Sorry if you already talked about this - I haven't been keeping up, but question for STMs. At what point do you start sleeping on your side, and how do you know? I've always been a back sleeper and its really hard to get comfortable on my side. I even got a new mattress, the softest one I could but its still tough on my shoulders and hip. I'm 15w5d, not bumpin' yet. I go to sleep on my side, wake up on my back and worry that its harming LO. Any advice?
@lizalovespasha I actually was at the doctor today for my 14 week check up and asked the same. She said second trimester is when you start, but she honestly didn’t seem too concerned. She said I would know if I was on my back and something was wrong. You feel dizzy. I told her I go to sleep on my side and wake up on my back and she said not to worry about it too much to just do my best. Hope that helps put your mind at ease.
@lizalovespasha I also use a body pillow or just a regular pillow and wedge it under the right side of my back so even if I rollover on my back I’m not fully flat on my back. If that makes sense.
@lizalovespasha im the exact same as you. Im 15 weeks today not bumping yet either and i cant get comfortable if i don't sleep on my back. I've always been a back sleeper. We got a new mattress too and that doesn't help as I still wake up on my back. I try to sleep on my sides but it aches my shoulder and arms etc and is really uncomfortable. I always worry im harming LO too.
@lizalovespasha I remember one during my last pregnancy time waking up on my stomach somewhere in the 17 week range lol whoops.
If you aren’t totally comfortable on your side you could always get a wedge pillow under your back to take the weight off your stomach a bit. Idk how long you’ll get away with that but it could extend your back sleeping time. I have the boppy wedge pillow (like 15$) that works well.
@_orchid_, we have no a/c so I’ll probably aim for short sleeves and stuff on the days with a heat wave. Already dreading it. When my DS was 4 weeks, we went to Italy and it was SO hot there and no a/c. I spent the entire time worrying about him overheating. He pretty much only wore a diaper and a swaddle most of the day unless we went out.
You will naturally move to your side when you need to. As I get more pregnant if I roll on my back in my sleep I’ll get super sick or my feet and sometimes my legs or my hands will go super numb.
I'm normally a belly sleeper, but that's getting uncomfortable...and sleeping on my side (my normal second choice) makes my hip hurt after a while, so I wind up on my back. My hand also tends to go numb on my side because of carpal or ulnar tunnel. Not sure what to do about this
@akoros do you have wrist braces? I had CT with both pregnancies and those helped a lot for sleep. Totally echoing everyone who said you will naturally stop sleeping on your back as baby gets bigger. I kind of have a nest of pillows on my side of the bed to prop under all parts of me to help with side and hip pain. Sleeping with a pillow between my knees/legs helps with my hip pain immensely.
@_orchid_ I do, I need to find it. The ulnar nerve thing started with my last pregnancy and never quite stopped, but both were pretty bad last night (probably because I knitted a bunch). Will try a pillow under my legs tonight
@_orchid_@kristah2 the pillow helped, thanks! I do need to get used to it, but at least my hip didn't hurt as badly. I was Allah able to dig up my brace. The other night my hand wasn't just numb, but aching, which is what woke me up. I have a bad habit of contorting my hand/ wrist and then lying on it, which I'm pretty sure is what aggravates the mild CP/UP. The brace keeps me from doing that.
@akoros that's exactly what I do with my wrists- I curl them up when I sleep on my side so the braces help to keep them straight. Unfortunately I've found the further I get in pregnancy the worse my CT gets so I wear the braces on and off throughout the day too. I don't have issues with CT non-pregnant. I typically sleep with the pillow between the knees for a few months postpartum too as everything shifts back to where it started (or as close as it will get!)
@akoros & @_orchid_ I also curl my wrists up when sleeping on my side. I had pretty bad CT with DD but I never wore a brace. I might look into one this time.
I try super hard to sleep on my sides. I am normally a side sleeper but my hips hurt so bad at night that I wake up on my back every morning.
So...where exactly do you start to feel kicks? I just felt 4 or 5 short vibrations just below my belly button (each a couple seconds long, over the course of maybe 10 minutes). We just ate massive, greasy sandwiches for dinner, so it could maybe be digestion, but I've never felt something like this before. It feels like my cat purring (she's not right now, and also lying further down on my legs). That said, seems kind of high to be anything baby related. I'm also only 15+4, so pretty early...
