Weekly Randoms w/o 9.23 — The Bump
March 2020 Moms

Weekly Randoms w/o 9.23


Me: 33 DH: 33
Married: 10.15.16
BFP: 12.24.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20
Malidocious
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Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 9.23

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  • I’ve caught my first cold during this pregnancy (thanks, back to school germs). The cough mixed with the sensitive gag reflex isn’t a good mix. I’m heading to the store for some pregnancy friendly cold meds. 
    Malidociousmiss.sallystacey6689EmilyLove25
  • I was late to my appt (I forgot my appt was during rush hour) so they let the person behind me go first. I don’t know how long I will be trapped here now...  :|
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

    Malidociousmiss.sallyEmilyLove25
  • @kailanae and @mommytimesfour, I feel you on the illness.  DS has brought home 2 colds in a row from preschool, and of course he gave them both to me.  :(  being pregnant and sick has definitely left me extra tired.  finally starting to get over the last cold now!  really hope he doesn't bring anything new home anytime soon.
    @miss.sally, here's to getting through the week!  

    kailanaeMalidociousmiss.sally
  • @treetop19 yes, preschool germs are the worst! DD started in August and she’s had a non-stop runny nose since. I’m assuming my older two have built up somewhat of an immunity to the school germ overload the last few years. 

    Malidocioustreetop19
  • @Malidocious ah hope you can work it out in time!  We are having our master bathroom gutted and redone because several places were leaking into the basement with use so we hadn't used that room in years.  We are actually also hoping to get these guys to come back and finish our basement before March as well - that would be such a huge game changer for our house.  It would nearly double the usable square footage since we live in a rancher and our basement is about the size of our house.  We'd get another bathroom down there too - really hoping we can make it happen in time for baby!
    DS1 07/2015
    DS2 10/2017
    DS3 due 03/2020
    Malidociousmiss.sallysilverhope
  • I feel bad posting this question, but I will be a first time mother in March 2020 and am feeling anxiety around other people holding my baby right away.  Does any one else have these anxieties or have any advice on how to relieve them.

    I assumed that I would just need a few days to adjust once the baby arrives as I have had similar tendencies in the past with things I perceived as delicate and important to me, but it just takes some adjustment and I am fine.  However, I had mentioned my anxiety to my mom and she seemed upset with me; telling me I needed to get over that quick, and i'm going to have to let people hold my baby (which made me more anxious).  It just seemed very harsh as I already know this but I'm feeling incredibly protective at this point and can't just "get over it" because she says so.  I'm feeling really upset and like there is something wrong with me maybe that I am being too nervous about the situation.

    About a year ago a baby in the family was being carried when the person slipped on some stairs, and the baby ended up breaking a leg.  I'm wondering if this story has contributed to my anxiety a bit as well.  She is fine now but still sits very uneasy with me.

    I just have this fear that people will keep taking the baby from me before I am ready, and that they will not be as careful as I would.  Anyways, I tried to express my concerns to my mother and her response just made me feel very guilty and neurotic.  I tried to explain that I think I will be fine within a few days but just that initially I could see myself struggle, but that didn't seem to make any difference.

    She also thinks that when I have any symptoms that its in my head and because I read it online first.  For example, I've been feeling oddly winded the last week and my HR goes up to like 135 bpm when i'm just talking (only sometimes).  She thinks its because I read it online, but i didn't read it until after a particularly difficult day of celebrating in the heat.

    Am I completely overreacting or has anyone else felt similar feelings before?  If you have overcome anxieties, can you give me some advise on how you did it?  Thanks in advance!
    Me (30) | DH (29)
    Married 8/02/2019
    EDD 3/18/20 <3
    lemonlove86Malidocioushmama716
  • @merle89 sorry you're feeling this way! I have a billion different anxieties about bringing baby home and becoming a parent for the first time so I feel you on that. I don't think you need to "get over" anything! You'll feel comfortable with everything when you feel comfortable, and people (especially those closest to you) should respect that. The people who really understand you won't be pushing you in a way that makes you feel uneasy or anxious. Maybe confiding in your mom isn't bringing you the comfort that you need right now. Have you considered not disclosing everything to her? I know from experience that that can be very challenging, but if she isn't bringing you comfort it could be better for you to hold back from her a bit. 
    Malidociousmiss.sallystacey6689hmama716
  • @merle89 stop talking to the know-it-all mom about anything baby related. She doesn't need to know what you are going to do with your newborn. It's none of her business. If she asks you questions in the future, just say you haven't decided yet and when she, of course, gives you unsolicited advice on what to do, just nod and smile. You do not need to let anyone into your home to meet the baby until you are ready. 

