PGAL Check-in w/o 9/18

kbrown2385

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.  

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!  

1. How many weeks are you? 

2. Previous loss(es)? 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 

4. Any appointment updates? 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! 

FyreFlyeRush

1. How many weeks are you? 21w3d 

2. Previous loss(es)? 1/2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically, the heartburn is real, yo! And, my back is killing me since my 5k. I'm still climbing the stairs at work, determined to get to 24w before I stop. It's 7 more work days not counting today (I telework 2 days a week). Emotionally, I had a pretty bad night the other day. It's been haunting me ever since. Preggo-dreams don't help.
TW

The other night...I dreamt about my natural loss. It was vivid. I remembered every detail. The pain. I woke up in a cold sweat and breathing hard. The pain would turn out to be a baby flip flopping around in my belly and a full bladder he was playing soccer with. But the memory itself I can't fully shake. And the flashbacks that had almost gone away are back. *sigh* One day at a time, right? Two steps forward, one step back...and the occasional reset. I guess the part where at no point in time did I think this baby was in danger is an improvement...and the rest is just an ugly memory. 

4. Any appointment updates? The 4WW between them is exhausting, but I'm actually NOT looking forward to my weekly scans starting at 24w. My next appointment is 9/24

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I think a NerdGirlProblems rant will do . With my SO spending more time at his mom's, I have a ton of introvert time. I'm loving that part, even though I miss him horribly after about 2 nights. I can't decide what to do with my time! I'm about half way through It, need to finish Atlas Shrugged, I'm 18 days late in starting Harry Potter, and I really, REALLY want to disappear into Fallout New Vegas AND Fallout 4, but the Mass Effect trilogy is calling me, too. So many nerdy activities, so little evening time. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Viability @24w.

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! I wish I could have ramen. Not the buck fifty a case stuff you get at the grocer, but the stuff I have to drive across town for with braised pork belly, shitake mushrooms, and home made bone broth. Maybe with a slice of fish cake or scallions and mung bean sprouts (that cook in the broth). 

kbrown2385

1. How many weeks are you? 22 weeks 

2. Previous loss(es)? 6 losses 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically the chiro appt yesterday changed my world. My rib pain is finally gone! I can’t wait for my next appt. Emotionally I’m having crazy dreams so it’s making my PGAL brain kick in. Can it just be January already?

4. Any appointment updates? Ob tomorrow, mfm the 23rd

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I really need to start looking for a leaf removal service. There’s no way I’m going to be able to rake our yard this fall, I can barely go grocery shopping as it is 🤦🏻‍♀️. With dh’s work schedule I can’t expect him to do it all either. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Viability in 2 weeks! 

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! Crispy crunchy things! Apples, crackers, chips. I’m loving it all.

kbrown2385

@FyreFlyeRush I’m sorry you are dealing with such vivid dreams. I wish at some point it would all just get easier and we could enjoy being pregnant. January can’t come soon enough! 

FyreFlyeRush

@kbrown2385 ,  actually have relaxed enough to enjoy being pregnant...well the good parts, lol. Right now, I'm marveling at how different pregnancies can be! 

biolprof

@FyreFlyeRush I also had some weird dreams last night about the health of my baby currently. Even though there hasn't ever had any indication that there was something wrong! Glad to hear that it didn't rock you too much afterwards. Your nerdy nights sound amazing. I'm too exhausted to do anything most nights anymore....

@kbrown2385 you must have a lot of leaves!

1. How many weeks are you? 21 + 4

2. Previous loss(es)? 12/18 4/19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically okay which is great. Still emotional. 

4. Any appointment updates? MFM yesterday left me still feeling uneasy. I left the office yesterday after the appointment not knowing what to think and I still had some uneasiness and I didn't know why. Thinking about it for a while, I realized I'm upset because of 2 things. The doc said I couldn't have VP because I didn't have a velamentous cord insertion and there was no extra placenta. I went back to my articles (some from the NIH and journal of prenatal medicine) which said that those are the two most common presentations but it can also happen by low lying placenta. In my appointment we did look at the edge of the placenta to the cervix and he used doppler to show me that there weren't any blood vessels but I also know (from that article) that abdominal ultrasound often isn't enough to diagnose or rule it out. I don't know that I explicitly asked the doc for a vaginal but I kept being told that we would only do a vaginal ultrasound if they saw anything strange. But isn't having a low lying placenta enough. I was kind of upset last night. It's not that I think I have a VP and likely they are right but the consequences of not being sure are really high so it makes me nervous not to do everything we can to make sure it isn't there. I slept on it so that I could be less emotional and think about what I wanted to do. I decided to write to my normal OB and explain what happened in the appointment and the points that didn't jive with my research (citing sources of course) and asked what she thought we should do going forward. I hope it's enough!

