STM+ discussion - December

roo_baby

Discuss all things related to your “big” kids here! We can start a new thread monthly unless things get lively and we want to change to weekly. 

roo_baby

When are you planning to explain to them that there’s a baby coming? Anything special you are doing to tell them? 

blackgirlmagic

I won’t tell my daughter about the baby until we are ready to share with the world. She would share our news with everyone. But I don’t have a special way of explaining it to her, she’s only three. She’s recently gotten into her baby doll so maybe I can use that. I plan to send her to daycare with a big sister shirt and see who notices. I swear daycare is the worst at asking when are we going to have another. 

duck_duck_goose

I’m with @blackgirlmagic. I can’t tell my oldest because he will tell everyone. But I did tell my second. Mostly because he’s 18 months and is still just learning to talk. My secret is safe with him! 

We will tell the oldest when we are ready to tell everyone else sometime after 12 weeks. 

roo_baby

I told DD (2 yo) before I told DH because I tried (and failed) to have her help me to tell him. She didn’t really understand and hasn’t said anything about it since. I don’t think we will make a big deal about telling her, just talk about it often enough that she gets excited and understands. I think we will wait until the NIPT comes back, just in case. 

roo_baby

With dd I didn’t really show until 4-5 months. I’m now 5 weeks and my belly is already huge. Sadly, I think it’s about 90% food baby and only 10% uterus expansion. 

MissIntentional

I’m going to try to wait to tell them on Valentine’s Day. They both have big mouths!

gomillis

We are planning to tell DS when I’m showing so that it’s a little more tangible and easy for him to understand. Then we’ll take him to the 20 week scan so he can see the baby. 

Lately he’s been loving playing “big brother” with his baby doll and stuffed animals, so I think it will be a natural conversation with him. 

kgrgreen

We've casually started mentioning babies more in our house. Ex. telling stories with babies, who at school has a baby brother/sister, this is how you hold your babydoll like a real baby... to get DD comfortable with the idea. We really want to tell her before everyone else. We are planning to tell family on Christmas (I'll be 8w+3d). So we will likely tell her immediately before that so she doesn't blow the secret. No cute ideas on a reveal yet. She is 3 and has lots of friends in daycare that have little siblings. She has told the daycare workers before "Mommy is pregnant" when I indeed, was not She is my big helper and I know she is going to be the best big sister!

blackgirlmagic

So we don't do visitors at the hospital, there are pros and cons to it but overall I really enjoy it. But my daughter will be the first person to meet this little. I feel like that will be a sweet moment for our family of four. 

annabanana051416

We told our son as soon as we found out, but he is only 19 months and I don’t think he understood at all. We said he is going to be a big brother and he started laughing! He is quite verbal but he hasn’t told anyone yet - I don’t think he even remembers.

wildrainbow

I've been asking ds1, who's 3, how he feels about another baby.  He wasn't enthused.  Ds2, 13mo, has zero clue.  We will for sure tell them soon.  

tyrion_

@kgrgreen Last year my son told the nurse at his pediatrician’s office I was having his baby brother. Yea, I was not pregnant 😂

I’ll wait until after the NT scan and NIPT results return. Because they’ll both tell everyone and I’ll be ok sharing at that point (4.5 and 2.5 years old). 

coldlife

We have not hidden it, but we also haven't sat our oldest down and explicitly spelled it out for her. She was right there when I took the test and showed my husband and when we were talking about it. She's only 2.5, and I think it just goes over her head. We haven't sat down and told her "there's a baby in mommy's belly," because I don't know how well she'll keep a secret and not poke my belly or do who knows what. I'm not sure she'll completely understand even when we do explain it, though. And then our nine-month-old obviously won't understand at all. 

scgirl6113

we told our boys and they are so so excited! They are all dying for a sister so that’ll be interesting if it turns out to be a boy. They all tell everyone they see that I have a baby in my tummy. We don’t mind though because we aren’t trying to keep it from anyone. 

It’s been fun with my 6.5 year old this time because he asks about how the baby is growing and what it looks like. When each of his brothers were born he wasn’t really old enough to get it. 

jwhite3116

We're going to wait until after the 12 week scan and perhaps the anatomy scan to be sure that the pregnancy is as safe as possible. If we tell them too early and something happens my boys will be devastated. My boys also want a baby sister and they want to name her Jigglypuff

WishesSheCouldCook

We also plan to wait a bit. My first appt is Jan 10 with an ultrasound. We haven’t decided when officially. She’s 4 and a blabber mouth. 

feelingjovani

We're planning on telling my parents when they come for Christmas and I'll probably have my son in some kind of big brother shirt (he'll be 3 in March).  So we'll likely tell him right before then.  I actually don't think he'd spill the beans but I'd like to wait a bit longer just to make sure things are okay.

winnie1122

We texted our parents the news haha. No other way to tell them without my 3 year old figuring it out and we won't tell him until I'm showing probably (so like 19 weeks probably) 

scgirl6113

@jwhite3116
😂 
my boys want a sister also. I’m going to have to ask them what they want to name her 😂

[Deleted User]

I shamelessly used DD to help me tell DH, but she's only 15 months, so if I say she's going to be such a great big sister, she mostly has no idea what I'm talking about lol I thought I might get her a dolly for Christmas to start helping her warm up to the idea, and she will keep getting more verbal as the months go along, too, so I think it will be nice to keep telling her and practice holding the dolly, and showing her mommy's belly as I get bigger.  I want her to understand as much as possible by the time the time comes but I also won't be dwelling on it too much too soon, till things get a little safer.

