Crazy In-Laws — The Bump
May 2020 Moms

Crazy In-Laws



Let's hear about your in-laws...

Re: Crazy In-Laws

  • @jhysmath Ah-hahaha.  I mean, he could make wine out of water, right?  So logically.... :lol:
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


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  • So MIL tells me this about MHs grandmother her MIL. 

    She was 18 when she got pregnant and her FIL denied the baby belonged to his son. Grandma (who was just over 40 years old) called her up and asked if this was really her grandson (Her youngest was 7 at the time) and she said yes. So Grandma would sneak over when her husband didn't know to see the baby and bring her stuff. 

    Once her husband died, the baby was a year old, MHs father finally got to see his first born and they decided to get married (They were 20) the baby was 2 right around the time they were married. At the time if the soon to be husband wasn't 21 they needed to have their parent sign off on the marriage. While the 3 of them drove to get the marriage license for the wedding Grandma kept asking him are you sure you want me to sign this, you know I don't have to sign it. You don't have to get married.

    Planning their wedding Grandma tells my MIL that she cannot have their 2 year old in the wedding or at the reception that she would take the baby because it's not right to have your own child on display before you're married. The night of the wedding they spent at one of the grandparents house because they weren't allowed to spend their "honeymoon" at Grandma's house where they lived because the baby and her children would know that they were having sex....(how are babies made) Grandma told them they are not allowed to get pregnant and must use contraception because if they do people will talk that this is the only reason they got married because of baby #2. While they were away for the night Grandma opens all their wedding presents because she was so excited that there were presents and she couldn't wait to see what others got them. 

    I thought you all would enjoy those. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    shamrocandrollmokay19m6aguamdfarmchick
  • @shamrocandroll your MIL sounds like a TV character level of crazy! Like when you watch it on TV and think “that would never happen in real life” haha 
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology 


    shamrocandroll
  • I’m having a brain fart with a lot of my MIL’s crazy antics right now, but one that came to mind was when they were planning their visit to see our child after birth and they decided to visit with my BIL and his wife. We had plenty of space for them in the house, but i was due 8/14 and they wanted to come over Labor Day weekend and everyone stay at the house. 
    I told DH to tell her that they need to find a hotel room because, as a FTM, I’m not comfortable being a hostess that quick after the baby is due (not to mention if I went over my EDD!). 
    So, DH is FaceTiming her and goes “Mom, that’s really close to the due date of the baby, I don’t want mokay to be stressed or feel overworked trying to host everyone all at once. Can you guys please get a hotel room? There aren’t several in the area.”
    She goes “No, it’ll be fine.”

    Bish, what? You don’t get to tell me what will be fine for ME and MY BABY. 
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology 


    m6aguamdfarmchick
  • @mokay19 MmmmHmm!!!  We're also way closer to my parents, who bought a condo on the same lake we live on before DS was born.  They come up every few weekends to their condo, and MIL is perpetually jealous they get to see him more.  She's always making comments about it behind our backs, yet never makes any effort of her own to see him more and leaves it on us.  MH is the worst at talking on the phone, and she gets really mad that he never calls her, yet she never calls him either.  Also, we see her at least every other month, and the way she acts, you would think we deprive her of ever getting to see her grandson.  🙄
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    mdfarmchick
  • @shamrocandroll oh we have that going on, too! MIL complains how we see my family more often (they live 1.5 hours closer, which is still 1.5 hours away) and my family actually drives up to see us and doesn’t just expect us to always come to them. Imagine that, right?? A two-way relationship?!
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology 


    caponeyshamrocandrollmdfarmchick
  • @ruby696 That almost sounds refreshing.  My MIL loves to remind me that I'm part of this crazy family now, and I'm just like "Yep....... lucky me!!!"  I seriously don't know how MH turned out to be so normal!
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    mokay19
  • @shamrocandroll I feel like we've finally reached a point where MH knows I'm a saint for dealing with her at all. I also take comfort in the fact that the only reason she's rude to me is because I've never let her control me or my kids. I'm in charge of my family, not her. She hates it. 
    shamrocandrollmokay19mdfarmchickAustenista
  • @mokay19 I had a scheduled CS with DD at the time we had a very elderly dog who needed constant care he couldn't go up and down stairs on his own to go outside and often messed himself if someone couldn't let him out every few hours. Our only option was to have MIL come out and watch him while we were in the hospital for 3 days. I told MH I didn't want anyone coming to the hospital or being at our house when I got home because well yeah I just had a baby. MH decided MIL needed to come to the hospital because she was so kind to watch our dog for us. He followed through with not having anyone at the house when I came home, but then BIL dropped her off the next day and she stayed the night because BIL had to work and he lives 3 hours away. So after being home for 2 days one of which MIL was there and wouldn't let me hold my own baby unless I was feeding her, MH had to drive her 4 hours back to the airport. I was so pissed BIL was supposed to take her back with him. 