@akoros that’s exactly where I felt my first kicks and around the same time. It feels (to me) a lot like you’re describing. At this point your uterus should be pretty high up close to your belly button...at least above your pubic bone now.
I’ve felt a few flutters but cannot wait until it’s more regular 🥰
Thanks, @mc0303! I never felt this before, wasn't quite expecting it so early but I think in my prior pregnancies I had an anterior placenta (plus I didn't really get beyond this week). I'm very nervous about my scan next week, so hoping this is what I think it is!
@akoros same as @_orchid_ for me. At my 14 week Appt, my uterus was already at my belly button so it’s totally possible that’s baby!! That’s where I’ve been feeling it.
What is everyone doing about bras? I can only find one of my nursing bras from my when I was pregnant with DS and my regular bras don't fit. Who has recommendations for inexpensive bras to wear while my boobs continue to grow? I'm annoyed that all the Motherhood Maternity stores (at least near me) have closed. I need to try bras on before wearing them. I have a small frame but I'm spilling out of my C cups.
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
@laurad75 I think that Macy’s still carries the motherhood maternity line. I would check there or target if you are looking for something inexpensive. Or maybe VS.
I don't have any maternity bras yet, but have been wearing the lounge bra from ThirdLove. I had them pre-prenancy so I could feel comfortable, but more secure than totally bra-less, when wearing my pjs around the house (I'm normally a D cup, so it's a little awkward when I don't have a bra on). That said, I haven't grown too much yet, maybe 1/2 cup, so my normal bras are mostly still fitting me for now.
FFSC: I never stopped wearing my nursing bras after I stopped nursing DD in July 2019 . I had implants before my first pregnancy that did not fare well so my boobs are basically just trashed until I can get them redone when I am done with nursing.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
I'm pretty much to the point where even my sports bras are too small. I ordered one of the motherhood nursing bras online just to try, was a bit nervous about it due to fit. I'm normally a 34C and ordered a medium which fits fine, but may order a couple more in a large as I don't have much room to grow right now in it! I also had good luck with a Jockey bra (not maternity) I got from Target in store, its basically like a sports bra without any support but looks normal under a shirt, has plenty of stretch and solid cups but no underwire or anything. Oh, I did notice target has maternity bras too so you could probably at least try on there.
@akoros my uterus is up to my belly button too as of my appointment on Friday (16 weeks), my OB said it gets bigger and higher faster in subsequent pregnancies and I am very short waisted. I bet if it’s a feeling you’ve never had before that is what it is! I feel flutters at night in my lower abdomen like I have a fish swimming around in there.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@legallykate Interesting, thank you! I do have a short torso. Last time I think the doctor said it was about an inch or two below my belly button at 16 weeks (however, at that point we hadn't yet realized that I'd miscarried the prior week, so I'm not sure if that was more of a "week 15" position). Then again this is my third pregnancy so maybe things are moving a bit faster.
@laurad75 I ordered some from Hotmilk, they seem to run small. I ordered one a size up and another two sizes up, the two sizes up is already too small. It isn’t the end of the world since I know I will wear them again on the way back down on the other side of pregnancy, but now I need to find more for this pregnancy. I think my favorite one is still one from my first pregnancy from Target.
@laurad75 I had a series of wire free bras from Target with DD. This time around I got a lounge bra from Kindred Bravely, which while pricier is the most comfy thing ever. I look forward to tossing my money at them later for nursing bras and! a nursing bra that also has a layer for pumping so you don’t have to switch
@laurad75 check out target. They have some reasonably priced nursing bras that seem to grow with you some.
speaking of target, they had these preggie pops that were helping me feel better.....the last few weeks I cannot find them on their shelf! They are always sold out 😭😫
In a conversation with some friends last night (some of the very few who know I'm pregnant) they asked me about a shower, and I had no idea what to tell them. Everyone has been very patient, and will defer to whatever I want, but I honestly don't know what that is. As I'm now past the 20-week mark, meaning that we're going to start telling more people, this is going to come up again so I'm wrestling with my answer.