    If you have to leave the house, babywear that baby so no one can hold the baby but you. If someone asks, you have every right to say "no, my baby hasn't had his/her shots yet and I don't feel comfortable because it's flu/cold season." There is no right or wrong answer. Do what you want: it's your baby, so your decision. 

    I did end up caving with my baby and letting people touch him week 1. DS got a cold (from his relative :angry:) at 5 weeks and with all the postpartum hormones, I was an absolute wreck. I probably will cave again with this baby, but I might just hide away with baby until after he/she has his/her 6 week shots bc I really don't feel like having a sick newborn again. It was so heartbreaking to hear his little wheezing and coughing. (Also fully aware the shots wouldn't have saved DS from the cold he caught, but I still am debating hiding the first few weeks with this one bc I was a hormonal mess and it's gonna be flu season where I live.)
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

    Malidociousmomoftoddlersstacey6689EmilyLove25
  • @lemonlove86 Thank you for everything you just said.  I agree that, although difficult, confiding in my mom may not be the best solution always, that is actually the main reason I decided to confide in our March moms group instead. 

    I keep forgetting that she can be so opinionated and harsh, and things just slip out, but the women in this group are so supportive I think it may be healthier to share my experiences here instead.  I think I will hold back a bit for the next while because I did feel pretty hurt by her reaction and it did make me think I was out of line with my concerns. 

    It's like if she didn't have or can't remember the same experiences, that I am making mine up and completely discredits my emotions.  Thank you for the advice, and for making me feel like I'm not alone <3
    Me (30) | DH (29)
    Married 8/02/2019
    EDD 3/18/20 <3
    Malidociouslemonlove86
  • @silverhope My husbands parents want to stay with us for a month when the baby is born as well so they can help, which is also causing a lot of stress because I won't be able to hide in my house like you mentioned (which sounds wonderful btw lol) and we will have more people introducing potential illnesses into the house hold as they come and go. I couldn't imagine how hard a sick newborn must have been for you, so heart breaking. Try to take your own advice as well (as it is great advice) and don't feel obligated to cave until you are ready.

    Additionally, then my mind wanders and I wounder what they mean by helping?  Night time feedings and diaper changes?  Because I feel this will be my time to bond with my baby by doing those things.  I will not be pumping if if my milk supply allows so that will mitigate that issue I suppose.  But I think that's where my fear that people will be taking my baby from me is stemming from.  Help with dinners and house stuff would obviously be appreciated but I think I would feel more obligated to host and do more around the house with company.

    Also, I am an introvert and need to be away from people to energize (if that makes sense).  Company is intensely draining for me even when I am not pregnant, let alone a new mother.  I am worried that I will be unable to enjoy the first bonding experiences because it will be chaotic.

    They are both amazing people, but the more people around, the more anxious I seem to get and the less control of the situation I feel I have.  I am feeling very overwhelmed today, as you can obviously see lol.
    Me (30) | DH (29)
    Married 8/02/2019
    EDD 3/18/20 <3
    Malidocioussilverhopelemonlove86
  • @merle89 I'm going to be a first-time mom, too, and your mom is reminding me of mine, so I'm sorry for that!  I love my mother, don't get me wrong; but she is always so opinionated and typically very negative (at least initially).  If we don't agree on something, or if I have a different experience than her, she's so quick to diminish what I have to say and brush me off like I'm clueless and she's the all-knowing queen.  It's really hard for me to not confide in her because we've always been pretty close, but we definitely do not see to eye-to-eye on most things. I've found that during this pregnancy, taking a step back and talking to someone else first (before talking to my mom, if I decide to) usually helps ease my worries and then I don't feel compelled to reach out to her in the first place with my questions or concerns.  I'm getting rambly, so I apologize for that.  

    Just remember that it's your baby and you get to make the rules up.  No one else, not even your mother. <3 
    merle89EmilyLove25
  • @merle89 I never thought I’d have a problem with people holding my baby but I had bad anxiety after he was born and watching someone besides DH hold him was torture. I suffered for weeks crying when we’d get home from relatives snatching him and feeling horrible. I finally told DH and he backed me up completely. No is not a bad word, no one deserves to hold your baby if you don’t want them to. This may piss people off but you aren’t in the wrong. Once I started saying no it got better. I wore him a lot so people didn’t have the chance to hold him and we decided to meet people for like brunch rather than at a house where they’d expect to hold him. 

