Randoms (1/13-1/19) - Page 2 — The Bump
May 2020 Moms

Randoms (1/13-1/19)

2

Re: Randoms (1/13-1/19)

  • I feel the need to tell two men I work with, the GM and the Assistant GM, that I am pregnant.  I feel they really ought to know at some point, sooner rather than later, as I'm in a management position and they may be involved in figuring out what happens when I'm gone for 3 months.  Again, though, the awkward men conversations.  I don't feel like I can make myself set up a special meeting or something or go to their offices just to talk about this.  It's already been discussed with my immediate supervisor and HR.  But I finally feel comfortable telling people now that we know the baby is healthy.  So now I've been casually waiting for a few weeks for the next time they pop in my office for a chat...  it feels like it will never happen.  All the engineer shower talk made me imagine if these two at my work were throwing a shower what it would actually be like.  It makes me giggle and is cringe-worthy at the same time!
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


    shamrocandrolljocrespo
  • I'm super amused at @shamrocandroll and engineers. My FIL is an engineer and wow...

    I am also so impressed that so many people have avoided telling coworkers. I'm not working now, but I was with my second, and I got (politely) called out by a known customer at 7 weeks it was that visually obvious, so I told everyone by 8 weeks, I had to. 
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
    shamrocandrollmokay19
  • Loading the player...
  • @shamrocandroll hahaha you can’t deprive them of their baby shower pie!
    Me: 28   DH: 29
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD born: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology
    BFP: 9/12/19   EDD: 5/23/2020


    shamrocandroll
  • @mamaj1220 that is seriously so awesome!! I'm so glad that this country is slowly starting to get better with maternity leave. I just wish paternity leave would catch up. Poor DH gets absolutely nothing.
    mamaj1220tj_2pourmeanothermocktail
  • @randic22 see I don't get that, having a new baby is freaking hard add in that mom is recovering from birth too, you would think paternity leave would be bigger. Can you use FMLA for that?
    Me:30 DF:29
    DS1:Dec 13
    DS2:May 2020
    pourmeanothermocktail
  • @mamaj1220 he could but he has to use all of his sick time and vacation first which is a bummer considering it's not even half way through the year. And then of course it's not paid. He is probably going to end up taking a few of his vacation days but that's really all we can do 😔
  • @pourmeanothermocktail Every year for Pi day, I bring in whoopie pies from my cousin's bakery.  I should just make my boss pay for those (I spend like $80+ on it every year) and have my cousin put baby stickers on the packages and call it a day, haha.  Although 3/14 is a Saturday this year.  
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    pourmeanothermocktail
  • @randic22 Ugh, it's so hard with paternity leave being so hit or miss in our country.  MH got nothing for DS1 (he took 3 weeks of vacation time).  Last year, his company instituted a 2 week paid leave policy, which I'm thrilled about, but it's still not really all that great if you think about it!  
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    m6aguarandic22tj_2
  • MH has never had paternity leave. He took a week with both boys when they were born. This time, at his new job I don't think he'll even be able to do that. I'm trying not to think about what that's going to be like for me, recovering from a c-section and responsible for three small children at once. I'll survive, but I'm not imagining I'm going to love the experience. I've got to figure out how to get my 40lb three year old in and out of his crib without lifting him. I've got a two stair step stool, I need to see if it works like I'm hoping. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker
    mokay19
  • @Austenista Any particular reason you're not moving him to a regular bed?  Or at least take one side off the crib and put a bed rail there instead?
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    tj_2pourmeanothermocktail
  • @shamrocandroll I'm team crib for as long as he will stay in it. It keeps him contained and in bed even when he's fighting sleep and lately that's more often than not. I have a full-sized bed for him when he and I are both ready. MH reiterated last night he wants him to stay in the crib for as long as he will. I plan on railing that sucker all the way around when I do transition him, but that's not going to be now. I believe giving him the freedom to roam a bedroom he shares with his little brother would create more problems instead of less when it comes to making sure both of my boys are getting adequate sleep. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker
    shamrocandroll
  • I’m pretty sure new dads are legally entitled to up to 12 weeks FMLA leave as well, though it does not have to be paid, so it depends if you can afford it.  Also if you work at the same company it’s 12’weeks between the two of you.
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


