I didn't read all of Happiest Baby on the Block, but their 5 S's was such vital information to my husband and I with our first when we were so clueless. I feel like it put both of us on the same page and gave us some tools to soothe DD in the early days. You can probably get the same info by watching a 5 minute video...
Is anyone writing out a birth plan? I really want to because there are some things that I want during labor and delivery but I don't know where to start. Any templates and/or website recommendations to get me started?
@stacey6689 there are a ton on Pinterest! My biggest recommendation would be to not feel badly if you have to deviate. I wrote out a plan for my first and wasn’t able to follow almost any of it. You truly cannot predict how your labor/delivery will go. So even though it’s nice to have an idea of how you’d like things, odds are it won’t happen that way. I went into my second birth with a “whatever happens, happens” attitude and the entire experience was SO much better and less stressful!
@kagesstarshroom I read a lot of birth stories and listened (and still listen) to the Birth Hour Podcast, which has been amazing for me to hear all kinds of different situations. As for newborn care, I liked Moms On Call.
@stacey6689 I wrote a birth plan the first time around, but probably won't bother this time. The nurses did ready it, and I was very firm on DH announcing the sex of the baby, instead of the doctor, so they even wrote that on the board for everyone in the room to know. But otherwise, many of my wishes went out the window, like no epidural/episiotomy, delayed cord clamping, etc. I probably won't bother this time around. I wouldn't discourage anyone else from having one prepared, but as @miss.sally said, don't feel badly about going "off plan."
@stacey6689 see if your hospital has a template or form. Mine did as part of the pre-check in procedure! Since it was their form they had it printed when I got there and followed it pretty closely plus it included options they had available that I got to learn about (like all the laboring suits had jacuzzi tubs and those big balls you bounce on that the name is escaping me). Of course be prepared for it not to go your way too, DS needed a vacuum assist so they had to do an episiotomy and he had to have antibiotics so that caused a few more things to be broken off my list of wants for him. Still they tried their best to follow my wishes and I would never want my birth plan to be more important that what a doctor decides is medically necessary for our health at the time.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@stacey6689, I second what @varimama said - your hospital might have a template or form for a birth plan - mine did as well, and it was tailor-made to their specific facility and options, so that was the handiest way to let them know my wishes. and I also agree with @mrsvp614 and @miss.sally, birth is never predictable. For my first, I had dreams of this peaceful, wonderful, med-free experience.. one thing I wasn't prepared for was the extreme amount of pain (I was induced, which, if it can be avoided, I would avoid it.. I was given the choice to induce or not since I was only a few days past my due date at the time.) Long story short, I ended up going for the epidural and I was disappointed in myself. My birth with DS was completely med-free.. but... I can't say it was what I really dreamed of, either, due to pain, or due to him having to be suctioned immediately after birth so we missed our skin-to-skin time right after. The important thing really is to not beat yourself up or to become too rigid in your 'ideal' birth, but also, to advocate for yourself and let staff know what your goals are going in. The best part is really that sweet newborn at the end, anyway, and how they got here isn't going to matter in the big scheme of things.
@stacey6689 FTM here. And I won’t be doing a birth plan. I mentioned this earlier, I’m all about the “nothing is in my control anyway” mentality, so I felt like doing a birth plan would make me even more anxious and stressed if things don’t go my way, at a time where I will already be terrified lol I’m taking the same approach with breastfeeding.
I’m a medical social worker and big mental health advocate, so I think it’s important you just keep in mind who you are and what your triggers might be and plan (or not plan) accordingly. I’m a Type A person, huge planner and researcher which stems from my anxiety disorder and need to control every aspect of life. So this new mentality is a complete 180 from my norm, but I’m taking it as my first lesson in parenthood lol
@mrsc918 FTM as well and I am taking the same approach. I have anxiety as well and I just know that knowingly making a plan for something that I have little control over will send my anxiety and stress through the roof. 🤞🤞
@stacey6689 FTM here. And I won’t be doing a birth plan. I mentioned this earlier, I’m all about the “nothing is in my control anyway” mentality, so I felt like doing a birth plan would make me even more anxious and stressed if things don’t go my way, at a time where I will already be terrified lol I’m taking the same approach with breastfeeding.
I’m a medical social worker and big mental health advocate, so I think it’s important you just keep in mind who you are and what your triggers might be and plan (or not plan) accordingly. I’m a Type A person, huge planner and researcher which stems from my anxiety disorder and need to control every aspect of life. So this new mentality is a complete 180 from my norm, but I’m taking it as my first lesson in parenthood lol
This is exactly how I was with my son 😁
I am a fairly anxious person and being pregnant terrified me because of the lack of control, but once I was pregnant lol... I was just all "what will be will be!"
I too didn't make a birth plan, and I was very happy with how my labor went (I was also very lucky to have a relatively uncomplicated labor, so that obviously influences how I feel looking back). I was induced out of medical necessity. And I then had an epidural, but I'd never ruled them out and always felt like I was making my own decisions at the time rather than having to deviate from my plans, if that makes sense. So, for me, not having a birth plan worked well, and I will likely do the same this time.
