PGAL Check-in w/o 11/11

kagesstarshroom

1. EDD/Days & Weeks:

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing)

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up? 

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?   

miss.sally

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: 3/11, 22+5 

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing) two. Both in 2015

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’m doing ok emotionally. I have my moments, but it helps whenever I feel him move, which is FINALLY picking up! Physically I just kinda feel blah all the time. My back hurts, I get cramps, I’m tired. I want that second tri glow before third tri hits, darnit! 

4. Any appointment updates? Nope! 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? H is still being a butthead and I’m so over it. He’s always angry about something I did or didn’t do and I’m just really struggling with dealing. My hormones don’t help. And it’s always up to me to be the overly happy one who has to get him out of his mood. I don’t have much happy left in me and it’s tKing a toll on everything. I feel like my patience is shorter with the kids because of it. We also have been planning this trip to Nashville in January which is really just me tagging along to a work thing for him, and I’ve been SO excited about going and now he’s saying he doesn’t think I should come. I’m just too emotional and tired and I don’t know what to do. I’d say I need some time to myself but I can’t even ask him to watch the kids or he would blow up at me. 

6. Any milestones coming up? I think 23 weeks is viability, right? Maybe it’s 24. I can’t remember. But either way it’s SUPER close and that is exciting. 

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? I have no idea. I don’t think I have any really unique interests. Lol

EmilyLove25

@kagesstarshroom Thank you for posting this! I think it's important to keep checking on each other! 

 1. EDD/Days & Weeks: March 12, 22 weeks and 4 days (wow!)

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing) I found out LO didn’t have a HB this past May 7 and had the D&C on May 8.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally pretty good… I will say we are approaching the due date of my loss (November 29), and that sticks with you… Physically, I’m SUPER tired by 7 PM but honestly can’t really complain!

4. Any appointment updates? I had an utterly pointless appointment last week and will have another one on December 5th. I wish I went to a midwife group and not OBs so I could have conversations about the type of birth I envisioned etc… but also boring is good, so no major complaints.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave: I got a LOT done this weekend, and it felt great. Rant: Snow storm tonight and miserable weather through Friday… WTH?

6. Any milestones coming up? Viability potential at 24 weeks… and then EVERY week feels like a milestone because the chances of survival are higher and higher.

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?   Gosh this is hard… I’m pretty obsessed with the trials of Oscar Wilde? Does that count?

 

@miss.sally Feeling movement truly is the BEST for all moms to be but I think especially for PGAL moms. It is picking up here too just a bit. I can’t believe H hasn’t gotten in a better mood. WHAT GIVES, Dude?!??! Sounds like there is an imbalance if he would blow up at you for asking him to watch the kids… and my feelings would be hurt re: the work trip. I REALLY hope things improve before the holidays. Major hugs.

kagesstarshroom

@EmilyLove25 I definitely have felt like I needed this check-in recently, and a safe space to talk about these feelings is so important. I feel like I had like a month or so of like confidence haha that now has turned on me. I like thinking of every week after 25 as an achievement, in terms of those being a milestone! Like, in a positive sense. Also, I love that you are super into the Oscar Wilde trials lol. I have a book all about Allen Ginsberg's obscenity/censorship trial for his poem "Howl" in the states in the 1950s that I've used info to teach from but haven't had the chance yet to read the whole thing.

@miss.sally Is there any particular reason he is saying you shouldn't come? I talked to my ob about traveling for the holidays last time I was there, and she said I am good to travel until 2/15, which was a surprise to me, but also makes sense. I'm sorry YH is being such a douche, and I wish there were a way for you to get to him, to help him understand how his negativity affects you. 

