PGAL 12/7

emeraldcity1214

This is a check in for those of us who are experiencing pregnancy after a loss (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, stillbirth, child loss, to name a few). Hopefully we can all lend support to each other through the hormone filled craziness that is pregnancy!

Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread. 

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

4. When is your next appointment? 

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? 

BourbonBiscuits

Thank you for starting this @emeraldcity1214

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  TB says 3 weeks. No milestones until 10 weeks

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? I got pretty nauseous last night, but other than that have just been gassy and bloated in the evenings and extra tired. I also have some hormonal lightheadedness that's new.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Ehh I go back and forth. Some days I feel good. Most days I just can't connect to this pregnancy. I'm sure I'll be anxious for a long time.

4. When is your next appointment? 1/5

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  I'm irritated that I'm not coming in earlier than 1/5. My loss was a MMC at the first (10 week) appt that resulted in a D&C in July. My check up was perfect but then I started having significant heavy bleeding and my doctor wouldn't bring me in for an ultrasound. Put me on progesterone which didn't stop the bleeding. So then I ended up in the ER in October and had a second D&C shortly thereafter. When I was in the ER there was talk of a hysterectomy because they just couldn't figure out what was wrong. As it turns out it was pretty textbook RPOC, but I had to beg for an ultrasound after the ER visit to confirm that. I just wish maternal anxiety was valued as much as maternal physical wellbeing. 

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/dessert? My mom used to make this amazing cracker toffee that we make every year now. I could eat it all day every day and never get tired of it.

emeraldcity1214

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  3 weeks and a few days  

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? My symptoms aren’t sticking around. They come and go randomly through the day. I had heartburn before I tested positive, slight queasiness here and there, cramping. I cramp more when I nurse my 13 month old. Which isn’t unusual for me. 

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Right now I’m calm. I will get more anxious as I get closer to the first US. 

4. When is your next appointment? I haven’t made one yet. I’m planning to call today. 

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  I walked outside to this morning to take my puppy out and my nose hairs didn’t freeze. It’s a pleasant 20 degrees outside and looking to warm up to almost 30 today. Which means I’m calling my friend to see if she wants to take all the kids and play outside this afternoon. Maybe hit the hill behind her house to sled some. 

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? We make a crockpot stuffing that is delicious. I take advantage of any holiday that it is acceptable to cook it. 

emeraldcity1214

@BourbonBiscuits I’m sorry your provider didn’t listen to you last time. That’s so frustrating and terrifying at the same time. What is RPOC? 

BourbonBiscuits

@emeraldcity1214 frozen nose hairs has me ROLLING.

RPOC is retained products of conception - it just kept holding on and my body kept trying to flush everything and it wasn't working. So I had some scarring too that they were able to scrape with the second D&C. 

ladyk127

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  5 weeks and 1 day - no milestones yet.  My first loss was a blighted ovum found at 8 weeks.  I had a natural miscarriage two weeks later that I regret.  Never doing that again.  The miscarriage I had after that was at 6w3d.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?  They come and go.  Sometimes my boobs are a little sore, and then they're not.  I don't have much of an appetite but I wouldn't say I'm nauseated. Just nothing really taste good.  I do have some lightheadedness that I've never experienced before in any of my five pregnancies.  

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?  I'm on and off anxious.  I feel better anxiety wise when I feel worse physically.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I had my son in 2014 with no issues.  Easy to make, easy to bake.  Then had two miscarriages and then had my daughter so I've had a healthy pregnancy since my two losses and try to remind myself that everything is *probably* fine.. But of course it's hard.  It doesn't help that this baby is due the same day (August 8th) as my second lost baby.  It's making me feel weird.

4. When is your next appointment? My next appt will be my first appt on Dec 28th.  So the Monday after Christmas.  

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  Good news is, my husband got a clean bill of health this week at his check up (he is in remission - he was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in 2016) So we are really happy about that!  January will be four years post chemo and that is a big milestone.  One more year to being considered cured.  Today is also our 7th wedding anniversary!  

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? I love mashed potatoes.  Christmas Eve is usually at my brother's house and his wife's mother is from Maine (almost Canada Maine..) and grew up on a potato farm and makes the BEST mashed potatoes.  

ladyk127

@BourbonBiscuits The same thing happened to my mother with her first loss (before me) and she was very very sick because of it.  It seems like something common they would be checking for.. that is mind boggling.  I wish we could get earlier ultrasounds!  The anxiety is horrible!