@Madamemerle omg me too!! I thought i was going to have the worst anxiety during pregnancy from no control but I’m so proud of myself - I’ve had a normal amount of anxiety lol and just let it be what it will be too!
FTM here, and I don’t plan on having much of a plan for similar reasons as @mrsc918, but I just looked up some templates and good lord, having never done this before, how the heck are you supposed to know what you want?! What are the pros/cons to different birthing positions/props? Delaying cord clamping? Delaying baby’s first bath? I plan on taking a prenatal class so I guess I’ll find some of this out, but wow, option overload!
@creativesoul63, I know what you mean - it's a lot! As far as different birthing positions/props, I don't think anyone can really know what will work best for them until they are in actual labor, and even in the same woman, her labors can differ from each other (due to baby position, other health factors, FTM or STM, ect.) What I did on my plan was just select that I was open to trying everything other than epidural/pain meds - and during my labor, we did try out everything. some things worked, some things were an epic fail. I did select that I preferred not to birth on my back, but standing, sitting, or squatting, but they didn't honor that wish. ( birthing on your back the way most places do it, you're working against gravity and some people can find it harder to push in that position.) when I went med-free, I could feel the pressure and pain more intensely in my back when they forced me to lay on my back (to the point where it was unbearable), but I couldn't feel that in the birth I had with the epidural so I didn't know at that time it was a 'bad' position for me.
Some people want delayed cord-clamping because the cord is still pulsating and transferring blood from the placenta to the baby after birth, and they want the baby to get the benefit of having 'all' of the extra nutrients rather than just having it snipped off. Sometimes medical situations don't allow for this though- with my DS, he pooped before birth, so he needed to have his airway suctioned immediately after being born to avoid infection.
I haven't heard about the reasons for delaying the bath personally. My hospital did give the option to avoid taking the newborn for awhile after birth, so mom/baby have a chance to bond.
@creativesoul83 I don’t think they expect you to know the answers to everything, a lot of it is what are you willing to try and what are you not. Like for positions do you want to move around and try different things or do you want to be in the traditional laying in bed? This choice will affect your other choices like if you want to move around you can’t have an epidural. @treetop19 explained cord clamping pretty well.
As for delayed bath, your baby is born covered in white stuff called vernix. Some people believe it has great benefits for the baby to absorb some of that so they delay the bath until later. I liked delaying the bath so that the nurse showed us what to do!
Even if you aren’t doing a birth plan I recommend at least knowing your hospitals options and standard policies. Your birth plan can be as specific and long as you want or as short as you want.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@kagesstarshroom I love BOTH of those books. Keep in mind, I
buy into a lot of Doctor Sears beliefs about parenting etc. so you might want
to see if you philosophically align with him first (most people either adore or hate him... I love everything he has to say aside from co-sleeping in some respects). Birth without Fear is
AMAZING to me (but I love birth stories). Also a big fan of everything Ina May Gaskin has done (Guide to
Childbirth)… but of course it depends a lot on what type of birth you want! I
love @orbmaker and the suggestion that you get a balanced look… if you read all
about unmedicated birth, then you won’t be prepared for how an induction or
epidural can change things. Also I say this ALL the time, but The Birth Hour
podcast can be life changing. All birth stories and SO much information. I find
it THRILLING to listen to birth stories! Also watching The Business of Being
Born is AMAZING. I saw it between DD and DS and it totally changed my
perspective on birth.
@mrsc918 It isn’t ALL beyond your control. Have you seen The
Business of Being Born? Great way to start (if you are birthing in America
especially)---and since you aren’t much of a reader, this might be great for
you!
Thank you ladies for all the advice. Like @creativesoul63 I find the templates so overwhelming. I am glad I am not the only one not really with a plan. My hospital offers prenatal classes so I am just hoping to get as much info from them and just go with the flow.
@EmilyLove25 I have always been weirdly scared to watch The Business of Being Born? I was like, "oh, when I decide I want to have kids I will watch it." and then it was like, "okay, when I get KU, I will watch it." and NOW I'm like "I know this is going to probably make me mad, so *should* I watch it?"
@emilyace I noticed in my anatomy scan that each body part they measured gave a different gestation estimate, not sure if that is related to a weight estimate. @varimama I didn't even think of hospital having loosely set birth plans, I just looked mine up and it matched pretty well to the process I had with DS after c-section (DD went to NICU, not much according to plan there). They delayed his bath, and their site says to regulate temperature. @stacey6689 When I had DD in 2015 the BMBs stayed active through birth stories, so I would read ALL the birth stories from months leading up to mine and learned that no two deliveries are alike!! However nothing wrong with coming up with a loose idea of what you want, or other specifics, like @mrsvp614 having husband announce sex of baby is an awesome idea. My nurses asked a lot about my feelings on visitors, and let me know I could cue them to kick people out at any time. With my first it was a bit overwhelming because we induced so had people in and out visiting for about ten hours and that was exhausting and I feel like I didn't really get to spend the time with DH. For my c-section, I'm not sure if it was specific to my recovery nurse but she did not let anyone near us for a good hour or two after delivery, which I felt bad for the family in the waiting area, but it was actually kind of nice!! So maybe give your nurses or family a plan or how you want to structure visitation ahead of time, as it's the last thing you'll want to stress about in the moment. Whoever mentioned the Lamaze class, maybe in another post, I don't actually know if those are helpful, but found myself kind of wishing I had taken one. I got my epidural super early, possibly due to inducing, and so then was just stuck on my back for my body to do the rest. And when it came to pushing, I thought I would get that urge feeling, but I had no idea what to do and couldn't feel anything!!
