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May 2020 Moms
ruby696
member
Let's hear about your in-laws...
Crazy In-Laws
ruby696
member
Let's hear about your in-laws...
Re: Crazy In-Laws
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
I knew pretty much from the get-go that my MIL was crazy. For some background, she moved out to live with her boyfriend (who she has been with for 25+ years and I will henceforth refer to as FIL) when MH was only about 18, and his brother was 16. She helped them pay their rent, but pretty much left them to fend for themselves otherwise. SO, right off the bat, that's my defense for never letting her live with us. She walked out on her 2 teenage sons, so she doesn't get to move in with one of them someday.
My first experience with her true crazy was on an Easter Sunday. We went to MH's family gathering, and MIL yelled at her her sister's grand kids about jelly beans or something (I wasn't in the house when it happened) and they all started screaming and swearing at each other, and everyone left angry. My BIL hadn't arrived yet, so we just texted him like "Ummm, so don't bother coming to Easter. It ended early."
Fast forward to the Easter before MH and I got married, and we attended a family gathering at my MIL's house. MH's grandmother, whom I loved dearly and don't understand how MIL was a product of, accidentally referred to FIL as MIL's husband (which he was not, and still is not, and has always been a sensitive subject). MIL screamed at Memere to not call him that. A little while later, she did it again (she was old and senile), and MIL literally attacked her and began shaking her and screaming at her that he doesn't want to marry her (gee, wonder why?). BIL jumped in and pulled her off of Memere, and she turned and started swinging at him. Her sister started crying and screaming how effed up this family is, and left to take Memere home. I ran out of the house crying and sat in the car sobbing because this was what I am marrying into. MH came out and saw me crying and was really sweet and told me I was marrying him, not his family, and he'd always be on my side. We ended up at my BIL's house and ordered pizza. Apparently she loves to ruin Easter. We didn't talk to her after that until several months later when MH's father (who had been gone for decades and he hadn't spoken to) passed away unexpectedly.
After we got married, we bought our house up in NH and MIL and FIL came to visit on a Sunday. I had to work on that Monday, but they stayed over anyway. At one point during the day, MIL was making fun of MH for balding, and then said something about how pale my legs are. I looked at her and said "I don't understand why this family feels the need to tear each other down for amusement." and she went off on me telling me how she basically had to raise 2 boys by herself, and how she had to learn to be tough because of it, and how if I ever decided to have kids, I should pray they're not boys. That night, they both got wasted, and my MIL and FIL got into a big fight, and my FIL slept in the back yard and burned our entire season's worth of campfire wood in one night. I left the next morning and told MH that I didn't want to see them there when I got home from work. They weren't invited back to the house until after DS was born.
Now every time we see her, she demands another grandchild, and insists on it being a girl. She doesn't know about our losses, and I don't plan on telling her about this pregnancy until we absolutely can't hide it anymore. We won't be telling her the sex.
They are also racist, sexist, homophobic, and generally bigoted. MIL makes fun of people on welfare all the time, even though she was on food stamps when MH was a kid. It disgusts me.
Oh, and recently she told me and MH that she and FIL are finally officially getting married. She decided the best time to tell us in the parking lot of the funeral home during MH's cousin's wake. We still don't know when the supposed wedding is supposed to be.
Sooooo, yeah. There's my crazy MIL in a nut shell!
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
Good call on the water into wine!
My MIL is more annoying than purposely mean. I guess I'm lucky for that. I feel she tries to say that DD is hers which beyond pisses me off. Like my daughter came running yelling Ma Ma Ma Ma and she said, "Yes what" ummmm you're not her Mama.
She tries to give parenting advice all the time which is awful and not current. "Oh she's sick, (3mo ebf) you need to give her pedilite." "I used to give the boys pepsi in their bottles, don't worry it was watered down" When my baby was 7 weeks old and never had a bottle she tried telling me I had to go out to dinner and spend time with my husband and she would watch the baby. I snapped and said no my baby will go to dinner with me you were invited to dinner you can come or not, but my baby goes where I go. MH said I was overracting.
She buys random baby stuff and mails it to us like picks ups something ugly that I would never have my kid wear and puts it in a giant box and pays $10 in shipping. Latest item is a lady bug costume. When she buys us stuff she takes the paper part of the tag off and leaves the damn plastic piece still attached. I understand removing tags, but take the damn plastic off so I don't have to do that still! Or better leave the tag so I can return them.
She cries poverty to MH and BIL all the time. Satellite and Internet is too expensive, I need to fix my roof and it's going to cost this much.... BIL makes very good money and is single, he sends her money every month like an allowance, we pay for her cell phone. But then she goes out and buys us stuff we don't want or need. The summer DD was born she went out while we were away and bought an AC unit came to the house, set it up and had it running since the day before we arrived. The weather was fine and she left the windows in the house open while it was running. MH was livid as she did ask or anything and we were coming back with one from BILs house to use that he didn't need.
