PGAL Check-In Week of 7/15

EmilyLove25

Happy, Monday, Ladies!

1. How many weeks are you? 

2. Previous loss(es)? 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 

4. Any appointment updates? 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief?

miss.sally

. How many weeks are you? 7+1 !! 

2. Previous loss(es)? Two. 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally depends on the day. It’s helping that I’m having symptoms a little more regularly. Physically I am not doing great. I’ve only actually thrown up once but basically any time I eat I feel horrible and nauseous. I’m also tired. So tired. My toddler isn’t sleeping and H is not very helpful. If anyone has tips/tricks to get a toddler sleeping through the night, please share. Something has GOT to give and I need this to happen before baby comes. 

4. Any appointment updates? Not yet! Impatiently waiting the 1.5 weeks until my first appointment. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Just overall annoyed with H. I know he’s working and he has a really demanding job, travels and works long days, but sometimes I really need help in the homefront and he is pretty adamant about not doing anything. Pregnancy rage is not helping the situation either. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Next week I will have passed my second loss milestone. So I’m a little anxious about that. 

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? Sleep? Massage? Pedicure? Honestly just a few hours to myself without kids or H sounds amazing. I was planning on booking a massage soon. And a pedicure. 

kagesstarshroom

@emilylove25, this is supposed to be a Wednesday thread according to our board organization--if it's going to be a Monday thread, we should ask @varimama to switch it to Monday in the initial post so it doesn't start popping up Mondays and Wednesdays (I see it was posted last Mon. instead of Wed., too) (I'll be back to reply to prompts l8r! )

EmilyLove25

OMG thank you @kagesstarshroom ! I thought it was always Monday but honestly no idea why haha. Next week I'll NOT post it haha and wait until someone who is more organized to post it on Wednesday

kagesstarshroom

@emilylove25 if it's always been posted on Monday since the board started, I think it makes sense to keep it on Monday, no? And just switch it in the original organization post.

kagesstarshroom

@miss.sally A pedicure sounds great. I am day-by-day, too, in terms of how I am feeling emotionally.

1. How many weeks are you? 6w2d

2. Previous loss(es)? CP OCt. 2018;  MMC w/ D&C Jan.-Feb. 2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I am better today than yesterday. My back was killing me yesterday, which happened a lot before my CP so I was super paranoid despite the strengthening of lines when I POAS. I am hoping it's from all the sitting I've been doing & the introduction of relaxin into my system? It hurts less today/on and off, and I am going to go for a walk and get up from my desk to help with it. I wouldn't even care as much about the pain except it makes me Extremely Paranoid. Other than that, I feel... different but no other intense systems. I am glad I am able to be more optimistic today, and I have a busier week ahead of me, so hoping that keeping busy will help with All the Things.

4. Any appointment updates? Just booked my first appt, which I talked about over in the Appointments thread, for Aug. 1. They were cool w/ me not wanting to come in for HCG draws (or, at least, the receptionist was,) but they did want me in a week/so early bc of the prev. loss, so I'll be btw 6-7 weeks when I go in Aug. 1. I can get there, I can do this.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I told my mom & my BFF today both, bc they were supportive of me after my losses previously. I am telling people who I would want to tell about my losses only, so that's a very short list that maybe only has one or two other ppl on it.

6. Any milestones coming up? Not sure if it counts as a milestone, but getting past the DPO of my CP is important to me. Waiting to get through week 6 bc the last day of it/1st day of week 7 were when I had my CP. 

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? I really like this question for this group--thanks @EmilyLove25. I like to stress-eat and stress-bake. I also have been taking walks, which I am about to do, OR I watch something easy but interesting to watch on Netflix--lately my go-to for that has been Star Trek. I finished Next Generation two months ago and have been gong through Deep Space Nine now.

mommytimesfour

All I have right now is a rant: currently trying not to let myself freak out over lines that aren’t getting much darker day by day. I still haven’t been able to turn a Wondfo and I’m POAS like a crazy person. PGAL brain is such a mindfuck. 

RanFan28

1. How many weeks are you? 6 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 1 CP, March 2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically, the nausea has started this week, so YAY. ::eyeroll:: Emotionally, I'm the same. Pretending I'm not excited and super chill and inside my brain is like a pinball machine of questions and feels. 

