Need encouraging word to tell my mom

orclick

I am 28. I have two children already. After my second was born she said first off when are you getting your tubes tied. I been with my husband for five years and he has a good job. My mom is the only one I worry about. She doesn't take pregnancy news well. She thinks I am crazy. Foolish to bring another child in this world. She then says she is fine and makes snide remarks later on. Like I was having Braxton hicks and she said well you put yourself in this situation. I think I am five weeks. I have an appointment later this month. I told my younger sibling and he was happy. My dad and in laws will be happy but my mother is something else. Last time I sadly told her in a text message explaining myself. She asked a couple weeks ago because she had a feeling and at the time I didn't know. She responded with okay you better not be. 

kiki75

orclick said:

I am 28. I have two children already. After my second was born she said first off when are you getting your tubes tied. I been with my husband for five years and he has a good job. My mom is the only one I worry about. She doesn't take pregnancy news well. She thinks I am crazy. Foolish to bring another child in this world. She then says she is fine and makes snide remarks later on. Like I was having Braxton hicks and she said well you put yourself in this situation. I think I am five weeks. I have an appointment later this month. I told my younger sibling and he was happy. My dad and in laws will be happy but my mother is something else. Last time I sadly told her in a text message explaining myself. She asked a couple weeks ago because she had a feeling and at the time I didn't know. She responded with okay you better not be. 

1. Unless you’re asking her for much support, you have nothing to explain. Don’t because she can construe it as you feeling like you do need to explain it to her. Your family planning is none of her damn business.
2. This sounds like she has some personal problems to work through. Whenever she’s pushing her buttons, try to remember that. 
3. I don’t think it would hurt to get help in setting boundaries with her. She seems like she lacks respect for boundaries and you as an adult. 

Edit: typo

orclick

Thank you! I agree she needs boundaries. She tries to mom my husband. She likes control. She acts like she is going to be responsible for them. She lives states away! Just bothers me on so many levels. We are close just not when pregnancy comes about. She loves her grandkids but she has to get over the factor of I'm having a kid I guess. 

nanner26

I think you are being extremely kind in trying to find a way to tell her, but honestly you shouldn’t have to work that hard. It sounds like she doesn’t care much about hurting your feelings and even goes out of her way to make rude comments. I agree that boundaries sound necessary and it sucks that you have to tiptoe around her. I’m sorry that you have to worry about such an exciting announcement. Congrats! 

brookert615

@orclick That’s a bummer she reacts so poorly to such wonderful news. Honestly I would tell her and in the same sentence that you really don’t care to hear her opinion now or ever since it’s always been negative. This is a happy moment to be celebrated! Congrats!