Advanced Maternal Age (35+) Check-In // August 2019

kagesstarshroom

Hello! This is a monthly thread for those who are of Advanced Maternal Age. Feel free to use the prompts below, as many or few of them as you'd like, & then let the conversation over the month develop from there. 

Due date/W+D: 

Age? 

FTM/STM/etc?:

Rants/Raves?: 

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss?

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid?

suzsoto

Hello!
EDD- 3/9/2020
age: 40, will be 41 in February 2020
STM
have a 3and a half year old son who I had at 36

I have many rants, but I’ll keep it short - I’m utterly petrified about genetic testing because of the high rates of issues for women in their 40s, google also making me crazy.
Im not a fan of AMA because I’m tired and it’s hard being a mom to a little one and be pregnant and be working. It’s quite a lot to juggle. 
I know at any age it must be difficult but what makes this pregnancy so stressful are the incoming genetic tests I will be getting 

emmasemm

@suzsoto I’m also really focused on all the screening tests at the moment. Are you doing both the traditional “first trimester screening” (PAPP-A, free bHCG and the NT measurement) and an NIPT Test? Which NIPT Test have you chosen. We have selected Harmony with the enhanced sex chromosome screening too. We’re doing the blood tests early enough that the results will be there when we go for the NT US and then can discuss the consolidated results straight away.

Due date/W+D: 7th March, 9+0

Age? 40, soon to be 41

FTM/STM/etc?: FTM after 4 years of IF, 7 IVF retrievals and 3 transfers 

Rants/Raves?:  I’ve got a bit of a competition going with my near constant strong nausea. I have dozens of food items pre prepared and any time I sense a dip in the nausea I race to the kitchen and heat it up etc and try to eat it before the nausea ramps up again. I did get half way through lunch today, which is better than yesterday when both lunch and dinner had to be thrown away!

On the raves terrace isn’t yet finished but there is a nice little spot where I can now sit out on the sun lounger with the sun shade up - so fresh air and sunshine but no direct sun :-)

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss?

I don’t feel geriatric or mature lol! My age is mostly concerning me for whether this baby is genetically normal or not. My pre existing conditions are going to be the thing that have me going to more regular appointments than normal. DH misheard (?) the Doctor and thought they said I was a “high maintenance” pregnancy, not “high risk” lol - he might be right!

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid?

I always wanted to be a vet. I love animals and developed quite some experience in spotting issues, treating etc and i don’t mind bodily fluids or operations etc on animals. I’m not quite so good with people ;-) I like many girls wanted to specialize as an equine vet.

suzsoto

I see there is a thread for AMA but wondering if there is a group for older mamas. Seems like it would be a good idea to start a group if there isn’t one yet.

my tests will be the DNA tests that can do at 10 weeks. Not sure of the name because I haven’t had them yet. I’m thinking it’s that NIPT one.  I hear they offer it to women of all ages but encourage older moms to get it done.  My doctor has an independent company that does that testing so I’ll have to arrange it with them. 

kagesstarshroom

@suzzsoto I am not sure what you mean by "older mamas" & how that differs from AMA? Do you mean STMs who are older? If you want to make a suggestion to change something or add a weekly or monthly check-in, you can comment on the board organization post pinned at the top.

@emmasemm lolol "high maintenance" #crackingup // I stole these prompts from a different BMB's AMA check-in this time, so your response to the "any questions..." is interesting. I guess I think a lot about how ppl I know had kids so so so young (Not For Me), and how I might be one of the "older" moms at, like, Parent Teacher Night or whatever. But as DH might say, I am "getting ahead of myself."

Due date/W+D: 3/21 7w1d

Age? 35

FTM/STM/etc?: FTM

Rants/Raves?: I have been feeling pretty terrible for the past 4-5 days, so I have been sipping on ginger ale and I took a B6 vitamin with my other vitamins yesterday--I feel a little better today? DH & I had an important talk this morning about the future & what our plans are. (((TW loss))) He is still being hesitant about the pregnancy a bit bc last time we saw a heartbeat, when we went back, we didn't see one. So that's kind of frustrating, but at the same time, I appreciate his protectiveness over our emotions. (((end TW)))

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss? We are doing our genetic testing Week 12--I found out that even if my insurance doesn't cover it, it still is only $250, which is amazing. It's the "cell free fetal DNA test" & it's new and improved & the OB says "99% accurate," so I trust her on that. 

