So. Much. Crying. Help, I am ready to cry myself.

WildFlower2350

I don't think Ive posted on here at all since having my daughter.  She is now nearly 14 months, born at the end of May last year, I also have a 4 yo son.  She is a fiery one who will surely move mountains one day, her doctor described her as "strong willed".  But oh my, Im hanging on by a thread.  

She cries so intensely and hysterically before bed and naps, she pulls my hair out (literally by the fistful) when she's thrashing in my arms, it's the craziest thing.  It happens before naps and bedtime at night, she just goes insane.  I've talked to her doctor about this for months, there was a period where she was waking and screaming non-stop for at least 2 hours every night for months.  He said to sleep train and not go in there (she was probably close to 1 around that time, between 9-12 months, I think?).  Initially I would breastfeed her thinking she was hungry, but she would not go back to bed so I figured it wasn't hunger that was waking her so I started weaning her at night.  Then I would go in and just hold her, but still, up for hours, crying and then eventually playing- but not sleeping.  Then I tried check and console.  I tried not going in but that was not for us, it was too hard b/c of how much crying there was.  Thankfully she started sleeping all night but to get her to bed is awful.  

My nerves are so shot by the time she is asleep I want to cry.  Each night is hysteria.  I feel awful for her and awful for my son who has to wait for me to go in and out of her room.  My husband travels for work a lot and was gone all week.  She wakes up every day around 4:45/5am.  Doesn't matter what time she goes to bed.  Ive tried an earlier bedtime thinking she's overtired.  Ive tried a later bedtime.  Ive tried letting her nap as long as she wants during the day thinking she is sleep deprived.  Ive tried waking her up from naps thinking maybe she slept too much.  Ive tried not going in at that hour b/c I don't want to reinforce her waking up so early, it doesn't matter.  And I think the saddest part is that I can't console her.  She goes to bed crying, she wakes up crying.  Ive been trying to wean her from breastfeeding and had dropped the morning feed.  So I thought, maybe she is hungry or just needs the comfort of nursing.  I nursed her again the other morning around 4:45/5 am in my bed thinking breastfeeding and cuddling would let her fall back asleep.  Nope.  She would pacify herself sucking on my breast but never fell back asleep and if I tried to take her off she would scream.  

I guess I wonder if anyone has had a similar situation?  Everyone that knows her almost doesn't believe me b.c she is so good during the day, when we are out and about.  Just visited my parents in another state last week and had some family over and everyone kept saying "what a good baby!  she hasn't made a peep for hours".  So this bedtime and wake up stuff is so puzzling to me.  Any suggestions from moms who have been there?  She is a healthy baby.  She is in the 93rd percentile for weight so definitely eats well and per her doc, she does not need nighttime feedings and he feels I should not be getting her from her crib before 6am.

Im so spent, it breaks my heart how much she screams and cries.  I literally have a chunk of my hair on the counter to show my husband.  If anyone has any ideas, Im all ears.  Thank you so much for reading.  I love her dearly and feel like such a failure that as her mom, she goes just ballistic in my arms.

ecruick

Hi there. I have been scouring the internet for a little bit comfort in knowing I am not alone and found your post.
I totally feel you! I have a 17 month feisty determined little lady who knows her mind. From about a year until last week she slept all night.. this last week she has been horrendous! The screaming temper in her bed is horrendous and when she is picked up there is no tears she just settles to sleep (which makes me thin nothing is wrong!) "Cry it out?" All the people suggest but I have tried for well over an hour and the piercing scream gets no better or no less and nobody gains from it. We are in lockdown at present due to covid19 and me and my husband are on opposite shifts working in the hospital so cannot deal with this screaming as we are flat out and mentally exhausted. We have been reduced to a camp bed on her floor just to get her to sleep as she seems to be ok in a bed and even at that we are fortunate if we can sneak out! 
I really wish there was an answer I just can't find it!
Here to say I feel you! And you are doing a great job! Hoping we both make it out the other end with our feisty little toddlers.