Weekly Randoms - 8/5 - 8/11

brookert615

craftywitch

Anyone struggle with proving themselves? Like idk why it bothers me so much, but the first pregnancy I got all kinds of doubt with stuff I said I was going to do AND THEN DID! And now I'm getting the same comments but with the spin of "oh you'll never keep up with that if you have 2 kids"... When I do though, I know it'll be something else! Like whatever I do won't be enough to shut up the haters, which is what people trying to put their personal limitations on others totally boils down to. The real question is why do we feel the need to prove anything to anyone or justify ourselves to anyone? *sigh* Anyone dealing with this or become a zen master and overcome it?

brookert615

@craftywitch Yes! 100%!!! I'm a FTM and my one friend has been that way to the point where I don't even share anything with her anymore lol. 

doodleoodle

@craftywitch I actually have the opposite issue. My MIL and FIL both claim that my MIL was able to keep the house immaculate, the kitchen fully stocked, and a homemade meal on the table every single night even when their kids were babies. The oldest two only being 15 months apart. They also could apparently be put down to sleep in a pac n play in a hotel room and go to sleep and stay asleep despite them talking normally and the tv being on a regular volume. The list goes on and on. 

I think it’s awesome when people are able to keep up with their kids and do want they want to do. I would never try to tell someone that they couldn’t... I’m just one of the people that can’t keep up 😂

leksiL

I deal with this too. I just disregard what they say because some people just like to be negative! We can do anything our childfree brethren can do, it just might be a different path! People say "you will never travel". My mom told me when I told her I was pregnant "well, your life is over!" Since we've had Bella, I've been to London twice (once with her), Bahamas, Jamaica, San Antonio, Phoenix, Montreal and Fort Collins. Sure having two will create a new set of challenges but there will be some good things about it too. 

I guess I would say do it to prove it to or enjoy yourself, and not for others. At the end of the day, no one really cares what we do except ourselves and our own little families. (I know that sounds kind of bitter, but IMHO it's true). 

craftywitch

@doodleoodle I totally get that! Everyone has limitations, but they're personalized! We all get to prioritize whatever we want. I'm sure you keep up with things that you consider top priorities.

@leksiL Same on this one! I have a childless by choice friend who makes comments about choosing travel instead of family and I'm like girl have you seen the photos of our baby in Iceland? We travel as much as you do. Family and travel don't have to be mutually exclusive.

@brookert615 I hate to have to stop talking to people I otherwise enjoy chatting with, but the negative comments have me like:

brookert615

@craftywitch Bahahah! YES, exactly! That gif is so perfect!!!

ibabyloveb87

I’m feeling so defeated by our house budget today. Why is everything so damn expensive?! Ugh. I guess this is why people say you’ll only build once. 

brookert615

@ibabyloveb87 Oh no! So sorry!

robynlynn2000

@craftywitch I also struggle with trying to prove myself. I always say i dont want to be treated like i have a disability just because im pregnant. I work hard in a factory and i dont ask for help, and i hate when people push it on me. But the last 5 weeks we have been working 60 hours a week, with onky sunday off. I get up at 3am, work at 430 (40 min drive) and work all day. And because of my family schedule I get to bed at 9-10pm. Its just not enough sleep. And i have been sick since 8weeks. And its now pushing 15 weeks. And last week i took 3 days fmla. Just to catch up on sleep, hug my own toilet, without seeing anyone elses shoes while i wretch, and i cleaned house and mowed my yard and spent time with my kids. I feel so much better even though i "gave up" proving myself. Work sucked today because half the people were genuinely concerned and the other half making snide comments about me "taking fmla for morning sickness!" Whatever.

malloryfrommn

Has anyone else lost a parent? I was raised by my single father, and I don't have a relationship with my Mom. I lost my Dad to cancer 6 years ago and I miss him like CRAZY. It's especially hard when you want to share happy moments (like this pregnancy and my recent big promotion). 

I'm also mourning the fact that this kid won't have any Grandparents on my side. My Dad would have been an awesome Grandpa. I know for me, my Grandparents played such a huge role in my life, and I feel so blessed that we were close. I'm just sad my kid won't have that. 

kiwi2628

@malloryfrommn I haven't lost a parent but I grew up without grandparents for the most part- my dads parents died before I was old enough to remember them, my moms dad died before she even got married so I only had one grandma who lived across the country and she died when I was like 9, so I only saw her a few times. I never felt too upset about it- maybe the area I grew up in- there are a lot of transplants and a lot of 'older' moms (and therefore less grandparents just due to age and death), so a lot of my friends didnt have grandparents or didnt have them that played a big role. Whatever the reason or cause, your kid will be just fine without them. They will fill the grandparent role with friends or aunts or uncles or cousins or whatever

daffodil_shoe

@malloryfrommn I’m sorry you have to struggle with this. I haven’t lost a parent (I actually have 4, due to divorce and remarriage). But I believe it’s more of a struggle for you than your kid(s). I have some grandparents who passed when I was young, and I can’t say I miss them because I don’t really remember much. But I am thankful for my one set of grandparents who are still with us (we have weekly family dinners with them). Your kid(s) will love and remember the family they have now.

ibabyloveb87

@malloryfrommn I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad. I cannot relate personally, but I have several friends who have lost a parent. They talk about their parent a lot to their children so they will “know” them and they all have grandparent names that they refer to them as. I think it’s a sweet way of carrying on their memory! 

craftywitch

@malloryfrommn I lost my mom to cancer when DS was 3 months old so this pregnancy has been hard in that I know this baby will never meet her and I know DS won’t remember her. I agree that it’s probably harder for us than for the kids though. I lost both my grandparents on my Dad’s side when I was 4 and 5, and he and his siblings seemed upset about it but I never really knew what I was missing and thought nothing of having only 2 grandparents and not 4. I think it’s normal to carry pain and grief alongside joy though. Nothing is rainbows all the time. I also think it’s good for our kids to see us as full people who experience sad moments, and to see us struggling and coping in healthy ways. We have a little space on a shelf with photos of my Mom and some of her special things where we light a candle for her once in a while or leave a flower or things like that to remember or acknowledge her.

nhh11

@craftywitch I’m a FTM but still hear this stuff all the time! We love to travel and it’s constantly “better travel before you have kids” or “must be nice to do xyz just wait till you have kids”. I think people are just projecting! Because then inevitably it’s those same people who talk about how you’ve never experienced love like this...so clearly they’re happy about their kids! you sound like you’re doing an awesome job bringing your kid (soon kids!) into your life and not missing a beat!

@robynlynn2000 I’m so sorry you’re going through all that! You must be a really tough person...I admire everything you’re doing especially while feeling so rough! I can’t believe anyone would make comments about you taking time off to take care of your pregnant self...again - I think people just project their insecurities on other people. Hang in there and I hope you feel better soon!

@malloryfrommn I’m sorry about your dad. I can’t imagine how hard that is especially now. I really like @ibabyloveb87 ‘s idea about making sure your kids “know” your dad. That’s a special way to keep him in your lives!

celticknotfire

@malloryfrommn I am in a very similar situation.  My mom left when I was 13 and my dad passed when I was 18 (hard to believe it was almost 20 years ago).  Both my sisters have kids and they have all done well with having only one set of grandparents.  We also grew up only knowing one set as well so that may have been helpful.  One project I have been working on for a long time is creating a bound scrapbook for each of the grandchildren.  I have plenty of pictures but I'm also working on getting stories and input from people that were important to my dad because I want them to get an idea of who he really was.  Honestly the harder issue has been trying to explain why my mother is not in our lives.  Whatever you decide to do I'm sure it will be great because even in your short post it's clear to see how important your dad was to you and how much you love him.

jessieR358

My mom is a very negative Nancy and yesterday she kept going on about our decision to get our son one guinea pig when this baby is born—back story: we had 3, had to give them away when I got pregnant bc I can’t be around them due to a virus they can carry that can be devastating to a fetus. Anyways, my mom is acting like I want to get 15 of them. She said you just don’t know how hard 3 kids are. I’m sure it will be, but I also care about my child and that we gave his beloved pets away. 
We have 4 pets right now and she hates all of them so I’m not surprised. 

brookert615

@jessieR358 That is kind of annoying! Sorry you had to deal with that! 

malloryfrommn

@kiwi2628 Your perspective (not really having grandparents growing up) is a big comfort to me! What really matters is that they feel supported and loved, and it doesn’t necessarily need to be a grandparent, it can be from the many other wonderful people in my life.  

@Daffodil_shoe The weekly dinners with your surviving grandparents is SO SWEET!  And it’s such a helpful reminder for me that “Your kid(s) will love and remember the family they have now”  -- thank you for that.

@ibabyloveb87 I love the idea of talking to my kid(s) about my Dad – so sweet!  I didn’t mention it in my earlier post, but my husband lost his Mom when he was 15/16.  He doesn’t show emotion, so he doesn’t seem bothered that our kids will never know his Mom (whereas overly-emotional pregnant me is a big ole mess about my Dad!)  I think implementing this for both of our deceased parents is a lovely way to keep their memories alive.

@craftywitch I am SO SO sorry for the loss of your Mom.  The shelf for your Mom is a fantastic idea!!  I love the idea of remembering and acknowledging her.  Between the stacks of books on our bookcases, my husband and I have put up the graduation photos of his Mom and my Dad.  I definitely plan to make that a permanent part of our home.  Having photos of them on display makes me feel like they are always with us, in one way or another.

@celticknotfire I can’t even imagine losing your Dad so young.  My youngest sister was in her senior year of high school when my Dad passed.  I moved home some months before he died to look after them both.  I just knew someone would need to step in and be a parent when the inevitable happened.  I have a special place in my heart for people, like you and my sister, who were essentially orphaned before they could really stand on their own two feet.   The scrapbook and collecting of stories is such a lovely idea!  Can I steal it?!   

(*Hoping the tags work -- I'm using the desktop version for the first time ever, and it's so different from the app!)

tmk2021

It’s late summer, which means fire season where I live. Ughhhh! Yesterday afternoon, the smoke from a few fires in Washington blew in and it’s like walking in an ash tray outside. Now I can’t even take a nice walk at lunchtime. This sucks! 

ibabyloveb87

We had cupcakes at work today and I really want another one. 

celticknotfire

@malloryfrommn feel free to steal the idea all you want!  I'm the middle sister so I was more worried about my younger sister who was 15.  My older sister was 21 and she really stepped up the parent role which I can't imagine was easy.  You'll find a way to share your dad with your child and through that he will live on.

@ibabyloveb87 that looks amazing!

bg122785

Nothing like ending the day with an older gentleman coming in with arm in a sling, shirt unbuttoned with his beer belly hanging out and then proceeding to ask me," Can I ask you a personal question? Do I smell?" Wtffff dude. Barf. 

daffodil_shoe

@bg122785 what the hell? Where do you work?

brookert615

@bg122785 Just reading that made me want to barf 

leksiL

Does anyone think it is too early to start a nursery idea thread? I'm still working on getting our guest room cleaned out but will want to paint before I get "too" pregnant. While my husband will do the big parts I have a steadier hand so will do the cutting in which means ladders. All the rooms in my house are grey or blue so I want to do something a little different but I don't want anything too cutesy like pink because YUCK. 

ibabyloveb87

@leksiL nope. I just can’t make any decisions til I know what this baby is! 

therealbitts

@leksiL I don’t think it’s too early. I’m big into decorating though, so I like seeing what others are planning 🤗

brookert615

@leksiL My Pinterest board is already full of ideas but we are probably moving in the winter so I'll be stir crazy haha

craftywitch

@leksiL Never too early!!! I'd love to see what everyone is working on. We're waiting until we know gender to choose furniture colors, but my toddler and this baby will be sharing a room so I'm planning to do the Ikea bunk crib hack (as seen on Pinterest). The only question is navy bunks if it's for 2 boys or white/natural wood if it's going to be a boy bed and girl crib.

nhh11

@leksiL ooh I’m in! Love this idea. Our entire house is also gray but I don’t feel like painting, so gray it will be! Lol but I do want cute decorating ideas - I love doing that!

craftywitch

Is nesting and nursery the same thread to you guys? I've started nesting hard already. I picked up my baby box yesterday and laundered all the gender neutral baby clothes and cloth diapers to fill it. I'm also insane and already ordered and received my Freemies breast pump lol... It's probably too early and I'm going to need to wash the baby clothes again huh? Anyone else feeling nesty or buying/collecting baby stuff already?

bg122785

@daffodil_shoe I work at a water company and it never ceases to amaze me what customers will say to me. Once I think I have heard it all, and then another one tops it. And @brookert615 I have trained myself to basically breath through my mouth because there are a lot of stinky people that come into this place. Especially being pregnant, I would have definitely gotten sick if he smelt like he said he did.

brookert615

@craftywitch I definitely think I'm nesting but in all of the ways I can without the nursery or the house to fill haha. I've already got my free registry boxes from Amazon and Babylist as well as the Noobie Box. I got a handful of cute outfits and yesterday just got the Mammaroo and insert, because I had a v. good deal lol  . DH thinks it's kind of funny because we are quite literally packing out crap up for a move and stuff keeps coming so I'm just putting all of baby's stuff in totes haha.

therealbitts

@craftywitch me! Already bought some baby girl clothes (squee!) and started hanging them up in the closet. In addition, I already have a decent Pinterest board like @brookert615. Fall and the holiday season are always super busy for us. So, I don’t want to wait too long starting on stuff since I’ll be really busy on holidays, decorating, etc when I need to start getting her stuff ready. 

craftywitch

@brookert615 Oh that reminds me we do need a pregnancy freebies thread too! I want to see what came in your Amazon, Babylist, and Noobie Box as I haven't looked into any of those yet. I got a Walmart box- free (no shipping either) with creation of registry that had some good loot. I know Target does them too, although you have to pick up in-person. My last BMB lots of girls would hit up different Targets because the grab bags would have different stuff. They're great for collecting one of each bottle type so you have alts in case you get a picky baby.

brookert615

@craftywitch Yes! Oh I can definitely go through the boxes of what was in each! I really think the Babylist box won out of the three. I was actually a bit disappointed in what was in the Amazon one, surprisingly! That's super cool about Target! 

mandk1233

I am also starting to nest. Right now that means painting the nursery and setting it up. (We aren't finding out, so are going gender neutral which worked well with the green paint I had kicking around the house.) I am holding off on buying much until I start work in a couple of weeks because that is going to give us more wiggle room in our budget.

Edited because my autocorrect thinks French words are necessary in English posts. 🙄🤔

craftywitch

@brookert615 Freebies thread is up! I'll post a pic of the Walmart box when I get home.

jessieR358

This is baby number 3. If it’s a boy, the nursery stays exactly the same because I love it. If it’s a girl, I won’t redecorate until my 23 month old moves out of the crib and into my 4yos room.