UO 1/16

tyrion_

Share your wrong opinions here, ladies! 

tyrion_

I’ll start off mild. 

I don’t like coffee. 

lachnessmomster

This might be a mean one, but it really grinds my gears when I see moms posting pictures of themselves crying on Instagram or any social media with a huge paragraph underneath that's all, "This is what motherhood really looks like." I hate those posts. They don't make me feel bonded to the universal tribe that is motherhood. They don't make me think, 'Oh, she cries alone in the bathroom, too. We are united! We're in this together!' I can tell you that when I'm having a mom/domestic-related meltdown (or any meltdown, honestly), my first thought isn't, 'I'm very sad, but ya know who REALLY needs to see and appreciate this moment? Instagram.' *pulls out phone, makes anguished face, snaps selfie* Right, then. Back to my regularly scheduled breakdown. 

Give. Me. A. Break. 

ETA: @tyrion_ I usually guzzle multiple cups per day, but this pregnancy is making it tough to even get through my morning mug. I just don't have the appetite for it right now, unfortunately. 

RedBaramid

I buy my child toys so I don't have to entertain her.  Don't get me wrong, we color together, do puzzles, play games, cook, paint, go on walks, do plenty of stuff together.  But I buy you toys so you can entertain yourself, and I can take care of chores, work out in our bedroom, and engage in my own hobbies. I'm your parent, not your entertainer. 

tyrion_

@lachnessmomster what? People do this? I know what I’ll be searching for on ig today. I actually feel annoyed at how awful motherhood can be portrayed. It isn’t always sunshine and roses but people make it sound like a nightmare (this is coming from someone with anxiety and an extremely difficult and challenging neurotypical child). 

kgrgreen

I'm considering a scheduled CS specifically so I don't miss my district's cut-off for school. My due date is Aug. 2 and eventual cut-off to enroll in school is July 31st. EVERYONE after July 31st is required to start school a year later. DD is a July baby. If I deliver in Aug, LOs will be 4 calendar years apart but 5 school years apart. The thought of the 5 year gap bothers me.

tyrion_

@kgrgreen Would you be having a csection anyway? If that’s the case I don’t think that’s too big of a stretch for scheduling. If I am favorable I would consider an induction just so I don’t miss my son’s first day of kindergarten. 

roo_baby

@kgrgreen I would choose induction over c-section unless it would be a RCS, but 100% support having your baby a week early for that reason. 

We have the opposite issue where our older child was born just after the cut off and this baby will be born just before, so they will be 2 yrs apart in school and 3 years apart irl unless I push one forward or hold the other back. 

lachnessmomster

@tyrion_ I don't know if I just spend too much time on Instagram, but I see it all the time. I agree motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster, and I get trying to make other moms feel less alienated and alone, but it seems so insincere. 

@RedBaramid Double-edged sword on that one around these parts. My son is only fully pleased with toys if someone is engaging in them WITH him. He's not very good at being independent, so we're attached at the hip almost all day. That is, unless I'm Bad Mom and turn the TV on. 

Another UO: I also hate letter boards. 

jojokoodles

@lachnessmomster SO in agreement on letter boards. And over the top gender reveals. And laying your baby on a blanket every month and posting a photo on social about "babies latest hobbies". 

Social media redundancy has done a number on me hahaha

tyrion_

Haha Awww man, @jokokoodles and @lachnessmomster! I take all the “basic mom” baby photos. I only share them in my private shared family/friends album through my phone. I love looking back on them 💗

psychobutthead

Not sure if this is UO or me being a judgey dick. I can't stand woman who continue to have kids they can't handle.
I have no issues with medium to large sized families. But if you can't handle your kids and effectively parent them all then stop having more.

My sisters neighbor has 5 kids. She can't handle any of them. She lets her 3 year old wander stores alone to not deal with him. The kid shattered a freezer door at Lidl with a shopping cart. But the mom wants one more until she gets a girl.

@tyrion_ what???? I love coffee. My husband doesn't like it either. I just can't understand. I used to sneak my parents coffee as a kid.

@lachnessmomster story time. My husbands cousin wife does that. After she had her first son she posted a selfie and captioned it "uncombed hair and eyebrows this is what motherhood looks like". Sorry but motherhood is mothering and parenting even through your own pain. Its making sacrifices for the good of your children. its not bragging you didn't brush your eyebrows. Those post annoy me so fucking much.