This going to be a long one, as there are a few angles tied up in this, so putting it in a spoiler. **TW** Losses will be mentioned (but no details)
First off, any opinions I state here are purely regarding a baby shower for myself. I know many who feel very differently, and I don't judge that at all. I also feel very differently about showers that I give for someone else rather than one thrown for me. I love throwing them, and have helped to throw showers for multiple friends and cousins (which is also why they're now naturally asking about it). I also generally like attending, the only one I wasn't that into was my SIL's, which was mostly because I didn't really know anyone and walked in during a game of pregnancy charades where I was instantly told it was my turn and had to act out "being in labor". My overall favorite part is just the party/socialization aspect: getting to chill out and talk to people (one-on-one) I may not have seen recently, eating good food, and just being happy.
As the recipient, I still like the same socialization aspect (talking to people, eating food, celebrating), and in a normal time is why I'd just bite the bullet and go along with a shower as I do really enjoy that part. Gifts, while very much appreciated, are down at the bottom of the list. As happy as I am to buy things for other people, I'm inherently uncomfortable asking for gifts myself and feel super awkward about it. We're very fortunate to be financially stable, and able to buy whatever we'd need. I also hate being the center of attention. I can let it go and just try to enjoy the rest, but it's definitely something that stresses me out.
Enter COVID. I'm absolutely not comfortable having an in-person gathering at this time. I don't feel it's safe for me, and with family and friends scattered across the country any celebration would require travel for multiple attendees which would also endanger them. If something drastically changes in a few months that's one thing, but I'm skeptical that it would be safe enough to do any sort of gathering like this until at least late fall, if not later. A virtual shower is an option, and one that's been brought up to me a few times, but just doesn't sound appealing at all to me. It essentially removes what I like best about a shower and focuses on the parts I like the least. My mother also doesn't understand the concept of a small gathering, she wants to invite everyone. On a Zoom call, this isn't really a great experience for anyone. Not to mention it makes me feel like I'm just doing it to get gifts out of people, which already makes me super uncomfortable. Just thinking about it gets me all tense and pre-emptively exhausted, but also like a brat. How spoiled am I that I'm whining about this?
On top of it all, this pregnancy has been part of a very long, difficult road involving two losses (the first of which most don't know about). While you'd think that would make me want to sing it from the rooftops, the idea of celebrating is freaking me out and just doesn't feel right. It's hard to explain, and something that not many people really understand. I'm scared. I know it's not rational, but I can't shake the feeling that by celebrating I'll curse this pregnancy and lose it, like I have the others. It also makes me sad. It makes me think of the babies who didn't make it, and how they deserved better. It also makes me sad that I can't feel purely happy and excited, without a strong undercurrent of fear and apprehension -- this baby deserves better. Overall there's a big part of me that just wants to hide until she (hopefully) arrives.
Which leads me to my debate...do I just skip a shower? Will I regret it if I do? Despite laying out all the reasons above for why I hesitate to have one, I'm very conflicted about it. This baby deserves to be celebrated, and I know there are people who genuinely want to celebrate. It's also one of those "live event/rite of passage" things, and not just for me. I'm an only child, so I'm my mother's only shot at having a grandchild's shower.
I'm debating some good "in lieu of" options, like perhaps a meet & greet over the holidays (again, if safe) or doing a bigger 1st birthday celebration instead, but don't know if that would really be quite the same. Anyways, thanks for reading. I must be riding some hormones, as just thinking about all this has had me upset all day.
@akoros it’s a tough choice. The biggest concern for me would be covid and the in person gathering. It’s not something I would be doing right now (but we’re also in lock down as a single family household). If you decide you’re okay with covid and guidelines then having a small shower could be wonderful as a way to celebrate but intimately.
That said you need to do what’s right for you. I had a baby shower on my first. It was just what I wanted except my mother in law came in from away for it and made it horrible and I cried for hours after. I didn’t have one on my second and now I won’t on my third. That said I would have regretted it if I didn’t on my first. Right now with covid and also trying to buy a house if things are under control by the summer I might have a house warming / meet and greet for the baby.
You need to do what you are comfortable with when it comes to safety and mental health. If you choose to have one be a part of the planning so you can control guest list and games and that sort of thing so there is no surprises and you can choose to have something intimate or large based on your preference.
You will make the right decision for you and your family.
I have had 2 losses (at 21 weeks and at 4 weeks). I was terrified my entire pregnancy with DD, even when all the tests and ultrasounds were coming back perfectly, I always had a fear I would loose her too. I wouldn’t let dh even start on her room until I think 32 weeks and we also didn’t buy anything until around then as well. Even at 38 weeks I was still terrified that something would happen. I’m also terrified this pregnancy but I’m trying to be more calm. I even announced on social media today.