She threw DD's baby shower, I insisted that it be a jack and jill because she had a bridal shower for me and I knew know one excepts family that she invited (IE all her friends and extended family). I also insisted it be during our winter break and not our spring one because I wasn't driving 10 hours at 8 month pregnant but she still emailed me and said are you sure you don't want it in the spring it will be so much nicer then. At the baby shower she got up and left and didn't tell anyone because she just couldn't handle it. She was sad and crying because there should be other people there who were now not alive (her mother, MIL and MHs father) They all died 3 years prior to the baby shower. She also cried at our wedding 9 months earlier because they should have been there).
I'm sure there are 100000000 more stories, but I can't think of them at the minute. I'm going to post a separate one of lovely stories MIL told me about her MIL which makes me think why must you be like this too when you know how terrible she is?
She was 18 when she got pregnant and her FIL denied the baby belonged to his son. Grandma (who was just over 40 years old) called her up and asked if this was really her grandson (Her youngest was 7 at the time) and she said yes. So Grandma would sneak over when her husband didn't know to see the baby and bring her stuff.
Once her husband died, the baby was a year old, MHs father finally got to see his first born and they decided to get married (They were 20) the baby was 2 right around the time they were married. At the time if the soon to be husband wasn't 21 they needed to have their parent sign off on the marriage. While the 3 of them drove to get the marriage license for the wedding Grandma kept asking him are you sure you want me to sign this, you know I don't have to sign it. You don't have to get married.
Planning their wedding Grandma tells my MIL that she cannot have their 2 year old in the wedding or at the reception that she would take the baby because it's not right to have your own child on display before you're married. The night of the wedding they spent at one of the grandparents house because they weren't allowed to spend their "honeymoon" at Grandma's house where they lived because the baby and her children would know that they were having sex....(how are babies made) Grandma told them they are not allowed to get pregnant and must use contraception because if they do people will talk that this is the only reason they got married because of baby #2. While they were away for the night Grandma opens all their wedding presents because she was so excited that there were presents and she couldn't wait to see what others got them.
I thought you all would enjoy those.
I told DH to tell her that they need to find a hotel room because, as a FTM, I’m not comfortable being a hostess that quick after the baby is due (not to mention if I went over my EDD!).
So, DH is FaceTiming her and goes “Mom, that’s really close to the due date of the baby, I don’t want mokay to be stressed or feel overworked trying to host everyone all at once. Can you guys please get a hotel room? There aren’t several in the area.”
She goes “No, it’ll be fine.”
Bish, what? You don’t get to tell me what will be fine for ME and MY BABY.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
MIL also says in round about ways we don't visit her enough. We spend the entire summer about an hour away from her. When DD was small she made a comment to me that her brother says we don't visit her enough and that she has to drive out to us all the time. But she doesn't care because she can only see us in the summer and he gets to see his grandkids all year (his kid is not a very good father and often leaves them with him for days at a time). I told MH and he was livid but then decided they are all right because we don't go and visit her as much as we should. I'm sorry but I don't feel the need to see her every week at her house which is covered with glass figurines and my 1 year old doesn't know not to play with them.
But here’s a small sampling:
My FIL tends to hold hugs way too long and he follows me around at family events and stands way too close to me. He also will walk into me on purpose and never even says excuse me. Like he constantly invaded my personal space and it makes me super uncomfortable.
So MH was going to be on a work trip for over six months while we lived overseas in England so we decided to meet both sides of our family at Disney World. We took off two weeks and flew to FL. We had to pay for his parents and sister’s food and hotel in order for them to come ((my SIL was pregnant with my second niece at the time and their job had barely any healthcare, no maternity leave and they didn’t make a lot of money so we didn’t mind so much helping her out)). My FIL got in a car accident right before the trip ((speeding on icy roads)), and when he paid for the repairs to his car, he also took half of the money my MIL had saved up for Disney and used it to buy something to prep for doomsday. 🤦🏻♀️ Then we told them we would cover food but all alcohol was on them. My family doesn’t drink and we don’t drink a lot anyway. And alcohol is so expensive at Disney. Well the one dinner that MH and I were allowed to have with just my parents, the ILs ate with my sister, brother and aunt and cousin. He bought three drinks and made my sister pay for them.
In addition to the “it’s about damn time” comments she’s made the previous two times we told her that we were pregnant... my MIL also constantly compares my kids to my SILs kids and it’s so frustrating.
On the last family vacation, where MH’s godfather got a beach house and invited everyone, FIL was pouring crown in his Coke every morning at 8 am and proceeded to be the biggest ass the entire time.
They wanted to visit this summer supposedly for DS1’s Birthday... so they picked to come the only weekend I asked them not to because it was MH’s birthday, and I had plans to take him out of town and go hiking for his birthday. That’s like the 8th time they planned to visit when We’ve told them it didn’t work for us.