@emeraldcity1214 Crockpot stuffing sounds amazing and I can't think of a time that wouldn't be appropriate to have it.

BourbonBiscuits

@ladyk127 it was terrible - like I was soaking a super plus tampon AND an overnight pad in seconds. I literally had one of DD's overnight diapers inside my underwear when I got to the ER. Which in hindsight is kind of funny, but it was unequivocally not funny at the time. It can cause serious problems, so I'm happy they were able to sort it out, even if it took wayyyyy too long.

emeraldcity1214

@ladyk127 That’s awesome that your husband is in remission. I hope it stays that way! I also feel better when my symptoms are worse. Of course, then I complain. 🤪

TCUFrog08

@BourbonBiscuits. So I had RPOC after a miscarriage. I took the pill in late July, didn't start passing till August, ended up with a DnC in late September. My OB was amazing the entire way. We waited till my HGC dropped below 5 (took forever), then had the DnC. My OB said this has happened to her once before. She said my body just didn't Miscarriage correctly. I lost a lot of blood over the few months leading up the DnC. They said I had a rare placenta Nodular left behind. 

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  Currently 5 W 1 D based on Ovulation maybe 5 W 2

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Not many symptoms at all and that is what is making me nervous. I am in a really bad mood and getting very snippy with my 4 year old. 

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? High Anxiety.

4. When is your next appointment? December 23rd 

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)   Dear Diary, Please let this little on stick. I am nervous beyond belief and ready to enjoy this pregnancy. 

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? My moms chocolate brownie bars. She has Alzheimers, so she doesn't make them anymore. But it is one of my favorite memories of Christmas as a kid. 

BourbonBiscuits

@TCUFrog08 ugh hate that you experienced this too. I was too far along to take the pill, which kind of sucked. 

Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for a sticky little bean for you! 

ashleyhj29

Hi Ladies!
I am 2 years into IVF and this is my 5th transfer which is finally working!

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  Currently 5w4d, I transferred on 11/18

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Not many symptoms at all and that is what is making me nervous. Some minor cramping, tired around 2pm, moody, constipated, sore-ish boobs..all come and go throughout the day

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? High Anxiety.

4. When is your next appointment? Thursday, 12.10 @ 5w6d...My last transfer was ectopic so my US is early to make sure it's implanted properly. My hcg beta numbers show it should be fine, but better safe than sorry!

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Dear Diary, Please let this be the baby we bring home. Please give me ways to alleviate my anxiety. I am so nervous for the other shoe to drop...I really want to enjoy being pregnant. 

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/dessert? I LOVE champagne haha but since this will be a sober holiday, I guess I can truly enjoy our Feast of the 7 Fishes on Xmas Eve. 

ladyk127

@ashleyhj29 Anxiety is so difficult to control.  I was seeing a therapist before COVID and she always told me to focus on the facts.  Part of the problem with anxiety is worrying about things that haven't happened yet in this particular situation.  So focus on the facts.  If your numbers were good, focus on that.  You're feeling symptoms, so focus on that.  Those are all things that mean you are pregnant.  Everything that is happening to you is normal.  Also a fact.  When you feel yourself getting caught up in the anxiety, focus on something around you to bring you  back to the moment.  Pick a color and count all the things in the room that you can see that are that color.  
I miss therapy!
What time is your appt on Thursday?

doodlemom131

Hi Ladies, very happy to be here again. 

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  5w5d, no milestones yet.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Huge appetite and some dizziness, pretty much the same as my previous. 

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Generally okay. Last time I found out my baby might sick at 13 weeks, and had a D&E at 17 weeks. Until my first ultrasound I'll be on edge. 

4. When is your next appointment? First blood draw tomorrow and first in person with my GP next week. 

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  I'm doing a winemaking program and bottled my final project today! Very excited to drink all the bottles in 9 months. People at work keep asking me what I've been drinking lately and its so hard to lie!

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? I'm not huge into Christmas. Stuffing is great though. 

mamabirdlonging

How far along are you? Any milestones? 

5w 6d. No milestones 

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

Very mild nausea. I get intense/debilitating nausea with my healthy pregnancies, so the fact that it hasn't kicked in yet has me terrified. Usually it would start today or tomorrow. The only pregnancy that it didn't was my MC.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

Very worried about the lack of nausea. Encouraged that I've had no bleeding. Trips to the bathroom are an anxiety nightmare.