4. Any appointment updates? Not yet. See below. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? So, I realized today that my 1st appointment is just a few days before we start a week of training and meetings for DS1 starting Kinder. We are doing a university model school, so there is a lot of training and making sure everyone is on the same page. That said, I think I'm going to call tomorrow and ask for a viability scan. Obviously, if this is a viable pregnancy, there is not guarantee that it will STILL be viable 3 weeks from now, BUT if it's another CP, then I would rather deal with all the things now than right in the middle of a week of meetings with people that I've just met. Am I crazy? 

6. Any milestones coming up? No

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? Photography, podcasting, journaling, TV, gardening

ETA: I don't know is what I wrote on #5 is a Rant or a Question. Sorry. ::shrug::

projectalice

1. How many weeks are you? 5 weeks tomorrow

2. Previous loss(es)? 3, a blighted ovum, a mmc due to triploidy, and a chemical pregnancy

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally fragile. Peed on 2 frer and didn't see any line progression. Trying not to freak out, and waiting till tomorrow for an appointment with someone I found who will do betas. 
Physically I have a headache that just won't go away. It started once I started to come down with hand foot and mouth. Fun. Oh and hot flashes, probably from the hfm. 

4. Any appointment updates? Tomorrow. Fingers crossed....

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I had bad insomnia last night and didn't sleep until close to 4. Woke up at 7 something. Not in a great mood right now. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Crap. I just realized today is the same Dpo that I lost my chemical pregnancy last year..... Last time I knew I was pregnant for 10 days. Friday will make 10 days that I've known about this one. (got a really early positive last time)

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? Last night I put on some meditation and finally went to sleep. Think I'll get back to it. Might help me with birth too.

kagesstarshroom

@RanFan28 You Are Not Crazy. 

@projectalice I have been counting the dpos down towards when i had my cp w/ my fingers crossed--so I feel you on the emotions today. GL w/ yr appointment tomorrow, and glad you found someone to run those tests.

I am going to start a Spotting Support thread bc I have seen those on other boards & think they're good to have?
Spoiler bc TMI

I wiped to bright red blood today, but I am like 99% certain it was from... the other end bc that's where I was wiping? I couldn't find a trace of it on second wipe from either end, so--still a mindf*ck tho.

EmilyLove25

Hi, ladies! It isn't Monday!

1. How many weeks are you? 5 weeks and 5 days

2. Previous loss(es)? Baby stopped growing at 11 weeks (always measured small) in May. D&C May 8th.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I am a wreck because physically I am fine… but I have to say, I was in a BAD place before I logged on and reading everything from you ladies has helped. I think it is a reminder in two ways: 1) we are not alone 2) even when the worst happens, people survive and rally.

4. Any appointment updates? Too scared to make an appointment. I need to deal with this.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I NEED nausea to start soon in full force.

6. Any milestones coming up? Nope. Nothing is a milestone for me anymore.

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? There are two: running and MINDLESS reality tv. I also like reading, eating, hugging and walking my dog… but those are my main ones!

 

@miss.sally I don’t know why but my mind was just blown that you are already 7 weeks!

Also lol to just hours to yourself. I feel that 100%.

 

@kagesstarshroom.I feel you on the paranoia. I’m glad too you were in a better head space yesterday! I hope being busy keeps your mind at ease. Hugs too re the blood. What isn’t a mind f*%$ these days. I felt “fine” this AM, so I immediately think I’m going to suffer a ten week loss again.

 

@mommytimesfour Hugs, mama. I was/am there too. I am not sure if you saw this that I posted elsewhere, but I really had lines on FR that looked lighter three days in a row (this is for you too @projectalice). Well, I happened to have blood draws those days and the darkest line was when my hcg was 247 and my lighter line my hcg was 637…. So…. That was an eye opener for me. I can’t do it because I’m weak, but that finally made me stop peeing every day (sometimes multiple times a day… cough cough). The PGAL brain is just a nightmare.

 

@RanFan28 I hope they give you the scan. I’m too scared to ask for one. I have to tell you, the nausea you are feeling REALLY is a good sign. MANY studies back that up. So “enjoy” it haha. But seriously!

 

aerie_star

1. 5w4d

2. 1 MC, 1 CP

3. Physically I'm fine. I feel pretty good as long as I keep up my water intake otherwise I'm getting constant headaches. Emotionally, the mildness of any other symptoms I'm having is giving me anxiety. I'm not allowing myself to pee on any more tests. 