  • MH got a month of paternity leave when he was in the military, but we saved it and used it three months later to come back to the states and visit. He didn’t get any with DS2, but I was able to send DS1 to my mom’s for a week while I recovered. This time DS1 will be in school still and no one can take DS2, so we’re going to be flying by the seat of our pants. I’m still debating how to get DS1 to and from school when you technically can’t drive for the first week. 
  • @rox7777 there might be a parent who lives close by that would be willing to transport DS1 for you until you're able to do it again. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @rox7777 maybe call the school and see if there is a program for transportation.  I know my community has a program for people who temporarily need transportation for medical reasons.  You may need paperwork from the doctor or something but there might be something out there.
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


  • MH works at the same school I do. We are allowed by contract to take our FMLA unpaid and we can take a year off for parenting leave and they will hold our position, but again that is unpaid. MH will be allowed to take 8 days (3 personal days and 5 sick days for an immediate family member) for the birth of our child. Last time he took 4 days which were the days we were in the hospital after my c-section, and then it was memorial day so we had a 3 day weekend.He says he plans on taking all 8 days this time but really I don't know if I want him home because he's pretty useless when it comes to have an infant. He's been great since our daughter turned one, but the newborn/infant phase he sucks at. I'm hoping he'll have some knowledge under his belt this time and be better, but I strongly doubt it. 

    For those of you FTMs I'd say lower your expectations of the new father's, MH is a middle school teacher and he does great with kids. We've watched my niece for a week before and he was great with her, he has no patience for a newborn that can't say what they need and can't do much but lie there. I remember trying to get an hour of sleep one evening during the early days of cluster feeding and asked him to take her for me, I can't sleep when I can hear her crying, and I was able to get an hour of sleep and was shocked I didn't hear her at all. I came to find them he had closed the door to the room they were in and he left her in her bouncer crying while he was playing video games and claimed "it's good for them to cry it out" She was less than 2 weeks old. I was livid and had to explain you don't let newborns "cry it out" that they only cry for a reason and you need to figure out that reason. He was angry at me for trying to tell him how to parent and obviously I had to. It led to many fights over the first 4 months of her life. He could never feed her a bottle because he couldn't handle the crying and convincing her to drink from a bottle, I could get her to take a bottle and he blamed her not taking a bottle on me because I preferred to just breastfeed instead of giving her a bottle than pumping and having to clean up the pump parts. 

    I must say he's so much better now that DD is older and can communicate her needs and plays with him, but newborns he sucks at. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    tj_2drkoyyaheyybrittmokay19
  • MH works PRN at a hospital - so he has zero benefits and any time not worked is time not paid. So I don't know what we are going to do..Luckily my parents are local so I will have help if needed, but I know MH really wants time off for bonding - he was able to take 2.5 weeks paid for DS1 and it was so nice just being home together. 
  • All this talk of useless husbands is making me slightly less confident about MH’s usefulness after birth. He works at a children’s hospital, frequently with the NICU babies and I’ve just kind of assumed he would be good at dealing with the crying and whatnot. He is a respiratory therapist, so he doesn’t have to change diapers or bathe the babies, but I figure those are easy skills to learn. I’m counting on his swaddling skills and ability to just hold/rock a crying baby for however long. Maybe I’ll tell him to have the nurses let him feed some babies to get practice at it. We will be exclusively FF so it doesn’t matter who feeds baby
    mokay19
  • @sunshinesea22 I'm sure he'll be fine, I'm sorry to make you less confident. I just went into it all thinking he'd be amazing because he is with kids, but he sucks with babies. And to be fair my daughter screamed and cried whenever anyone beside me tried to feed her, I ended up having to go to the sitters during lunch to feed her because she refused bottles from her as well. We were able to get her to eat some with sippy cups, but she still relied on me to feed her the majority during her lunch time. Thankfully my principal worked my schedule so my prep and lunch were together and I could go and nurse her every day. She'd only take 4 ounces over 7 hours and even that was a struggle, if i didn't nurse her at lunch time. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    mokay19
  • @pirateduck MH was legally entitled to 12 weeks (unpaid) FMLA with our first, but when he brought up taking a week or two off with his boss he pretty much shrugged it off and told him "guys don't do that" and then went on explaining how his wife had twins and he was back at work the next day.  Like ok, sorry you're a dick and can't support your wife? MH ended up having 4-5 vacation days he used but it was a very busy time so he was actually working from home during his vacation which sucked.  