@RedBaramid I wish I could get my son on board with that. Kid stays glued to my ass and hes got a ton of toys he could play with. And when he does he drags them to the room I'm in to do it.

@jojokoodles Yeah I won't be doing the monthly blanket or the letter boards. I don't understand why these things become trends. Who has the time to even set any of that up?

tyrion_

@psychobutthead I wonder how many people think that about me. My son (oldest) was not meant for domestication and I got a lot of comments about how “brave” I was to have another. I also had people asking “if I was sure I wanted more” when I was visibly pregnant with my daughter. Makes me so nervous for people to find out about this new baby. 

radiohd18

@psychobutthead I couldn't help but laugh at 'brushing your eyebrows.' Remember when women were tweezing them to a thin line? Now, the bushier the better and everyone's drawing in their brows. 

I'm over here wondering:

kgrgreen

@tyrion_ @roo_baby This would be a RPS but I have the option to go for VBAC. Thanks for your encouragement!

@lachnessmomster I am on the hate-train for letter boards. I don't get it. They remind me of a deli sandwich menu, not something you should use to document your baby's milestones. However, I did do the whole "babies latest hobbies" (sorry @jojokoodles)post with DD, so I'll probably do it again to see the side-by-sides.

tyrion_

@kgrgreen Now all I’ll ever think of when I see a letter board will be a deli sandwich 😂

gomillis

@lachnessmomster I just feel like maybe people don’t need to document every minute of their lives on Instagram? I get that moms might post the “this is what motherhood REALLY looks like” photos because it’s not super healthy to only see posts that make people’s lives like perfect. But, maybe neither is all that necessary? 

With the letter boards and blankets, I feel like parents can document things however they’d like for themselves, but again, maybe not always on social media?

Of course I’m totally guilty of doing occasionally doing this stuff too, but I share the annoyance 😂

RedBaramid

Man I took photos every month with my daughter to chart her progress, but only for the first year.  I was awful at keeping up her baby book... I know I want to take photos again for the first 12 with this one.. but I'm not sure how much of it I will be posting publicly.  I do have my social media pretty locked down, but I'm sure there are plenty of friends on there who won't care too much to see all the baby stuff. 

On the flip side we moved far away from a lot of family this year, and there are several of them on social media, so maybe I will post the pictures just so they can see them. That or maybe I'll create an email list and just send the monthly BS in email to the family and friends who would want it. I couldn't be bothered to post about my child's hobbies... because she was a baby and as far as I was concerned, her hobby was being a baby lol. 

coldlife

Same, @lachnessmomster. 

No, that's not what motherhood looks like. If all motherhood looks like for you is crying all the time, you are doing it wrong. And I say this as someone who sobbed daily for months and still sobs occasionally and had a seriously hard time with my last baby due to her inability to nurse and me having to EP for her. It made life so much harder having to think about pumping and bottles where I was used to packing nothing along but my boobs with my first child. 

But no, motherhood doesn't look like that. It also doesn't look like always perfect hair and makeup. Motherhood, like everything, is a spectrum. Some days are better than others, just like at your job or your relationships or literally anything, and some of it comes down to personal choices and prioritizing.

I just think it's so dumb people share these crazy photos with "this is how it is." It's sympathy-baiting is what it is. If (general) you don't know that everyone has ups and downs and that what people take pictures of and memorialize is the prettiest and nicest moments (which is NOT a new phenomen with the advent of digital cameras and social media, by the way, just take a look at your grandparent's photo albums), then you're an idiot and probably shouldn't be on social media.

Lol, there's my UO. 

sarah0985

What do you all mean by letter boards? I *think* I know what you’re talking about then the deli sandwiches has me all confused. 

[Deleted User]

<blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/sarah0985">sarah0985</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText">What do you all mean by letter boards? I *think* I know what you’re talking about then the deli sandwiches has me all confused. </div>
</blockquote>
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sarah0985

Thanks @businesswife that’s what I was thinking but just couldn’t connect the deli sandwiches. 

tyrion_

Totally agree, @coldlife. 

NEWS FLASH: I was a hot mess before motherhood, too. I can’t blame my kids. They’ve actually made me a better person. 

riatortillaxo

I got TWO of those blankets as baby shower gifts with my son and I did not register for them. I like the pictures to show the progress. Frankly the later months were a struggle because he won't stay still, but still cute. I don't post many pictures of my son on social media so a monthly picture is about all I do. My family and friends like to see him as he grows but I try to come up with unusual or funny captions rather than the typical "hobbies" and milestones. 