Re: Weekly Question Thread w/o 10/28
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
As for newborn care, I liked Moms On Call.
@stacey6689 I wrote a birth plan the first time around, but probably won't bother this time. The nurses did ready it, and I was very firm on DH announcing the sex of the baby, instead of the doctor, so they even wrote that on the board for everyone in the room to know. But otherwise, many of my wishes went out the window, like no epidural/episiotomy, delayed cord clamping, etc. I probably won't bother this time around. I wouldn't discourage anyone else from having one prepared, but as @miss.sally said, don't feel badly about going "off plan."
Married: 10.15.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
I’m a medical social worker and big mental health advocate, so I think it’s important you just keep in mind who you are and what your triggers might be and plan (or not plan) accordingly. I’m a Type A person, huge planner and researcher which stems from my anxiety disorder and need to control every aspect of life. So this new mentality is a complete 180 from my norm, but I’m taking it as my first lesson in parenthood lol
I am a fairly anxious person and being pregnant terrified me because of the lack of control, but once I was pregnant lol... I was just all "what will be will be!"
I too didn't make a birth plan, and I was very happy with how my labor went (I was also very lucky to have a relatively uncomplicated labor, so that obviously influences how I feel looking back). I was induced out of medical necessity. And I then had an epidural, but I'd never ruled them out and always felt like I was making my own decisions at the time rather than having to deviate from my plans, if that makes sense. So, for me, not having a birth plan worked well, and I will likely do the same this time.
Some people want delayed cord-clamping because the cord is still pulsating and transferring blood from the placenta to the baby after birth, and they want the baby to get the benefit of having 'all' of the extra nutrients rather than just having it snipped off. Sometimes medical situations don't allow for this though- with my DS, he pooped before birth, so he needed to have his airway suctioned immediately after being born to avoid infection.
I haven't heard about the reasons for delaying the bath personally. My hospital did give the option to avoid taking the newborn for awhile after birth, so mom/baby have a chance to bond.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@kagesstarshroom I love BOTH of those books. Keep in mind, I buy into a lot of Doctor Sears beliefs about parenting etc. so you might want to see if you philosophically align with him first (most people either adore or hate him... I love everything he has to say aside from co-sleeping in some respects). Birth without Fear is AMAZING to me (but I love birth stories). Also a big fan of everything Ina May Gaskin has done (Guide to Childbirth)… but of course it depends a lot on what type of birth you want! I love @orbmaker and the suggestion that you get a balanced look… if you read all about unmedicated birth, then you won’t be prepared for how an induction or epidural can change things. Also I say this ALL the time, but The Birth Hour podcast can be life changing. All birth stories and SO much information. I find it THRILLING to listen to birth stories! Also watching The Business of Being Born is AMAZING. I saw it between DD and DS and it totally changed my perspective on birth.
@mrsc918 It isn’t ALL beyond your control. Have you seen The Business of Being Born? Great way to start (if you are birthing in America especially)---and since you aren’t much of a reader, this might be great for you!
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
@varimama I didn't even think of hospital having loosely set birth plans, I just looked mine up and it matched pretty well to the process I had with DS after c-section (DD went to NICU, not much according to plan there). They delayed his bath, and their site says to regulate temperature.
@stacey6689 When I had DD in 2015 the BMBs stayed active through birth stories, so I would read ALL the birth stories from months leading up to mine and learned that no two deliveries are alike!! However nothing wrong with coming up with a loose idea of what you want, or other specifics, like @mrsvp614 having husband announce sex of baby is an awesome idea. My nurses asked a lot about my feelings on visitors, and let me know I could cue them to kick people out at any time. With my first it was a bit overwhelming because we induced so had people in and out visiting for about ten hours and that was exhausting and I feel like I didn't really get to spend the time with DH. For my c-section, I'm not sure if it was specific to my recovery nurse but she did not let anyone near us for a good hour or two after delivery, which I felt bad for the family in the waiting area, but it was actually kind of nice!! So maybe give your nurses or family a plan or how you want to structure visitation ahead of time, as it's the last thing you'll want to stress about in the moment.
Whoever mentioned the Lamaze class, maybe in another post, I don't actually know if those are helpful, but found myself kind of wishing I had taken one. I got my epidural super early, possibly due to inducing, and so then was just stuck on my back for my body to do the rest. And when it came to pushing, I thought I would get that urge feeling, but I had no idea what to do and couldn't feel anything!!