    I echo what @jhysmath said about husbands sometimes being less than helpful.  It's so new to all first time parents, but sometimes I think guys think that as moms we just KNOW what to do even though we are just figuring it all out ourselves so that can be frustrating.  The biggest help for me after DD was born was having my mom around.  When I felt like I had no idea what I was doing she could be my sounding board and make sure I wasn't totally screwing everything up.  When MH had to go back to work my mom stayed with me for another week or two driving us to appointments, feeding us, and taking turns comforting DD overnight when I felt I couldn't do it anymore and needed sleep.  I am forever grateful for my mom using up all of her vacation time from work and then some.  

    MH has a new manager now, but still at the same company.  He does have an extra week or so of vacation more than he had with DD so hopefully he can take at least a week or two to stay home with us while we figure out our new normal.  And hopefully my mom will be my savior once again lol
    Me: 31 DH:32
    DD1 Sept 2017
    DD2 due 5/13/20


    pirateduck
  • @jhysmath what you say is what I'm terrified of for myself.  I feel guilty saying this, but I'm not really interested in having a newborn.  I want a child, but feel like I want to skip the infant stage and fast forward to when they are walking and starting to talk and explore their world in a different way.  I'm praying I feel differently once I meet my little one, but the early days terrify me.  Kids I can handle, infants are another thing entirely.  I've raised a lot of helpless little animals that can't communicate their needs and loved it, so hopefully once she's here I love every second of it, but yeah, I'm terrified, what if I don't?
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


    drkoyyaheyybritt
  • @pirateduck I know how you feel. DH and I always agreed that since I’m the breadwinner (and a workaholic), he’ll be the primary care giver. He’s a lot more nurturing and patient than I am. Now that we’re actually having the baby, I think I’ll be doing most of the work since DH now has a 45 mile commute (round trip) while I’m 1 mile from work and have a flexible schedule. I want this baby so bad, but at the same time I’m nervous I won’t be able to handle it. 

    Side note: this is one reason I’ve upped my therapy to once a week to work through these nerves before baby arrives.
    Me: 28  DH: 29
    FTM
    BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
    pourmeanothermocktail
  • Yes @drkoyya this baby is very much wanted and planned and all of that, and I had accepted my marriage proposal on the contingency that we could have a family together, but now that the reality is setting in, what if I'm wrong?  Am I screwing up my life?  My life is good, why change it?  I know this is some sort of cold feet scenario, but it's scary.
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


    drkoyyaheyybritt
  • @pirateduck and @drkoyya I personally knew I could do newborn and infant stages and didn't fear that, but I did fear not feeling like I loved or was attached to this baby anymore than I would one I sat for or a cousins kid. I could very easily leave a family I sat for without any attachment, and what they always say it's different when it's your baby is so true. One night at the hospital when I was actually napping the nurse came in and asked MH if they could do the tests they needed to do with DD and he said yes and they brought her to a different room (there is no nursery) to do this. I woke up and MH and my baby weren't there and I totally freaked out. I was crying and sobbing and ran out into the hallway looking for her, I am not one of those people who get super emotional so looking back I feel like I was crazy. I got angry that they had my baby, not our baby, my baby. The nurse had my baby sucking on her finger as they did the heel pricks and I was angry someone aside from me and MH was holding my baby. It's completely irrational the feelings you have after birth it really is crazy. And as @queenklau
    said the first weeks you're in survival mode. I think looking back at my fitbit sleep tracking I got a total of maybe 15 hours of sleep her first week of life. I don't think I slept at all the first two days now I assume I was exhausted but can't even really remember it. It's such a surreal time. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    pirateduckdrkoyyashamrocandrollAustenista
  • Along with the husbands do things differently, also their priorities may be slightly different, and they may not do something thoroughly.  I have to remind myself that washing half the dishes is better than none of the dishes.  Washing and drying laundry, even if it sits in the basket for days later because it's not put away is better than not having clean laundry, etc.
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