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? I feel like I always wanted to be a writer or a teacher, but at some point a "marine biologist" like everyone else in my grade. I have no idea where we got that language/why it was such a popular choice? Maybe Free Willy?

orbmaker

Due date/W+D: 3/18 7w4d

Age? 35

FTM/STM/etc?: STM

Rants/Raves?: having a bad day, symptom-wise. My husband took our kid grocery shopping, since we just got back from vacation, and I wanted to use the opportunity to clean our fridge since it was emptied out. I really went for it, so yay, but now I’m so nauseous and lightheaded and weak-feeling. 

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss? Still haven’t had my first appointment — it’s 8/13. I’m leaning toward NIPT this time. My mom was 32 when they had me (34 when my brother came along) and I was 33 when I had my first and will be 35 for this one, so I guess I don’t feel particularly ancient. My parents are just startong to feel “old” over the past few years. 🤷🏻‍♀️

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? Vet (another popular one!), then teacher, then pediatrician-who-paints-a-mural-on-her-waiting-room-wall.

LittleSEZ

Due date/W+D:  6w/2d

Age? 38, Ill be 39 when this baby is born

FTM/STM/etc?: Second Time Mom 

Rants/Raves?: People automatically assume that my husband and I didnt wait as many years as we did to have a second baby on purpose. Our son will Turn 5 a month before this baby comes. 

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss? I am concerned that I am going to be treated differently than I was when I was pregnant with my first. I want the exact same treatment regardless of the fact that I am 5 years older. 

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? An Architect.

treetop19

@suzoto, I too am worried about genetic issues.. ***TW.. lost my pregnancy last year due to down syndrome, which was found through an NIPT test, a few weeks after I got the positive test results back the baby didn't have a heartbeat..  now that I'm a year older than last year even, it's at the forefront of my mind.  idk if I can stand going through what I went through last year all over again, it was gut-wrenching. first facing that my baby would have a life-long disability.. coming to terms with that.. and then losing the baby.  it was a nightmare.   end TW***

@emmasemm, I did the Harmony test my last pregnancy, I am going to ask for it again this time.  My insurance covered it 100% since I'm over 35.

Due date/W+D: March 7

Age? 38

FTM/STM/etc?: third time mom - I have a 13 year old and a 3 1/2 year old

Rants/Raves?:  nausea.. ugh.  it starts as soon as I wake up and seems to get progressively worse throughout the day.  

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss?   I am going to ask for the NIPT screening at my first midwife appointment 8/12... I'm terrified of the results on one hand because of what happened to me last year, but on the other I 'have' to know.  If the results turn out to be good, I will finally start feeling 'safe' this pregnancy...   As for age,  I feel more 'ready' for this child than I was for the first child I had at 25 (in a more stable relationship, better off financially, know the ropes on raising kids, ect)- on the other, this time around I worry about pregnancy complications/genetic issues, how my other kids will react, ect.  So I can't say it's better  for me to have a child younger or older.. they both have/had their own unique concerns.

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid?  like others - a vet.    I also had dreams of being a singer or a writer.  Mostly, I wanted to be a mom, I think - I really wanted a big family (like 6 kids), until I had my first, then I realized it was unrealistic in this day and age to be able to afford that many kids.

emmasemm

@kagesstarshroom ha my DH is the one who gets ahead of himself, I’m still taking this all one step at a time!
cfDNA testing describes the method used for all NIPT screening - there are several licensed screens available, some more mature and more reliable than others. Make sure you know which ones are on offer and which one you decide on. Also some of them only test for the three most common trisomies, whereas others you can optionally add on to screen for sex chromosome linked conditions eg XXY. Most common is Harmony who for T21 does have a greater than 99% detection rate for T21 (but much lower for T13 and T18 - but the other screens have the same lower rates for these) and an only 1 in 1600 false positive rate. Also note these only screen, they are not diagnostic tests - very important OBs etc don’t lead anyone to think these are diagnostic tests as they are not - only CVS and Amniocentesis are the only common in utero diagnostic tests (and come with their own risks).