5unflowr22

This is more of a fear of what is going to happen and how much I do not want it to happen. We plan to decline genetic testing. I am 40 and H is 42. I think one of the main purposes of my next appointment is to counsel us on genetic testing and get insurance info so they can run it to see if it would be paid for. What scares me is I think they might have to counsel us even if we say we plan to decline. So if I say, nothing we could find out would be actionable to us during this pregnancy, and might add a lot of undeserved stress, I'm still afraid that they're going to have to say, "are you sure? Because I have to tell you at your age there's a blah blah chance of blah blah..." And I'm not an idiot, I know how old I am, etc. I also know that this is our child. Like Han Solo says, DON'T TELL ME THE ODDS! I just want to carry our baby, thanks.

emiliadkay

@5unflowr22 I think it is a two-part question: (1) would you do anything differently with the information you might find out? sounds like the answer is a clear no for you and your husband. But (2) would knowing about a particular risk or circumstance no allow you to prepare mentally and/or emotionally, line up resources and support, or otherwise take better care of yourself and your child when s/he gets here? and if so, does that opportunity plus the potential to put your mind at ease outweigh the possibility of some unnecessary stress for the next 9 months? I think that can be a closer call, and might be all they want to talk to you about at your appointment. I hope you're able to hear them out with an open mind, and that they in turn hear you and your wishes

@lachnessmomster I know, right? Same with the instagram posts of parents' houses absurdly overrun by chaos/mess. Like, what is the point of sharing that? On the other hand (and perhaps somewhat inconsistently), I love posts that celebrate real postpartum bodies.

@kgrgreen Over here on the other end of August, wondering about similar issues (our school cut-off is September 1). I'm due August 26, and an August baby saves a solid $20k in daycare costs and means my kids are only 2 school years apart (so fewer years of two different school drop-offs, etc.). But if history repeats itself, I'll go overdue and not give birth until September. I've sort of made my peace with it... I'd like to avoid induction if at all possible, and I figure there's a strong possibility that we would want to hold the kid back from K regardless, when the time came. Decisions, decisions.

faith_2911

This is more of an experience than an opinion, but I can't seem to go out in public without having one of those "Why are people like this?!?" moments: the driver on the highway who's unsafely zipping around cutting everyone off, the middle schooler in the Target line who has just wiped a big, shiny handful of snot off of his face and onto his brother, the people in the parking lot who exit their car and drop several huge bright pieces of trash onto the ground and JUST LEAVE IT THERE AND WALK AWAY.

Anyway, the more I'm out around people, the more I want to be at home. 

Maybe I'm just judgmental and bothered by too much.

roo_baby

@faith_2911 if you’re gonna be judgmental, come sit next to me. 

I hate when people say things like “I did X as a kid and I grew up fine”. Yeah that’s great that you didn’t kill your self playing with matches, riding in a car without seat belts, etc. but that doesn’t mean you grew up fine. You grew up to be an idiot who bases their thinking off a single biased data point. 

faith_2911

@roo_baby Yes! That is so annoying. And you're right--what terrible logic!

P.S. This is certainly biased of me, but why do I always picture a man making that flawed argument of "Hey, I turned out all right!"?

samsonator

I'm the opposite of some of you with school cut off. My baby is due August 30th and our cut-off is September 1st. I'll be hoping I'm late!! I don't want my baby to be the youngest in class nor do I want to have to make that decision to hold back or not. My daughter was born at the end of June and I struggle with holding her back or not due to some social-emotoional struggles. I don't want that mental battle with this one! Sept. 1st or after please!

wife-and-mommy

@5unflowr22 I thought sharing what my doctor said might help you. He's not pushy at all and doesn't care if we get the testing -just offers it. He commented that we could do it anytime after 10 weeks. He said if I wanted to  and if we knew the results wouldn't change anything we could do it when I went on for my 20 week ultrasound. We're not going to get the tests, but I suppose enough people want to know that they want to make sure they counsel everyone. It doesn't mean your doctor is pushing you. 

lachnessmomster

@psychobutthead Lolol. Uncombed eyebrows? THE HORROR. 

@gomillis You're absolutely right. I'm all for keeping it real on social media, but it's also pretty clear when someone is fishing for likes or "sympathy-baiting," as @coldlife said. Maybe not share every. single. problem.