4. I've made an appointment, which is progress cause it took me over a week to call. My OB doesn't usually see anyone before 9 weeks, but I'm seeing her at the end of the month for my annual and some bloodwork for this pregnancy. I'll do the rest of that and have a scan at my first prenatal appointment in August. She offered to see me a couple weeks early, which is relieving. 

5. I'm really tired of insomnia. I can't tell if it is my anxiety or the pregnancy hormones keeping me up all night. 

7. Listening to music

miss.sally

@EmilyLove25 right?! That’s what I get for being the FIRST due date of the month 😂 all these ladies still joining at 3-ish weeks and I’m like oh man, so crazy! 

ruemcclanahan

. How many weeks are you? 
Due date is March 25th so 4 weeks??

2. Previous loss(es)? 
I had a MC in March, technically a CP. Hoping for a sticky one this time 🥰

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 
Physically I'm fine. Emotionally I'm all over the place.
Ive POAS 5 times today just to make sure the line is still there.

4. Any appointment updates?
Need to schedule my first appointment 😬

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
None so far!

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief.
Hmmmm I would say drinking a glass of wine and reading 😂 now drinking a glass of sparkling water 

kagesstarshroom

@ruemcclanahan Scheduling my first appt. made me feel a little better, somehow, emotionally. I was like, "this is real." 

@aerie_starIt's so wild that we root so hard for certain symptoms when we're PGAL. Everything I read online is like "everyone is different, and every pregnancy is different," which... is reassuring and also not at the same time. But I do try to focus on that idea--no matter what I am feeling or NOT, it probably was normal for someone with a healthy baby at the end of the road. IDK if that helps you, but it does help me sometimes. 

ETA: I just did this short yoga session via this yt video & I thought it was really helpful. The yogi has a successful PGAL story & I like her a lot. 

aerie_star

@kagesstarshroom, I’m trying to keep that in mind as well. 

treetop19

 1. How many weeks are you? 6w5d

2. Previous loss(es)? 
CP, MMC at 8 weeks, loss at 13.5 weeks due to down syndrome

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 
Physically, tired as crap in the evenings, and I have on and off nausea.  Emotionally, I was all keyed up for my ultrasound today, just fearing the worst - then excited, because we saw a baby with a healthy heartbeat, now worried again - I almost feel afraid to get my hopes up too high for this baby, yet I can't help but be excited.  It's a rollercoaster. 

4. Any appointment updates?
Midwife check in Aug 12.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
I wish I could put aside this PGAL anxiety and just enjoy myself, but it seems near impossible to do.  

6. Any milestones coming up? I am now officially past my CP.

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief.
@ruemcclanahan, I also enjoy a glass of wine with my books - especially a funny book.  I have been known to read 'He's just not that into you' with my wine from time to time..     at the moment, going on walks, going out for ice cream, and napping are my favorite stress relievers.  

ruemcclanahan

@treetop19 all of the things you listed are my favorite

ruemcclanahan

@kagesstarshroom haha! I scheduled my first appointment today and the nurse was like did you take a test yet and I said oh yes 6 so far. 😂
I told my og bmb and now it's starting to feel real

miss.sally

@ruemcclanahan I took 13 tests just in the first two days 😳 safe to say I was in shock. I took another 7 over the course of the following week... 😂

WorkingOnMyNightCheese

Hey ladies! Just wanted you to know I'm here, reading and sending love. I probably won't check in on this thread every week depending on where my anxiety is at. But I am here, supporting and rooting for all of you!

littlebug2010

Hi Friends, Its so good to still see you all here!  I wanted to give a bit of an update (in the spoiler below).  Some of you were not here when I left over a week ago, but I did intro when this board got started.  Lots of info in the spoiler. 

So last week, my HCG numbers started to not double, they went from 544 to 1319 in a whole week, which didnt look great.  So two days later (last wed), I had a 4th draw and they had gone down, which signaled to me that I was going to MC, this was also the time I walked away from this board. Then that night they made me go to the ER because they thought it was ectopic.  I guess HCG that stays stagnant can mean ectopic. I was there for 8 hours, only to find out that I was fine, but the ultrasound only saw a gestational sac and a yolk sac, which was less than would have been expected for how far along I was, but not bad either, seeing that there was something there.  I saw a new OBGYN on friday, who told me usually after a scan like that, they would have me go in at least 11 days, usually 2 weeks later to check growth.  Well that put me in the middle of my vacation, and so she pushed it to today.  I went in today, and saw the itty bitty (or baby shark as DS lovingly called it), with a heartbeat.  The only thing that is keeping me in limbo is the heartbeat is low, at only 65.  I go back in at 2 weeks, to hopefully see that the heartbeat is back up to a normal range.  
LSS: Im back, and praying so hard that this baby shark is sticky.  

