Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

First missed miscarriage and guilt

I’m 21 and found out I was pregnant in September. I was shocked and scared but the mother instincts came naturally. I soon became excited after it all sunk in. At 6 weeks the baby had a strong heart beat and I felt so confident that a miscarriage would be so slim after a confirmed heartbeat. At my 9 week check up my doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat and then it was confirmed I had a missed miscarriage. Everyone keeps telling me it wasn’t my fault and it’s super common and they’re here for me. But I feel so alone. Not only am I so sad and depressed but I feel a suffocating amount of guilt and anxiety. The doctor determined I miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks and all I can do is think about what happened during that time. I keep thinking maybe I was too anxious or stressed or too active or that I had too much sex or rough sex and caused it. How can I stop feeling this guilt and stop blaming myself? Sorry I know this is heavy i just feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to that understands. 

Re: First missed miscarriage and guilt

  • I am so sorry for your loss, miscarriages' are truly devastating and you need to give yourself time to grieve. I understand the guilt. It is almost impossible not to wonder what you could have done differently, and if it would have made a difference. And having said that, everyone telling you it is not your fault is spot on. There is nothing you did to cause this, nor anything you could have done to prevent it. Please do your best to give yourself time to grieve and heal. I also hope you can find someone to talk to about these heavy feelings; your partner, parents or a friend. Having that support can really help as you try and process all these emotions. 
  • Thank you so much for your kind words. I have a D&C scheduled for Monday the 16th and I think after that I’ll be able to process all my emotions better. It’s all still so fresh and my mind is all over the place. I talked to a therapist today but I think finding a therapist that specializes in miscarriage and loss would help more. 
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  • Finding a therapist that you can actually connect with is SUPER important!  I know I went through several before I found mine, when I went through depression and anxiety from RPL.  Also, keep in mind that right now you're still experiencing all of the crazy PG hormones.  It will make your highs higher and your lows lower and you will still feel extra emotional, which really sucks when you're going through a loss.  :disappointed:   So just be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to work through everything physically AND emotionally/mentally.

    Melody Pond GIF
  • It gets a little easier to process once your hormones reset to 0. Right now, your body is still working to crank them out. I had a NMC at 10w...while I still mourn and still hurt almost 2 years, and a successful pregnancy later, I was able to heal once it was over. 
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