Am I being unreasonable not letting my ex’s new girl friend of a year meet our kids?!???

oliveoil95

Long story short in Oct 2017 my ex and I broke up and he moved out. At the time we had a 2 year old and a 3 month old. 2 weeks after he moved out his family and I found out and he had a horrible addiction and went away to rehab. We live in NY, he went to a rehab in FL. 

 Fast forward to now he is still in FL living in a halfway house and is a year sober. We are still in NY. Back in August I found out he had a girlfriend. Which took me for surprise. But come to find out his girlfriend lives in NY too. He has only visited twice since leaving. My kids and I went down and saw him once. Apparently, they have been together close to a year. 

One day I went to get my kids at my in-laws, I walk inside to see his new gf sitting there. My MIL invited her over. I was not asked and neither was their father if it was okay she meet our kids. I was of course offended. And I told my MIL, never again. And their father didn’t know she met the kids but he said he was fine with it. But I am putting my foot down and saying never again. 

Since he has been in FL his gf has visited him once. Their relationship is mostly through text, FaceTime etc. and they have only see each other enough times to count on one hand. He has barely seen his kids this past year, why should our kids be meeting his gf when he has barely seen them. And I honestly feel him and his gf cant know each other very well considering the distance. I feel they should spend a lot of time together and really get to know each other before they meet her again with him. He needs to get to know his kids again too. 

The couple of times him and I have seen each other I do admit we had relations even though he has a gf. I am somewhat ashamed of my self for doing it. 

meggyme

oliveoil95 said:

Long story short in Oct 2017 my ex and I broke up and he moved out. At the time we had a 2 year old and a 3 month old. 2 weeks after he moved out his family and I found out and he had a horrible addiction and went away to rehab. We live in NY, he went to a rehab in FL. 

 Fast forward to now he is still in FL living in a halfway house and is a year sober. We are still in NY. Back in August I found out he had a girlfriend. Which took me for surprise. But come to find out his girlfriend lives in NY too. He has only visited twice since leaving. My kids and I went down and saw him once. Apparently, they have been together close to a year. 

One day I went to get my kids at my in-laws, I walk inside to see his new gf sitting there. My MIL invited her over. I was not asked and neither was their father if it was okay she meet our kids. I was of course offended. And I told my MIL, never again. And their father didn’t know she met the kids but he said he was fine with it. But I am putting my foot down and saying never again. 

Since he has been in FL his gf has visited him once. Their relationship is mostly through text, FaceTime etc. and they have only see each other enough times to count on one hand. He has barely seen his kids this past year, why should our kids be meeting his gf when he has barely seen them. And I honestly feel him and his gf cant know each other very well considering the distance. I feel they should spend a lot of time together and really get to know each other before they meet her again with him. He needs to get to know his kids again too. 

The couple of times him and I have seen each other I do admit we had relations even though he has a gf. I am somewhat ashamed of my self for doing it. 

If people are exposing your children to people you are not comfortable with you need to set very clear boundaries with them, with the consequence being they no longer have access to your children. Especially if they are doing it without your permission.

However, it also sounds like you need to get your own house in order. If you’re aiding your boyfriend/father of your kids in cheating on his new girlfriend I have to assume that you still have feelings for him and perhaps don’t want his new relationship to be serious enough for her to meet your children and are even perhaps trying to sabotage it by sleeping with him. Additionally, you sound bitter that he had to go away to get the help that he needed for his addiction. I understand the sentiment, but this is not conducive to a good co-parenting relationship, example for your children, or basis for a solid romantic relationship if you are trying to get back together.