I wonder if everyone understands what AMA means here? AMA often stands for “ask me anything” whereas of course here we mean advanced maternal age - and again some people think that’s only over 40, not over 35... Maybe the Sep heading can write AMA in full to attract a few more people ;-)

@orbmaker I also tried to start to clean our fridge as it was pretty empty on Saturday morning before we went grocery shopping... nope... no way... and DH just put everything back in!

@littlesez it amazes me how many people like to have an opinion on family building, how old you are when you start, what gap between kids... I really feel in a few years if people ask instead of a polite brush off i will launch into our whole story with every person who comments just to make them not ask anyone else in the future ;-)

@treetop19 that’s great that your insurance covers Harmony 
I’m very sorry to hear about last year. I can imagine that is really adding to your worries this year. 
DH wants to tell the whole world already that we’re pregnant, whereas I really don’t want to say unless/until we get through the screening. But complete secrecy isn’t going to be possible as I need to skip out of some work events - definitely want to keep it under wraps still though.

chichiphin

@emmasemm keep spreadin' the gospel about NIPT, CVS, & amnio my friend!!

stassischroeder

Due date/W+D: 3/14  8+2

Age? 35

FTM/STM/etc?: STM

Rants/Raves?: Just found a brownie in my desk drawer that is tasting (surprisingly) great this morning. I forgot I left it there on Friday afternoon after I bought it but couldn't bring myself to eat it. 

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss? Just anxiously awaiting the NIPT and NT scan. While they're not 100% conclusive, I'll feel so much better about this pregnancy if we get good results.

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? a jockey, which is funny because I ended up being 5'9. I did, however, exercise racehorses for a few summer when I was a teenager. 

_____________

@emmanemm LOL @ "high maintenance pregnancy"   

@kagesstarshroom I love that genetic testing companies are empowering couples to have access to the testing even if their insurance doesn't cover it. It annoys me, however, that it doesn't seem that many OB offices give women this information. I can't even count the times that I've shared this info with an expectant mom who thought that she couldn't afford the NIPT. 

@LittleSEZ ugh, it's annoying when people are judgmental of your family planning. Like if you're KU at 22 it's totally normal, but if you get KU when you're AMA it couldn't have been on purpose. 

emmasemm

@kagesstarshroom

@chichiphin I can also explain the above in German ;-) And I have a spreadsheet on the screens which are available in Germany with all their accuracy and false positive rates for each condition they can test for... My OB has taken a copy 

@stassischroeder I never wanted to be a jockey, I just wanted to be either John Whittaker with Milton or Mark Todd with Charisma! And claim to fame, I met both horses!

chichiphin

@emmasemm I love when you get all science on us/people irl

stassischroeder

@emmasemm .... I wish you had a spreadsheet for all the tests available in America!  And aaaaaah, Sir Mark Todd! The guy is a legend!

SP128

Due date/W+D: 3/11  8 weeks 6 days

Age? 38- 39 at delivery

FTM/STM/etc?: STM

Rants/Raves?:  So bloated.  The great thing about being AMA, I was last time too is that I get lots of extras for free.  My NIPT was covered, along with more appointments and a growth scan. 

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss?  

I am so nervous for my NIPT test.  I feel so old even though I know I'm not "that" old.  

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid?  I think I wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid.  

ooooner

Due date/W+D: 3/11  8w2d

Age? Just turned 36 on 8/6

FTM/STM/etc?: STM

Rants/Raves?:  I am bloated AF and starving all the time. Also very tired but not having any nausea which weirds me out... I was super sick with my 1st (boy) and none of that this time which makes me feel something is wrong. 

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss?  

I have my first ultrasound in less than an hour... this has been scheduled for over a month and it's been a long wait. I am super anxious... until I see/hear the heartbeat I won't believe there's a baby in there.

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid?  I wanted to be a doctor until I was 16/17 and realized I didn't want to be in school for that long LOL. I was always good with computers so went that route instead. 

jenEP

@ooooner I hope your appointment this morning went well! 

Due date/W+D: 9+3, 3/9

Age? will turn 35 on 8/28

FTM/STM/etc?: TTM

Rants/Raves?: I want to enjoy food again. I can't wash dishes because I dry heave, so maybe that's a rave.

