Advice for getting SS excited about new baby

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Hey all,

My 12 year old stepson and I have a great relationship, and I've been a mom figure in his life for over 4 years now. We just told him yesterday that we're expecting (I'm 5w,5d) and while he was happy for us, I could tell he wasn't very excited himself. Does anyone have a large age gap between your kids, and have suggestions for how I can make this transition as smooth and positive for him as possible? Thanks in advance!

awesomenus1341

My kids are 9 years apart- SS is now 12, DS is 3. I will say a 9yo was probably easier to excited than a 12yo in general, but also a 12yo has a better grasp of how a baby may impact his life.  Even with my SS, he was super excited because he wanted siblings at our home, but there was a lot of apprehension about how our lives would change and how that would impact his life (bm basically become uninvolved with almost all of ss activities once she had other babies).

You are only first trimester. I would not expect SS to be super excited at this time, but I would invite him to participate in whatever you have planned during the pregnancy- gender reveals, picking themes for the nursery, maybe a vote on a name or MN, ask if he wants to learn how to swaddle or change a diaper, etc. Talk about how lucky baby will be to have him as a big brother, how excited you are that baby will have *him* as a big brother and how great of a role model he will be. As my belly got bigger and he could feel the baby kicking, he got more excited. 

Some of it too will just have to come with time when the baby gets there. When he realizes that there is room for both of them, that although some changes will occur, it doesn't stop him from doing his own thing, he should ease up some. My 12yo ss is learning that girls think it is really sweet when he is a great big brother, so he proudly shows off ds at football games and invites him to come play with his friends.  

One thing I was not prepared for was the amount of time they would still fight- over toys, over tv shows, over a spot on the couch,  etc.  Apparently the age gap did not escape that aspect of having siblings. 

GL! The age gap can be a challenge for sure, but also has some great rewards!