I didn’t want a baby shower, I’m just not a fan of showers or sitting around having everyone look at me while I open presents, and also see I’m spoiler above. DH convinced me that I should have one to celebrate the baby so I agreed. Like you, we didn’t really need gifts as we were financially comfortable buying everything ourselves (and I’m super picky but that is a whole different rant). I did make 2 registries for discounts and some people bought off of those. Overall, it wasn’t a bad day, it was nice getting together with friends and family.
With covid going on, I would personally not be comfortable having an in-person baby shower before June. I’m also not really a fan of the zoom parties. I have seen some people/friends on social media doing drive by showers but if you have friends and family all over the country than that probably wouldn’t work. I like your idea of either doing a party around the holidays or a big first birthday.
@akoros It’s not an ideal situation by any means, this all sucks for first time moms for so many reasons, this one included. I will say that I went to a Zoom baby shower last weekend that was actually a lot of fun, I think if you have a friend you can trust to plan something really fun and not awkward that’s a decent option. The reason this one was better than many zoom functions is the hostess had everyone send in a short video beforehand saying hi to the mom and baby and giving advice/well wishes and then just played that for everyone at the beginning, so it is something nice for the mom to have forever, and people didn’t have to awkwardly intro themselves on zoom. Then we broke into teams and played Family Feud but with all baby categories - that many not be doable if you have a super large group, but it was a lot of fun for this ~30 person shower. So I would just say don’t totally discount the idea and maybe with some creativity it could be something memorable and fun to mark the huge life event. I don’t think normal etiquette rules apply these days so don’t feel like you have to awkwardly open gifts or do anything you don’t want to do!
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@akoros I echo your thoughts on baby showers. I’ve been asked several times if I was having one and I always say not sure. It’s the same reason why I never had a bridal shower either. And with zoom calls it’s even worse because people can’t mingle and have side conversations, all the focus will be on me. 😳 I have fun attending these events for someone else though!
@akoros I have a couple of thoughts. I was very uncomfortable with a big shower with ds1 due to pgal fears and a lot of drama that happened with my bridal shower bw my mom and MIL (over effing pasta salad of all things). They never talked again after my bridal shower. They ended up hosting two different baby showers for me, and then my friends had one too... And also coworkers. It made it easier for my pgal brain that the groups were small, more natural to the groups I spent time with anyway, and it was more enjoyable. Could you do small zoom get-togethers with the people you want? That way you get to talk and relax with the people you would in person. Mom's friends, DH'S family, your family, your friends. You could invite your mom to all of them too so she gets the experience as well. And then see how the holidays are for meet and greet or first bday.
I also don't like asking for gifts, but LOVE giving them, especially for babies. I always check for people's registries bc I'd rather get them something they want vs whatever I pick out. Make a registry, don't make a huge deal of it, but let a few ppl know it's out there.
I've been having similar thoughts on a Shower as more people have been asking. I think we'll do zoom with family as they're mostly out if state anyway, but I'm not planning to have one locally or zoom at this point with friends. I'm not comfortable in person with covid and I don't want to do a big zoom one. I have been setting up a registry so it's out there if anyone wants to get us a gift like @_orchid_ mentioned doing (and to keep myself organized for things we need to buy!).
Thanks all! I appreciate you letting me vent a bit. As it is my husband wants to punt until next month or April for when we tell people (not a big announcement, more than anything it's telling our mothers they don't have to keep it a secret), so I have a bit more time to think on it before more questions come up. For my close friends I may tell them to do whatever they're comfortable with (they mentioned a small Zoom, drive-by, or whatever we can manage with the 4 of us). I know my mother envisioned some massive party (this is why I wound up with a big, traditional bridal shower -- which was actually fun, I drank a ton of wine to forget the uncomfortable part), which is not feasible right now, so I think for her I may suggest something post-birth when it's safer for everyone.
I am planning to put together a registry, if for no other reason than there are discounts and such. If someone wants to look for it that's great, but not at all necessary. Earlier today I started on my shopping spreadsheet (the step before the registry), which probably also added to my PGAL anxiety.