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: 3/21, 21w2d

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing) 2--1 cp in 2018 & an mmc in early 2019.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? My Mom is planning my baby shower, and I am helping her getting the preliminary stuff together, and I can't help but worry that something will happen between now and then or even after the shower and I will feel so stupid having had one early just because that's the only time I will be in the Northeast (I live in the South) where my fam lives. I can feel baby move a lot now, and I get nervous when there are long breaks of movement, even tho my Ob said not to worry about it yettt. Physically, I am better than I have been previous months so far this month, though I am still afraid to stop taking my unisom at night. My heartburn is more apparent, so I don't want to even attempt to not take the prilosec, but I am hoping for a day in the near future I can trial run not taking the unisom and see how I feel--even though ob said it was fine to take thru the end of the pregnancy, I'm still paranoid. My Co-Star app just flashed my daily message and it says, "Run towards your fear." Whatever that means!

4. Any appointment updates? I had one last Wed, the a/s, and everything looked good! Next isn't until early Dec.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Currently in the last week of student conferences. I usually don't come to campus Mondays, though I am kind of glad I had to in some ways today because I feel like I might be more productive because of it. I have my second night of prenatal yoga tonight, in a series of three. I am already sad there are only three and hope that either I can find a course with the instructor from this series (bc I won't feel bad asking for modifications if I already know her and know she is qualified to teach prenatal) or that they'll do another series that won't interfere with my upcoming Dec. travel. Maybe I can even pop into a prenatal class when we're in the Philly area... I would really enjoy keeping up with the practice. And being in a roomful of other pregnant women is so freaking empowering.

6. Any milestones coming up? I had a paragraph here that I deleted because it was talking about something that's triggering to me regarding someone else and how something that happened to them created a milestone for me in a way, but I deleted it because even in a spoiler, I don't want it to be triggering to someone else? But I am sure we can all related to this loosely: how hearing anything about someone else can translate to a trigger, a need to get past a certain week/date/goal before we feel safe, no matter how many times we hear that everything looks good and that every pregnancy is different.

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? So many great poets and literary journals and other lit community stuff, readings and festival and conferences. The "small press world" and the poetry world are so intricate and both so beautiful and so much great work comes out of them. 

creativesoul63

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: 20w + 3d 3/27/20

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing) D&C December 2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Feeling really good! Lots of baby kicks everyday, so excited to find out last week we’re having a little girl. 💕 I keep checking my bump in the mirror every day. For some reason I feel like I’m not big enough or showing enough to be halfway thru my pregnancy, but maybe my expectations are off being a FTM.

4. Any appointment updates? Next regular check up will be on 12/4.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I’ve been making time to stay at home on weekends to hang out with DH to do stuff around the house and cook meals and watch movies... it’s been really nice. Usually I get FOMO if I don’t attend every social thing I’m invited to, but I don’t care so much anymore? My mother says I’m nesting lol.

6. Any milestones coming up? I know y’all mentioned this 24 week thing and I had to google it but... I’m not really going to consider that a milestone or my anxiety will just go crazy. I just passed the halfway mark and that’s good enough for me. Happy to have no more until I hit 3rd trimester!

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? I have a small side business doing face painting for birthday parties and special events! Obviously a lot of people have heard of face painting but not a lot of people do it lol. It’s such a fun creative outlet for me and great extra income. The face painting community is full of wonderful people was well. Lots of opportunities to learn online or attend conventions.

creativesoul63

@kagesstarshroom thank you for bringing the thread back and thank you for being sensitive about triggering stories!

projectalice

@miss.sally my husband is being a pita too. Seems like he's almost always upset about something. I didn't clean the house, or the dishes, or I don't know what to eat, or something. It's hard. I have less patience with my kid as well. I'm really trying hard though to remember to be patient and kind anyway. 

@EmilyLove25 we had snow all day today and my husband may not make it to work tomorrow. He spent a couple hours in a ditch tonight because he doesn't know how to drive in snow. 😑

@kagesstarshroom I love the idea of prenatal yoga. I would love to do it with others but I don't have my own car so that won't work. If I can remember I'll try searching YouTube. I'm super out of shape.

@creativesoul63 I don't feel like my bump is big enough either, and I'm a stm. In fact, I haven't gained any weight at all this pregnancy. I have mixed feelings about it. I just look a little fat, I've had people not realize I'm pregnant - they must figure I'm just a little pudgy.

