@chewie5990 I am torn on this one. In many ways, I understand what you were saying. When it comes to the overall well-being and health of the child I do think the father has equal say in what happens (wanting genetic testing, etc) I get frustrated sometimes when friends husbands get completely brushed off like their opinions don’t matter; However, there is a TON of grey area here. I’ll avoid the most obvious and controversial arguments but many of the health decisions affect the mother as well. Should the father get a say about the mom getting an epidural? Should he try to talk her into a VBAC? I’d say absolutely not.
i agree with @catem07 about equal say in that delivery though.
sorry if this was a little bit incoherent and disorganized. I’m exhausted and my brain hasn’t been functioning super well lately.
@newmomtx06 I made the comment about - my body - my right. What I meant was, I do believe that if it directly relates to my body then it’s my decision - so I think things like - epidurals or breastfeeding are 100% my decision because they directly relate to my body. I just see a lot of comments like “he can make that decision when he births a baby” or women who believe just because they gave birth they deserve to make more decisions
@chewie5990 the only decision I've made that obviously should be 50/50 but I pulled the it's in me I make the decision card is finding the sex of the baby. MH can't keep a secret to save his life and he would definitely ruin my surprise. He's come around now and knows it's important to me so after asking once if we can find out before birth he now goes into all US even though they can't tell yet and reminds them we don't want to know and asks if it can be put in the chart so no one ever messes up.
On the topic of making decisions during pregnancy: my friend is a sono tech. She told me a story about a patient that didn't believe she was pg and wanted a hysterectomy. Her OB sent her in for a formal OB sono, her bf came along. When my friend was starting she said ok we're here for your ob sono and patient says no, this is a pre op sono for my hysterectomy. Tech was confused but said ok, lets just see what's happening, starts exam and lo and behold, there's a baby. The bf was super excited asking if everything looked ok and asked if she could tell the sex. The patient yelled no! She absolutely didn't want to know if it was ok and what it was. In that situation, if my friend had told the bf that information, it would be a hippa violation since she was the patient, not him. So when it comes to decisions, medically speaking, mom's in charge. She's the patient. That being said, this was a weird extreme case, in most situations, the couple makes decisions together. I whole heartedly believe that a couple should decide EVERYTHING together, it's both of their baby.
I go back and forth on how much say dad gets. We are pretty much in agreement on everything BUT his mom being in the delivery room again. Last time, I felt like she was a little too much, like when I would ask the nurse a question and she would answer (she is not a nurse or doctor). And really I felt like there were too many people in general, but I am also a great big baby myself and want my mom there because seriously she can keep me calm. Also I think some of it is his mom and I don't get along the best, if it was his stepmom sure as hell she can come in. I will probably give in again because I don't think it is fair or nice but I also am kind of hoping that she will be racing her drag car and won't be close enough to make it in time (yes I am a terrible person).
As far as other medical decisions go like pain management for me while in labor, that I do think is my choice, I am the one feeling the pain I decide how much I can mentally and emotionally take. As far as after the baby is here, we agree on vaccines and other testing that might need to be done so it is really a non-issue. That being said I do have friends that have fought about vaccines and other things with their SO in regards to their baby and I do think that fathers have a 50/50 say for the most part but I also say we should follow science.
Gender reveal parties aren’t my cup of tea either, but I have to confess they’re all over my Facebook feed lately and I’ve been watching them all.
*****trigger warning
There was one video where the couple first opened a box and a bunch of white balloons came out and they read an acknowledgement of the couple’s previous losses and omg was I ever ugly-crying.
@brettanomyces we were talking about a gender reveals at my OB office when I went and the receptionist told me she had just read of two with the smoke cannon things where they shot them and two of the elderly at the parties had heart attacks and died. I was like oh so now it’s deadly too?!
That being said I want to do something fun for DS because he keeps asking if he’s getting a brother or sister.
@mamaj1220 at a gender reveal in Iowa last month they had a homemade one of those cannons, and it basically exploded and shrapnel killed one of the guests. I think they go way too far.
-I didn’t let my kids watch much tv until we moved in with my IL’s who refuse to baby proof. I use the tv to keep them from being unjustly yelled at constantly. When we are back in our own home, I’ll probably back way off again.
-I’m almost phobic about having to smell someone else’s breath. I don’t even really like to kiss my husband and he doesn’t have bad breath. I’m just afraid he might.
-I don’t really enjoy watching tv much myself. I’d much rather do something else. Watching movies at home feels like a prison.
-I hate hand washing dishes. I think it’s a waste of time and money. I’m adding this because step-MIL believes hand washing her dishes and making her bed every day is some kind of virtue. It isn’t. If it makes you happy, rad. It does not however make you superior. Also dish sponges are gross and sink strainers make me gag.
@Austenista YES to the bad breath thing. My H is fine, but literally everyone else stay away from me with your breath. Also, I can get behind making the bed every day, but washing dishes by hand is the literal worst. 90% of our marital disputes ended when we moved into an apartment with a dishwasher.
@bender29 I wish there was like a "WOW" face instead of Love it for that comment. I don't get doing anything dangerous like that and I say no to balloons because wild animals.
@Austenista dish sponges are so gross. We use a brush instead and I periodically throw it in the dishwasher to "sanitize" it. My last roommate was appalled that I didn't own a dish sponge and had to go out and buy some.
On the dawn of Disney+ this is only fitting. I plan never to bring my children to Disney world or Disney land. My husband and I have never been. We never want to go.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
Re: FFFC 11/8
i agree with @catem07 about equal say in that delivery though.
sorry if this was a little bit incoherent and disorganized. I’m exhausted and my brain hasn’t been functioning super well lately.
As far as other medical decisions go like pain management for me while in labor, that I do think is my choice, I am the one feeling the pain I decide how much I can mentally and emotionally take. As far as after the baby is here, we agree on vaccines and other testing that might need to be done so it is really a non-issue. That being said I do have friends that have fought about vaccines and other things with their SO in regards to their baby and I do think that fathers have a 50/50 say for the most part but I also say we should follow science.
I DIDNT POST AN INTRO!!!
*****trigger warning
There was one video where the couple first opened a box and a bunch of white balloons came out and they read an acknowledgement of the couple’s previous losses and omg was I ever ugly-crying.
That being said I want to do something fun for DS because he keeps asking if he’s getting a brother or sister.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022