@faith_2911 This is me, 100%. Being around the general public is very challenging. I particularly love going out with just me and my kids and every Tom, Dick, and Harry looking at me and making the, "YoU'vE gOt YoUr HaNdS fUlL" comment. Thanks for reminding me, kind stranger - I'd forgotten. 

wildrainbow

@lachnessmomster I get the hands full comment too. Mostly because I have 2 boys, both have red hair, which in the mind of the public must make them hellions. 

ziggymama06

@faith_2911 I am constantly saying "I hate people" when I am driving, at the store, etc.  Normally, things just slightly irritate me... but lately it's like every little thing just annoys the sh*t out of me!!! 

5unflowr22

@emiliadkay @wife-and-mommy, thank you both for your support. I can see how, if you could know and prepare for some sort of issue, it could be empowering when you are determined to prepare for the little one's entry into the world. One of the things that bothers me the most about the tests is they can't tell you for sure whether or not your baby has anything abnormal going on or if it's completely fine; there's just a higher or lower chance. This bothers me even with the non-invasive blood testing.
The ultrasounds, and I've thought about why I'm ok with this and not comfortable right now with non-invasive blood work, can give some information that I can get excited about, like girl/boy, and also make sure that my body is taking good care of the baby.
I had a good deal of ultrasounds for my first when a third heart sound was detected in an appointment. She had a benign and transient condition but WOW did I worry. It is how I won and got my first choice of names- her dad wanted to see some color come back into my face on the table. For those weeks, I worried a lot, prayed a lot. And then after several hours of very cool u/s I thought, so we chased a totally fine non-threat with how much worry and money? hmmmmm.....

5unflowr22

@lachnessmomster  LOL! This has happened to me a lot. I'm a foster parent too and sometimes I have gotten myself a little bit outnumbered. Like, there's no more room in the cart for groceries, outnumbered. A small -very small- part of me appreciates that someone finds my situation so funny, because for a second, so can I. A much larger part of me is annoyed because hey! Could use a hand here!

faith_2911

@lachnessmomster @wildrainbow @5unflowr22 That comment seems really annoying, especially if it isn't accompanied by any sort of offer to help! Like, "Oh, you've got your hands full. I'll grab the door for you!" Otherwise it sounds like weird (and, frankly, kind of rude) small talk that doesn't have a future. How do you even respond to that? Like when an item isn't ringing up and that one guy always says, "Hey, that means it's free, right? Heheheh."

@ziggymama06 I hear you! The other morning I got so unreasonably mad at hubs because he sprayed Lysol in his shoes and it permeated every room of our house. I was like, "You should have known that would make me sick! Even handsoap makes me sick!" Smh. Not my best moment. 

lachnessmomster

@wildrainbow Right!? I have a little red-headed girl, and people have so much to say about how I should look out for her fiery personality and sass! 

@5unflowr22 Oh, man! That DOES sound rough! I keep thinking - how on earth am I going to make basic grocery trips with three kids? I'll have to stick my oldest underneath the cart.

@faith_2911 Lolol. It's EXACTLY like that! It wouldn't be so bothersome if it were a once-in-awhile remark, but it's literally every time we leave the house, someone wants to be cute. These days, I just respond with, "Always," and that's it. I'm on my merry way after that.

jojokoodles

Am I crazy for sort of WANTING my low grade nausea to continue just to keep from excessive weight gain? Dont get me wrong, this is QUITE low level, as in I've never thrown up and have not yet even felt CLOSE to vomiting, but I'm definitely taking in less than my normal without conscious effort. Now isnt the time to focus on weight loss, I know, but I've got a bit extra my body could use up before I'm "running on fumes".

tyrion_

@jojokoodles I don’t have nausea but my appetite hasn’t been quite the norm (aka I eat much smaller portions or I feel sick) and I’ve had so many aversions. I 100% would be ok being this way until the end if it means keeping excessive gain at bay. I’m starting this pregnancy 17 lbs heavier than my norm after a rough last 8 months and I’ve struggled with that. So I’m there with you. Any little bit to help me stay the course 😂

roo_baby

@jojokoodles that’s how I was last pregnancy. Nauseous but never threw up, little appetite, and lost maybe 12 lbs in the first trimester. I still gained a normal amount total. This pregnancy I’m down about 6 lbs so far, but I’m puking a lot. This time I’d rather have the extra lbs even though I have more to lose. I figure if we have to feel sick for months, a little weight loss before the big gain (and you know, eventually a baby) is only fair.