Any advice on maternity shoot outfits? I’m terrible at dressing us in a fashion coordinated way, so I need to start early! We’re planning on late March and cherry blossoms. Any ideas on colors, styles, etc for me, DH, and DS (2yo) would be greatly appreciated!
Re: The Great Big Questions Thread
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
Totally echoing everyone who said you will naturally stop sleeping on your back as baby gets bigger. I kind of have a nest of pillows on my side of the bed to prop under all parts of me to help with side and hip pain. Sleeping with a pillow between my knees/legs helps with my hip pain immensely.
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
speaking of target, they had these preggie pops that were helping me feel better.....the last few weeks I cannot find them on their shelf! They are always sold out 😭😫
This going to be a long one, as there are a few angles tied up in this, so putting it in a spoiler. **TW** Losses will be mentioned (but no details)
As the recipient, I still like the same socialization aspect (talking to people, eating food, celebrating), and in a normal time is why I'd just bite the bullet and go along with a shower as I do really enjoy that part. Gifts, while very much appreciated, are down at the bottom of the list. As happy as I am to buy things for other people, I'm inherently uncomfortable asking for gifts myself and feel super awkward about it. We're very fortunate to be financially stable, and able to buy whatever we'd need. I also hate being the center of attention. I can let it go and just try to enjoy the rest, but it's definitely something that stresses me out.
Enter COVID. I'm absolutely not comfortable having an in-person gathering at this time. I don't feel it's safe for me, and with family and friends scattered across the country any celebration would require travel for multiple attendees which would also endanger them. If something drastically changes in a few months that's one thing, but I'm skeptical that it would be safe enough to do any sort of gathering like this until at least late fall, if not later. A virtual shower is an option, and one that's been brought up to me a few times, but just doesn't sound appealing at all to me. It essentially removes what I like best about a shower and focuses on the parts I like the least. My mother also doesn't understand the concept of a small gathering, she wants to invite everyone. On a Zoom call, this isn't really a great experience for anyone. Not to mention it makes me feel like I'm just doing it to get gifts out of people, which already makes me super uncomfortable. Just thinking about it gets me all tense and pre-emptively exhausted, but also like a brat. How spoiled am I that I'm whining about this?
On top of it all, this pregnancy has been part of a very long, difficult road involving two losses (the first of which most don't know about). While you'd think that would make me want to sing it from the rooftops, the idea of celebrating is freaking me out and just doesn't feel right. It's hard to explain, and something that not many people really understand. I'm scared. I know it's not rational, but I can't shake the feeling that by celebrating I'll curse this pregnancy and lose it, like I have the others. It also makes me sad. It makes me think of the babies who didn't make it, and how they deserved better. It also makes me sad that I can't feel purely happy and excited, without a strong undercurrent of fear and apprehension -- this baby deserves better. Overall there's a big part of me that just wants to hide until she (hopefully) arrives.
Which leads me to my debate...do I just skip a shower? Will I regret it if I do? Despite laying out all the reasons above for why I hesitate to have one, I'm very conflicted about it. This baby deserves to be celebrated, and I know there are people who genuinely want to celebrate. It's also one of those "live event/rite of passage" things, and not just for me. I'm an only child, so I'm my mother's only shot at having a grandchild's shower.
I'm debating some good "in lieu of" options, like perhaps a meet & greet over the holidays (again, if safe) or doing a bigger 1st birthday celebration instead, but don't know if that would really be quite the same. Anyways, thanks for reading. I must be riding some hormones, as just thinking about all this has had me upset all day.
TW
I didn’t want a baby shower, I’m just not a fan of showers or sitting around having everyone look at me while I open presents, and also see I’m spoiler above. DH convinced me that I should have one to celebrate the baby so I agreed. Like you, we didn’t really need gifts as we were financially comfortable buying everything ourselves (and I’m super picky but that is a whole different rant). I did make 2 registries for discounts and some people bought off of those. Overall, it wasn’t a bad day, it was nice getting together with friends and family.
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
I also don't like asking for gifts, but LOVE giving them, especially for babies. I always check for people's registries bc I'd rather get them something they want vs whatever I pick out. Make a registry, don't make a huge deal of it, but let a few ppl know it's out there.
I am planning to put together a registry, if for no other reason than there are discounts and such. If someone wants to look for it that's great, but not at all necessary. Earlier today I started on my shopping spreadsheet (the step before the registry), which probably also added to my PGAL anxiety.