WRW October 2019

jackie_dunny

***General TW that this thread might contain discussions mentioning MC and loss.*** 

Welcome to Waiting Room Wednesday! You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. 

I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the month if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.
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When do you think you will start TTC? 

What brings you to WRW?

Any R/R?

GTKY: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going as? If not, what has been your favorite costume in the past?

jackie_dunny

When do you think you will start TTC? November 2020

What brings you to WRW? WELL! This is kind of a rant but I'm putting it here because it goes here better. I used to think that I had bad baby fever because I was so excited to be a mom and experience pregnancy, etc. but now, seemingly out of nowhere, the baby fever has gotten really bad. Like, REALLY bad. To the point where I actually feel super down and my heart feels empty and it's ALL I can think about. Everyone keeps saying, "Yeah, but at least you're not up to your elbows in baby poop or waking up at 3am to a screaming baby" and while I try to remind myself that I'll regret saying this when the time comes but I WANT all that. As crazy as that sounds. 

Any R/R?
Rant - It's long so I'll put it in a spoiler.

SO! Two weeks ago, on my way to work I was driving down a country lane. Now here in the UK a country lane is smaller than a one way road in the US. Can barely fit my tiny smart car down it, it's so narrow. BUT it's still a two way street. There's also "no speed limit" Technically it's 60mph but only a baffoon goes that fast. Everyone else does about 20-30. So anyway, I was driving down this country lane when some moron comes speeding around a bend causing me to quickly swerve off the road and my little car basically goes off-roading in the trees and bushes on the side. I was bumping around like crazy and just screaming. Fast forward to this past Tuesday (a week ago), I have to take my dog to the vet because he ripped one of his claws off down to the bone and I had to use PTO from work. DH and I go in the morning, no appointments available which we expected but the receptionist has two available at 3:30 or 3:45 later on. She says to go with the later in case they're running late, we won't be as affected. On the way back to the vets later on, I get a flat tire. It made me about 5 minutes late to the appointment. I arrive in a huff, "Sorry, I'm late, got a flat tire" yada yada. New receptionist says, "We'll try to get you in but we're all booked up" Huh? "But I have an appointment. I'm only 5 minutes late." "Your appointment was at 3:00" Uhhhh, no! She says take a seat and she'll see what she can do. The first receptionist is now back at the desk with the second. I see people going in and out of the vet doors. I go up to the desk after about 15 minutes and say, "So what's going on here then? Are we going to be seen today?" Another long story short, the first receptionist starts belittling me and telling me there was no way she was wrong and that it was my mistake therefore they didn't have to fix it, etc. I was FUMING by this point - stressed about my dog, my car tire, and now you're telling me you're not even going to TRY to fix YOUR mistake?! I ask to speak to the manager, which I never do, and I tell her how even if it WAS my mistake (which it most definitely wasn't), to tell a customer, "Oh well, your problem!" is so unacceptable. She agreed and got me seen right away. THEN, my dog was hurt worse than we thought so he had to be taken into surgery which just broke my heart walking away from him. I go back to my car and just SOB! DH left work early to rescue me (now stranded at the vets), he has a pump so it's all good, I'll be able to take my car home and don't have to worry about the £100 (approx. $120) overnight fee in the parking lot. We look at the wheel and there is a MASSIVE hole in the tire. I could easily fit my fist in there. How I even got to the vets is a miracle. Another long story short, we got the car towed back to our house (after picking up a very sedated pooch), took the wheel off and there was an even bigger hole in the back of the wheel. Like, the rubber was literally falling off. Basically the whole back tire was just hanging off. Of course, no tire stations have any of the smart cars tires available until the next afternoon. So more PTO from work. UGH! On top of all the anxiety and depression, October has NOT been a good start for me! Bless your heart if you read this whole thing  

Rave - A really big festival over here called Glastonbury (think along the lines of Coachella) just released their tickets this Sunday which are REALLY hard to get; they sell out in like 20-30 minutes. The access time started at 9am. I load up the screen, I was in the queue, refreshed once, and I was in  My friends didn't believe me and thought I was being an idiot and had done something wrong but nope! I got us tickets and we're going in June! SOOO excited especially because this was one of the things on mine and DH's checklist to do before TTC! 