They constantly compare themselves to my parents and say that we do xyz with them and not with my ILs. Well cool. A, they are my parents so I’m going to be more comfortable making certain plans with them and not you. Because you are not my parents. B, my parents are both retired and my dad is in his 70’s with a heart condition. So I make different decisions with them than with the ILs because my dad doesn’t fly, so we can only see him if we go there, and also they have a lot more open availability. Also, these are my parents only grandchildren. 🤷🏻♀️ C, my parents always offer to pick us up at the airport and loan us a car when we visit. You don’t. It makes a difference.
When we visited them in June, my MIL took off half days while we were there, and then she changed her mind and went to work because “you guys need time with just SIL and the kids”—we were staying with them. We had tons of time with them. But thanks for not spending time with my kids if the other grandchildren weren’t there. 😬
Anyway, there’s more, like the time FIL chased me around my own kitchen while MIL and MH watched in horror. But mainly my FIL is a selfish, inconsiderate person who thinks everyone should always listen to him, and he hasn’t held a job in over a decade because he doesn’t like to be told what to do, and who suffers from depression but never admits it and just takes it out on everyone else.
*typo
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
((Edit: spelling because autocorrect))
Mine are less batsh*t crazy and more aggravating. My FIL has uncontrolled diabetes and is insulin dependent. Despite this, he continues to eat at least 3000 calories a day consisting mostly of white rice/bread, sweet tea, Coke, fried food and gravy. In case you couldn’t tell we’re in the Deep South. He constantly complains that he can’t do anything (he is 400 lbs and wheelchair bound) but refuses to change his habits. He also refuses to sleep in a bed so when they come visit he is on my couch literally 24/7. He’s a racist, sexist asshole who treats me like a servant. I have actually had to explain why it is NOT OK to say the N word in front of my 4 year old.
When my second child was born in February, we had to explain to them that he would not survive. They looked up his condition and were confused because there were palliative surgeries that we could have done to prolong his life, but we elected not to. Cue weeks of guilt trips, “how could yous” and “well we will come to the hospital the second he is born so we can spend time with him” uh no. We gave both sides one hour (he was expected to live 5-7 days but only lived 3) and they were livid because we were “being selfish”. AND a few weeks before he was born, my MIL bought this “miracle oil” from late night TV and claimed it would cure him if we let her put it on his head and pray. I said absolutely not. Walked in to our room when their hour was done...you’ll never guess what they were doing. 🙄
She also gives unwanted/unasked for advice. When my first was a baby, she called my husband and told him she had to have a serious conversation with him. She was looking through baby pictures and saw that DH was holding his head up at whatever #of months my LO was, and she was very concerned that our LO was not getting enough tummy time and his neck was not strong enough. And when LO started crawling, we babyproofed the house, but apparently that wasn’t good enough for her. When LO would start crawling toward the tv stand or coffee table, she would LEAP across the room to “save” him. And criticized me to DH when I wouldn’t feed him oatmeal at like 3 months and that she fed it to DH and he turned out fine & I was “trying to reinvent the wheel.”
Ugh!
Also, my MIL was big on “I think it’s weird if you breastfeed past 6 months. That’s long enough and then they need more food.” 🙄🙄
@ieles2531 explaining to an adult to not say that in front of a child just doesn’t make sense.... how does he not know that’s not okay?!
The most annoying thing for me is that she refused to eat any food that’s not traditional Mexican food. So anytime they come over for dinner she will not eat anything I cook - she won’t even try it. Overall, we have a decent relationship - MH swears she likes me but now that we live in CO we don’t see them as much.
Thankfully we live in the same city as my parents who are amazing. Unfortunately my SOs job might eventually move us closer to the ILs .. but mentally for both of us I don’t know if that would be smart. There’s more to life than money and at this point I’d rather him take a major pay cut to get a different job here then to move there!
It makes me seriously appreciate how “normal” my family is. I feel terrible for people who don’t even have one set of normal parents.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
My main concern now is that I know I am having a little girl (this is also our first child). I know society is going to be telling her she should look at certain way, have a certain weight, etc. and she is already going to have enough of that pressure. I am really worried that my mom has no self control (I know she doesn't) and is going to continue to put herself down in front of my daughter and that could rub off on her. I don't want her to see her self worth in what she looks like.
I'm going to try to delicately bring this up to my mom to make her aware that I see it as an issue. As you can imagine, she takes everything personally and I don't think this conversation will go well. I think starting it even before she is born *could* be helpful though because it could give her time to work on it or be more self aware that she has this unhealthy habit. I just hate for my little girl to start to get the impression that she has to look a certain way and have my mom instill that in her.
Anyone had a similar experience? How did you handle it?
You obviously know your mom. I would just be concerned that if you bring it up before she does it, she's going to feel more like it's an attack. Especially if baby isn't here yet.
https://www.mother.ly/child/5-ways-parents-of-preschoolers-can-raise-a-body-positive-kid-2574271079?rebelltitem=5#rebelltitem5
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20