Weekly Randoms 10/5-10/11

inthewoods23

*lurking*
Might I suggest a different TB board that's available?

acleverusername

@_orchid_ +1 to TTC 6+months. I'm not in the TFAS threads since we're trying for #1, so I don't know about all these feelings. But I do feel envy pangs when I realize folks who've been here less than 3 months, whom I was just starting to get to know in the Dailies, have moved on to BMB. 

acleverusername

Random: eating asparagus during POAS phase of your cycle is just a bad idea. 🤣

ashaislurking

@inthewoods23 I see you lurking and appreciate the suggestion. Unfortunately, many of the other boards (Trouble TTC, Trouble TTC a Sibling, etc.) aren't active. Recent posts, if there are any, have little to no engagement. TTGP seems to be the most active TTC board and I'm definitely not opposed to considering opening up a new thread for those of us who may not be in the IF category or don't feel comfortable participating in the IF threads but are still struggling with certain topics surrounding TTC/TFAS for a longer period of time. This wouldn't necessarily need to be a weekly thread, though it could be. I might suggest maybe starting out with a monthly thread and seeing how engagement goes.

fitzfizz

Related to above: I think a TTC 6+ thread is a good idea. I hope people would still participate sometimes in the dailies (because I like the community aspect of it) but I can see why you may not want to. I haven’t been here nearly as long as many of you and I already get the feelings of jealousy and FOMO when people move on quickly. 

Unrelated and totally random: If you ever need genetic testing done and have any choice in the matter, I would like to formally NOT recommend GeneDx. The delays and “random” paperwork errors that are “totally random and we never have this” seem to happen an awful lot. Spoiler alert, we will definitely not have the final round of results before FW which I was hoping for. Ugh. End rant. 

bows22

Trust me, I know what it feels like to not want to do the dailies every day. But it’s totally fine to only do the dailies on days you feel like it, and otherwise participating in the other threads like GTKYs, etc. There’s definitely no expectation to post in the dailies every day. What would people talk about on a TTC 6 months thread that couldn’t be talked about other places? I’m honestly asking. I’ve been TTC for almost 2 years and while it can be tiring to keep meeting new people, I rarely see things in the dailies that are triggering. I think most new people who commit to the dailies have lurked and get it. So I’m just trying to understand, because the board isn’t that active as it is so I’d hate to see even less participation. 

_orchid_

@inthewoods23 thanks for posting that! I didn't know that board was there. I might jump in over there as well. 

@bows22 I do like the dailies and getting to know new people. I like the mix of new and old posters I liked getting the daily updates about things going on in people's lives. For me I felt like I was editing my own posts bc I feel like such a Debbie Downer. I felt like especially once I hit the year mark I lost a lot of hope and I didn't want to bring that negative energy to a post where new posters are still so hopeful. Maybe this belongs more in the mental health check in instead of an additional new thread.

krash_

I do find myself editing or censoring myself in the dailies to not be a total kill joy. I don’t want to make someone feel bad for having only been TTC for 2 cycles because no one knows what their journey will look like, I certainly didn’t think I’d be here, but I also can’t relate to comments about wanting to test early or resisting the urge anymore, you lose that after about cycle 6 or 7. 

ashaislurking

I personally have a hard time figuring out where I'm at with TTC. Like, it's clearly taken a while and now I'm struggling with possible progesterone stuff and it's just hard to kind of be in the middle where I'm not quite IF but I'm also not just TTC at this point either. I don't know. I agree that I don't want to see less participation overall but I feel like there's this middle ground that's getting lost a bit. 

daisy528

Random, but I wanted to share this. I mentioned in the TWW thread yesterday I was going to go spruce up my mother's parent's grave for her. 
*TW LC

My kids and I went up, and did all the edging/weed pulling/etc. At the end, I took a picture of the kids sitting in front of the grave to send to my mom. I snapped the photo, and looked down and saw this crazy rainbow wrapping around my kids. It was such a surreal feeling, but made me feel like my grandparents (who passed away before meeting my kids) were there with us.

(I blocked out my kids face and grandparents names just for privacy reasons and I will probably delete this picture later ) <poof>

photographerwife

I agree that having a board for TTC +6 or so might be a good idea. I know my participation Isn’t as high as it used to be when I was potentially going to be KU at any cycle versus now, with one tube, and no IF diagnosis but also into my 16th month of TTC. It’s hard on my heart to see people come and go so often in the dallies, though I still like to post there! And TTCAL digs up too many old emotions to want to participate in all of the time. I have similar feelings to what others have said about not feeling like I always have a place on the board, being in between. I don’t participate as regularly because if it. Maybe a monthly board would be something to try! 

ashaislurking

@photographerwife I'm definitely with you on that and I'm here for you if you ever need to talk feelings. Clearly I'm not at all opposed to trying out a monthly thread for that kind of in between group if that's what we decide to do. The emotions kind of suck some days, and I know it's not an obligation to always participate in the dailies but I also don't like seeing people who have been here for a while get lost in the shuffle.

keikilove

I really feel for everyone who sometimes wonders where they belong in this board. I remember that distinctly odd feeling when it started to become clear that I had a problem. I wasn’t sure whether the IF thread was right because we weren’t yet sure what the issue was. A TTC 6+months seems like a happy medium for those who are feeling out of place. That being said, I agree with @bows22 about the Dailies: they used to be the busiest part of this board. More participation there (or overall) would be great. As @inthewoods23 once commented, “If you read the thread you should participate in it” or something along those lines...

Also, just wanted to add that there aren’t any rules about starting or posting a new thread. There seem to be enough people here that would like to see it happen. I’m happy to take a stab at it, but those of you who are directly involved may know much better what you’d like to see there. Shoutout to @krash_ for bravely venting about personal feelings that others here could identify with. It seems to have done some good for the group.💗

ETA correct tag. 

acleverusername

The thing I've been thinking about also it is that this group prides itself on being inclusive for all. If some of you who've been TTCing for 12+ months if under 35; 6+ months if over 35 don't feel like IF thread is the right place to post, then what can we do with the IF thread to make it more open/welcoming? But still also would definitely support a monthly TTC 6+ months thread. Do we want to start one for October?

photographerwife

@acleverusername I don’t think that the IF thread is unwelcoming at all. In fact, I read it regularly. But I don’t feel like my situation is appropriate atm to join IF, just for the sake of being sensitive to others with a diagnosis, undergoing treatment... etc. I think there are similarities in ttc long term and in IF. But I do feel like the people going through treatments should have a safe space too, without me griping about my lost tube. 

TW: LC, loss

With having one successful pregnancy and a pregnancy after 6 months of trying that ended in an ectopic loss, I technically don’t have IF yet, and I don’t want to seem like my experiences that have cause me to ttc long term are comparable to someone who may be struggling with a diagnosis. 

acleverusername

@photographerwife a lost tube is still a factor in infertility (even though your functioning tube can theoretically catch an egg from either ovary). I know what you mean, though, about giving folks who are going through treatments a safe space. I just want to say that I started participating in IF thread when we started getting tested / and when my RE appointment was only scheduled (at that point, we were in our 6th month of TTC). I have to admit that it was a little ominous to be among people who were going through ERs or FETs. I did have some feelings that I shouldn't be complaining/it's still early for me. But, what I've since realized is that an infertility journey can be a long one. Just because you are at the beginning of it, doesn't make it less daunting than if you're in the middle or end of it. 

Reading the IF thread is definitely a learning experience; but being an active participant is where you truly get the value.