GTKY: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going as? If not, what has been your favorite costume in the past? This shows DH's maturity level (and mine because I also secretly love it). We are going as a couple's costume. I am dressing up as Boo from Monster's Inc. and he is dressing as a bumble bee. How is that a couple's costume, you ask? Because when you put it together we are Boo-bees!

thesquidsmom

Hi all! So sorry I went MIA last month. Adjusting to the new job, traveling for work and, ya know, life made it difficult to check in! I’ll be traveling on and off until March, but will do my best to stay connected!

When do you think you will start TTC? - we’re making progress ladies!!!! With any luck, before the end of 2020. More on that below...

What brings you to WRW? - chitchat with folks about babies, life, whatever, while we wait, make decisions, etc lol

Any R/R? - RAVE: boyfriend and I went to see the Black Keys and Modest Mouse in concert Friday night at TD Garden in Boston to celebrate our anniversary (will be 6 years on November 1st) and they freaking ROCKED! We stayed in the coolest hotel right next door to the venue called CitizenM. Small but luxurious and modern hotel rooms, and then a really cool “living room” and bar area. 24hr food service, great breakfast in the morning, and just a really great atmosphere overall. Highly recommend this chain for time away with your SO... the rooms are definitely too small for a family stay but perfect for couples or a solo trip.  

More rave: So TTC... as mentioned above, we are moving right along on that front. On our way home from Boston yesterday (and without any prompting) BF brought up a few things he wanted to discuss before we have our 6-month chat in March. First, he has some debt he’d like to pay down and believes he can get it in a better place in 12 months or less. He’s not looking for perfection (thank goodness!), just a little more financial flexibility. Second, he wants to be married before we TTC!!! *squeal* Neither of us are interested in a big fat white wedding (nothing against it, I love weddings! Just not for us). No date planned for that adventure, but we both agree that we’d like it to just be us and my daughter. Maybe find a pretty spot in the woods. Not sure yet, but we’ll celebrate with family at a later date (a giant pig roast perhaps!). The house was also on his list along with.... my mom!!!! (She’s a bit over bearing and injects herself where she doesn’t belong. Gotta set some boundaries with her). I’m just so glad he wanted to get all this laid out on the table so our March sit down can be more of a check-in

GTKY: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going as? If not, what has been your favorite costume in the past? - not dressing up this year, but my favorite past Halloween costume my friend and I went as sugar skulls. it cost me zero dollars (Just wore stuff I already had in my closet and used makeup I already had on hand) and the results were stunning if I do say so myself. However, I did both my and my friends makeup which took a total of 6.5hours!

@jackie_dunny Wow! What a crazy couple of weeks you’ve had! So sorry you went through all that; I hope your pupper is doing okay now!! But hey, you got those tickets so that’s a win!!! And I hear you on the crazy baby fever. It actually makes me cry sometimes (alone of course, don’t need to scare BF anymore than I already have lol) so I totally sympathize with how you’re feeling! Here’s to a better week!

ETA: @jackie_dunny I love your couples costume idea! Very clever!!!

darkrose88

Since it is my first time posting here... just wanted to say hi and I'm looking forward to getting you all on while we are on this board.

When do you think you will start TTC? Hopefully early 2020

What brings you to WRW? Putting my reason in a spoiler box, because it is has *TW* content

So last month DH & I found out we were pregnant. We were not actively trying, and it was more of an oopsie. At first I was a little distraught - it was too soon. DS (21 months) is not potty trained, still in his crib, and is not talking so we wanted to be further along in dealing with all that. But since we were pregnant, I quickly grew attached to the idea of baby #2. Well, last week we had a MC... and now I'm a whole range of emotions. I just want to get pregnant right away again, but also know that all the reasons I described about still apply. So here I am - thinking about a baby (and also recovering from the MC) but knowing that realistically need to wait until early next year before plunge full force into baby making. Also, my TTC date is up in the air because DH is not ready to discuss yet, BUT because of my leave program at work would be ideal. I get 6 weeks of paid leave and then have to use vacation time to get to the full 12 weeks of FMLA. If I get pregnant in late Jan/early Feb (meaning a late Oct/ early Nov baby), I could get paid the entire time I'm on leave (as I get 4 weeks of vacay per year, and my vacay gets renewed on Jan 1). After 2 miscarriages (the first before DS), I know it is stupid and unrealistic to expect to get pregnant right away and also have baby stick. But I'm still going to argue to start trying around this time with DH because of the reasons above.  

