January 2020 Moms
kbrown2385
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GTKY - The Crap People Say Edition 11/7
kbrown2385
member
Tell us the inappropriate or weird things people have said to you during this pregnancy.
Re: GTKY - The Crap People Say Edition 11/7
I haven't gotten much this time around. The worst probably was "how much weight have you gained?" Which sounds bad, but was said by my friend who instantly realized it wasn't an appropriate question and apologized 😂
With my DS, a number of people asked me if he was planned, which I found wildly inappropriate. (I was in grad school at The time, so I think people were mostly noting/wondering about my motivations for having a baby while finishing up my PhD, but still!)
With DD, the most memorable was when I was 40 weeks + 1 day pregnant and waiting outside my work for the shuttle bus. A lady asked me when I was due to which I replied "yesterday". She looked me up and down and said "wow, that baby is still really high, you're not having her anytime soon." Gee, thanks lady! (For the record, I went into labor the next day.)
2 male coworkers have got the full effect of my wrath this morning as one told me i "had really ballooned out" and another as i standing at the printer beside his desk went "wow you bump is massive". Both of these men have children and should know better and i told them so whilst also giving them a good dose of dont be rude & ignorant!
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
And, then, of course MIL who, on her recent visit, bombarded me with questions about how my pregnancy is going, how my doctors appts are, how much swelling I'm experiencing, whether or not I plan on breastfeeding, and several other questions about how I plan on raising my son (of course with inserts on how SHE did things) She's generally very kind and I get it's her grandkid but it was very offputting. I don't know her all that well as I've only seen her a handful of times since I even met MH as she lives in another state, so the whole 20 (very personal) questions felt very invasive but I didn't feel comfortable telling her so as she's my MIL whom I am still getting to know, so I just answered as best I could without being snarky or giving away more information than I was comfortable with. But yea, what is it about pregnancy that makes people think your health and/or plans for baby is their business?
Edit: more to add
A guy at work told another guy that women over 35 can't get pregnant without invasive and expensive treatment. I interjected and said "The current contents of my uterus say otherwise."
But, in my LAST pregnancy tops it all, one person said how lucky I was to have it end the way it did, because I'm too old to have a baby, and think about all the stuff I'm not going to have to do anymore! And all I could think about was all the stuff I'd never get to do.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
From my OB: Now, FFR, I just need to know...was this planned or unplanned? Me: We decided to wait and see what happened. We kind of wanted one last chance. OB: Guess what! Everything still works! (and she hugs me)
BFF: Yay! You've almost caught up with me! You still have to have one more!
My mom: What?! OMG OMG OMG OMG! (You'd think this was her first grandchild not her 8th.)
From the NP: OK, I'm guessing we DIDN'T take the birth control pills? Me: They turned me into a crazy person. *SO nods emphatically* NP: OK, then! Maybe an IUD next time?
From a work friend: What?! Why?! You were almost finished!!! Me: Ummmm...(DS1 hadn't even turned 7 at the time) I'm no where NEAR finished. Hell, DD is 23 and I'm not finished.
From the same work friend: You do know what causes this right? Me: America's Ass.
SFW Funny:
"That *IS* America's ass" Drooooooolllllll
After seeing a late night showing of Avengers, I came home, stripped, and collapsed into bed, too tired to put on PJs. SO took that to mean I wanted to play. 10 days, achy boobs, crazy sense of smell, and a migraine later...BFP.
@leprechaunlady There must be something in the water that causes there to be so many idiots near you.
1) Who said these were IVF twins (they aren't)? Can twins not be conceived naturally (they were)?
2) I don't care if I was 25 or 45- infertility issues are real (as someone with PCOS I understand this) and serious and if I needed IVF at 25 I would do it (without a doubt)
3) Why is how they were conceived any of your damn business lady!!!
For me this pregnancy I haven't been getting many comments but last pregnancy I was so annoyed, "ooo what a small bump" .... "easy for you to have a baby since it was so fast while this and this cousin struggled and needed a C section". Now when someone say's oh you're so tiny (in a negative way), I say yaaaa but I make 10lbs babies and just look good so thank you
I honestly used to get more comments before even having a kid, like ooo your hips are so small you won't be able to have kids? Now that I've "proven" myself I don't get as many comments.
”leprechaunlady I was looking at your bump earlier & are you sure you have your dates right”
my response was fuck off, theres 2 in there 😡
i'm sending those men diarrhea karma
That's right up there with SO telling me, "Well, you have a human life inside you."
@amb0924 I try to remind myself it’s preparing me for all the “are they identical?” questions I will inevitably get. It’s annoying af though.
Also: NMIL wants to come stay with us for the first few weeks because I'm a new mom and will need lots of help, and I'm really not aware of how much work newborns are. Ummm....JUST NO. 1) My parents are a block away. If I need companionship or a break I can walk or drive there. 2) your last child was born in 1977. Things have changed. 3) I could be mistaken, but I have two kids already...I'm pretty sure this isn't my first rodeo.
EDIT - I am absolutely not knocking SAHMs. I was one for 18mos with DS1 and wouldn't change that time for anything. I know how hard it is, and how much work goes into maintaining a household while parenting young kids. In the end, I need to work...if only to get a break from the kids!
I am also fed up people telling me that I wont go back to work after having the twins! If its anything like when I had dd, I’ll be running back! I need to work for my own sanity! I went crazy staying at home for a year! I dont know how you ladies who are sahm’s do it!
From the questions of whether I'm really coming back (um, I've done it twice already, pretty sure I know what im in for) to the assumptions that I'm going to be a blubbering wreck when I come back (not really, again, done this twice already!) My own dad also thinks that I secretly wish I could be a SAHM. I'm sure part of it is that he's from a different time when working moms were less common, but there's also a nasty undercurrent of "DH can't support you properly, so you HAVE to work" which is seriously not appreciated!
there's also a nasty undercurrent of "DH can't support you properly, so you HAVE to work"
OMG, yes! This is my NMIL's reasoning. If my SO could support me properly, then I could stay home with the baby where I belong. Which isn't helping our situation at ALL. I sometimes want to tell her to STFU and worry about her other kids. I like being able to support myself and contribute to our household. I like working. I get that we come from different cultures and eras in life, but in 2020, marriages and LTR are partnerships, and in our partnership, we both contribute to financial and domestic household duties.
People need to butt out about how we decide to organize our lives.