I am still on the fence about telling family, or who to tell how much over the holidays as I will only be about 6 weeks.  I've told my two besties, (one did IVF too, and the other I got to tell in person tonight, which was special) as well as my coworker (who is also ku and currently due the day before me. 😮 )  And I told security at the show, so I got a nice pat down and Congratulations! instead of going through the metal detector!  :D 

jwhite3116

My mom and sister know because I would need them to be there for me if something happens. I'll tell my other sister and my brother on Christmas Eve. My husband's family won't know until 12 weeks as my husband isn't as close with his family.

All the teachers I work with upstairs know because I'm so off right now. They just badgered me until I finally gave in.

riatortillaxo

My son will be 1 in January so I could tell him and my secret would be safe!  

HappyFeet34

We told ours (5 and 3). They’ve told everyone. It’s mostly OK because the only people I really don’t want to know yet is work and they are never around my colleagues. 

radiohd18

We are not telling my kid until we are at least three months along. She's been asking for a sibling for years and will tell the world. 
I have no idea how I am going to get through the holidays this year because this is our first one with all of our family coming to the house and it might be really obvious if I am not drinking. I might try a "I have a cold" thing to try to bypass questions. 

***TW** in spoiler

Only my mom and DH parents know about the 2 MC so I want to avoid questions from my MIL which might lead to more people knowing. I mean, my MC aren't a secret but they are personal and heartbreaking to me and not something I want to have relive and explain over and over.

blackgirlmagic

@radiohd18 you can drink cranberry juice and say that you are having cranberry and vodka.

radiohd18

@blackgirlmagic that's a great idea but now I have to out and buy vodka, in case someone else wants one! 
   
haha

roo_baby

@radiohd18 or you could just buy cranberry no vodka and say you are drinking it due to a uti from all the kinky sex you’ve been having lately 😆 

radiohd18

@roo_baby yes, totally!
"merry christmas, don't mind me and my UTI."
  

I actually did this during my first pregnancy at a wedding... just switched off between Cranberry/Vodka and Jack/Coke. 

tyrion_

Anyone having the same potential challenge I do? 

I’m due 8/8 and my son starts kindergarten 8/10 😬

I’ve tried to keep myself in check because I know anything can happen between now and then but I keep thinking about this. And I’m a tiny bit stressed. 

roo_baby

@tyrion_ My not-yet 3 yo starts preschool within about a week of my due date. Plus we will need to move her out of the crib around that time so the baby can use it. I'm definitely worried about all of that transition at once. She's a resilient kid, but it's a lot. 

starlight8323

** FTM here, lurking in STM thread **

@roo_baby Could you move her out of the crib sooner?

I’ve heard it’s better to have a period of time in between when the toddler moves out of the bed and when the new baby moves in anyway. My friend with 3 kids said she actually lets the toddler watch her take apart the crib, and store it in the garage or attic, so they can get detached from it and stop thinking of it as their bed. Then when you put the baby in it months later, it’s easier for everyone. 

Again I have no actual experience with this, so please take everything I say with a grain of salt. 😂 I just thought I’d at least give you the idea, so that you and your toddler don’t have to go through so many changes at once, especially since you specifically said you are worried about it. 🙂

tyrion_

@roo_baby I’d move her before and give her plenty of time to adjust beforehand. 

I should have mentioned I’ve gone into to labor at 40+1 with both my kids 😬 praying this one is a little early or a few days late. I have faith it’ll work out. 

riatortillaxo

@tyrion_ That would be stressful! I would tell the teacher so that he or she can be understanding if your little one is anxious or maybe you can bring him in to see his class a little early if they will let you! 

winnie1122

@roo_baby When I needed the crib for my daughter my then 2.5 year old was not ready to transition at all so I ended up putting my daughter in his room in a pack and play for about a month until he was ready and then we made the switch to a big boy bed for him and the crib for her. It worked out just fine, plus it helped not to have two big changes at once (sharing a room + moving to big bed) So we just eased them into it and everything went pretty smoothly!

riatortillaxo

@winnie1122 Genius! 

tyrion_

@riatortillaxo I’ll definitely be reaching out to the teacher. I’m just also selfishly sad I might miss it.  

coldlife

We did not switch beds right away when #2 was born, but when we did, it was extremely easy. We hyped up that she was getting too big for the bed, and that after we moved, she would get a new bed, and baby sister would use her bed. So for a couple weeks before we got it, she constantly was asking about her "new bed." (She was almost 2.5.) Every night she'd talk about it as she was going to bed. For a few days in our new house, she was on the floor in a sleeping bag while baby sister was in her bed, nbd. And then we got it and she was so excited. Doesn't care at all. 

wildrainbow

@roo_baby You also start the process slowly. Start by transitioning nap time to the new bed. It worked wonders for us and it made the transition seemless.

[Deleted User]

Ours will nap on her floorbed in her room, but still sleeps overnight with us in the sidecar mini crib.  Hoping to upgrade the mini floorbed soon to a normal crib mattress size, so we can work on sleeping more independently.  At this rate we may not ever remove the sidecar, so long as big sister is happy sleeping in her room before new baby gets here.  Time will tell what ends up happening about the true toddler bed situation... If it comes to it to make her more excited about being in there on her own, that would be great!

For now I'm not planning on doing a separate nursery.  DDs room is adjacent to ours, has the whole nice long changing dresser and whatnot.  Hoping to add a little storage with a small dresser and toddler clothes rack, and that somehow there will still be enough room to keep the rocker in there. :/

blackgirlmagic

Right now we live in a bed room townhouse. We are hoping to move a year from now. My husband said that this baby and our then four yo can share a room and I told him no. Not till this baby is sleeping through the night. Why would I ever want to distribute her sleep because you don’t want to share the room with the baby. Plus our first slept in her pnp for three months until I went back to work.