    heyybrittjhysmathshamrocandroll
  • I think our hormones mess with our minds for sure.  Even now.  There are days when I feel like I have a parasite inside me and other days I'm talking to the sweet little baby in my belly asking which name she likes better or something.  I like to think the mood swings get better, but until there's some sort of sleep happening, I doubt it!
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


    heyybritt
  • I'm glad to read the advice from you all re: partners and the first few weeks because I'm very nervous about this. I feel like MH is either not realizing or not processing what it is going to be like. To be fair I'm not expecting that I know everything either but he has definitely been much more relaxed as we get closer and closer while my anxiety just goes higher.
    Me: 31 ~ DH: 34 
    FTM
    BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
    drkoyyaruby696
  • @pirateduck @drkoyya I am so with you on the fear of not connecting with my much wanted baby. That’s part of the reason I decided to find out rather than be team green. When people mentioned bonding issues I knew I didn’t want to chance that additional complicating factor. It took me a long time to be “ready” to try for a baby. I don’t want to be “just” a mom or baby maker. I have a very strong independent personality and it was hard for me to get mentally prepared for people treating me differently because I’m pregnant/a parent. I always felt like I wouldn’t be treated like me anymore once pregnant and people would only care about the child growing inside. So far I’ve been mostly okay with everything, except when people treat me like a delicate flower. I think there’s a lot of things that change psychologically with us as we evolve into mothers. Actually, my therapist wrote her dissertation on the psychological changes associated with pregnancy and becoming a mother. I need to start asking her more about that research so I can prepare. I think it’s normal to be scared, it’s a major life change. But I also think it will all work out fine, because we are genetically designed to fall deeply in love with our babies for the survival of humanity 😂
    heyybrittdrkoyyatj_2
  • One day my husband acknowledged that he probably hasn't really thought much about certain things that I've probably thought about for hours or days or months.  He knows this about himself, and it's a game of catch up because eventually he does start to worry about some of the same things.  He is thinking about them in his own way on his own timeline.  Just because your husband doesn't seem stressed about something, or doesn't seem like he's thought of something important, or processed something, it doesn't mean that he hasn't done these things or had these thoughts, it may just be a case of he hasn't thought about it yet, but it's coming.  There may be things he's thought of that you haven't either.  For example my husband was trying to plan a trip to get away and he decided (on his own) that it had to be before a certain date because otherwise it would be too close to when the baby is coming.  While out of town he has given me phone numbers and talked to some of his man friends in advance telling me to call them if I need help lifting something or with firewood or to get plowed out when it snows etc. while he is not home.  So they do think about things and how to take care of us, even if they don't know about things like nipple cream and latching problems and swaddling.
    TTC since October 2016
    CP April 2017
    D&C to remove polyp, unexplained infertility, multiple rounds clomid, trigger, iui, letrozole
    MC July 2019
    PREGNANT WITH RAINBOW BABY GIRL, NATURAL CYCLE, August 2019
    FTM @39 years young Due May 13, 2020