Happy, Monday, Ladies!

1. How many weeks are you? According to MP 7 +2 

2. Previous loss(es)? 2

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?  Exhausted. See spoiler for whole story, but Im just so worn out. 

4. Any appointment updates? See above. Ill be seen in 2 weeks on the 31st. 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Im going to Disney next week.  This whole storm has been a cloud over my excitement (I'm a huge Disney fan) and Im ready to get excited again. 

6. Any milestones coming up? No

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? Ive started to rock climb (terrible timing) but its really relaxing to just come down from a tall climb, and you feel so accomplished.  I also use the breath app on my apple watch all the time.  its great for a quick centering time. 

@miss.sally I hope your loss milestone passes quickly. It always feels so great to pass those. 

@kagesstarshroom I really like to stress bake too.  I made my sisters wedding cake this year, and I felt so good after that! 

@ranfan28 I feel you on wanting the viability scan.  We had that last time (with DS) and it made me feel so much better. 

@emilylove25 Hugs friend.  This board is exactly why I wanted to come back to this BMB.  I needed a place to vent to.  

RanFan28

@littlebug2010 I was so happy to see your name pop up! Praying with you that this sweet baby shark is sticky, sticky, sticky!!

kagesstarshroom

@littlebug2010 i’m so sorry about your roller coaster ride, but happy you are back here! also wow a wedding cake! that’s really cool.

littlebug2010

@kagesstarshroom and @RanFan28 Thanks!  

@kagesstarshroom Ill put a photo in the spoiler. She had asked me years ago, and I said yes, but more as a joke.  When she got engaged, she asked me again, and thats when I really said yes, but that was a silly decision.  It turned out well, and by the end I was very relaxed, but also stressed about all the other wedding things.  

RanFan28

Omg @littlebug2010! It’s beautiful! Did you make the cupcakes too? The cake is amazing! 

littlebug2010

@RanFan28 Yes, I made everything.  The only thing I didn't make was the flowers on the cake. Those are real. 

miss.sally

@littlebug2010 I’m so happy to see your name here again! I’m sorry that you’re in limbo, but I’m glad you’re here to hang out and have support! 

SP128

 How many weeks are you? 6 weeks?

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC Oct 2016, chemical May 2017, chemical June 2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?  I'm doing ok.  I'm trying to be hopeful but there is always that doubt in the back of my mind.  Physically I'm just feeling tired and a little nauseous.  I have been useless for the majority of the day.  I got pregnant this time after a chemical from an IVF - FET.  Dating may be a little off.  

4. Any appointment updates? My viability scan is scheduled for next Friday.  I'm super nervous that the baby will be measuring too small or there won't be a heartbeat.  For my MMC, the baby was measuring a couple weeks behind.  

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not at this time.

6. Any milestones coming up? Nope

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? I love to scroll threw Facebook.  I just got Netflix a couple months ago and I don't know how I lived without it.  I also love to read, bake and cook.  

sanza241

1. How many weeks are you? 4w4d

2. Previous loss(es)? 2

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically not that bad yet, some back pain that wakes me up at night, but otherwise I am good. Emotionally, just worried, and trying to not to think about the possibility of another MC

4. Any appointment updates? Haven’t called yet, I’d want to be at least 5w before calling

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? No

6. Any milestones coming up?no

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? Watching standup comdey on youtube:)

thescarletmom

1. How many weeks are you? 4w today

2. Previous loss(es)? I've had 4, and the first was really traumatic so I'll out that in a spoiler below. *TW for sexual assault. 2nd loss at 8w in July 2015, 3rd loss was a CP in July 2017, 4th was at 6w in February 2018. 

I got pregnant at 13 when I was raped by my step brother. I have no idea how far along I was because I didn't know much of anything about my cycles, or ovulation, or how literally any of it worked. I would suspect I was at least 10 weeks along though when I started to miscarry, just based on how far along I would have had to be to get a positive and then how long I knew I was pregnant. It was incredibly painful and I was too afraid to tell either of my parents, so I miscarried at home, with only my little sister (11) knowing. 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally, I cycle back and forth rapidly between being over the moon and being deathly afraid and paranoid.  Physically, I am very nauseated 24/7. And exhausted. And bloated. Any time I realize I'm not *currently* nauseated I panic, so pros and cons, right?