    Its great that you already have an idea of what will make you uncomfortable. I recommend setting boundaries early and don’t be afraid to be vocal about it. If people won’t follow your rules they don’t get to see your baby. 
    Me: 29 | DH: 30
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS born on 3/2/17
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
    Malidociousmerle89silverhopemrsvp614
  • I’m with all of you who have a pregnancy cold @Malidocious @mommytimesfour @treetop19  @kailanae. I had to leave work at noon, though I was urged to leave sooner.i just hate being sick so much I try to fight it by ignoring it’s there. I’m glad my colleagues made me go home, though. DH is home sick today too since he caught it from me. I hope I’m better tomorrow, not being able to take cold meds sucks. I’ve been using saline solution and ricola cough drops (which suck compared to medicated halls) and Tylenol as-needed for headache. Lots of warm fluids too. 

    Hoping my cold is resolved this week week so I can get back to work! Taking the rest of the week easy since last week was so jam-packed and my in-laws we’re staying with us this weekend, which was not a good combination with my pregnancy cold

    wishing you all a better week! Looks like a lot of us have a case of the Mondays ♥️
    Malidociousstacey6689
  • @kagesstarshroom So glad your second UA was fine. One less thing to worry about! 

    @merle89 Totally normal FTM (or third time mom) anxiety! People think they have a right to control over our babies and they just don’t. Please don’t be afraid to set rules for your family about who will visit and when (be kind but firm). It’s perfectly okay to not have an open door policy in the hospital or at home. And if your fear is more related to who can competently hold your baby, enlist your hubs to help. For example, only he picks the baby up from the bassinet, hands it to a seated adult in a cradle position, sits or stands next to that person and then takes the baby back. Maybe that way you won’t be worried about who knows how to pick the baby up, walk with it, etc, but your close family can still get their cuddles in. Also, for anyone worried about invasive family, nursing is a wonderful excuse. “I’m modest and I’m going to be topless a lot so it’s not a good time for you to stay with us, but thanks anyway.” Also a great way to politely kick visitors who have overstayed their welcome out. 
    silverhopeMalidocious
  • @dunder_mifflin ;@Malidocious @mommytimesfour @treetop19kailanae Sorry about the colds! It's the worst to be sick & pregnant! I had a rough day Sunday, but it seemed to be a bad allergy day and short-lived.

    @merle89 I did not have anxiety over others holding my baby, but I have heard about thing among friends. I did have a fear of falling with the baby, but that was mainly a fear that I would do it, as I was sleep deprived.
    As others have said, there's nothing to be ashamed of when telling people no. You may also feel differently when baby gets here, and sometimes it can be nice to pass of the baby for a few minutes to go to the bathroom, take a shower, eat something, etc. 
    I feel the same way about people in my house. We didn't let anyone come stay with us after the baby was born and it was the right decision for us. We told them that we'd reach out if we needed the help, and that we wanted time alone to bond with the baby and get in our own groove. I wanted to be able to walk around braless, not be quiet when I'm up with baby in the middle of the night, sleep whenever I could, etc. They all respected that decision. I think ILs came for one night, a week after we had been home and that was fine. 
    Would they have to stay at your home if they come help? This time around, we won't have a guest room so ILs will need to stay in a hotel and come with notice, and when asked. My parents and ILs were helpful with bringing food, cooking, helping with laundry and whatnot, but didn't have to stay with us. 
    Me: 33 DH: 33
    Married: 10.15.16
    BFP: 12.24.16
    DS BD: 8.20.17
    TTC #2 1.1.19
    BFP #2 7.3.19
    EDD #2 3.13.20
    kailanaemiss.sallyMalidocious
  • @merle89 I definitely have your anxiety and this is number 3 for me! I was the same way with both my others but not until they were born. I was weirdly possessive and had major anxiety when anyone would hold them. Mostly out of worry that they’d do something wrong and hurt the baby. MIL always wanted to change diapers and I always wanted to say no. In retrospect I laugh because I’ve changed thousands of diapers and if she wants to change them ALL this time I do NOT care. Lol. But newborn snuggles are the best and they’re gone so quickly. Soak them up! If you want to tell someone no, just say no. I can remember secretly hoping DS would start crying so I could take him and go nurse alone with him. Often he did. Haha. That being said, it is a huge help to have someone hold the baby so you can even have five minutes to shower or rest. But it’s definitely more help to have laundry and cooking and cleaning done. I’ve noticed a lot of people think it’s “helpful” to hold the baby while you do all the cleaning. Nope. Those people can kindly not visit until I have a handle on the situation. 
    mrsvp614Malidocioushmama716
  • miss.sallymiss.sally
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited September 24
    @varimama yessssss! I have a good friend and her MIL came to stay and “help” when their baby was born and she just sat around and held baby and expected my friend to wait on HER hand and foot. Lol. It was not a great situation. 
    Malidocious
  • @merle89, lots of good advice from the other moms here!  your mom sounds like she has no boundaries - I can relate.  she's acting like this is her baby to decide whom will hold him/her or whom can visit.  I think having her stay after LO is born might be a bad idea unless there are rules in place. you will already be emotional from postpartum hormones and most likely tired, and a pushy person with no boundaries is the last thing you need to deal with at that point.  if you can set clear boundaries ahead of time, like 'mom will help cook and clean, and only hold/assist with the baby when asked'  that might be helpful... if she isn't willing to visit on your terms or stick to your rules, then she shouldn't be allowed there - the visit would be more trouble than help at that point.  From my experience, I had an 'everyone visits' policy with DD, and it was stressful because everybody wanted to come right after the birth, and entertaining was the last thing I wanted to do.  With DS I just holed up in my house (for the first month!), had only a few visitors who had short  stays, and it worked great for us.

