Silver Linings

mamasnek

It helps me deal to think of bonuses to having a hard time conceiving. Post your own ideas, too!

–Our children will know how badly they were wanted.
–Can totally pull the "I had to give myself shots so you could be born" card when they don't want their shots as kids.
–Can razz them as teenagers/adults for being late to everything, even several years late to their own birth.

somewhereinnyc

Great idea! For me: 

-a bit of control over baby’s birthday and when pregnancy happens from ivf
-I suppose lower chance of “oopsies” pregnancy when we are done having babies
-living in nyc actually paid off in this regard (insurance has to cover ivf by law)
-forced me and my husband to enjoy the first 1.5 years of our marriage alone- we now have 1 baby and I’m pregnant off an embryo transfer (bad morning sickness) and we can’t just go on vacation or on a date like we used to
-i know how mentally tough I am after a round of ivf, 3 transfers, miscarrying 3 babies.. 

MooDaly

I’ve been keeping a journal that tracks the “funny” moments. I keep telling people that I was surprised at how something as somber and serious as Infertility could have so many moments of humor, joy, and bad jokes.

Here’s the ones that gave me a tickle:

• Our first day of stims, we had a tickets to a Jazz concert to see Stanley Clark (it was great btw). The timing wasn’t great but let me joke about how I could bring my meds to the venue and shoot up in the bathroom (I did not do this. We did them at home and ended up arriving late to the show).
• I was so worked up about the injections that the first night, I ended up taking a Valium to calm me down. The second night, I got cocky. I ended up blacking out during my Menopur shot (that shit buuuurrnnnss) and yelling at my husband to catch me before I collapsed on the floor, mid-injection. There was a lot of shouting and I think I almost stuck him with the needle after I pulled it out. When I finally came to, he said, in the most deadpan voice, “we’re doing the rest of these sitting down.” For some reason, the tone of his voice just made me crack up so hard. It was scary and then really funny.
• The instructions for the trigger shot and ER prep were like 4 pages for me. His instructions were a lot more basic: “wash your penis... with soap. AND wear clean underwear.”  I giggled that they felt they needed to stipulate that soap needed to be used to wash yourself and that your underwear should be clean. 
• One day when we went in for a check up, the clinic was packed! Women everywhere. I texted my husband to ask him, “when you were a teenager and fantasized about being trapped in a room with desperate hormonal women... is this what you meant?” He glared at me and it was great.

On a more sentimental note, I’ve really enjoyed going through this process with DH. I don’t think he really understood what was going on in my brain and a lot of the fear and anxiety that I’ve had leading up to this until he had to live beside me during the misery that was the HSG. When I went in for that test, I think it really clicked with him why I was so hesitant to pursue IVF and how much terror I was feeling over how painful and invasive everything is. He’s come to every appointment with me even the ones during COVID where he has to wait in the car. He been extremely present and loving, even when he’s been stressed about his work. So, I’ve been incredibly thankful for him and I think it’s made our marriage stronger to go through it together.

FuzzyDust

A little late to the party, but here is my list:
- You can't do this without having your partner fully on board to having children - it's like a natural quality control to make sure your partner is ready
- It takes effort, so no accidental or "not trying not preventing" scenarios. Which was a savior for me, as I didn't end up having children with my first husband.
- Great bonding experience with your partner, and making them a part of the process when it comes to pregnancy. All the PIO shorts were done by my husband.
- Timing is somewhat controlled. We can chose to take summer off and attempt to time the delivery date with a specific season.
- As you get older, and eggs quality drops, ability to PGS test gives a better piece of mind, and possibly saves you from extra miscarriages.
- Possible potential of gender-picking
- Bonding experience with friends who also had to go the medicated route to get pregnant (surprisingly, about 50% of families in our friends circle are in that boat)
- In general, a good life story to tell