Any R/R? DS has recently started getting into music videos, which is awesome! He was previously NOT interested in any TV at all, which was a pain when you're trying to get work done. Now he loves watching music videos, and it can entertain him long enough for me to get other work done (or in today's case - write a post on the bump ). In other news... we were supposed to go to the Renaissance festival today, but MH didn't sleep well so decided to bail on our plans.   hopefully the weather is nice enough for us to go next weekend. It is an annual tradition for us to go to the Renaissance festival, so I'd be really disappointed if we don't get to go this year.

GTKY: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going as? If not, what has been your favorite costume in the past? We talked about dressing up as a family in marvel costumes, but with everything going on haven't made any real efforts to get costumes. I really wanted DS to dress up in a Rocket (from GOTG) costume, and then have DH go as Groot (or another GOTG character) and myself as Gamora. I hope we get organized enough to make this happen. 

@jackie_dunny I'm so sorry to hear about what a horrible week you had... that really sucks... I do love your costume idea though! Super cute. 

@thesquidsmom that is so exciting about your BF wanting to get married! That's how MH felt when I broached the subject of kids. He wanted to get married first before taking that plunge.

jackie_dunny

@thesquidsmom It seems that everyone has gone MIA, welcome back! How are you liking the new job? WOW!! That's such exciting news!! That's such progress that he brought it up and like, has a set idea of what needs to happen instead of "just not right now" also congrats that there is a wedding in your near future!!! Thanks for the costume love, I have to admit though that it was DH's idea.

@darkrose88 welcome! I am so sorry for your loss I can't imagine what's going through your head and heart right now. I love the Ren Fair! I haven't been in ages! hopefully you can make it next weekend. Love the GOTG themed costumes idea

AFM, ugh the stress has only gotten worse. A few days after I posted, **TW** I found out one of my friends passed away unexpectedly in his sleep at only 23 years old. We weren't really close but it was still hard to hear and I STILL can't completely wrap my head around it. **End TW** Also, some of our close friends are having issues in their relationship at the moment so our one friend had to move in this weekend for a few weeks. I love being host so I don't mind him being there at all but I just feel so bad and I don't know what to say. Poor thing.

As for baby fever, I swear it only gets worse and worse every day. I have no idea how I'm going to make it until November 2020 to start TRYING. I just feel like breaking down some days. I feel ridiculous but I can't help it. My heart actually hurts.

darkrose88

@jackie_dunny I'm so so sorry to hear about your friend passing away. That is so heart breaking. it doesn't matter if you weren't close. It always hurts to lose a friend. Also relationship issues, especially ones for close friends, is never fun to deal with... it does not sound like you've been having a fun past couple of days. 

I ended up (stupidly) having a conversation yesterday with DH about trying again in Jan/Feb... and it did not go well... I should have waited until we were both past the current hurt before broaching the subject. Anyway, as of right now, he doesn't know when he wants to start trying but Jan/Feb is "too soon"... so I'm going to completely drop the topic for now and hope in a few months I can try talking to him about it again. 

jackie_dunny

@darkrose88 I dont think bringing up the conversation was stupid at all. I think it was quite brave. And while it may not have been the result you were hoping for, at least he now knows where your head is at and you know where he's at. I hope that in the next few months, you can have another discussion and it goes better than this one did

darkrose88

@jackie_dunny Thanks. I was sort of regretting having the conversation with him because he was against trying in Jan/Feb and non-committal about when we could again, which hurt more than I'd like to admit. But you made a really good point. I needed to know where he stood on trying for another baby, and he needed to know when where I stood. 

chinadoll2522

@jackie_dunny I held my breath a little when I read your post about baby feavor...sometimes it's like a big emotional weight. I've wanted a baby for so long that I'm starting to worry the longer I wait if I'll stop wanting it. I had a long conversation with one of my girlfriend about this and the want stoped for her when she passed the age she planned to have kids. I'm really sorry to hear everything that's been happening with you....sometimes I like to take very deep and fresh breaths. Then my friend would bring me detox tea.

@thesquidsmom That's wonderful that you and your partner could talk everything out and be on the same page! I agree om the smal wedding idea, it sound very personal and romantic. And a pig roast sounds wonderful!

@darkrose88 I can only imagine how you feel. I'm very sorry for you loss. I think you did the right thing talking to your partner even if it was painful, some people heal in different ways. 

When do you think you will start TTC? Stay tuned for these important messages. 