    Also, on the feeling winded - that is a completely valid symptom.  I feel much more winded now than I did pre-pregnancy.   
    mrsvp614EmilyLove25Malidocious
  • @treetop19 so winded so quickly over here.


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    treetop19Malidocious
  • @kagesstarshroom @Malidocious I just watched the Open Mic Night episode of SC! I’m gushing over here! Patrick is the BEST! 
    Me: 33 DH: 33
    Married: 10.15.16
    BFP: 12.24.16
    DS BD: 8.20.17
    TTC #2 1.1.19
    BFP #2 7.3.19
    EDD #2 3.13.20
    lemonlove86Malidocious
  • @merle89 i hear and see your anxiety for sure! I’m going to go a bit against the grain here for a second because of the environment in which I grew up. My question is do you come from a big family or circle of friends with a lot of babies? The reason I ask is because I grew up with tons of babies around and a massive extended family and a lot of kinship care. plus I was 12 when my brother was born so I know how to hold babies in my sleep - as does the rest of my family. So in a way, I guess I can see where your mom’s comment (though not helpful or supportive!) is coming from. If the people around you have helped babies before and have small children they have cared for recently, then likely they fully know what they are doing and how to hold a little one. This is NOT to say your anxieties are invalid, I can completely understand why you would feel that way. Perhaps it would have been more helpful for your mom to ask what about others holding your baby is causing anxiety and then helping you work through that. And if you want a baby step, I would say ask them to sit down, wash hands before, and sit next to them while they hold LO. It’s almost like an exposure therapy if that makes sense (though I get there will be a hormonal/exhaustion component). Babies have been raised in kinship networks for centuries and *if* you feel confident in your family and trust your family to help care for baby it can benefit our LOs as it will help them bond with other family members (though I acknowledge we all don’t have that relationship with our family). And you will be there the whole time if you need to be until you feel more comfortable. I understand asking people to sit down while holding baby and not walk around/down stairs at first, that’s soooo reasonable. They are so tiny at first it’s just an instinct and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all. I think it’s normal. 
    Malidocious
  • @mrsvp614 Oooo that's one of my faves! They're so good for each other. <3 Did you watch the Emmys at all? The cast was all there! The show got a few nominations, which is so rad.


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    mrsvp614Malidocious
  • Winded over here, too. I don’t remember this happening until much further along though. Same with the heartburn that’s slowly trying to kill my esophagus 😫
    Malidocious
  • @mommytimesfour My burping was so bad and painful that my ob has me on zantac every day now for preventative measures--it has helped! I usually take it with lunch.