4. When is your next appointment? 

28th. They offered me an earlier one, but said we may not see a fetal pole. This would just stress me out more since it's exactly what happened with my MC only I had to wait for weeks for the D&C having repeat ultrasounds and bloodwork. I also declined a third beta. Waiting for the results was too stressful and I'm already on progesterone so there's nothing they can do if the numbers are not ideal anyway except wait. My doubling time was 95 hrs. Not great. I am just going to try to let go of control.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  I am bothered by the lack of compassion at my OBs office. Why does it always feel like you are out on your own in early pregnancy. For me it's the hardest time between symptoms and miscarriage risk. 

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? Trifle! I'm British. So a big wobbly one with jello and custard with rainbow sprinkles. I usually make a fancy one too that's boozy, without the jello with some fruit and nuts on top.

ashleyhj29

@ladyk127 Thank you SO much for the advice! I will definitely try that! 

My appt is tomorrow at 2:45p ET. 

BourbonBiscuits

@mamabirdlonging I feel the same way about the lack of early prenatal care - there needs to be just as much maternal mental healthcare as there is physical healthcare. It's frustrating, and I'm so sorry you're experiencing it too. I also feel you on the stressful bathroom trips. Every time I wipe I feel like I have to take a deep breath before I look

emeraldcity1214

@mamabirdlonging I have been having a lot of CM and I keep rushing to the bathroom to make sure I’m not bleeding. I also took a test yesterday afternoon and the line was lighter. So I started freaking out. Then I remembered I have been drinking a ton of water because I was cramping a ton the other day. So that could have easily diluted everything causing the line to lighten. I took another this morning just to confirm the line is still dark, which it is but I will compare once it dries. I won’t be taking anymore tests though. The anxiety and stress I got from yesterday was just too much. 

bobbyflies2020

@emeraldcity1214 Hello from TTGP land! I am still waiting for my beta to confirm that I am pregnant, but just wanted to pop in and say I can relate to a lot of this. I am rooting for you all as we all balance getting excited and also being cautious. I will be posting more after my blood test, but just wanted to say hello. 

emeraldcity1214

@bobbyflies2020 Congratulations!!!! I am so happy for you! I will be praying your betas look great and you can get settled in over here. 😁 

ladyk127

@emeraldcity1214 I have one test left and I'm afraid to take it (but I'm doing to anyway lol) because if it's lighter I'll get upset.
@BourbonBiscuits Going to the bathroom right now is the worst of my anxiety.  

mamabirdlonging

Well, the nausea finally kicked in. I'm taking that as a good sign as it is just as miserable as with all my healthy pregnancies.

mrspants0809

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  

I am 4w today  

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?

I feel good overall. With my first I didn’t get symptoms until 6 ish weeks.  With my last pregnancy that ended in a mmc, I had vertigo/dizziness starting the day of my missed period and it didn’t stop until (looking back - it was right around when it had stopped growing/heartbeat stopped).  I did get an upset stomach from lunch yesterday and I have been extremely tired.  

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?

It comes and goes. I have a better gut feeling about this one than the last pregnancy so I’m hoping it’s right.

4. When is your next appointment? 

I should get a call to schedule it on Monday.  My MFM is great at getting women in as often as they need for anxiety reassurance.  I should go in around 6 weeks for a dating ultrasound and then I’ll want to go in again around 8 weeks.  

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  I am trying to not compare past pregnancies but I’m nervous this one will be like the last. We did genetic testing and found out that the baby had 3 of every chromosome (instead of 2) so wouldn’t have been viable no matter what we did.  I just feel like I’ve seen a lot more of the not great side of everything and it’s hard to be optimistic the whole time (like I was with my first). 

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert?  

I love making a full turkey dinner and in the past made one every month from October-February/March each year. I don’t think I’ll make one for December because nausea.  I like just about all Christmas treats. 

grogu

I think I go here now...

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  3w and a few days?

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? None. 
I'm a POAS addict and took a wondfo this am and I thought I saw something so I used a frer and it is clearly positive. 

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I am cautiously optimistic, part of me thinks the positives are from my MMC in November but I had negatives for over a week and half so I am hoping this is real.

4. When is your next appointment? I had a follow up US for Jan 13th for after my MMC so I'll likely keep that and I'll call next week to see my dr.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  
I know my dr isn't going to be impressed that we didn't wait a cycle but the only reason she gave me is that it makes dating easier.
Sorry, I'm not losing a month so it's easier for you...

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert?  My mum makes the best butter tarts in all the land.

Panaceia

Joining in if that's ok...