What brings you to WRW?....to let things out. So I don't scream at the top of mt lungs all the time. Or just cry for no reason.

Any R/R?

Rave: I want to apologize for the disappearing act. I just was having a hard time getting my thoughts together. I'm very thankful I moved out of my moms house. I've made really amazing friendships with some of my roommates. DH and I hopfully will be moving again soon, steps closer into us getting our own place. 

Rant: I had a big emotional break down on my last ovulation. I questioned if I still wanted to be with my partner. He knows that the one thing I want is to start a family. I promised myself when I was still in my teens that is I didn't find a partner by the time I was 25 then I would just have a baby on my own. I'm 24 now and my birthday is in January. I have a partner that won't even talk about TTC, 'not now' he says...okay when? You're 38!
We had friends ask when babies were planned and his response was, "When contraception fails."
I honestly don't think he knows how hurt I am by this comment. I feel bad about it sometimes but I hope for an accident...we've been together four years already. I wanted this to be special not stressful, I wanted to mutually try to have a baby together. He wants more money, we need to have a house...but the more I hear these things they feel more like excuses. And as much as I fear lossing interest I question if that's what he's hoping for. 

I talked to him after a long tearful chat with my girlfriend...my partner and I don't really argue...more like I stimmer over something until boiling over and I spill everthing out to him how I'm feeling and he never says anything...I get nothing back from him. So...we are staying a couple and everything has gone back to 'normal' but nothing has changed. It's the same marry_go_round it's always been.

GTKY: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going as? If not, what has been your favorite costume in the past?

I love Halloween...this year I picked couples costumes...just vampires...mostly because I want to put gel in DH's hair and eyeliner around his eyes. Next year I want to be a ghost bride. 

darkrose88

@chinadoll2522 That's so very frustrating for you... I'd probably lose it a little bit if MH never talked to me about his feelings at all... and if I had no idea if my husband even wanted kids. It is hard for me to compare my situation with yours, since we are in different situations, but the most recent pregnancy (the loss) was a contraception failure. I remember being kind of relieved when I found out I was pregnant, because ALL my discussions around a second kid with MH up until then had been met with resistance and "it'll happen someday". Having that accident made me feel relieved at the time as I didn't have to worry about when someday was going to happen... So I completely understand what you mean by hoping for a contraception failure... 

jackie_dunny

@chinadoll2522 chinadoll!!! I’ve been wondering where you’ve been! I am so so sorry that you’re still in pretty much the same place and don’t really see a way out but I am very glad you are out of your mom’s house and getting along well with your roommates. I guess the only advice I can offer is talking with YH about that if he’s okay with a contraception failure, why wouldn’t he be okay with a planned pregnancy? I really hope things start looking up for you soon! 

duck_duck_goose

Sorry I have been MIA. The bump wouldn’t let me view or participate in the community, then basically deleted my account all together. It’s been weird and frustrating. 

@chinadoll2522 I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine the frustration of not only not being on the same page as my SO, but also not knowing where he stands on it at all. I hope you guys are able to get to the bottom of it soon. ❤️

@jackie_dunny I’m so sorry to hear about your vet visit and flat tire. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone after receptionists because of their lack of customer service skills. You’re the face of the clinic! Try not to be an asshole. 

@thesquidsmom yay for progress!! 

When do you think you will start TTC? 

Hopefully in the next few months

What brings you to WRW?
I wanna talk babies, and I appreciate a community of a munch of rad ladies who are in the same boat as me.

Any R/R?
Rant: my kitchen flooded back in August. MH, my 2 DS, all 3 of my dogs, my cat and I have been living with my parents for almost 3 months now. I want my house like 2 months ago. Hopefully we will be back in this weekend though, so there’s that. 

Rave: I work in a vets office, and 3 people are pregnant right now, which is great! The doctor who owns the clinic is a little frazzled because pregnancy means work restrictions which we get to determine ourselves. A lot of girls at work definitely take advantage of this, which can be frustrating but what can ya do? Anyways, I told my boss that we were going to start trying soon, and was a little nervous about it. She was actually really excited for us which made me really happy and excited about TTC when the time comes! 

GTKY: Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going as? If not, what has been your favorite costume in the past?

I am dressing up as owlet for Halloween this year! One of my boys is going as cat boy, and the other will be gecko. I’m like, stupid excited for it. 😂 Halloween is kiiiiinda a big deal in our house.