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss? My mid-wife said I won't need anything additional this time around unless their are complications. I am doing genetic testing and an NT scan on 8/27 like I did with my other pregnancies. 

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? As a kid, I bounced around-- astronaut, biologist, teacher, etc. My first year of college I was an engineering major, and that changed quickly. I then became a psychologist. Now I am doing HR / business strategy. 

ooooner

At my ultrasound today at 8w2d there was no heartbeat to be found... looked like the baby stopped growing at 7w1d. D&C has been scheduled for Friday... I have not bled at all and still not bleeding. This is my first miscarriage but I have felt like something was off since about 5 weeks because I've had no nausea at all when I was extremely ill with my son. I do not want to let the miscarriage "happen naturally" or take a pill to force it which may or may not even work. I want this over with asap and for me d&c is the best route. Good luck to everyone... wishing you happy, healthy pregnancies.

EmilyLove25

@ooooner Your route is thee exact route I took for the same reasons. I also had no nausea with my miscarriage and felt something was off. My LO stopped growing around 7 weeks as well. One thing to know about the D&C: it was really NOT painful. My SIL walked me through it before, and it helped me to know that. And I really had minimal cramping afterward. I also had one period afterward and was green-lighted to TTC right after and had success. Hugs and hugs to you.

@jenEP Did you mean you'll turn 35 in August? If 25, you definitely wouldn't be in the AMA, hahahaha. 

stassischroeder

@ooooner so sorry lady. Take care of yourself and I hope to see you on a future BMB 

kagesstarshroom

@ooooner So sorry to hear this. There's a great support thread for those of us who have suffered a loss each week over on the Trying to Get Pregnant Board, & their support was instrumental in my emotional recovery from my mmc earlier this year. 

justcallmesamson

I'm so happy to see lots of other 35+ ladies in here!  

Due date/W+D: Mar 13/ 8+6

Age? 35

FTM/STM/etc?: First time! I've been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years so this is very exciting for me and husband.

Rants: How am I already so big??? I had to go buy new shorts yesterday and I'm only about 9 weeks along.  I've gained 3 pounds and it's all in the belly and the boobs.  I'm so bloated. 

Raves: One of the best things about being a 35 year old mom-to-be is that lots of my friends already have older children.  I have such a rich network of women to ask questions, help me choose the baby gear I need, and lend me things.  My girl gang is amazing. 

Thoughts on being a more mature mom: I'm actually looking forward to it.  Things in my life are SO MUCH EASIER than they were 10 years ago.  Husband and I both have stable jobs and incomes, we have pretty good savings stashed away, and we've paid off all of our debts.  The idea of caring for another human doesn't freak me out nearly as much as it did even 5 years ago. 

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? When I was very small I wanted to be a trash collector.  I was obsessed with those trucks. 

aprileia

Due date/W+D: March 10 / 9w2d

Age? 35 (36 by delivery)

FTM/STM/etc?: FTM

Rants: Also feeling extremely bloated and like I already look obviously pregnant, when I'm not ready to tell the whole world yet. And SO TIRED. By 3pm, I have such a hard time concentrating on work.

Raves: Feeling happy and lucky to have made it to this point and looking forward to starting our reveals to family this weekend.

Any questions, comments or concerns relating to a "geriatric" pregnancy? Thoughts on being a more mature mom? Upcoming appointments or extra testing you want to discuss? Will be doing NIPT at my appointment next week. Seeing the heart beat last week made a lot of my anxieties go away, but I still want that extra assurance that there are no issues due to my age (and if there are, being able to deal with them early on). We'll also be finding out the gender - it seems crazy to find out so early on but super exciting! It's a tough balance being an "older mom" - I feel so much more secure (financially, in my relationship, housing situation, etc.) than I would have if I had a baby earlier in life, however there is the higher risk factor to consider, as well as knowing I'll probably have less energy. It's definitely a trade off. 

GTKY: What did you want to be when you grew up when you were a kid? Wanted to be an actress for a very long time (eventually realized I wasn't as talented IRL as I was in my own mind) 

jenEP

@EmilyLove25 must be wishful thinking on my part. Yes, I meant 35! I will edit