    MIL also says in round about ways we don't visit her enough. We spend the entire summer about an hour away from her. When DD was small she made a comment to me that her brother says we don't visit her enough and that she has to drive out to us all the time. But she doesn't care because she can only see us in the summer and he gets to see his grandkids all year (his kid is not a very good father and often leaves them with him for days at a time). I told MH and he was livid but then decided they are all right because we don't go and visit her as much as we should. I'm sorry but I don't feel the need to see her every week at her house which is covered with glass figurines and my 1 year old doesn't know not to play with them. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    mdfarmchick
  • Mine haven’t done anything recently... other than playing favorites with their grandkids ((spoiler alert, my SIL’s three kids who live in MH’s hometown are the favorites.))

    But here’s a small sampling:
    My FIL tends to hold hugs way too long and he follows me around at family events and stands way too close to me. He also will walk into me on purpose and never even says excuse me. Like he constantly invaded my personal space and it makes me super uncomfortable. 
    So MH was going to be on a work trip for over six months while we lived overseas in England so we decided to meet both sides of our family at Disney World. We took off two weeks and flew to FL. We had to pay for his parents and sister’s food and hotel in order for them to come ((my SIL was pregnant with my second niece at the time and their job had barely any healthcare, no maternity leave and they didn’t make a lot of money so we didn’t mind so much helping her out)). My FIL got in a car accident right before the trip ((speeding on icy roads)), and when he paid for the repairs to his car, he also took half of the money my MIL had saved up for Disney and used it to buy something to prep for doomsday. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Then we told them we would cover food but all alcohol was on them. My family doesn’t drink and we don’t drink a lot anyway. And alcohol is so expensive at Disney. Well the one dinner that MH and I were allowed to have with just my parents, the ILs ate with my sister, brother and aunt and cousin. He bought three drinks and made my sister pay for them. 

    In addition to the “it’s about damn time” comments she’s made the previous two times we told her that we were pregnant... my MIL also constantly compares my kids to my SILs kids and it’s so frustrating. 

    On the last family vacation, where MH’s godfather got a beach house and invited everyone, FIL was pouring crown in his Coke every morning at 8 am and proceeded to be the biggest ass the entire time. 

    They wanted to visit this summer supposedly for DS1’s Birthday... so they picked to come the only weekend I asked them not to because it was MH’s birthday, and I had plans to take him out of town and go hiking for his birthday. That’s like the 8th time they planned to visit when We’ve told them it didn’t work for us. 

    They constantly compare themselves to my parents and say that we do xyz with them and not with my ILs. Well cool. A, they are my parents so I’m going to be more comfortable making certain plans with them and not you. Because you are not my parents. B, my parents are both retired and my dad is in his 70’s with a heart condition. So I make different decisions with them than with the ILs because my dad doesn’t fly, so we can only see him if we go there, and also they have a lot more open availability. Also, these are my parents only grandchildren. 🤷🏻‍♀️ C, my parents always offer to pick us up at the airport and loan us a car when we visit. You don’t. It makes a difference. 

    When we visited them in June, my MIL took off half days while we were there, and then she changed her mind and went to work because “you guys need time with just SIL and the kids”—we were staying with them. We had tons of time with them. But thanks for not spending time with my kids if the other grandchildren weren’t there. 😬

    Anyway, there’s more, like the time FIL chased me around my own kitchen while MIL and MH watched in horror. But mainly my FIL is a selfish, inconsiderate person who thinks everyone should always listen to him, and he hasn’t held a job in over a decade because he doesn’t like to be told what to do, and who suffers from depression but never admits it and just takes it out on everyone else. 
    m6agua
  • edited September 25
    @mdfarmchick Holy crap, why did he chase you around your kitchen table?  That's terrifying!  Did someone finally stop him?

