Another Boy :(

westcost

Found out I am having another boy (this will be my 3rd boy and last child). 

My feelings are all over the place and honestly pretty dark right now. 

When I gave birth to my 2nd boy I remember closing my eyes and praying for a girl. Secretly consoling myself as I held my new baby. It was a very awful moment for me. 

 This time I found out the gender and just feeling super sad and negative. I hate the fact that I will just have to get over never having a girl. 

I am not looking to be lectured or told how amazing boys are and any baby is a blessing. 

I am hoping that by writing this out I will just feel less hopeless, less angry at the world.

aisukurimsarang

You are not alone. Gender disappointment is a normal part of being pregnant. Just like not every woman finds pregnancy to be the best experience ever, some women feel sad, disappointed, and angry over the sex of their child. Anyone who tells you otherwise can FO and Step On A Lego. This is your last baby, and you may even mourn the lost chance to have a little girl. Whatever you feel right now is the right response for you. It doesn't mean you won't love your baby less. It doesn't mean you're a bad mother. And you definitely shouldn't be lectured over it. 

And three boys?! I'm facing the same likely situation. It terrifies me. I know I'll be upset and disappointed if they tell me this baby is another boy, even as I'm thrilled and happy he's healthy and strong. 

I would talk to someone if you notice the disappointment hanging around for very long, or if, as time goes by, you don't feel yourself bonding with baby. But, for now, just accept your feelings and let yourself be sad, angry, disappointed... Whatever you feel. 

bumpitup

I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. I think deep down I had the same feelings when my first son was born. I'm the youngest of four girls, so all I know is sisters. My whole life I dreamed of having sisters...but my husband and I are pretty sure we only want two children, so when he was born those dreams were crushed. We'll either have brothers, or brother-sister. Not having a brother, I can't understand the relationship between a brother and sister, and honestly, part of me would rather have two boys than a boy and a girl. 

We didn't find out gender the first time around, but we will this time because either way, I want time to process before the baby is born. 

forevertired

@westcost I’m so sorry you got disappointing news. I was so disappointed when I found out my first was a boy, and it threw me off because before I heard “it’s a boy” I was convinced I didn’t care either way. As they said the words though it was suddenly hard to hold back tears through the rest of the ultrasound. Then over the following days as I told friends, I couldn’t even say it myself. My husband had to share the news. At the time I was also pretty sure we were one and done. I love my son and he’s awesome and blah blah blah I know you know all of that. Just know you’re not alone and it’s ok to feel disappointed.

kadeephd

I was also disappointed when my first was a boy, and I will be again if this one is.  It's OK to mourn the little girl you won't get, but know you'll still love the little boy you will get.  I know it's not fashionable to care much about the sex but you can't help how you feel.

rexnie

I just wanted to say I'm so impressed by the kindness of the responses here. It can be easy to fall into snarky territory online, especially while we are just starting to get to know each other. 

You guys are awesome!


I didn't think I cared at all this time around, but I did find myself holding my breath when the genetic counselor called with my NIPT results. My son is 100% the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm so excited to give him a brother! I'm also sad at the possibility of never having a daughter. I'm doing my best to accept these feelings for what they are, process them, and move forward with our growing family.

mamabee1113

I go back and forth on waiting to find out gender because of this. Gender disappointment is such a real thing.. be gentle with yourself. You are allowed to mourn the fact that you will not get the daughter you wished to have. You are allowed to feel what you feel, and those feeling are especially amplified thanks to hormones so let them out! 

A close friend of mine and my SIL both had big feeling about their second-borns. One got a second girl when she desperately wanted a boy, and one got a boy when she never wanted boys at all. Both now love their children more than life and wouldn't change a thing. 

I am very nervous about this baby (my second) being another boy because I'd like a girl. Even though I know I'd love another boy with all my heart, I will feel a certain degree of disappointment. I am constantly wondering if it'd be better to find out now and be able to process the disappointment, but potentially have it negatively affect my excitement through the pregnancy, or wait until birth and deal with disappointment (or joy!) then..

Give yourself time, I'm sure the excitement will build before too long.   

runsoncoffee

I, too, dealt with disappointment when finding out my third was a boy. I love my boys so much and can't imagine life without any of them but wanted a daughter so desperately. Hugs to you, its ok to mourn the daughter you won't have and still be thankful for a healthy baby boy.
@mamabee1113 just want to share with you that I was team green with my third (third boy) and I had a pretty tough time postpartum dealing with those feelings. I cried so much between the disappointment and guilt and could never share those feelings with anyone because it just feels awful to say when your baby is here. You know what's best for you but we are choosing to find out this time so I'll have time to deal with whatever feelings I have prior and get excited for meeting baby. 

mamabee1113

@runsoncoffee thank you for that! I'm really wavering on waiting because I'm really not sure how much it matters yet. Like, will I just be a little disappointed because we're likely not done and may have another, or will it crush me with it potentially being the last?
I know I really really want a daughter, but with us likely adopting after #2, will I be okay if my only daughter is my adopted one? Idk.. such odd feelings to make sense of when you know ultimately you'll love all of your children.

theletlers

@westcost it seems many other mommas here have said words that I’d just repeat. I also want to say how great it is that you felt secure enough to be honest about this with all of us. Just know you’ve got a support here for whatever you’re feeling now through April and then onward. 

When I got pregnant with my first child my husband and I had been in a rough spot. A few months before we’d even had an honest talk about splitting up because it was simple to do without children. And then we got pregnant. And I honestly think a major contributor to our problems was the emotional toll of trying to conceive for the three years prior, but nonetheless after a day of telling everyone, I called one of my oldest friends and I broke down. I just cried and grieved the loss of the life I’d been planning in my head of being on my own without any commitment to anyone. A lot has changed since then and I love my kids with my whole heart, but giving myself the permission to be sad was helpful.
Give yourself the graciousness to know it’s okay to be upset. Life doesn’t always give us what we want and it’s okay to feel sad or angry or disappointed by it. Just don’t let it consume you for too long. Lots of love and compassion for you while you process this. 

theblondebump

So many kind words have already been said, but I just want to echo it all and send you hugs! I would feel the exact same way. Please vent whenever you feel the need!

bbrahmbhatt

So many wonderful and supportive comments have already been said, so I won't repeat. This community is really just so fantastic; I am so happy that we are all in this together and are supporting each other in all the feelings we might be having.