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? See above for the rant hah!

6. Any milestones coming up? 24 weeks! Excited for viability!

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! BLTs!!!!! They are so tasty. Though I think that I am close to the end of that craving. I will still eat one willingly!

FyreFlyeRush

@biolprof, awww, sweetie...I'm sorry you're upset. All that is normal pregnancy anxiety...and combine it with PGAL brain, well it gets ugly fast. I used to think having a scientific and analytical mind made me more objective, but I've since learned it means I am completely incapable of taking anything at face value. It also means I frequently suspect Drs and teachers and other people to just give me the glossed over layman's explanation, when what it I *really* need is the whole picture. I need to know the good. The bad. The likely. The worst case scenario...and if you don't tell me, you're hiding it from me for a reason, and now disrespecting me by assuming I can't take it. (I've been "protected" way too many times "for my own good" in life)

I won't tell you that everything is ok, because we know that's not always the case. But, I will tell you low lying placentas are nearly always NOT a big cause for concern as long as it's monitored. We're still very early in the pregnancy and have a LOT of uterus growing to do. The placenta WILL move..it's just a matter of how much and to where. And like DalexRN, when caught early...like now...the prognosis is very, VERY positive. *hugs*

marebear15

@FyreFlyeRush - How do you have so much free time with a kid around?? I feel like I'm constantly busy with my DD.

@kbrown2385 - Usually there's a teenage boy in the neighborhood looking for a chance to make some money. Could you hire someone like that to do your lawn?

@biolprof - I would be nervous to with the complications that VP can cause. Glad that you're advocating for yourself!

1. How many weeks are you? 22w+4d

2. Previous loss(es)? In January at 5 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? My MC has been on my mind a lot lately. It came up in a conversation with a work friend last week and she told me about her rainbow baby, and the next day she left cookies on my desk. My original due date is coming up next Friday, and it's just been on my mind a lot. 
Between my family and DH's family, we have a lot of fall birthdays. My SIL said yesterday that it was good we had one that decided to be in the winter, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how I should have had another fall baby. I know she was speaking without thinking and she's never had a loss, so she probably doesn't even remember when I was due, but it still hurt.

4. Any appointment updates? Everything is going smoothly

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? How did you commemorate the due date of your loss?

6. Any milestones coming up? original due date is the 27th

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! Apple pie!

biolprof

@marebear15 I totally understand it being on your mind. It came up the other day when someone talked about a July baby and that is when mine was supposed to be due. But I found myself more traumatized by the thought of delivering on or around the loss date of my first. It's hard to forget losing your baby on Christmas and that is 36 weeks for me so it's not out of the realm and back when they thought I might need to have an early C section it was on my mind a lot too. This July I was really too busy and didn't think about it and wasn't sure how to commemorate the loss but I think this Christmas I will just give DH a big hug and recognize the loss of our baby then. Hugs!!!

kbrown2385

@biolprof we have two huge oak trees in the backyard. Last year between terrible weather and the amount of cleanup, it took a few months and two boxes of leaf bags to get it all done. I can’t do that again lol. I’m glad you are advocating for yourself. I hope your ob is willing to look into it more, even if everything ends up being ok like the mfm says.

@marebear15 My neighborhood is all old people who get their lawns professionally done. I’m going to ask them for some recommendations and hopefully get a good deal. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of that. It’s hard when people don’t understand and say things. I personally don’t commemorate them in anyway. It’s just something that never felt right to me. I’m sure you’ll find what works for you though. 

FyreFlyeRush

@marebear15, I'm sorry about the due date anniversary.It's hard to be excited about a new life, when you're mourning the loss of another. I had a total HUGE meltdown that week. It was ugly.  My ex and I share custody, and DS1 is at his dad's about 1/2 the week, plus this was the ex's weekend. I'm free most Mon-Weds, and every other weekend. Edit - We live within a few miles of each other, so this arrangement works well. He's in a better neighborhood with better schools, so he has "primary" residence, but it's about a 55/45 split with DS1 spending slightly more time with me. 

@biolprof, with my age and blood pressure, I'll most likely be induced between 37w and 38w...which puts me right around the date I miscarried, Jan 8. I've kind of had this idea in my head since I found out I'd deliver on that day. It wasn't until later I made the connection. Now, I'm gonna be like...can we do it on the 6th or 10th, please?

c1kc1kpol1cn1k

1. How many weeks are you? 25 today!

2. Previous loss(es)? coming up to my 1 year loss mark soon Sep/2018 and Mar2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? heartburn is kicking in, otherwise I'm ok

4. Any appointment updates? not much, GD test will be in a couple of weeks with midwife a month away

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! 