    *typo
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    mdfarmchick
  • mdfarmchickmdfarmchick
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited September 25
    @shamrocandroll no one really can explain it. My MIL refuses to discuss it. He was telling some story about the soup kitchen and he kept chasing me as he “acted out” part of the story. It was so weird and creepy and upsetting. It was right after we had DS1 and I wouldn’t let them visit us for a long time after that. Of course they didn’t notice since they constantly have to use all of MIL’s vacation time to spend with and watch SIL’s kids. They are her main source of childcare. 
    ((Edit: spelling because autocorrect))
    shamrocandroll
  • @mdfarmchick Wow, your FIL sounds like a real peach. You're a saint for even having a relationship with those people.
    mdfarmchick
  • Wow, y’all...what is it with nutso in laws?!

    Mine are less batsh*t crazy and more aggravating. My FIL has uncontrolled diabetes and is insulin dependent. Despite this, he continues to eat at least 3000 calories a day consisting mostly of white rice/bread, sweet tea, Coke, fried food and gravy. In case you couldn’t tell we’re in the Deep South. He constantly complains that he can’t do anything (he is 400 lbs and wheelchair bound) but refuses to change his habits. He also refuses to sleep in a bed so when they come visit he is on my couch literally 24/7. He’s a racist, sexist asshole who treats me like a servant. I have actually had to explain why it is NOT OK to say the N word in front of my 4 year old.

    When my second child was born in February, we had to explain to them that he would not survive. They looked up his condition and were confused because there were palliative surgeries that we could have done to prolong his life, but we elected not to. Cue weeks of guilt trips, “how could yous” and “well we will come to the hospital the second he is born so we can spend time with him” uh no. We gave both sides one hour (he was expected to live 5-7 days but only lived 3) and they were livid because we were “being selfish”. AND a few weeks before he was born, my MIL bought this “miracle oil” from late night TV and claimed it would cure him if we let her put it on his head and pray. I said absolutely not. Walked in to our room when their hour was done...you’ll never guess what they were doing. 🙄
    m6agua
  • @ieles2531 no! I would be livid! Omg. 😳
  • My MIL talks about herself constantly and always relates things other people are saying to herself. Every time she sees my two other kids, she always says how much they remind her of DH, his brother, her father, her great uncle, her cousin... or if they make some expression, she will say oh my Uncle Larry would do the same thing! Ugh, it is so annoying because she completely disregards my side and thinks they just got 100% of their genes from my husband. 
    She also gives unwanted/unasked for advice. When my first was a baby, she called my husband and told him she had to have a serious conversation with him. She was looking through baby pictures and saw that DH was holding his head up at whatever #of months my LO was, and she was very concerned that our LO was not getting enough tummy time and his neck was not strong enough. And when LO started crawling, we babyproofed the house, but apparently that wasn’t good enough for her. When LO would start crawling toward the tv stand or coffee table, she would LEAP across the room to “save” him. And criticized me to DH when I wouldn’t feed him oatmeal at like 3 months and that she fed it to DH and he turned out fine & I was “trying to reinvent the wheel.” 
    Ugh!
    image
    image

    mdfarmchickshamrocandrollm6agua
  • @peachnectarine yes with the cereal! MIL thought ours needed it at 2 months. When I was at walmart with her shopping I said mmm we need more cereal (after having a conversation the day before that MH even told her our ped said no cereal until at least 4 months) and she goes on the baby section is here I'll help you pick it out. She also encouraged MH's cousin to give their baby cereal in the bottle at 2 weeks old to get him to sttn. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    peachnectarine
  • @peachnectarine my MIL does the same thing with like anything DD does it’s because of *insert our last name* blood because god forbid something be from my side or just because it’s the way we’re raising her!

    Also, my MIL was big on “I think it’s weird if you breastfeed past 6 months. That’s long enough and then they need more food.” 🙄🙄

    @ieles2531 explaining to an adult to not say that in front of a child just doesn’t make sense.... how does he not know that’s not okay?!
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology 


    peachnectarine
  • In a way I’m kinda lucky because my MIL speaks absolutely no English, so direct communication is pretty nonexistent. We did live with my in-laws for about 5 months after DS and it was a PITA. She is very old school and pretty much though I was killing my child if I took him for a walk in the winter (in Texas) or if I let him stay in just a diaper inside. She also is crazy about fruit - like she is always shoving fruit at all this kids - which is fine in smaller quantities but DS always gets diarrhea at their house because he eats watermelon all damn day or constant supply of melon or pears

    The most annoying thing for me is that she refused to eat any food that’s not traditional Mexican food. So anytime they come over for dinner she will not eat anything I cook - she won’t even try it. Overall, we have a decent relationship - MH swears she likes me but now that we live in CO we don’t see them as much. 
    m6agua
  • Yep I have them! 🙋‍♀️ Glad I’m not alone. Sometimes it makes me want to run so fast the other way. 

