March 2020 Mental Health Check-In — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

March 2020 Mental Health Check-In

U.S: National Suicide Prevention :  1-800-273-TALK [8255]
Link to Canadian Resources:  https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.  Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in R/R of dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health.  Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports. 

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. 

If you need help getting started, consider filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

How are you feeling?

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)




Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

TTC #1 since 7/2017
Dx: unexplained, low morph

IUI #1-3 | all BFN

IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
"I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
allthingscozy

Re: March 2020 Mental Health Check-In

  • @inthewoods23 love that graphic! Need it today too thanks! 

    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: GAD And Major depressive 

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW 

    How are you feeling? Irritable this process sucks and is confusing and messes with my emotions and thoughts so much! I’m annoyed that I’m struggling with temping and that my cycle while finally back to “normal” is still not “normal”. I’m over Preggo Peggy and regular Peggy’s. I don’t feel I can hold back anymore and just don’t even care enough too. 

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
    I’m back on Cymbalta which is starting to help my anxiety but depressive symptoms need more time to see improvement. Today is just rough. I just want to lay in bed but I can’t. 
    photographerwife
  • @allthingscozy glad you like the pic 🙂 how soon will you see improvement on the depressive symptom front? Hope you see relief soon.


    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: No diagnosis yet, but probably anxiety, maybe some episodes of depression

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO

    How are you feeling? I've been having some really good moments of positive energy over the last week or 2, but the irritability still has its moments. I have my FET in my sights so I think that's something good I'm focusing on instead of everything bothering me.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I have my first therapy appointment on the 12th!! I'm curious to see what she says in just 1 appointment - as in... Is a diagnosis pretty apparent?

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
  • Loading the player...
  • @inthewoods23. Normally for the first appointment, they have some diagnostic questionnaires that you fill out either before or during the appointment.  From your answers to the questions and the conversations, they can generally get an idea of a diagnosis.  (Or at least that is how it worked for me.  I have generalized anxiety and depression, so maybe those are pretty common and easier to diagnose than others).  

    I know with my situation, my therapist talked to me for a couple of appointments.  We decided then that I needed to be on medication, so I had to meet with a psychiatrist for that.  I am not sure if you were thinking about medication, but my therapist was unable to do it (since she wasn't a doctor). I have since gone off medication after coming up with some coping mechanisms that are supposed to help buffer things.  

    Crazy long post, but I am so proud of you for even making the appointment.  It took me so long to get the courage to do it and it made all the difference.  
    babyodo
  • @dobiemom11 that could be the case for me too. When I made the appointment, she never did ask me what for. I had only mentioned via my voicemail message wanting to see a therapist. I know I'll want to talk possibly going on medication and would need to see the psychiatrist they have at the practice for that. So I'm sure the first appointment will be to gauge where I'm at and what she may think is best for me.

    And I know for sure, at least to start, that I want to work on what can help me cope right now at this very moment. I don't want to talk about the past because I just want to move beyond it. I've already recognized that I probably have these skewed thoughts and feelings about life because of how my childhood was so I just want them to stop

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
  • @inthewoods23. Most of the coping mechanisms we worked on are probably things that you already do...eating better, exercising, relaxing hobbies, and meditation.  Also we knew my work was a big stressor and just figured out how to deal with some of that drama. Hopefully your sessions start you on a path with some good "solutions".  (I know mental health is something I will never be rid of, so it can't really be solved. But hopefully you get what I mean?)
  • Super bad mental health night. This chick is messing with my head.  I don;t need to be harassed without ceasing for defending one of our own and defending science. Then to send me PM's ugh WTF I don't think this crap. I don't need to be told to stick only in my board as the reminder of why I am here. I hate this I hate this struggle, I hate my body.  I hate people who blame everyone else and take no accountability for their own actions. I hate I can't out that BS without fear of getting banned.
  • @allthingscozy. Sending love your way!  I know that this whole TTC thing totally screws with your head!  You do all the things right and still end up moving into a new cycle.  It is a rollercoaster of emotions with hope and then frustration and anxiety all rolled into one. Add in some hormones and it is a terrible party!  We support you and know that you are amazing and doing amazing at this process!!

    Plus this girl seems crazy.  I try to avoid the fray, since I just can't handle all the back and forth.  But thank you for standing up for one of our ladies. Hopefully ignoring her will make it so she can't send you more messages (saw a comment about that somewhere else-maybe the random thread).  

    Anywho...you totally got this and hopefully you can have a quiet relaxing evening and finish to the week.  
    allthingscozy
  • @dobiemom11 You are a jewel! Thank you so much! Found the ignore button! Thank you! 


  • I love this too much ❤️❤️

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
    allthingscozy
  • @inthewoods23 love that so comforting and sweet! 
  • I finally have my first therapy appointment this evening and the nerves started to hit me. I'm not sure I'm ready for this!  :#

    My anxiety has been so good up until 15 minutes ago lol. Hope I'm not an anxious mess on the drive there!

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
    allthingscozythe_road_to_ozkeikilove
  • @inthewoods23 you’ve got this! Hoping the nerves and anxiety ease up. 

  • @inthewoods23. I am proud of you.  Hopefully this therapist will be perfect, but just know it can take a few sessions before you get really comfortable.  If you totally hate them, then you can look for someone else.  You totally got this and hopefully this is a good first step towards some real mental health relief.  
  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: diagram anxiety and ptsd. I’m a financial advisor. If you’ve been watching the news you probably have an idea what my week was like. On top of that, I had my first appointment with a RE this week, and then a procedure the next day. We talked a lot about what brought me there, and since the trauma that caused my ptsd was also what caused the damage to my insides... it was triggering. 
    So basically I’m an anxious hot mess spending all day talking people off the ledge. 

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO. 

    How are you feeling? Jittery, exhausted and like sex was the last thing on my mind. But if we don’t conceive naturally this cycle I’ll start clomid next, so... we are trying. 

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I’ve been through so much treatment. I’m okayish now. I’m off all meds, I am usually able to cope. This week was just ... a lot. In a lot of different ways. 
    Chasing that rainbow 🌈 



    inthewoods23photographerwife
  • @the_road_to_oz ❤️❤️ that is a lot for one week but you are doing an amazing job getting through each day! You are strong! You are a warrior!

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
    the_road_to_oz
  • I need to focus on filling my cup. 
    Things like lunch,coffee in the morning they need to be non negotiable. This week I just didn’t get those crucial self care things done. So that’s my goal tomorrow. 



    allthingscozy
  • @the_road_to_oz yes! Self care is so important and it is so easy to put ourselves on the back burner. Just remember that you are worth it! 

    TW loss mentioned and LC mentioned

    I thought I was doing okay but realized I was just numb. I was trying to make believe I had made the pregnancy up in my head. But I know I didn’t. It finally hit me at work tonight and I began crying only minutes before I had to start my first session. I haven’t really slept in over a week because my youngest had a horrible cold and is so overtired that she fights and fights sleep when she wakes up at night.  


    I spoke to my baby and prayed for my baby and now there is no baby. I wanted this baby so much. I feel like it’s my fault. That I drank to much over the weekend before I really knew (1-3 glasses of wine) that I’m too overweight. I blame myself and yet I feel guilty as if I shouldn’t be sad because I barely had this baby while others lose so much later.  


    I’m physically hurting from cramps and low backache but I haven’t started bleeding. I hate this waiting I hate that my body is failing. I hate that I am so exhausted. I hate that I feel I can’t share about this except for a few people because I was “barely pregnant.”  


    I was so anxious all week because I just knew the tests didn’t look right and im so angry and sad that I was right. Maybe if I hoped more and just let them be I would have been fine. I hate that I made my first prenatal appointment yesterday filled with hope only to have to call back and cancel it today. 


    I feel guilty for being so devastated because I have two amazing girls and I know there are some you who still don’t have a single baby. I feel guilty as if I don’t have right to mourn. 


    I just feel like a broken person. Who doesn’t have the energy to go through this. Who has to push it down so I can be a rock to all my clients Andy while shattering inside. 


    Sorry that was long I just needed to get it all out while crying in the bathtub. And I’ll be honest I’ve had a couple glasses  of wine because hey I’m not pregnant anymore so why not right? 

  • Oh @allthingscozy TW LOSS: 

    I am so sorry.. I am holding you in my thoughts tonight because I have felt so many of these same feelings very recently.. you do have the right to mourn this loss. No matter how early, or how “little” this loss is compared to another. You have lost the potential for an entire life and person.. and that is not a little thing. Especially when that person is someone that you have yearned for, for so long, and have tried so hard to bring into existence. This week has been hell for you.. trying to hold on to hope when you already feel there isn’t any... feeing  your body move on... even drinking that glass of wine is a big, hard, devastating step towards moving on.. and I am so sorry. Please do not blame yourself for this. This is the most unfair thing that life can bring you.. I’m sending you so much love.. take all of the time you need. And DO NOT feel guilty for taking time away from your clients if you need to. I’m hear to talk anytime you need it. 

    Me 26, DH 29

    Married Oct. 5th 2013

    DS born Nov. 2017

    TTC #2 June 2019

    Ectopic late Dec. 2019, 

    Rupture and right tube removed Jan 2020.

    allthingscozythe_road_to_oz
  • @intothewoods23 so glad your appointment went well and you like your therapist! sometimes it's hard to find a good therapist right off the bat

    @the_road_to_oz I'm so sorry that this has been such a hard week for you! So much anxiety all around plus the added stress of infertility, which would be more than enough on its own, and then your own anxiety and ptsd on top of that. Sending you lots of hugs. Be kind to yourself!

    As for me, I'm struggling this week *TW* loss mentioned
    This saturday is the 1 year "anniversary" (if you can call it that) of my loss, which was pretty traumatic for me. And on top of that, I just got AF which is just such a painful reminder of everything.  So now I'm hormonal and sad and I've completely abandoned my diet and eating everything lol. I took today and tomorrow off, and hoping I'll be ready to jump back into work by Monday.
    TTC history in spoiler
    Me: 31 Him: 36
    Married: Oct 2015
    Baby G born June 2017
    TTC#2: July 2018
    BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19


    allthingscozy
  • and @allthingscozy
    so sorry for what you're going through. My loss was my second pregnancy, so I know the dichotomy of being grateful for the child you have but still completely heartbroken over what you've lost. And you're allowed to feel all of your feelings. It doesn't matter how long you were pregnant for, you were pregnant. That baby was real. And your love for him/her is real. Take whatever time you need to mourn and move forward whenever you are ready, not according to anyone else's timeline. Please PM me if you wanna chat more!


    TTC history in spoiler
    Me: 31 Him: 36
    Married: Oct 2015
    Baby G born June 2017
    TTC#2: July 2018
    BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19


    allthingscozy
  • @photographerwife and @manillabar I can’t thank you enough for your supportive and kind words. I will grieve and take the time I need.  @manillabar I swear AF is a
    cruel and vile b*tch.. thinking of you and sending you so so many creepy internet hugs. I also abandoned my diet today and may tomorrow as well. 
    manillabar
  • Just checking in on everyone.  
  • I get to have fun in a virtual meeting with my counselor tomorrow! I'm sure it will be interesting lol.

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
  • I am doing a little better. Working from home felt like we got a bit of a groove today. I was able to get some sewing done, and all the "urgent" work things are handled. 
    TW
    My grandpa's funeral is tomorrow.
    So I am sure it will be a hard day. It's also 9DPO, and all three pregnancies (one LC) I did get a positive 9 dpo. 
    End TW

    I don't know how I feel about testing yet. Might wait a few days, especially since this is our last shot for a bit. 



  • @the_road_to_oz thinking about you. Hope everything went okay for you today  <3

    My big takeaway from my session today is to not give others an opening to continue their judgement of me and my choices. When they do, with the right tone and right response I can shut them down because I am who I am and I'm not going to change for them. We talked about some specific examples, but it can apply to any little comment someone makes to me. No tears today  :)  lots of laughs actually.

    Interestingly, both last session and this session have shown how much DH has really helped me understand who I am and has helped me improve my confidence.

    Me: 30 DH:32 | Together since 2007 | Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 | all BFN

    IVF #1 | 6/11/19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 | 9/10/19 | BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    Loss, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet

    FET #2 | Cancelled due to pandemic

    TTGP April Siggy Challenge - Social Distancing

    Ron Swivel Chair GIF  Gfycat
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