, and you are not and that sucks. It sucks even more because you *should* have a baby but you don't. So feel your feelings for sure, it is wildly unfair. But it will not always feel like it feels now. Life is a weird roller coaster. 

[end of long-winded internet stranger rant] 

sienna221

@fitzfizz Yes, they are tracking my Hcg down to zero this time but I won’t go in for the first draw until after the new year. So being the crazy “need to know now” person I am, I had to ask. And the antsy feeling is so relatable for me. I feel it all the time!

hope everyone enjoys the holidays! 

keikilove