Trying to explain the emotional drain this journey is to new SO who want to TTC

jasmine5236

Hi ladies! Wishing everyone the best here. 

I had five losses with my ex 


****Trigger*****

With ex I somehow managed to have to kids but, I fought preterm labor with both. 

Now my SO wants to try to have a baby  with me. 

I called it quits 5 yrs ago and after greiving and accepting my losses and thanking the stars for the 2 healthy ones I have now.

But, he doesn't get it. He doesn't get that ttc alone is a part time job and he doesn't get the emotional rollercoaster, the waiting game, the triggers, just the emotional crap that we go through to do what feels like it comes so easily to others.  And don't even start me on **the fear** if I were to get pregnant. The PGAL fear. 

He doesn't understand! He doesn't understand the dark days or even years! for a rainbow baby. 

Ladies, I'm asking my fellow sisters to help me paint the real picture for him. 

My mom died 2 years ago and now I feel like I have to go through this emotional rollercoaster again. 

I hate that he wants what I likely cannot give him and that breaks my heart 

Soooo on the other hand I'm pressured (by myself) to open a door I thought I locked years ago. 

And YES I did tell him my history at the get go of the relationship. 

Help! 

capnjackharkness

You need to sit down and explain to him that you cannot handle the stress of TTCAL again.  Maybe consider other avenues of child raising, such as adoption or foster care or volunteering to help under privileged children, if your 2 current children are not enough for him.  If you explained your history and unwillingness to try to have children at the start of the relationship, then the onus is not on you to go through something you're not comfortable with. If he is unwilling to consider your feelings and work with you to consider other avenues of maternal/fraternal output, then you need to re-consider being with someone who does not value you and your emotional feelings. 

babyodo

I agree with @capnjackharkness 100%. It sounds to me like there may be underlying motivations behind him being so determined to have children with you, despite you voicing your concerns and explaining (in depth) your history with TTC. 

I know that for myself, I would really struggle with staying with someone who would so easily disregard me and my feelings like that. That seems extremely selfish and callous, TBH. Not only did you struggle for so long simply to conceive, but you struggled to bring those two precious babies into the world. Getting pregnant again could be potentially harmful to your health, and maternal and infant death rates in this country are no joke. He seriously needs to consider what it is he's asking you to do here - put your and your potential baby's life on the line.

ble1

I agree with the above ladies. It is very emotional and its hard to understand unless you've been through it. I would suggest maybe having him come to a doctors appointment or even a therapist maybe hearing it from someone else will help him understand how difficult it is.