Motherless Daughters & Mothers

elk90

Hi, ladies.

I am a FTM here, first pregnancy too, actually. I am just a couple days shy of 9 weeks. At the beginning of October I tragically lost my mom who was suffering from a rare autoimmune disease that we did not know about at the time. Her disease and other illnesses that she contracted due to her disease took her life a few days before my 29th birthday. Her loss has been the most horrific and painful thing I have ever been through. We were extremely close. I am thankful that she was able to play such a big role in my wedding this past summer. 

Lately, I am really struggling with the thought of how I am going to survive the rest of my pregnancy without my mom. It’s very painful to think about raising a child without her there with me through it all. I am wondering if anyone else in our group has handled being a mother without her mother. It’s a painful experience that I would never wish on anyone else, but I know there are many out there like me 

enchantindragon

I'm not in your spot but I just wanted to comment and say I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you know your mom is with you every step of the way. She will be with you and your child always in the memories you share and the traditions you pass down. Hugs and I hope you know you can always reach out whenever you want. I lost my dad on my birthday 7 years ago. I have a complicated relationship with both my parents but still losing them is another experience all together. 

elk90

@enchantindragon Thank you 

busymom247

@elk90

I'm so sorry of your recent loss. That has to be so hard and so many emotions and then getting pregnant.

I lost my mom when I was 21, nine  months before I graduated college. All my adult  milestones have been alone. My mom was also sick off and on most my life so in a way I always was indepebdent.

However, during first pregnancy and birth, etcI realize it hurts more than I realize when I see women and friends do all these special things with their mom. I have 4 older siblings and my  onlysister is a mom but she was emotionally unstable and has been in bad place for years(shes basically lost her kids and I haven't seen her in 2 yrs). I'm very close with my dad but it is not the same and hes much older and other siblings are brother. One brother passed away unexpectedly when DS1 was 6 weeks old. I've  just always had to be strong and it is hard. 

I just am fortunate to have great friends and mom figures and great in laws. However, it still still is hard. I'm here if you want talk. I think it is a bit easier bc my mom passed 16 years ago but there's still that void.

blaf322

@elk90 I'm not in your spot, but I'm so sorry for your loss. 

rachelredhead

@elk90 I can’t personally relate but DH and I have chatted a lot about how he misses his mom right now. I never met her, sadly, but it has surprised DH how much my being pregnant has stirred up his grief over losing his mom. Our parents are often our prime examples of what parenthood/love/dedication look like and to lose them has to disrupt our sense of equilibrium and cause all sorts of self-doubt. And that’s just one piece, to not be able to share your joy with someone who cherished you is just SO heartbreaking.

I know you’ve heard this before, but your mom is absolutely with you. It’s horrible that she can’t hug you and hold your hand and buy cutesy onesies for your new little bundle, but I hope you can find ways to include her in the experience. DH has said he wants us to get the belly headphones so we can play some of his mom’s fave songs while the babe is in utero. Maybe there are ways you can “talk” to your mom and engage her in your experience, too. 

I’m so sorry for this loss. It isn’t fair and my heart hurts for you. Wishing you peace in this season. 

elk90

Thank you, everyone