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: March 15/22 weeks 1 day

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing) 1 in 2015 and 2 in 2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Not good honestly. Physically I just have no motivation or energy. I feel bad that my kid has so much screen time. I've been a bit down with everything - my mom has terminal cancer and it's almost the end. She only has weeks left if that. She won't be able to be there for the birth or help after, or see her first granddaughter. I'm just struggling right now with it all. I'll spare you all the details. 

4. Any appointment updates? I need to find a new ob now that I moved states and I'm not real thrilled about it. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not really. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Just the viability in 2 weeks. 

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? I used to keep wallabies, and most don't really know much about them. They are lovely creatures and very sweet pets.

miss.sally

@projectalice I’m so sorry about your mom. How horrible. I can’t imagine going through that EVER, let alone while pregnant. And I’m also sorry that your H is being a butt, too. I hope that you’re able to still take care of yourself over the next few weeks and find peace. ❤️ 

treetop19

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: March 10

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing): CP in 2014, 8 week loss in 2014, 13 week loss in Oct 2018.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally, once I got past my 13 week milestone, I started feeling a lot safer about this pregnancy.  I haven't worried too much lately after several good appointments so I feel like I'm in a good place right now.  Physically, dealing with lots of heartburn.  Fatigue has improved but that may be because I caught up on sleep this weekend. 

4. Any appointment updates? Usually check up in Dec.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave, I'm so thankful for good news that everything seems to be on track so far.

6. Any milestones coming up? All my milestones have passed, feeling pretty good about that.

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?   I guess, the whole family goes deer hunting each year, which might be unusual depending on where you're from. 

@miss.sally, that's too bad about DH.     take care of yourself.

@emilylove25, I hear you on the 'boring' appointments.. my last one was pretty much a quick listen with the doppler and that was it.

@kagesstarshroom, sorry about the heartburn.. I have pretty bad heartburn too and it's just making eating/lying down miserable.  that's cool you're interested in the literary world.. I'm an English major myself but haven't been back to school since I finished my bachelor's.  I feel so out of the loop now!

@creativesoul63, it definitely took me awhile to really 'show' as a FTM, so I think that might be normal for a lot of people.  It wasn't until I was 7 months along that people in my office even took notice... before then they just assumed I put on a bit of weight.  lol. and socially, life definitely changes after baby - there just isn't the time for a lot of social life anymore.  I was the same way - I started to go out less and less while pregnant, and looking back, it was almost like preparation for my new life in a way.  

aerie_star

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: March 13 22w4d

2. Previous loss(es)? (If you feel comfortable sharing) 2

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I'm ok now. Regular movement has really calmed me down. 

4. Any appointment updates? Next appointment is 12/3 - GD test and probably my anti-d antibody screen.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up? none

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?  I tend to listen to Japanese rock?

Malidocious

@kagesstarshroom Thank you for posting this!  I'm late to the game (ALWAYS) but I love reading all of the updates and seeing you ladies are doing okay.  

1. EDD/Days & Weeks: Due March 13th, I'll be 23 weeks tomorrow!

2. Previous loss(es)?  Two, both earlier this year.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I'm still constantly in a state of anxiety about this pregnancy in some way or another.  First, it was that I hadn't felt the baby move at all yet when it seemed like everyone else was; and now I get nervous when I haven't felt her move around some days (now that I've finally felt her moving most days).  I'm just always nervous and full of anxiety.  I likely need to start Zoloft (I know, I know, I sound like the worst broken record since I've been going back and forth on this for forever) but my partner is soooooo against it, so I've held off.  I feel like I'm legitimately losing control of my thoughts and feelings, though.  I live my life on autopilot.  Nothing is enjoyable.  Nothing is fun.  I love being at home with my dogs and cat (and partner) but I don't really do anything while I'm there except putter around.  I don't even really enjoy cross-stitching the way I used to.  I can't focus at work or at home.  All the signs point to untreated clinical depression (with pregnancy hormones on top of it), so I need to just have the tough conversation with my partner and start the medication.  My life has been a whirlwind of craziness starting with the entire month of October, and I just know myself, that I do function better with medication.  He thinks I should just hold off, though.  :-\  And my PGAL brain has managed to hold on to the Worst Case Scenarios I read about a few months ago about babies with heart conditions due to antidepressants.  I wish someone would just shake some sense into me (well, not physically, but mentally).  

