Adoption
Transracial Adoption
Hi Bump friends..
I am very old Bump member.... I've adopted three kids... and I was active back aorund 2010-2012. My kids are 9, 8, and 6 and they were domestically adopted as infants.
I feel a complete loss with our country right now... if you are contemplating transracial adoption, this is for you.
Adoption is hard. Adoption starts in loss. Transracial adoption is everything I just said times ten. Kids lose their culture and roots. I can't stress how profound this is for your child and for you. My husband and I were socially liberal and involved in racial justice prior to adoption... or so we thought. When you add a child of color to your family, the stakes feel so much higher.
To raise a Black son and to look at the headline stories... it is hard. There is nothing I can do that will prevent my son from being singled out for the color of his skin. I have cried multiple times this week. For the last six years, I've felt like I come up short for him... over and over again. As much as we try to be what he needs, we can not be Black. That will never change. And that is SIGNIFICANT.
I don't know how to prepare parents for transracial adoption. What I do know is the agencies and the lawyers we used say they prepared us... We were not prepared. Our hearts didn't know what it would feel like to have family members fawn over my child but not stand up to racism. My heart didn't know how it would feel or what I'd need to do when my son, at two, was shooed away from a white child because his parents didn't want my son to be playing side by side (note: when they saw I was his mom, they then said "oh... I didn't know whose child this was.. he's yours.. he's so cute".. As if to say, having a white parent makes my child okay now to play with.)
We live in Southern California. We live in a college town. It's extremely liberal. We have lots of friends who are people of color. But it still is hard. Daily.
I wouldn't change a thing... But I ask that you each look internally. How are you reacting to what's happening in this country? Are you just condemning the rioting? Are you reading The Root or other Black publications? If your first reaction was not to stand up for Aubery or Floyd, please reconsider adopting transracially. Your child is going to need you to be strong. Your child is going to need you to speak out. Your child does not need luke warm support... but someone who will lead others and stand strong in convictions.
I am always happy to chat about my experiences as an adoptive mom and as a transracially adoptive mom.
Peace.
I am very old Bump member.... I've adopted three kids... and I was active back aorund 2010-2012. My kids are 9, 8, and 6 and they were domestically adopted as infants.
I feel a complete loss with our country right now... if you are contemplating transracial adoption, this is for you.
Adoption is hard. Adoption starts in loss. Transracial adoption is everything I just said times ten. Kids lose their culture and roots. I can't stress how profound this is for your child and for you. My husband and I were socially liberal and involved in racial justice prior to adoption... or so we thought. When you add a child of color to your family, the stakes feel so much higher.
To raise a Black son and to look at the headline stories... it is hard. There is nothing I can do that will prevent my son from being singled out for the color of his skin. I have cried multiple times this week. For the last six years, I've felt like I come up short for him... over and over again. As much as we try to be what he needs, we can not be Black. That will never change. And that is SIGNIFICANT.
I don't know how to prepare parents for transracial adoption. What I do know is the agencies and the lawyers we used say they prepared us... We were not prepared. Our hearts didn't know what it would feel like to have family members fawn over my child but not stand up to racism. My heart didn't know how it would feel or what I'd need to do when my son, at two, was shooed away from a white child because his parents didn't want my son to be playing side by side (note: when they saw I was his mom, they then said "oh... I didn't know whose child this was.. he's yours.. he's so cute".. As if to say, having a white parent makes my child okay now to play with.)
We live in Southern California. We live in a college town. It's extremely liberal. We have lots of friends who are people of color. But it still is hard. Daily.
I wouldn't change a thing... But I ask that you each look internally. How are you reacting to what's happening in this country? Are you just condemning the rioting? Are you reading The Root or other Black publications? If your first reaction was not to stand up for Aubery or Floyd, please reconsider adopting transracially. Your child is going to need you to be strong. Your child is going to need you to speak out. Your child does not need luke warm support... but someone who will lead others and stand strong in convictions.
I am always happy to chat about my experiences as an adoptive mom and as a transracially adoptive mom.
Peace.