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    Malidocious
  • merle89merle89
    10 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited September 24
    @dunder_mifflin I come from a family that I dont overly trust, that make poor choices with their children often, that would tease me by taking things I valued and pretending to drop them in front of me.  Now that you mentioned it and made me think,  I think I have a lot of experiences that may have resulted in my anxieties.  
    My sister is 9 years younger than me, I also feel comfortable holding a baby, but my mother has said she would need to get comfortable as its been so long and she would be nervous, which in turn makes me nervous I think.  So essentially my mom is saying she is not comfortable holding a new born, but I have to get over that and let everyone hold my baby.  Anything she doesn't agree with is automatically wrong.  For example, I mentioned that I would want my baby shower  2 weeks ish before the baby is due, but her response was that no one wants to see you, they want to see the baby, nobody has baby showers before its born and you have to let everyone hold the baby so maybe you shouldn't have one... I looked it up and baby shower etiquette says they are typically held before the birth, but since she didn't do it that way it is wrong.  Why would I want to have a bunch of germs introduced to my newborn and I immediately following delivery?  I'm not saying there is a right way or a wrong way, but whatever works best for your situation.  I guess the harshness and belittling responses may have closed me off a bit as well.  I dont like feeling like I'm not in control of mine and my babies environment.  I think I'm just looking for a little more understanding from my mother and not being berated for "made-up pregnancy symptoms and invalid emotions".
    Thanks for playing the devils advocate though, it made me think a bit differently and gave me some insight as to why I may be feeling so anxious.
    I'm just venting now but I was upset the other day and had said something along the lines of, "It's our baby not theirs (not directed at my mom)" and her response was that I sound like a little girl and I can't say that.  @lemonlove86, I think I really need to follow your advice and hold back from her a more, you never know when it's going to be a negative response.  It feels so good when your mom is there for you and I think I pine for the approval, but so often its just an unexpected negative response.
    Me (30) | DH (29)
    Married 8/02/2019
    EDD 3/18/20 <3
    miss.sallylemonlove86mrsvp614Malidocious
  • No time to chat but solidarity with all of you feeling winded! I’ll get winded just getting through a couple of sentences in teaching. So annoying!
    EmilyLove25Malidocious
  • edited September 24
    @merle89 oh yeah that’s SO fair! I completely understand where you are coming from based on context described and I would likely have the same anxieties in your position as well! I would say with your mom and newborn just start off slow :) with the rest of your family you can absolutely say no at first if you don’t entirely trust them. I was asking only because I was wondering if it was more your thoughts or their behavior driving that fear but it sounds like it’s a matter of trust based on their behavior. My DH wouldn’t trust his parents to babysit prolonged periods of time (especially after FIL said we can dip a baby soother in cognac if it’s crying a lot. Like bro, it’s not the 70s anymore 🙄), but he would trust my parents in a heartbeat so it’s all relative. 

    Do you! You know your family best. Use that carrier as an excuse lol. 

    Yeah I echo @lemonlove86 that I would hold back what you share. And baby shower is all relative to what you need and want. Some cultures do baby shower after baby due to superstition. A baby shower after baby is born given your very valid concerns about people holding baby would likely not work. Also people want to see you pregnant! Lol that’s a bit insulting to say otherwise!
    merle89miss.sallyMalidocious
  • @dunder_mifflin  I'm happy you made me think outside the box a bit, I feel I have a better understanding of why I'm so anxious in the first place, thank you :smile:  
    Me (30) | DH (29)
    Married 8/02/2019
    EDD 3/18/20 <3
    Malidocious
  • @merle89 Grandmas to be are so difficult! Your mom needs to realize you’re the one going through pregnancy and you are entitled to your own feelings and concerns. Regarding a shower, it’s hard to have too many opinions if someone else is throwing it for you, but I feel like the norm is a shower before the baby so you can have any stuff that’s gifted to you set up in advance. Would not recommend a shower less than 4 weeks before your due date because you never know if baby may come early, or you may be super uncomfortable. After the baby is born I’ve seen “Sip and See” or similar parties for people to meet the baby but for that you have to be super comfortable with lots of people being around your newborn. I personally would not do one of those, especially because this will be a winter baby and so many germs floating around, and because I’m not into crowds in the postpartum period. Either way, like I said in my earlier post, you’re entitled to your preferences and everything having to do with your baby is ultimately your and your partner’s decision and no one else’s. 
    miss.sallymerle89Malidocious
  • @merle89 while I do second what @momoftoddlers said about not being able to have a ton of opinions on your shower, I think it is perfectly within your right to at least request it be before baby is born.

    Will she be the one throwing the shower? I’ve personally never heard of one being after baby was born. Because of germs. Waaaaay too many. Plus you will likely get a lot of essentials that you want to have BEFORE baby. I’d also suggest you have it at LEAST four weeks before baby, but I had mine two months before so that I had plenty of time after to be sure I could buy whatever I didn’t get. And also it’s hard to know if baby will come early or if you’ll even feel like standing up at that point. Lol. I don’t think I could’ve handled a shower within a month of my due date because of how uncomfortable I was. And clothes didn’t fit. And I was so swollen I had to keep my feet above my head for the majority of the day. 😂
    Malidocioushmama716
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