4. Any appointment updates? I have an appointment a week from today on the 22nd for the glucose test and a general checkup.  I also am getting another U/S because they weren't able to get one of the measurements necessary during the anatomy scan last month.  I'm definitely not complaining about getting to see the LO again!  I just love her so much.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?  My rave is that I felt the baby move finally and she's been moving around on and off most days.  BEST. FEELING. EVER!   My rant is that I've felt incredibly bloated the last few days and it's painful!  I'm not really pooping very much (TMI) so that might have a role in it.  But I feel like I just finished eating a huge meal and it's uncomfortable to move around.  Maybe it's the baby growing, but my brain is consumed with worry.

6. Any milestones coming up?  The viability at this point is a huge milestone in and of itself and each week from here on out is a huge blessing. 

7. GTKY:  What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?  I think pretty much everyone has heard of the stuff I'm into... especially cross-stitch.  That's my biggest passion -- art, in general. 

-------------------

@miss.sally I'm sorry your DH has been so poopy lately.  The way you're describing his temper and stuff reminds me a LOT of my ex-husband, who had bipolar disorder.  It was so hard always having to be the upbeat one, as to not irritate him further or cause any sort of disruption to his normal routine.  I hope your husband gets a grip soon because it's sooooooo not fair to you.  And for him to decide that you shouldn't come on the trip is a huge bummer.  I'm so sorry.   

@EmilyLove25 I completely agree that feeling movement is great for all moms, but it's especially beneficial to those of us who have experienced loss.  That immediate reassurance that everything is okay based on one little kick is EVERYTHING to me right now.

@kagesstarshroom I don't know what the Co-Star app is, but "run toward your fear" made me smile. Also, I'm super jealous of your prenatal yoga class!  I registered at a yoga studio a few weeks ago because they claimed they offered prenatal classes, but there have been zero actually offered except for one through the hospital which was completely booked.  

@creativesoul83 I feel you on not feeling big enough sometimes.  Not very many people have noticed I am pregnant if I'm not wearing form-fitting outfits.  Then again, some days I feel like I'm out of control huge already and am not sure how much more growing my body can do!  But I'm a FTM too, so I never know what is truly normal or not.  Also, passing the halfway mark of pregnancy is totally and completely a milestone!   

@projectalice I'm sorry you've been so down lately; I am in the same boat.  I just feel this heavy cloud over me all the time.  I lack motivation to do anything.  Even fun stuff has felt like an absolute chore.  I am so, so sorry about your mom.  It's okay and safe here if you do want to vent about how you're feeling, though. We are all here for you.

@treetop19 That's great that your anxiety has calmed down after your great doctors appointments!  Big YAY to  everything being right on track.  

@aerie_star Yay for regular movement!  It really is the most calming thing ever for a PGAL brain.  

creativesoul63

@Malidocious Just wanted to say that I thought of you the other day, because I was looking around for a cute Harry Potter themed name sign to hang in the nursery, and I couldn’t find what I wanted, until I came across this cross-stitch pattern, so now I’m going to make this my winter project, and I’m so excited to get started! Hope you are cross-stitching things for baby, I’m sure whatever you make will be beautiful and maybe it will re-spark your passion. ❤️

Malidocious

@creativesoul63 Aw that is so cute!  I love that it made you think of me!  I have yet to cross-stitch anything for the nursery, but I absolutely plan to!!  I have some floral stitches that I did last year that I'm thinking of incorporating into the nursery... but I'm not sure yet.  I might stitch up something totally new, though.  I've been working on Christmas ornament cross-stitches the last few weeks, I'm just so much slower than I used to be when I felt happier or more peaceful. 

Here's the ones I did last year that I'm thinking of using in the nursery —