    heyybritt
  • So, sharing experiences here. My husband had never held a baby, hadn't seen one being taken case of besides TV/movies. I told him baby wouldn't do much for a while, and he realized right away he wasn't interested. Until about 4 months old. If there is no visible facial expression or arm movements he just doesn't care. He's a good dad, but is in therapy with me because he has zero empathy-he hasn't a clue how to put himself in other's shoes- so if it's an experience he's never had, he can't at all guess how people feel. So not only was he a "baby idiot" where I had to show him to lift legs up for diaper changes, have to support head, NO they don't like bouncing before they are strong enough to hold themselves upright, etc, but I also had to explain that me never being able to eat a meal without a baby screaming through it or without it being warm-he couldn't understand why that made me so grumpy. He can also shut off his ears and have sounds not bother him. So baby number 1 was awful. Between me having such bad pain after delivery for months and months, and our baby being in NICU for three weeks so I didn't even get good bonding or even OK rest, as I was on my feet immediately....was hard. By lie number 2, he was already great with our first (2 year old at the time), and better understood it was his job to cook and clean so I could be a milk machine and baby holder for most of the day. He did do overnight diapers before handing me baby to feed, but even though she was deafening and in our room, I had to wake him up to change her. Because oblivious. But I did still have to basically write things down for him, or tell him when to do things, because he can't remember how much our kids rely on routine. Like, you can't just play with them or take them for a two hour walk first thing in the morning on weekends so I can sleep. YOU HAVE TO FEED THEM Breakfast first (or during!) so that they don't lose their minds. And remind him to throw things in the washer, and then the dryer, and then get them out, etc. Like, if kids don't say I'm hungry or my diaper is wet, he forgets about doing these things. So it's still a struggle, but he's slowly gotten better.

    He didn't qualify for FMLA due to new job, with either kid so far. With first kid he didn't have any PTO yet, he'd been there 3 weeks. He took 2 days off unpaid, but I still wasn't able to get out of a bed by myself yet, so that was great. Second one he had a terrible job with only 3 days PTO for the entire year. But he had the flu on Jan 4. Literally started the year by taking all 3 days off. So he took 2 unpaid. 

    This time he would qualify, but it's unpaid, and same job, same shitty PTO, plus now he travels a bunch.And the pay sucks so bad we're just kinda making ends meet. There's no safety net of savings, so maybe again 2 days off unpaid. I've been unable to find at home work that I can do on my schedule for enough money to be worth losing sleep, and with his job schedule, regular outside the home work would have to pay above my pay grade to afford childcare. Plus during pregnancy, and 6 months after, I'm literally unable to do any work that requires standing. Which takes away majority of part time options. So, no FMLA for us again. My mom will be here for a couple of weeks after, and I'm hoping my older kids will be happy to play outside all summer half supervised. I'll set myself up a chair and table with water for me and nursing baby. And my baby monitor reaches outside. Hope for best but fear for awful.

    Also, my husband had no idea how to understand that even exhausted I cannot just fall asleep on command for a nap. Like, I love to nap, but short naps don't work, and it usually takes me 30-45 min just to fall asleep, then I need to be out for an hour....so no, you taking over kids for one hour doesn't let me nap. But, I'm sure we'll manage. and I'll just hope squid doesn't cry for the majority of their first 6 months the way my previous two did. I do mean scream, not just cry.
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I’m a STM and I still love reading all the variations of parenting dynamics. 

    For us, I’ve had experience with kids of all ages and felt very confident about bringing a baby home. But then, DD had blood sugar issues and I had milk issues and NO ONE prepared me for the hormonal changes (I’m a very unemotional person normally).  DD had to be woken up every 3 hours to eat and I was determined to get my milk in. DH woke up with me for every. single. feed. We had her nurse using a modified SNS to give her formula. Then I would pump for 45 minutes while DH burped and changed her. He had never held a newborn or changed a diaper in his life before we had DD but he was willing to learn because I outright asked for his help and told him what I needed. 

    Fortunately, DH was very attentive to my emotional state too. When he could seem me wearing down, he would take DD for a walk or tell me to go upstairs while they stayed on the first floor. 

    I totally agree that a lot of men are baby newbs at first, but open communication and outright telling them what is needed helps so much. I wouldn’t have survived the first few weeks without him helping even though it took a lot of me teaching him at first. 

    Also, buy them a book. Some dads have never heard of anythiiing before. So have them read something ahead of time so it isn’t all completely brand new stuff. 
    Me: 28   DH: 29
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD born: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology
    BFP: 9/12/19   EDD: 5/23/2020


    bananapandaruby696
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards