I got my very first BFP on 12/25/2018. We conceived naturally and everything looked great at our dating u/s. We even heard a heartbeat and all of my bloodwork came back normal. At 9w5d I had some light brown spotting, late in the day. Since it was after hours on a Friday and I had no active bleeding, I went for an u/s the following Monday where a MMC was diagnosed. Our LO stopped growing at 9w5d. There was no heartbeat. We elected to do a d&c on 2/7 and I took another week to recover at home. We did genetic pathology which came up with no known cause for the miscarriage.
From there, we did a complete workup with an RE. I have been deemed reproductively healthy and MH's SA was positive, as well. I got my second BFP on 4/4/19. We were cautiously optimistic since it was statistically unlikely we would have another loss. At our first u/s we were only able to see the gestational san and yolk sac which was indicating (to me) that there was a problem. My OB was insistent that I didn't know my dates, but I KNEW my dates. 1 week later we returned for a f/u and were SHOCKED to hear a heartbeat and see a fetal pole, although it was measuring 2 weeks behind with a weak HR. My doctor ran bloodwork and my progesterone was 8.1. He put my on oral progesterone and advised me that this was most likely a MC. A week later, our u/s showed 2-days growth and a low HR. This was confirmed by a 2nd opinion. We decided to schedule another d&c for the next Monday. I began to MC at home during the weekend and when I went in on Monday there was about 3cm left, we decided to do the d&c anyway since we wouldn't be able to gauge how much longer the physical part would last. I took the rest of the week to recover, physically.
From there, we had trouble conceiving on our own. Not sure if it was stress getting in the way or something biological, but we decided to do a medicated cycle this January and see what the outcome would be. We did Letrozole + Novarel Trigger with vigilant monitoring via u/s by my RE. I ovulated two 16mm and 15mm eggs. We triggered on 2/11 and I got a BFP on 2/24. On 2/25 Beta was 151 and Progesterone was 32, on 2/27 Betas were 306 and Progesterone was 24.5. I was initially concerned about the decrease in Progesterone, but the nurse told me they were absolutely not concerned. We have an u/s set for tomorrow morning to view the gestational sac.
Since Thursday, my anxiety has sky rocketed. I feel heart palpitations on-and-off through the day and I cannot focus on anything else. I am so worried that something is wrong and that I will lose this pregnancy, like my others. I have no symptoms save for exhaustion and cannot sleep through the night. I have a tightness in my chest that simply will not subside. My therapist says this is all very normal, but I'm really having a lot of trouble coping from one appointment to the next. I feel certain that I will have another MC, but also strangely hopeful that I will not, at the same time. I have tried and failed to channel my nervous energy into something (anything) productive and cannot.
At any rate, I just needed to get this all out in hopes I can move on to something productive for a few hours.
Me: 34 DH: 34
Married: August 2015
TTC since January 2018
MMC: 2/1/19 D&C 2/7/19
MC: 5/9/19 D&C: 5/11/19
Medicated Cycle: 1/31/20
Letrozole + Novarel Trigger