@FyreFlyeRush that ramen looks awesome, I would be craving that too !
@kbrown2385 so glad the chiropractor worked out well! I love going to mine during pregnancy, it definitely helps. Also I am in the same boat as you for the leaves, I have 2 acres and a ton of massive tree's, should be interesting.. 
@biolprof good that you're asking your regular OB for a second opinion, honestly it is better to keep asking, then to worry and maybe have someone miss something. 
@marebear15 for my due date that was supposed to be May, I just went out to the tree where everything is buried and had some time there. I am more concerned somehow with the loss date since that was more traumatic 

MollySm

We have a ton of trees.   The kids want to rake leaves to jump in them (that wasn't something we could do in San Diego) but otherwise it's supposed to be good for the yard to leave them, so that makes me feel better about not getting rid of them 😊

1. How many weeks are you? 22w 1d

2. Previous loss(es)? 7/13

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Tired!  I have a cavity and now  cold.  I am falling apart.  Probably because I turn 41 on Sunday...

4. Any appointment updates? I had an appt on Tuesday.  I love my midwives!  They are so great with my 2 year old.  Also, along with my regular appt I also gave saliva for a genetic breast cancer screening test thing, since my mom had breast cancer super young (32).

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? My daughter's new 3rd grade teacher is awesome.  

6. Any milestones coming up?  Coming up on viability.  

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is!  I am addicted to toast with salted butter and Nutella.  I am going to gain one million pounds.  I don't even have a sweet tooth when I am not pregnant. 

DalexRN

@MollySm We are birthday twins! And I’m turning 40 so right there with ya on the falling apart 😩

FyreFlyeRush

@DalexRn and @MollySm , I'm 42...I think I fell apart more at 34 than I am now, but I'm also right there with you!

EmilyE13

@FyreFlyeRush Ugh I’m sorry about the rough dreams. I’ve had some similar scary ones.  
@kbrown2385 I’m glad you got relief from the chiro!
@biolprof Reaching out to your regular OB was a great idea. I hope you can get some reassurance. 
@marebear15 That was really sweet of your work friend. Thinking of you and the upcoming due date. 
@MollySm Oohh Nutella sounds amazing right now. 

1. How many weeks are you? 23w2d

2. Previous loss(es)? DD’s twin Feb 2017

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’m really having a hard time with the grieving process. I mentioned it on the Group 1/2 thread but my sweet old kitty died on Monday after initially improving but then getting much worse over the weekend at the emergency vet. They called me at work, so I drove straight to the vet to spend time with her before we had her put her to sleep. I miss her so much. Physically, just starting to feel BIG. 

4. Any appointment updates? Appt just with nurse on 9/24

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? See above about my kitty. Being pregnant is truly not the time to have to deal with other stressful and sad situations. I have cried every day. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Viability next Wednesday!

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! Thai green curry with chicken.

DalexRN

@FyreFlyeRush I wish we lived near each other so you could show me some good ramen. The closest thing I have had was a ramen bowl at Wok N Fire and it was amazeballs
@kbrown2385 I'm so happy the Chiro helped!  Are they Webster certified?  I'm currently looking for one for myself too
@biolprof I hear you with the frustration.  I'm really happy to hear that you more than likely don't have VP, however I would insist on a transvaginal US for absolute confirmation.  My MFM said its part of their protocol with everyone to rule out VP, so when my VCI was discovered she was able to confirm I don't have VP.  The good news for you is that the risk isn't until labor starts, so it's not emergent and you can start being vocal about getting the TV US.  


1. How many weeks are you? 23 today!

2. Previous loss(es)? My son at 17w

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally doing ok, but getting anxious as I approach viability.  Physically starting to feel more pregnant with some ankle swelling and back pain.  I've also been sweating a lot at night which is not my norm.

4. Any appointment updates? Fetal echo on 10/1 - hopefully they will check growth and VCI insertion again but not sure since the pediatric cardiologist is the one doing the US

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm turning 40 this weekend and never imagined I would be bringing in the decade pregnant.  Pretty amazing. 

6. Any milestones coming up?  Every day is a milestone, but viability is a big one!

7. GTKY: I’ve run out of ideas so tell us what you’re current, favorite thing to eat is! Um, everything? I love to eat and being pregnant hasn't changed that LOL

biolprof

@DalexRN it sounds like you have a really knowledgeable MFM! That's awesome! I'm hoping all the scans come back good! I got ahold of my new OB and she called me. We had a good chat about the MFM appointment. She doesn't have any experience with VP but plans to read up on it and scheduled me for an uktra follow up at 28 weeks. She specifically request TVUS so that's great! I at least feel listened to and feeling more at peace with my plan! Hopefully you are feeling some relief as well 🙏

kbrown2385

@DalexRN yes she is Webster certified. She actually specializes in pregnant women as well as pediatrics. My next appt is tomorrow and I can’t wait. Also, happy birthday! I hope you were able to celebrate!