    Thankfully we live in the same city as my parents who are amazing. Unfortunately my SOs job might eventually move us closer to the ILs .. but mentally for both of us I don’t know if that would be smart. There’s more to life than money and at this point I’d rather him take a major pay cut to get a different job here then to move there! 

    It makes me seriously appreciate how “normal” my family is. I feel terrible for people who don’t even have one set of normal parents. 
    shamrocandrollmdfarmchick
  • @kath1414 Your statement about "normal" family hits the nail on the head.  My family growing up, good, bad, indifferent, was more or less normal.  Yes, for awhile that was all I knew so I had no comparison, but speaking with my husband I realize his childhood and family situation was far from normal.  I was not there.  I do not wish to speak ill of them, but let's just say immediate family and extended family all lived close and interacted regularly, there were drug problems and alcohol problems and behavior problems and emotional problems and no stability from the sounds of things and it seems quite impressive that the next generation of family all grew up to lead relatively normal lives themselves.  Fortunately he has been able to distance himself from the drama, and I think it has faded some over the years and some family has passed and some sees the errors of their ways and some are set in their ways and somehow we still accept them all as family, but the only interactions are in small doses.  MIL comes to town to visit soon, we will see her for a few days, but then we might not see her again for a few years.  This may not be a "normal" relationship with my in-laws, but this is the only way to make the relationships "normal."  If that makes sense.  We will take a hike, we will have dinner, we may celebrate at a wedding or a funeral, we may chat about the weather and the health of ailing relatives and then all go back to our crazy abnormal lives.
  • Reviving this one because MH is sending MIL ideas for Christmas and one was a small basketball hoop, she came back with oh she can't have that it says on it that it's for boys. I want to punch her normally, but really Wtf about a basketball hoop says my daughter can't use it ?!?! 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    mdfarmchickmokay19ruby696
  • @jhysmath that definitely sounds like something my MIL would say! But yes, my DD still has a basketball hoop... and somehow, she’s still a girl! Weird right?!? Haha
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology 


    jhysmath
  • @jhysmath Uhhh... last I checked, women can still play basketball.  In fact, they have their own pro-level league.  It's called the WNBA.  🙄
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    mokay19ruby696jhysmath
  • @jhysmath hate her. that's ridiculous.
    jhysmath
  • @jhysmath ; I think what bothers me most is that she even said anything.  She asked for suggestions, I'm assuming you guys gave her a few.  I'm assuming these are things your daughter actually wants to expresses interest in.  If she doesn't like it, she can just buy something else, no big deal.  Sounds like she has to learn when to keep her mouth shut and let you parent your own children.
    TattoosandLacejhysmath
  • @pirateduck exactly! Though we do give out suggestions because she's good at buying random crap we don't want so we send specific links, but there were probably 10 things she could choose from. We do this because she likes to hear MH say he would like a drone to fly around our property to get some photos the drone he would want is likely around $500 and we would have bought it ourself if we really wanted it. She decides she's going to get him one and picks up a $40 that doesn't do what he needs it to do anyhow. I know it's the thought that counts, but having junk that breaks easily that she wastes her money on just doesn't make sense so we tell her what she should get that is within her budget. She still gets random crap on top of that for us, like starwars tooth paste and coloring books for her 45 and 49 year old sons that just end up in piles collecting dust. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    TattoosandLace
  • oh and to add to the sex of my daughter problems. When DD was 5 days old I was changing her diaper and well 5 day old babies cry when they get changed. She said she was crying because she didn't like being naked and that she would get a chastity belt when she is older. Lady don't talk about my child and her ability to choose when she wants to have sex when she is 4 days old and second if you got knocked up in high school by a boy who's parents didn't even know that the baby was his then maybe you shouldn't talk about my daughters "chastity". 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    ruby696shamrocandrollTattoosandLacesoprano19
  • Oh my...  I think the only sense of nakedness babies have is that perhaps it's colder without clothes.  We aren't born with a sense of shame or modesty or whatever you wanna call it.
    jhysmathTattoosandLace
  • @jhysmath oh. I cannot. Your MIL is crazy. 
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