Sexual frustration — The Bump
1st Trimester

Sexual frustration

I am 10 weeks and 4 days. We tried for 4 months to get pregnant. He was the one who wanted to start trying for our second. This pregnancy has been different than my first. I have more symptoms this time around. 

My husband tries to have sex every chance we're ever alone. And I continually turn him down because I just don't feel great. I stay nauseous and feel biggest at night. He tries to wake up early to provoke and Im just not one to wake up to that. Let me just add, that I don't like to feel "hunted" either, like I'm a piece of meat. 

Well, since practicing social distancing and we are stuck at home with each other and our 2 year old, I feel alot of frustration and resentment brooding. 

Even before getting pregnant, my drive was very low. And if I give in, have sex but im not that into it, he feels that, and he STILL has resentment. 

I just don't know what to do or how to explain, and am at a loss. 

Re: Sexual frustration

  • @capnjackharkness I try to explain but I'm not sure he listens. 
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  • @capnjackharkness I try to explain but I'm not sure he listens. 
    If you are explaining, and he isn't listening then that is something that needs to be addressed.  
  • The first trimester blues are the worst, and he needs to respect that during this time, you are not feeling very sexy. Many therapists and couples counselors will tell you that a woman's biggest sex organ is her brain. If you're not emotionally engaged because you're feeling like garbage, then your husband needs to respect that.

    Speaking from experience, I can tell you that for me, I need a hell of a lot more foreplay than I did pre-pregnancy. It just takes a bit longer to get my motor running so that I'm focusing less on all of those lovely pregnancy things (heightened sense of smell, motion sickness, nausea) and more on the feelings and sensations that bring me pleasure.

    And lastly, sex cannot just be about one partner. You BOTH have to be into it, or it's not going to happen. Period. Like you said, when you're not into, he picks up on that and gets butthurt. So, what can you both do to ensure that you're as into it as he is? Talk it through. And not when you're in the middle of being intimate - have this conversation outside of the bedroom, preferably when your toddler is either napping or occupied so you're less likely to get distracted.
    Me: 37 / DH: 41
    Due with baby #2: Feb 2022

  • I'm almost experiencing the same thing, my libido is down and I just went to the ER for dehydration and severe nausea, I don't feel sexy at all and am ALWAYS nauscious or worried about being sick and nauscious again.

        Maybe you can explain to him what's going on and hopefully after these feeling pass or our bodies adjust to the new hormones maybe it will change.

         The positive side is at least the pregnancy isn't forever, good luck. 
  • I went through the same thing with my previous two pregnancies as I really suffered with morning sickness then. I had to sit him down and really explain what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling and it's not just "dot feel sexy" part, but also I just couldn't with the constant nauseau I was feeling. He understood...second trimester rolled around and my libido shot right back up and it was great till the very end ha. If it's something he refuses to understand then I don't know what to say... 😯 Put it to him this way, " you want me to engage sexually then don't be mad if I start vomitting all over you from the romp" I dunno..maybe that'll out it into perspective. Also, don't give up hope. Second trimester your sex drive usually not only returns, but increases, so maybe tell him that to give him something to look forward to.
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