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?  3w2d. No milestones yet. I had 2 MMCs at 14 weeks and 10 weeks between my 2 girls and a chemical in September. Just hoping this is a healthy viable pregnancy this time!

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Fine. I had HG with both my girls that lasted up until delivery but it doesn't normally kick in until closer to 6 weeks for me 

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Super stressed. I'm trying to focus on other things. I was a mess my entire pregnancy with my 18 month old so I'm hoping this time will be better...but I know I'll be a disaster until I get past the first US and NIPT.

4. When is your next appointment? Haven't booked it yet. I'll probably hijack DD2's 18 month shots appointment on January 4th.

5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  

Nothing today but I just got my bfp yesterday so I'm sure I'll have more in the coming weeks:)

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/desert? I'm celiac so most things are off the table. I love fresh berries mixed with sour cream and sugar.

thereisalight

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
3w+5d. If I get to Thursday then that will put me past my CP in October.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
I’ve been struggling to decide what’s coming from the progesterone I’m on and what’s from the pregnancy, it’s still so early. I’ve been crampy, which makes me nervous... but nothing painful. Every now and then my stomach is off as well, which I’ll take as a good sign!

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
I go back and forth. My beta at 11 dpo was 35, so I’m just really hoping when I go tomorrow at 14 dpo it will continue to get nice and high. I’m trying to remind myself I’ve had 3 successful pregnancies and focus on that, not the losses.

4. When is your next appointment?
I go in tomorrow for another test of my levels.

5. Rants/raves/whatever
I’m ready to be out of limbo with this. I just want to be excited without having all of the worry. We’d love to tell our kids on Christmas if we get that far, but I’m nervous that we wouldn’t have an US or be far enough along for a heartbeat by then. We told them earlier this year on Easter and then later that day lost the baby. I don’t want to do that to them again.

6. GTKY: What’s your favorite Christmas dish/dessert?
I usually make Belgian waffles, but I’m thinking maybe cinnamon rolls this year.

mrspants0809

@thereisalight I hope you get good news and this is your take home baby. 

With my last pregnancy (my mmc) I was obsessed with cinnamon rolls. 

thereisalight

@mrspants0809  thank you!! I will update tomorrow.

Yes, I definitely feel like that’s what will hit the spot!

Panaceia

Anyone else stressing out over how dark their lines are? I'm 11dpo today and I think I spent most of today obsessing over whether or not today's line shows enough progression from yesterday...

thereisalight

@Panaceia I’ve been comparing progression lines. I keep looking randomly to see if it’s as dark as I thought, not as dark, darker? Etc. Absolutely obsessed over here as well, I know I should stop, but can’t!

grogu

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️
Me!
I'm calling to request bloodwork tomorrow because I don't know if it's hormones from my MMC in November or from a new pregnancy.
I'm crossing everything that it's real. 

thereisalight

@baby_yoda1986 fingers crossed for you that this is your rainbow! 🤞🏻🤞🏻

lrynwnab

@Panaceia I took an embarrassing number of tests prior to my HCG draws. Even though the common thought is that it is strongest first thing in the morning, that was not the case for me. It was lighter in morning than at midday. 

emily1052

@Panaceia yes!  It’s not helping the PGAL anxiety.  Hope yours are progressing nicely! 

Panaceia

Thanks guys! I'm so glad I'm not alone! My lines look to be progressing well but I won't believe it until I see a heartbeat. I have 4 more frer and 3 cb digis...and I will definitely use them all up but refuse to buy more once they're gone!

grogu

My first beta was only 11 so now I don't know what to think. I'm only 11dpo though so hopefully it doubles by tomorrow 🤞🤞🤞 
I'm a giant ball of anxiety today.

ashleyhj29

Ladies...I had a miscarriage this morning. Started spotting red last night, no cramps, but when I woke up this morning I felt a gush and I passed some tissue. My US showed a completely empty uterus...just days after seeing a heartbeat. Doing IVF, it was a genetically normal embryo...not sure why this would happen?
We found out it was a girl and my doctor confirmed that what I passed was the sac. I didn't have any pain or cramping. Such a bummer....

grogu

@ashleyhj29 I am so so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and take time to feel all the feelings. 

BourbonBiscuits

I'm so sorry @ashleyhj29. Sending you light and love

surrenderdorothy

Oh, I am so heartbroken for you @ashleyhj29. Sending you love.

emeraldcity1214

@ashleyhj29 I’m so sorry for your loss. 

Ladies, can you please start a new PGAL thread. I get notifications every time someone posts on this thread. Thanks!