4. Any appointment updates? First appt is scheduled for Aug 9th with my midwife, I'll be 7 weeks. I'll probably go the week before to get a dating ultrasound, but not sure yet. Still very afraid.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? My 4th loss was the only one that DH was with me for (I mentioned in my intro, DH is not DS's biological dad, and this is his first real pregnancy/baby experience), and we had very much not been trying at the time. He was mostly unaffected by the whole experience, even though I was incredibly hurt. But now, he keeps reminding me that I'm "not very far along" and similar things anytime I try to talk about the baby and he says he's just afraid about losing them. But I don't know how to explain to him that it's very hurtful for him to say things like that and that he's feeding in to my PGAL brain. 

6. Any milestones coming up? Not this week. I'll relax a lot when I hit 2nd tri but that's a long time coming. Currently holding my breath for my 1st appt and to hear a strong heartbeat.

7. GTKY: What is your go to activity for stress relief? I feel like I don't even know what it feels like to not be stressed lol. DH and I are working our way through our "watch list" of shows (just finished Sabrina season 2 and Good Omens). Making lists and grocery shopping is actually decently therapeutic for me, and baking.

kagesstarshroom

@hellobabys I'm so sorry about your experience as a child--that must have been so traumatic in so many ways. Thank you for sharing about it with us here, though. DH & I just finished GOOD OMENS the other night, and I really loved it--and I'm a big fan of Sabrina as well! 

@sanza241 I am in the same boat about just--trying not to think pessimistically about this PG. It is easier some days than others.

@SP128 Next Fri. as in a week from today? My first appoint. (which will start off, I believe, w/ a u/s where they take measurements & such, if it's the same as last time) is 8/1, so the following Thurs.

RanFan28

@hellobabys I’m so sorry for all of that trauma and honored that you shared so freely here. I think definitely telling DH what you need is important. He, obviously, needs to process all the things too, but guys can not know how it feels to lose a baby on our end, just like we can’t know how they are really feeling on their end. Open communication is harder, but it’s better. 😊

SP128

@kagesstarshroom Yes, my first appointment is next Friday on the 26th Eek!!!  

@hellobabys I'm sorry to hear about the trauma you endured but am happy to know you feel safe to share it here. DH feeding into your PGAL brain is not cool.  I do hear that he has anxiety about this pregnancy too.  Maybe have a conversation with him so you can both acknowledge the mind f*** that's PGAL brain.  It's hard to say but maybe just saying it will help him understand.

thescarletmom

@kagesstarshroom thank you for the kind words! I liked good omens, don't get me wrong. But I felt like the pacing of it was super wonky the whole time. I just wish there was more to it, but ah well! Also I dont remember which thread you posted this in, but the "today I am pregnant" mantra is doing me a world of good today, so thank you!

@RanFan28 I know I just need to start the conversation. He has this habit of trying to explain away why I shouldn't be hurt when that wasn't his intention sometimes, or when he thinks he was right about it (truth hurts kinda thing). So I'm mostly afraid we're going to go around and around on that problem again with me screaming in my head that when somebody tells you that you hurt them you dont get to decide that you didn't. But I'll try to work up the courage to talk to him about it tonight! Thank you!

miss.sally

@hellobabys I’m so sorry to hear about the trauma you've been through. Thank you for sharing, and know that you can always lean on us for support. 

miss.sally

I’m having some pretty bad cramping that won’t go away. I’m trying not to freak out but I’m totally freaking out. It’s worse than the mild cramps I’ve had. I’m not spotting, which is good I guess. I’m just trying to decide if it’s bad enough to take a trip to ER or if I should wait until morning and see how I feel. 

kantobean

@hellobabys I am so sorry you endured that childhood trauma. 

RanFan28

@miss.sally sending hugs and prayers! Definitely go in if you feel like you need it...

kagesstarshroom

@miss.sally hope you made the right decision to keep you the most sane & hoping everything turned out alright either way.

@hellobabys I think I just loved the two main characters of Good Omens so much that anything I might normally have noticed/disliked faded into the background? We also binged it over... 1-3 days, so maybe that helped tie everything together? Side note: Are you into any of Neil Gaiman's (other) writing at all? I read Good Omens and didn't love the book (or remember it, really,) nearly as much as I loved bingeing the show. 

miss.sally

Thanks all, I’m still cramping but at this point I don’t want to spend the night in the ER so I’m going to wait until morning.